BrittBritt

The mirror doesnt match....

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I hit my one year banded date this week, and all though I didnt hit my goal of losing 100 pounds, I am less than 10 pounds away. Disappointed it? A little... all though i know i shouldnt be!

 

The thing that is bothering me the most is, all though I am smaller, my brain is never satisified. Like an ongoing battle with self-hatred. I hate that I got so large, and i hate that I can rarely feel proud of how far I've come.

It's the constant mirror checks, pulling on clothing items that fit just fine, but seem like they dont or shouldnt. Seeing pictures and not really believing that is me... like maybe it was just the angle... or the light....

 

I just cant help but wonder if I am always going to feel like a fat girl that is about to bust out. Like she is there, and I will always be her.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

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What you're feeling is perfectly normal.  You've lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and it's going to take a while for your brain to catch up.  In the meantime, be kind to yourself. 

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For me, it's more rewarding to appreciate where I am today. I feel good about how far I've come.

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I completely know how you feel and you are not alone. I look in the mirror and I still see the fat girl (I know all too well). I highly doubt that I will ever see me at the true size I am. My advice- is to get the clothes you are wearing now and if you have any of the old fatter clothing, match them up beside each other. Keep reminding yourself how far you have came and measuring yourself is a great tool as well. And when you look in that mirror- face that fat girl head on and tell her she is going bye bye. You must give yourself the credit you deserve, and somehow get past this. I wish you the best and please know you are not alone, strange or otherwise by any means.God bless :)

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Yep.  I get it.  That's when I put on my size 28 pants and they fall to my ankles.  That, and looking at the photographic evidence of before/after pics.  This whole journey is such a head trip!

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It took  14 months for my brain to catch up with the mirror.  It will happen for you....eventually.

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Im not sure if it helps but I heard that if you put two chairs back to back, then space them to the size you think you are, and then walk between them. It will give you a good idea of if you are seeing yourself as you really are, or if your brain is still playing catch up.

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I still don't trust the mirror,but pictures tell a whole different story!

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Its true that I have gone through numerous sets of clothes, each size set donated as soon as the next one is bought. I dont want them just laying around. I part of me will always be afraid- afraid that i will fail, afraid that it will all come back.

This weekend, a close family member, looked me right in the face and said," you know this is only temporary, and all that weight will creep back on."

Who says that!? I can understand a certain amount of it is projecting her own failures and shortcomings, but it made me feel awful!

 

There are moments when i do see ( i did take one set of AWFUL, revealing pictures before surgery) but then it is quickly followed by things that are not moving as fast as I'd like.

I have been hovering around the same weight for a couple of months now, my first palteau.....I am doing everything I can to add activity to each day. I will make it through, but it really helps to know/hear that others are there supporting... even when my own family is not.

 

Thank you, friends!

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Britt, the mental part of this journey is so huge, you are doing great and it's going to take you a while to accept this is the "new" you. I have been "fat" for a long time and every time someone tells me I'm tiny now or small it throws me off balance. I don't and never will see myself as tiny. It's still nice to hear it though.

We all plateau, I've been pretty much at a stand still for the past couple of months, just losing a pound or two here and there, but, I just keep working out and I can see and feel the inches falling off.

People can be so insensitive, be proud of your accomplishments!

Gayle

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Just joined forum so Ive not done my intro but this October I'm 7 yrs post-op. Started at 325 lbs, had 2 children since and have literally not weighed a consistent weight for 1 month total. Addiction transfers, life, esteem issues, etc leave me at my lowest weight of 145-150lbs thanks to an extreme eating disorder I've acquired. The mirror, my brain, my heart, my family life are all like a fictional movie and I'm the disturded star. The mental battle is at times unbearable. Thus, I UNDERSTAND.

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I agree that addiction does often transfer to something else, I have been lucky that it has not turned to something harmful to me. I was raised that things that occur in life, both really good and bad, are to be rewarded with food. A really bad day was a reason to order pizza. I still fight myself not to do this. 

This battle often gets very lonely. People that I thought were really solid friends, ended up not being so supportive. I believe that I have changed for the better, some may not see it that way.

 

My point is, do you have someone you can talk to? I dont think you can battle those feelings alone. 

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