Mamacita

Holiday emotional eating...... :-(

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Ok, I need to vent to people who can understand what I'm dealing with right now. My family just doesn't seem to get it, and I'm feeling a little less than supported right now.

I know what I'm doing, but can't seem to get a hold of myself and stop!

I'm very close to my mom, but we live 3,000 miles apart in different countries right now. This is the first Christmas that her and I are not able to celebrate together and it's really affecting me (and her). Today has been the worst......I have been irritable, not interested in ANYTHING, don't want to leave the house and worst of all I've been mindlessly eating (grazing) all day long. Nothing super horrible, but definitely nothing that's going to do me any good either.... a lot of breads, crackers and a ton of raisins. I did manage to eat two hard boiled eggs today, but that's it for any protein. I've already been preoccupied for months with trying to lose those annoying few pounds that have crept back.....but now, with all the eating I've done today, I'm feeling even more insecure about my body and weight. I KNOW I've exceeded what calories I'm supposed to have, I KNOW I haven't eaten nearly enough protein and WAY too many carbs.....I also KNOW I need to stop!

I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day...even though it's Christmas day and has the potential for being another repeat of today, I do have a lot of plans and travelling to do, so hopefully that will keep my mind busy and off my woes ......and me away from the food.

Wish me luck that I'm able to beat the bah humbugs and able to get back on track very soon!

Thanks for "listening" :)

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You are amazing! I looked at your stat thing on the side of the page and you have done so well!!

I am only 2 months out from surgery and people like you inspire me.

But yes we all have crap days :( just hopefully in this process we have less of them than we did before surgery etc.

But think where you came from! Family can be hard work and alas no matter how much weight we all lose we are stuck with family, so no bright ideas how to fix them sorry. Sorry you miss your mum, thats rough. My mum died when I was ten and Christmas can be sad (although since having my own kids I have way less time to feel sad)

Like you say, tomorrow is another day, you get to wake up and start again.

I hope it goes better. You can do it. You HAVE done it. And feelings suck but they don't have to rule your life, they are just feelings.

xxx

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Not that this will be helpful to you at all, but know you are not alone. I, too, am suffering this holiday season with staying on track and being in the holiday spirit. I probably could have written your post word-for-word; however, my parents are only 15 miles from me...and treat me more like an acquaintance than a daughter (and I'm the only successful child to exit their home, in terms of being college educated, married, working, and never asking them for money).

Try to remember you have within you a great spirit and strength to overcome anything that comes your way, even days when you make poor food / health choices. You battled your way down to your current weight, and you will find the fight in you to stay in control. Also know that sometimes you need to allow yourself some freedom every now and then. A day or two of poor food choices isn't going to undo everything you've done so far...unless you allow it. Most often, days when I really blow this new way of eating are the days when I feel the most restricted, those times when I feel like the world is judging me for not being small enough just yet, days when I am not happy with myself. I'm still learning how to battle these difficulties in a positive way. My newest vice has become shopping, but I know that is getting out of control, so I'm overly frustrated right now. I'm also struggling greatly with a bout of depression right now (out-of-whack hormones).

For me, I've learned for every poor choice I make, I need to make sure to create balance by making a good choice. It has become customary for me now to go for a run before I attend a family gathering, so that is on my agenda for tomorrow, even though I really don't want to do it (if I could have my way, I would not get out of bed). I know it will make me feel good and hopefully will help me be mindful of my eating at the get-together.

I'm sorry that you will have to spend this holiday away from your mom. Try to focus on the fact that you are together in your heart of hearts, remember Christmases past, and look forward to the time you get to see her next. Perhaps write a letter from the heart tomorrow after the day's events are over, letting her know all the times you thought of her and how much you missed being with her. It can be a way of staying real, experiencing this pain but finding a way to rise above it and stay connected with her, even if you are 3000 miles apart.

Give yourself permission to find joy on Christmas day, remember the reason for the season, think of those who you love and let their love for you inspire you to be your best,...and expect good things!

Merry Christmas!

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Double post...sorry!

Edited by Martee

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You are amazing! I looked at your stat thing on the side of the page and you have done so well!! I am only 2 months out from surgery and people like you inspire me. But yes we all have crap days :( just hopefully in this process we have less of them than we did before surgery etc. But think where you came from! Family can be hard work and alas no matter how much weight we all lose we are stuck with family, so no bright ideas how to fix them sorry. Sorry you miss your mum, thats rough. My mum died when I was ten and Christmas can be sad (although since having my own kids I have way less time to feel sad) Like you say, tomorrow is another day, you get to wake up and start again. I hope it goes better. You can do it. You HAVE done it. And feelings suck but they don't have to rule your life, they are just feelings. xxx

Very true, I have done it before and I know what I need to do to get back on track. I would have to say that my kids were a big help in keeping me distracted on Christmas day! It was all about them.....as is should be ;) . Thanks for your insight!

Not that this will be helpful to you at all, but know you are not alone. I, too, am suffering this holiday season with staying on track and being in the holiday spirit. I probably could have written your post word-for-word; however, my parents are only 15 miles from me...and treat me more like an acquaintance than a daughter (and I'm the only successful child to exit their home, in terms of being college educated, married, working, and never asking them for money). Try to remember you have within you a great spirit and strength to overcome anything that comes your way, even days when you make poor food / health choices. You battled your way down to your current weight, and you will find the fight in you to stay in control. Also know that sometimes you need to allow yourself some freedom every now and then. A day or two of poor food choices isn't going to undo everything you've done so far...unless you allow it. Most often, days when I really blow this new way of eating are the days when I feel the most restricted, those times when I feel like the world is judging me for not being small enough just yet, days when I am not happy with myself. I'm still learning how to battle these difficulties in a positive way. My newest vice has become shopping, but I know that is getting out of control, so I'm overly frustrated right now. I'm also struggling greatly with a bout of depression right now (out-of-whack hormones). For me, I've learned for every poor choice I make, I need to make sure to create balance by making a good choice. It has become customary for me now to go for a run before I attend a family gathering, so that is on my agenda for tomorrow, even though I really don't want to do it (if I could have my way, I would not get out of bed). I know it will make me feel good and hopefully will help me be mindful of my eating at the get-together. I'm sorry that you will have to spend this holiday away from your mom. Try to focus on the fact that you are together in your heart of hearts, remember Christmases past, and look forward to the time you get to see her next. Perhaps write a letter from the heart tomorrow after the day's events are over, letting her know all the times you thought of her and how much you missed being with her. It can be a way of staying real, experiencing this pain but finding a way to rise above it and stay connected with her, even if you are 3000 miles apart. Give yourself permission to find joy on Christmas day, remember the reason for the season, think of those who you love and let their love for you inspire you to be your best,...and expect good things! Merry Christmas!

Martee.....Wow! Your reply was so thoughtful and inspirational....thank you!! Although it started off on a rough note for me, Christmas Day ended up being much better. Seeing my children and the fun they had opening presents, travelling to my husband's family members houses and sharing our love for each other.....which also included lots of baby snuggles :D really helped with keeping my mind occupied. I think on Christmas Eve, the day I wrote the original post, I had way too much idle time to sit and let my emotional mind over rule my rational mind. I deal with anxiety disorder as it is anyways....but add in a bad case of the holiday "help me not's", I was feeling super down. And as a recovering emotional eater, I relapsed and gave in to old habits. Those old habits led to feeling guilt which ultimately led me to feeling even more down.......see the vicious circle here? As I've read on here many times, and have adopted as my own rationalization to the battles of emotions, eating and gastric bypass...."They operated on our stomachs, NOT our heads" rang very true this holiday. The physical cause of weight gain was fixed with GBP. But, the emotional causes of the weight gain will be a battle that I will have to fight for probably the rest of my life......as with anything, some days will be better than others.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to you as well :) !

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