fflintstone

post op sex

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Good point, Aviator. For many women, menopause is cause for celebration with the risk of pregnancy and periodic discomfort behind them. The three previous generations in my family were active into their 80s. (Hope springs eternal....)

 

Just like a male with ED, the hormonal desire to have sex is there, but the proper blood flow to the genitals is inadequate for proper arousal. For men, it's means no-go, for women it means painful and unsatisfying sex. 

 

With the high number of women and men taking anti-depressants these days its a wonder anyone gets lucky any more. Then throw in the fact that the brain is a major sex organ and things get really complicated.

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Well no, I've taken meds that make me want sex less (or not at all). So I get that. But what we found worked was to talk about it through the day ( email, texting, what have you). Sometimes it takes some concentration to get everything moving (sliding?) properly but even when there are medical issues it can be done, just takes some buildup and there has to be some will both ways.

I can almost guarantee that she wants intimacy. Most of us do. Sex isn't the same as intimacy though for us ladies. If you appeal to intimacy but don't push sex, it might fall into place. I guess that's what I was trying to get at. :)

I wouldn't give up. Keep telling her she's the most beautiful woman and that you love her so much, and think her legs/boobs/butt are still so attractive and lovely. Maybe she just needs a little more time.

My family is full of sex-a-holics. And they aren't shy when talking about it either. So I've gotten the first hand stories from 70 year old grandmothers talking about lubrication and senior sex, and the problems and solutions that have come from it. And something that every one of them has said is that they appreciate persistence and consistency from the partner in terms of compliments and patience.

Ladies are lucky. We can be turned on (even to the point of clitoral erection) but not have the physical response to lubricate. The lubrication isn't a big deal. They make products to help that. It's just getting the want to be intimate at all. Even without full arousal, sometimes friction with lube can be a catalyst for arousal. It's just getting it started in the first place.

Anyway, obviously I'm not shy about it either. It's a function of the human body, like sneezing or passing gas--people must also function sexually. It's hard wired I think.

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It has been my experience that a fair amount of women have ZERO interest in sex as they get older. While I am sure there are at least 3 men that don’t want sex, I have never met one.

 

 Dee’s is right in that all women crave intimacy, or at least to feel loved. But not all woman want sex as a part of it. Some could give flying fig about their husband’s desires.  Men are different; our needs are much more physical.

 

Sex is important to some and less to others. While we developed into two diametrically opposed people, lack of sex was a primary reason for my failed marriage with wife 1.0.

 

I will say silence on the matter is not a solution.  

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Removed

Edited by VRob53

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It has been my experience that a fair amount of women have ZERO interest in sex as they get older. While I am sure there are at least 3 men that don’t want sex, I have never met one.

 

 Dee’s is right in that all women crave intimacy, or at least to feel loved. But not all woman want sex as a part of it.

 

 

This is so counter-intuitive to me, I have a hard time understanding it.  I always want to make my partner feel loved and wanted.  I understand that intimacy (in regards to sex) is really important to most men who are still functional, so even if there are times when I don't want to do it (which are rare these days), I still crave the intimacy and know that he does also, so really want to do something for him to show him my love.

 

Maybe a sex counselor would help?  If you could get her to agree to go?  There is so much to be shared by sharing your bodies... even the thought is romantic and sexy and intimate.  You become one for a while.  I can comprehend having physical problems that limit arousal, and I can comprehend pain that puts desire on the back burner... but I can't understand not wanting to pet, lay with, or be physical with another human being.  It's completely foreign to me. 

 

I'll bow out of here--not trying to start a war or anything.  Maybe I'm broken? 

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I'll bow out of here--not trying to start a war or anything.  Maybe I'm broken? 

 

I don't think you are broken, and it doesn't seem like a war to me.  good luck on reaching your weight goal.

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I have been married for 26 years and things change depending on health, mood and everything going on around us. I need the closeness that sex provides, but not always as often as DH! We compromise. We spoon, cuddle and enjoy being together. This often leads to sex, but not always.

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Dees?  No one thinks you're starting a war!  You are much loved around here.  ((Did that work? :P ))

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Well.......

Literally and allegorically speaking.

 

Lots of water, little blue pill, and lotion make it an all day event. Start with flirting and soft touches. Don't grab or dig around. Get aroused then calm down. I've found it works wonders for me. DW needs loads of coaxing and wooing. Alcohol helps her too. By the time evening rolls around she's more than eager. The power of a strange city and hotel sex should never be underestimated. Opting for quality rather than quantity is the way for me. Sex therapist are fun but at the end of the day they are simply giving their best guess. In the mechanics of the process the mental and emotional side of things are often overlooked. Either with my partner or going alone so to speak. I've found this process works well for me.

 

"And if you can't be with the one you love honey, love the one your with."

I suppose it rings true even if you're alone.

 

Gotta love Crosby, Stills, and Nash!

:wub:

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Maybe I'm broken? 

 

As the song goes, "We're not broken, just bent" :)

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Texas oil patch gar-on-tee:  If it breaks you get to keep both halves.

 

Regarding sex and willing partners, there is no right and wrong way to do it.  Well if there is, I never got the instruction manual anyway.

 

I like the all-day romantic road, but I also like the non-romantic, "throw her down and take her" spontaneity road too.  "Honey will you pick up those shoes?"

 

Sometimes planning can be months out, sometimes, just seconds. :)

 

"Not broken, just bent" made me think bent over.  I can't help it.

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I can tell you that from my WLS stand point, it has helped me tremendously!  My hubby is older than me and needs help from the little blue pill, but hey if that's all it takes...I am all for it!  :lol:

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A hot tub is not romance to a woman, maybe to a man, we like the small things shmoozing a woman is the key to a wild night. Heres a few tips

 

Small compliments even on our cooking ! even if its bad we have put the effort into cook

Look like your listening

Bring home flowers - doesnt need to be expensive bunch

Ask 'honey do you want me to do anything for you today"

Give affection warmness without having sex - everytime you touch doesnt need to be sex

Be funny and have fun - a man is always sexy when hes funny

Walk around in jeans and tank top sometimes - just like you want to see our hooters we want to see your arms, its a woman thing

Cook dinner sometimes out of the blue

Ask her out on a date - even if its a coffee lounge its nice to get out

 

Women are not turned on by money or over smelling after shaved men with fast cars with big buldging muscles thats actually a turn off to most women.

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A hot tub is not romance to a woman, maybe to a man, we like the small things shmoozing a woman is the key to a wild night. Heres a few tips

 

Small compliments even on our cooking ! even if its bad we have put the effort into cook

Look like your listening

Bring home flowers - doesnt need to be expensive bunch

Ask 'honey do you want me to do anything for you today"

Give affection warmness without having sex - everytime you touch doesnt need to be sex

Be funny and have fun - a man is always sexy when hes funny

Walk around in jeans and tank top sometimes - just like you want to see our hooters we want to see your arms, its a woman thing

Cook dinner sometimes out of the blue

Ask her out on a date - even if its a coffee lounge its nice to get out

 

Women are not turned on by money or over smelling after shaved men with fast cars with big buldging muscles thats actually a turn off to most women.

 

Doggone it!  I was going the bulging muscles and fast cars route.  

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................ Women are not turned on by money or over smelling after shaved men with fast cars with big buldging muscles thats actually a turn off to most women.

Er!  I don't think I got that memo!    :lol:

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Doggone it!  I was going the bulging muscles and fast cars route.                                                                                                                            

I like big muscles and fast cars!!   :lol:   Wait a minute...I am the one who likes to drive cars really fast, hence why hubby won't let me have one!  :o

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A woman (or man) that is into you for your car or your money is not worth having.

JMO YMMV

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I like to be admired and complimented. Play up to my ego. "Baby, you're so classy, you make everyone else pale in comparison. I love the way you do XYZ. Damn you're hot".

Doesn't matter who he is, a man that can talk well has a good chance of getting me into his lap.

When I'm not married obviously. Lol.

Muscle and all that other crap is nice to look at, but doesn't mean a thing if the guy doesn't know how to talk to me. The physical looks...I can take it or leave it. :)

FWIW, my first husband was GQ magazine material. He had the big bronze chest and the long black curly ponytail. My second husband is a short, balding, potbellied troll in comparison. He's ten times better in bed. The man knows just what to say. ;)

Edited by Dees

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A woman (or man) that is into you for your car or your money is not worth having.

JMO YMMV

 

Depends on the definition of the word "having". :);)

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A woman (or man) that is into you for your car or your money is not worth having.

JMO YMMV

Depends on the definition of the word "having".  :)  ;)

 

So says the man who just bought a 'Vette.  

 

Bwahahahaha

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I like to be admired and complimented. Play up to my ego. "Baby, you're so classy, you make everyone else pale in comparison. I love the way you do XYZ. Damn you're hot".

Doesn't matter who he is, a man that can talk well has a good chance of getting me into his lap.

When I'm not married obviously. Lol.

Muscle and all that other crap is nice to look at, but doesn't mean a thing if the guy doesn't know how to talk to me. The physical looks...I can take it or leave it. :)

FWIW, my first husband was GQ magazine material. He had the big bronze chest and the long black curly ponytail. My second husband is a short, balding, potbellied troll in comparison. He's ten times better in bed. The man knows just what to say. ;)

I think i wet my pant laughing - you have a way with words :)

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Depends on the definition of the word "having". :);)

Although I am not one to turn down a sure thing, in the grand scheme of things a half hour of pleasure and 15 seconds of ecstasy are not worth the potential problems of an “encounter” with a person of that nature.

I have had nice cars, while never rich, prior to 911 I was “comfortable” and although I can talk to a potential date for hours on the phone and have her rolling on the floor laughing, It would be humiliating to meet and have her running for the door in 10 minutes because I am fat.

If I had to “date” again I would gladly trade my gift of gab with the ladies, and any amount of money for being drop dead gorgeous.

And yes people that are only attracted to looks are not much better than people that are attracted to money but no women of dating age say to their friends “let’s go to the bar and pick up some fat balding middle aged men”.

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I like to be admired and complimented. Play up to my ego. "Baby, you're so classy, you make everyone else pale in comparison. I love the way you do XYZ. Damn you're hot".

Doesn't matter who he is, a man that can talk well has a good chance of getting me into his lap.

When I'm not married obviously. Lol.

Muscle and all that other crap is nice to look at, but doesn't mean a thing if the guy doesn't know how to talk to me. The physical looks...I can take it or leave it. :)

FWIW, my first husband was GQ magazine material. He had the big bronze chest and the long black curly ponytail. My second husband is a short, balding, potbellied troll in comparison. He's ten times better in bed. The man knows just what to say. ;)

 

I saw his picture!  He is SO not a troll!  :)

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Depends on the definition of the word "having". :);)

 

I think somebody's libido is doing just fine!

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I saw his picture! He is SO not a troll! :)

Oh, he cleans up well. But you haven't seen him on a Saturday morning in his boxers, with potato chip crumbs over his mountainous belly, stuck in all the hair there, with pillow creases on one side of his face. Lol

I love him dearly and wouldn't change anything about him. He does look good in a pair of jeans, but even if he looked like Quasimodo, I wouldn't care. He's my best friend and the best lover I've ever had.

And he makes one hell of an omelette. What's not to like? :)

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