Lady Rainicorn

What do you say?

Recommended Posts

When people say "don't have the surgery" or "why" what did you say? I'm feeling like I'm being put on the chopping block with these comments from close friends. It makes me not want to tell anyone at all. Diet and exercise haven't worked at this point so what makes surgery different? How do I explain this? :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Could you just say that you have personal reasons? I know what you mean though, I've only told one of my co-workers, my best friend and my husband. (Wait, two of my co-workers - and they both have been told that I don't want this to be a topic of discussion with others.) I only told my manager that I was going to have surgery in July. She hasn't asked me what kind of surgery. (She knows I have a lot of back issues, so maybe she thinks that is what it is for?) I just don't feel like I need to tell everyone. Heck, I'm waiting until July to tell my parents.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you feel the need to explain it to them or try and sway them, then just tell them your story. Plain and simple. Tell them how you feel and how the weight is affecting your health and mental state. The fact is, if you continue on like you are and don't have some kind of accident, you will likely die of something weight related. Tell them the truth with knowledge and confidence. There's something very settling about the truth. I explained it to a friend of mine (who happens to be the Dr. that wrote my referral letter) by saying that I had to do something and that if someone could guarantee me 20 more years as I WAS (I don't have to say AM anymore!!! That in itself is worth it!) or 5 more years thin and healthy, I would pick 5 years of being thin hands down. He said "that says something, I will support you all the way". If these are your friends, be honest with them. Be honest about your problems and they should come around. Be strong and confident. As the old saying goes, you can be nervous inside, but never let em see you sweat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I made the mistake of telling a couple people who I thought would be supportive. I learned quickly that others feel it is their "duty" to tell you all the horror stories, myths, and failure stories they know about. That is about as harmful as telling someone about to undergo chemo that others have died anyway and it will be an awful process. While I am drawing analogies, why do we applaud a woman getting surgery for breast implants (building body size) when she could do it "naturally" and just eat a lot to grow some breasts..........yet we attack someone for undergoing surgery to lose some body size?

The bottom line is that all of us who resort to this have learned bazillions of ways that the standard method for losing weight has failed us. We know the sting of weight loss failure like nobody else. We are experts at it!

After dealing with the social prejudices of being heavy, experiencing them for trying a very desperate approach to get healthy seems an unfair blow yet again. Therefore, its time to stand proud and know that you are doing the best thing for your situation. If they had to live in a body that was a heavy prison to lug around, they too would understand.

For me, I've decided to no longer tell anyone and shoulder their judgements. Its not mine to own, its theirs. When I am prancing around town with a smaller body and smaller clothes, it will be ME who won't be carrying the weight of everyone else's baggage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would you tell everyone if you had your tubes tied, or your spouse had a vasectomy? Why the need to tell everyone about this surgery? So they can talk you out of it, hear their 3rd hand horror stories, or have them scrutinize everything you put in your mouth from here on out forever?

My husband knows, and that is it. I did not need a support group of family and friends as I have him, if this is going to work it will be through my effort, no one else puts food in my mouth but me. I am accountable for myself, I am a grown up adult who will make this work.

So maybe it is about you and you alone, not the world around you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I made the mistake of telling a few people and to my surprise I received a lot of negativity back. I lost someone who I thought was my friend due to jealousy. Oh well she was never my friend from the beginning.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You really don't owe anyone an explanation for your surgery. Honestly, it's none of their business. The best thing you could do in my opinion is to tell these people that you've made your decision and you'd appreciate their support, not their input. Naysayers abound once the topic of WLS comes up. Obesity is such a sensitive topic and everyone feels qualified to offer their opinions on what to do with your body. It's all about you, no one else. Did these same people admonish you for eating things that may have been unhealthy for you or enable the behavior? That might be a clue for their motives, if the case.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have told quite a few people and a lot of people say "just work out"...well if that was the cure to everything then that would have worked a long time ago. But it didn't. I had to realize that I don't care what other people say. This is about me and my health and I am young and I want to live long enough to see my son grow old. There are some people who I THOUGHT were gonna be supportive of me and they aren't...of course it is a "friend" who is kind of plus sized herself. So I know that it is all jealousy because although she has lost 26 lbs ( she is using detox pills ) she hasn't really had to work to do it and she is jealous that I could lose that amount of weight in less than a month and it has taken her about 4 months to lose it. Anyways, the choice is yours whether or not you want to tell people. But just know that not everyone is going to be happy for you or supportive, unfortunately...& remember happiness starts from within...if you're not happy with you, you can't make anyone else happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I told people, "Thank you for your concern, but my mind is made up". The worst comment I ever recieved was 'why cant you just push the plate away?" then I said, "You're being ignorant and I wont discuss this with you further.". No sense in being a lady when someone is being rude. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I told people, "Thank you for your concern, but my mind is made up". The worst comment I ever recieved was 'why cant you just push the plate away?" then I said, "You're being ignorant and I wont discuss this with you further.". No sense in being a lady when someone is being rude. Good luck.

WOW I can't even imagine someone saying that to anyone. That is straight up bull crud

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I chose not to tell many people for this same reason. My immediate family knew, as did my coworkers (very small group) and my boss. I did have 2 other people find out who were very negative and I basically told them that I had done my research and knew what I was getting into and that I felt it was my best option. That pretty much shut them up and after that I knew I didnt want to tell anyone else.

I was 7 months out before I really told everyone and got no negative feedback at that point.

Now, I am glad to tell anyone who asks :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I honestly don't know what to say, so I've not told anyone that didn't effect. I just didn't want their judgement, or them tying to talk me out of it! And I was scared enough without their "word of mouth" horror stories!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad told me if I just stopped eating I wouldn't need the surgery.

NICE....and from my own father!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am fortunate that several of my coworkers have had weight loss surgery, so I haven't had any non supporters at work. In fact, my coworkers are probably my biggest supporters and give me compliments all the time. I had one girl on my ladies pool league call me a "cheater" and I wish that I could go back in time and say yup, I cheated an early death. I'm no longer dealing with diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.

Others opinions just flat out don't matter to me anymore. This surgery has given me a much tougher skin and I'm becoming more comfortable in it. I tell strangers about my surgery, I tell friends of friends, and 98% of the people are very supportive. Those who aren't? Oh well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad told me if I just stopped eating I wouldn't need the surgery.

NICE....and from my own father!

My dad told me (while drunk) that I was obese and to get WLS... at first I was very offended, but a few months later I blew my knee out and realized how badly my weight had hurt my body. He didn't tell me in a delicate way, but I'm glad he told me... I started my research a week later, and now I'm 60 days pre-op :D I can't wait for my sleeve!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a freind who kept telling me I needed to just work out. I told her that it is nearly impossible at my size. I walked for several hours in an amusement park 2 years ago...and ended up with stress fractures in both of my feet. I told her to imagine walking around with an extra 200 pounds added on her. She still didnt get it. Then I bet her that she could not give her 100 pound son a piggy back all the way around the block (she kept telling me I could just walk around the block). She tried it. She hasnt said anything to me about it since that day. She couldnt even walk that far with half of the excess weight I am carrying. I think she finally understood.

I have had a few people tell me I am stupid or crazy for having this surgery. I have had at least 3 people really push and try to talk me out of it. I just tell them that I have done my research and talked to my doctors and that I am confident in my decision. I did get angry and tell my brother I would not talk to him about this again, because he called me crazy and got really pushy with me about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So far, other than medical professionals that need to know due to other issues, the only ones I have discussed surgery with are my husband and teenage kids. I do have concerns about the reactions of other family members, so I'm just going to wait on disclosing my decision with them. I don't think they would try to talk me out of it, but I just don't feel like explaining myself at this time. There are actually a couple of friends I may have to tell sooner than later, just because our paths cross so much they would notice if I wasn't around for a couple of days. But for the most part, I think they would be supportive and understand my reasons. Now if I can just keep my husband from leaking my business on facebook!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everyone that I have chose to tell is in full support. My mom made the mistake of telling my Aunt and she decided to call me out on it. She kept saying "you do know that you will have to eat different after the surgery, so why not eat different now". I told her that I appreciated her comments but my mind was already made up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...