liveandlearn426

Getting hit on all of the time, relationship issues and general frustrations with society.

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Hey guys,

So it's been a while since I've posted on here. Actually while I just updated my ticker, my phone will not allow me to update a photo so My photo is from 3 months ago. Anyways I've been having a few issues lately. Physically I could not ask for more. My VSG last March has been nothing but successful but along with that has come a whirlwind of emotions that I have never experienced before, the prime one being anger at society. Since losing all of this weight, I get looked at differently. I am respected more. Rather than enjoying it though. I get angry thinking to myself "what? Do I deserve more respect now than I did for the past 22 years of my life?"

I also get hit on all the time by guys who probably wouldn't have even noticed me before, I'm engaged and have been for 2 years. Most guys are very respectful. When finding out I'm taken, they stop trying. However it does get annoying. Each time that I am hit on, I face multiple emotions. To some degree it's flattering because I'm not used to others seeing me as attractive, but I'm also frustrated because people notice me more now rather than accepting me for me like my fiancé did before I lost nearly 150 pounds, I get annoyed because I don't want to hurt my fiancé and I also feel guilty for allowing myself to feel at least somewhat flattered. Has anyone experienced this? If so, what is the best way to work through it?

There is a gas station my friends and I go to frequently and we know all of the employees. One of them has asked me out on numerous occasions and gets very flirty with me. He knows that I' engaged and I thought he respected that. I have no problem with innocent flirting but last night he crossed a line. My fiancé was passed out in the car and I stopped to get cigarettes and a candy bar for the week. He hugged me and I got a weird vibe. He like pushed himself up against me and held on forever. Then as I was leaving he kept talking to me about hanging out, smacked me on the butt and whispered "I'd bury myself in every bit of you."

I was extremely uncomfortable. My fiancé thinks I should speak with his manager about sexual harassment. I also really worry/wonder if I led him on unintentionally but I thought I made it clear that I loved my man. This is something I've never experienced before.

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Then as I was leaving he kept talking to me about hanging out, smacked me on the butt and whispered "I'd bury myself in every bit of you."

I was extremely uncomfortable. My fiancé thinks I should speak with his manager about sexual harassment. I also really worry/wonder if I led him on unintentionally but I thought I made it clear that I loved my man. This is something I've never experienced before.

What he did was wrong and inappropriate. For a man to smack your butt and say that to you? I would be so angry if I was you. Definitely report him to his manager. If that had happened to me, my husband would've gone in to beat up the guy. This is worse than sexual harassment - it's sexual assault. I feel assaulted for your part :-(

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What he did/said is absolutely disgusting. I'd tell his manager and find a new gas station.

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This is yet another reason why there are so many divorces after Bariatric surgery. People get more self esteem and more attention and it escalates from there.

I had two men buy me coffee this week. Neither were hitting on me but I can tell you that men do not buy me coffee after chatting at the coffee machine at the local deli but now that I am a more socially acceptable weight, they are ...

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It's pure insanity and makes me feel ill and giddy at the same time. The part that makes me feel giddy I want to punch in the throat, btw.

I get treated entirely differently. Doors open, metaphorically and literally, all of the time now with a quick flash of a smile. This sounds weird, but I actually spend LESS money now, because I get given discounts or free stuff lots of time. Last night got 20 cent off of gas just for whining about prices to the register clerk. He winks and says, "Go fill up, it won't be so bad."

But think about it... we're surrounded by it ALL the time. Everything in the media shows that a woman can truly only be successful if she is qualified AND good looking. How many ugly actresses do you see? There's a few but they're usually phenomenal at what they do and they are not portrayed in roles that show success or beauty. Men on the other hand? Tons of amazing male actors who are seriously ugly aesthetically. Why do you see ugly guys with gorgeous girls but RARELY ugly girls with gorgeous guys? Because from birth we are shown as objects of beauty, and if we don't have it, we don't have the confidence (or rarely do) to make up for it enough to attract the opposite sex like those ugly guys learn to do. I'm generalizing a bit, obviously, but I'm a little riled up, please excuse me.

Heads up, I am trying to reverse this as much as I can with my nieces, btw. I rarely comment on how they look (no matter how amazingly adorable they are) and instead give them HUGE compliments when they achieve something or do something right. I try to encourage others as well, because we have to start with the next generations.

Also, get that man in trouble, as his behavior went way beyond disrespectful, it was sexual harassment and borderline sexual assault. He needs to understand that that is NOT OKAY and he will continue to do it others if you don't speak up. And friends who want more? My friends list has dwindled down as well, guys don't take kindly to rejection and some just can't handle being friends only with an attractive female. Period. But the true friends who you want around you because they like YOU for you and respect you, those ones stick around and it's nice to see who was really on what side of that line.

Good luck out there hon and please, for the sake of the rest of us, get that guy smacked in the face with some punishment please?

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I live in South Africa and my experience is slightly different. Up until about 60lb ago, or let's say up until I was about 300lbs I still got hit on quite a lot. Let's just say African men are more into bigger women, or more accepting?

For me, what is a bit insulting, is that now that I'm this big, people assume I'm older and treat me with more respect. The respect, I don't mind, but I do mind being called "Mama" (a sign of respect for an older woman). I mean I'm only 36! Plus, I was once at a doctor with my husband (not our regular doctor) and the doctor thought I was my husband's mother. Insulting! I guess it could be worse - at least no one has called me grandma!!! hehe

Anyway, I expect to be hit on once I'm no longer super morbidly obese. It can irritating though, as I used to find it irritating. I remember telling men I already have someone in my life, only to be told by the man hitting on me, that he is better than the man I currently have. Really now?

People open doors for me, but I think it's because they think I'm older or maybe they feel sorry for me at my weight. Or maybe I've just been around well-mannered people. I think it's the older thing. Mortified! I want to look 20s or 30s, not like a big momma!

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