Kirabelle

Eharmony for WLS: who is going to invent this?

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I'm concurrently dreading and looking forward to getting back in the dating world. I've been single for a couple of years now. I haven't even dated at all since Sept. 2010. I feel better, stronger, sexier, happier each day and want to find someone to share that with. I don't know how to explain everything to new people who don't already know me (wls wise) so it'd be great to find someone who has had surgery too! I wish there was a site like that for us. And restaurants that cater to our tiny healthy portions too hehe.

In a perfect world...

Meanwhile, single people will you share your dating experiences here? How are things going for you? Do you tell? When? Did you start dating while still heavy or after you got closer to goal? How do you deal with getting naked? I was always confident as a fat chick but am worried I will lose that as my skin gets looser and I lose my boobs even more.

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I have nothing helpful to offer, but I just wanted to say that you totally rock and anyone will be LUCKY to get you. For reals. I suck at dating, so I will not even pretend to have good advice, just wanted you to know that you're awesome. <3

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I tell. I have different eating habbits than a 'normal' person. I'd rather get it out in the open. When I tell depends on how things develop. If I text/talk to someone for a long time before we actually meet, it'll probably come out then. Otherwise within the first 2-3 dates.

Funniest thing is I told one guy and he said, "I thought that was just for fat people! Is there some other reason to have it?" I was like, "Well I'm not fat... NOW..."

I actually did meet one guy that I was talking to for awhile that had had surgery about a month before I did. We never got to the meeting point because there was a little bit of distance between us but we chatted on the phone a couple times. I had just been shopping one day and made a comment about loving to shop, after I had lost quite a bit of weight. He said, "I bet I've got you beat, I lost xxx amount of weight." That was kind of cool. Sometimes though, I think it might be too much pressure to date someone that had the same surgery. What if they eat better than I do? I'd feel like I had to justify myself. What if they ate worse than me? Would I judge them????

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Thanks Dee <3 I think you're awesome too, girl.

MaraJayne this is why I asked! I never thought about that aspect of dating someone else who had WLS! The potential competition/judgement thing. Hmmmm interesting. It would be really nice to live with someone (if it got to that point of course) who didn't have tons of tempting junkfood around all the time or didn't want to order pizza all the time etc.

I feel like if I try to date an athletic healthy guy who was never fat and just eats well and works out all the time and always has... they're going to be horrified once my clothes come off. It's not bad... YET. However, I still have like 150lbs to go! Upper arms are getting scary already and boobs are sooooo sad and EMPTY. I can't even imagine what this will look like 100 lbs. from now! I know it's the thing I am going to have to work on. I just wish I knew what "working on it" MEANT exactly. Is there a workbook I can do? A paper I can write? lol idk just kinda feeling my way through all this I guess.

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I've been dating quite a bit this year. One guy I dated was "normal". He knew I had had WLS, but ate what he wanted, when he wanted. We went to an amusement park and he got a funnel cake. Ya know what? It kinda felt good to be treated as a normal person. I wasn't tempted, because I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that one bite of that funnel cake and I would not be enjoying the amusement park!!

I dated another guy who had lost a ton of weight without surgery. We had tons in common, and it was kinda nice. We shared dishes a lot when we went out, but occasionally he would 'cheat' and have something sugary and act like I was missing out. Things like that didnt bother me, but when we went out to eat and I didnt order a drink, he always felt the need to explain to the waitress why.

I know what you're saying about the body issues. Thats part of the reason I always tell guys that I've had surgery. I dont wanna be all looking good in my clothes and they have no clue I used to be fat and then *WHAM* flabby skin! I'm acutally waiting right now for insurance approval for my breast reduction/lift. I've been very honest about that too, because I dont wanna go on a date with 36DDD boobs and then in a month be like, hey by the way, say goodbye to the boobies!!!

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I know all about tempting foods around! Marcus loves having bad stuff in the house. I had 1 tablespoon of his ice cream he had. Made me feel normal and not so deprived. I knew not to over do it unless I wanted myself to get sick or fill up. The sugar content about have me a heart attack looking at it!

As far as dating, for me it always came around when I stopped looking and least expected it. Half the time I didn't realize someone was hitting on me unless someone told me LOL!

Anyone would be lucky to have

you. If I was into girls I'd love to take you on a date! One of the sweetest, loving, caring, funny, and most amazing personality in one individual that anyone would be lucky to love.

And you love animals and hand that's a winner for me!

(null)

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I have been thinking about this for awhile. I have actually put off signing up for a dating sight as I have no clue what to say.. Em, why don't you write one for me!

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Quinton I knew you wanted to be my gay boyfriend!!! Just don't tell Jill ;) <3 Jim I can't even seem to write my own, darlin! I signed up for zoosk tonight and just copy and pasted my plenty of fish stuff. Lame, right? Ah well I did just rewrite the POF one last month. I just wish I could find all you awesome fellas that have had WLS around HERE. Where we could actually go out and stuff. Danny swears he saw an ad for a WLS dating site and he's going to keep an eye out for me. I'll post it if he sees it again and remembers to tell me the name. I found nothing on google.

Mara I wish I'd qualify for a breast reduction! I've already gone from a 48/50DDD to a 46D and I have a ways to go. Apparently my boobs were all fat, no boobage. I don't think I'll have enough to reduce for it to be considered a medical reason. You definitely do! I am generally honest to a fault and tend to overshare. I don't want to spook people though. The dating pool here is a very shallow puddle (retirement/resort area) so if I spook one, I might only have 2 more to choose from!

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I can not comment on dating after WLS. I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful man who is and always has been very supportive. I can comment on small portion sizes meals at restaurants. Hubby and I ate out at Unos Chicago Grill this past weekend and I was surprised to see small plate portions appetizers. They are also healthy. I was actually able to order my one meal this time instead of eating off hubby's plate. So, if you have Unos around where you live check it out.

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Thanks for the tip! I just found out you can print a card for restaurants too so they'll give you the kid's or senior portion without a hassle! Fantastic!

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Ive been really lucky to meet my wonderful fiancee. I liked dating to a degree, but I seemed to be hooking jerks :( I didnt let my weight get in the way at all!! All I can say is be completely honest of what you want and who you want and you will get it. When I met my fiancee I had dated so many jerks I was ready to give up and no way was I thinking marriage:P Youll find that special someone when you least expect it :)

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Got my card at the doctors office prior to surgery. The portions are still to big and the food not the healthiest things on the menu.

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Yeah my doctor doesn't do the card thing I guess. I discovered "small plates" at Uno's today. One small skewer of steak kabob. Perfect.

enchantedfaerie that is sweet, but I've got 12 years of dating jerks on ya ;) I hadn't even CONSIDERED marriage at 24! I'm going to be 36 very soon and dating has just gotten OLD. I'd love to find a guy who has had WLS because it would be a strong common bond and there'd be so much less to explain.

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the best thing i can think of which i havent tried would be to go to your local support groups to find people in your area and they change each month with new people .

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I've gone to the two they've had since surgery. It's all old people and women. There is ONE guy who MIGHT be under 50 but he's got a ring on. I live in a retirement community :/ The dating pool is a shallow shallow puddle.

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Ah well I did just rewrite the POF one last month.

I just redid my POF one this week. I have never been hit on by so many 23 year olds since... well.. not even when I was 23!!

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Haha yeah they're looking for a cougar ;) Rawr!

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Funny thing, Went on a first date last night with someone thats actually my age and I was telling him about some of the 23 year olds hitting on me.. showed him one profile and he said, "That's my little brother!"

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OMG LOL!!!! That's too funny! I have a date next week... with an ex from 9 years ago. He was only 20 and a virgin when we dated so it wasn't meant to last at the time. I was 27. The age difference doesn't seem so great now that we're 29 and 36. I'm excited :) He's very newly single though so trying not to expect too much.

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I've now been out with this guy twice. We went out again Tuesday night and have another date planned for Saturday. He's hooked, LOL. I'm gunshy. After my last 2 "relationships" I'm feeling a little jaded. Afraid to believe what he actually says. I told him my past history and he understands and says he's willing to wait me out. Will keep you updated :)

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I've been dating a couple months now. I'm dropping about 10lbs a month. I've encountered the guy who says, "what a waste of food" when I dont eat it. And a guy who feels the need to eat it for me. I've had the alone time with one man. I have to say, by the time you get into the bedroom with them.....they could care less about scars and saggy skin. If they really cared, they dont notice. If they are judgmental they shouldnt be in my bed anyways. As for telling them about WLS. I mention it about the third date, I feel like it's part of me. Take me as I am, or go away.

Edited by techie.beth

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Understandable, MaraJayne! I was feeling pretty jaded too so I took a break from dating for a while. Just getting back at it now. My instincts were right on about my date Monday too. I got a disclaimer email from him that was all "so I still love my ex and I don't know what's going to happen, not looking to jump in bed etc."

Like I was? Sheesh. I got a 22 year old on POF last night. Wants to be bed buddies. Um, no. LOL So not what I'm looking for. Been there done that.

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I've been dating a couple months now. I'm dropping about 10lbs a month. I've encountered the guy who says, "what a waste of food" when I dont eat it. And a guy who feels the need to eat it for me. I've had the alone time with one man. I have to say, by the time you get into the bedroom with them.....they could care less about scars and saggy skin. If they really cared, they dont notice. If they are judgmental they shouldnt be in my bed anyways. As for telling them about WLS. I mention it about the third date, I feel like it's part of me. Take me as I am, or go away.

Where do you meet these guys? I don't even know where to start. The free online dating sites are sad. I can't afford the pay ones. Thanks for sharing your experience :)

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The free sites MOSTLY suck, but occasionally you can find one worth hanging on to.

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The free sites MOSTLY suck, but occasionally you can find one worth hanging on to.

Goes back to the old saying: "You get what you pay for"

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