Kirabelle

Eharmony for WLS: who is going to invent this?

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Ugh sorry to hear that MJ. I finally ponied up the cash and joined match.com last weekend. Nothing lol I really thought SOMEONE would be interested. Nope. Not anyone under 45 and within driving distance anyway. It's almost comical at this point, except that it's not.

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Im sorry MJ, that really sucks. lol @ Kira that is silly there has to be a few who are willing to drive!

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I'm looking for someone local. I've been there done that with long distance and it's just a lot of heartache. I want someone I can BE WITH all the time, not once a month.

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I'm not giving up yet. From what I've found out so far, he had a big fight with his daughter on Wednesday and now he thinks that he needs to just focus on his relationship with her. I can understand this, being a single parent myself, HOWEVER, he needs to trust me that being in a relationship with me CAN make him a stronger parent. ANd that he does not need to sacrifice his own happieness.

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I perked up when I read "polygamy"... After being in a crap relationship for ten years... I am just figuring out what I want..likes (sexual and non sexual)...needs,etc... So, I am just thinking about me....sounds selfish... But I do know I am not ready for a commitment. But it sure has been fun figuring out what I like and don't like ;)

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Man, it's been forever since I've been here.  Are you all still around?  I want to know how everyone is making out these days!!!

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I want to see updates too!

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OK here is the question, I am a software developer. I have done a lot of development. I even own my own security business so my question is. who will actually use it to make it worth developing it. I ask because I see bypass patients who don't want their friends and family to know they had the surgery. And it seems even some women and men on other boards want to find a more fit person when they lose all their weight. SO will people actually use it? If I get enough responses I will start development on it. Of course I would expect feedback for features wanted.

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If it also included people looking to find wls friends then I would be interested and willing to provide feedback/help. 

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There is a site called bbpeoplemeet  dot  com (I didn't want to spam a link - I'm not advertising for this place).  I used that site a couple of times between husbands.  I met a very nice man on that site and had some nice dates.  They have all sorts there.  It is a paying site, but I kind of liked that, personally.  I felt like it was more serious people than the free sites.

 

"Big Beautiful" can mean a lot of things, from 20 lbs overweight to 200 lbs overweight.  I realize that everyone here is losing, but who's to say there isn't someone in the same situation?  Never know until you try.

 

I tried Match dot com and a couple other places, but sometimes I wonder if most of those sites are just masquerading as dating sites, and are really sex hookup sites.  I never just wanted sex, and those were the only offers I seemed to get.  

 

The conversation would go like:

 

Him:  "Hey, good lookin'!"

 

Me:  "Hey!"

 

Him:  "So where do you live?"

 

Me:  *Give approximate location*

 

Him:  "Hey, that's great.  So... how big are you? ... You know what?  Never mind.  Are you DTF?"

 

Me:  "What's DTF?"

 

Him:  "Down To F-"

 

That's when I'd close the chat window.  Holy cripes.  Really?

 

But on that other site, I met some good guys that really were interested in a dating relationship, not just a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. ;)

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the best thing i can think of which i havent tried would be to go to your local support groups to find people in your area and they change each month with new people .

Unfortunately all the guys from my groups seem to be married.  I agree, it would be nice to find a guy who has gone through WLS or has dated someone who had it done, so they know what to expect.  Sadly there's still a stigma regarding WLS and it's sometimes hard to approach the subject.  I'm slowly re-entering the dating pool and hoping it goes well.  I'm just going to be honest about everything and be myself.  The right guy will respect and appreciate that.  :)

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There is a site called bbpeoplemeet  dot  com (I didn't want to spam a link - I'm not advertising for this place).  I used that site a couple of times between husbands.  I met a very nice man on that site and had some nice dates.  They have all sorts there.  It is a paying site, but I kind of liked that, personally.  I felt like it was more serious people than the free sites.

 

"Big Beautiful" can mean a lot of things, from 20 lbs overweight to 200 lbs overweight.  I realize that everyone here is losing, but who's to say there isn't someone in the same situation?  Never know until you try.

 

I tried Match dot com and a couple other places, but sometimes I wonder if most of those sites are just masquerading as dating sites, and are really sex hookup sites.  I never just wanted sex, and those were the only offers I seemed to get.  

 

The conversation would go like:

 

Him:  "Hey, good lookin'!"

 

Me:  "Hey!"

 

Him:  "So where do you live?"

 

Me:  *Give approximate location*

 

Him:  "Hey, that's great.  So... how big are you? ... You know what?  Never mind.  Are you DTF?"

 

Me:  "What's DTF?"

 

Him:  "Down To F-"

 

That's when I'd close the chat window.  Holy cripes.  Really?

 

But on that other site, I met some good guys that really were interested in a dating relationship, not just a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. ;)

LOL  Yeah, I've had a few of those too.  I just tell them thanks but no thanks.  Not what I'm looking for.  I'm also on the BBpeoplemeet site and it's not bad so far.  I've been messaged by a few nice guys actually asking respectful questions to get to know me better, which is nice.  I have also tried POF, which is usually where the booty call requests come from, ugh.  Although I've also spoken to a few nice people as well.  On both sites I'm very specific as to what I'm looking for.  I figure if I'm going to take the time to fill out a profile then I'm going to mention exactly what I'm looking for and what I'm not looking for so there's no confusion. 

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There are a few sites out there, try WLSingles it is a dot com. or you can google weight loss singles. They also have an article on when to talk about your weight loss with a date.

Edited by harkly

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@ Kwilsokl-- I'm not single but it would be fabulous if you have the ability to create a WLS dating site. I'm sure it would be a big hit!

 

As far as I know, there just isn't a weight loss surgery meetup site available out there. And, while weight loss and big beautiful people sites are fine in the early stages of WLS, once you have lost your weight, you no longer really fit in with the folks who participate in those sites.

 

I know it seems like the weight loss portion of the surgery is the focus for many on the support sites, keep in mind that portion of the journey represents only a tiny portion of the experience. The whole rest of our lives doesn't involve being overweight.

 

Having some sort of bariatric surgery can feel very personal and be an uncomfortable topic to discuss with someone you're dating. Many of us have somewhat embarrassing surgery related issues like stretch marks, loose skin, special diets, and for some... gas. A site that puts it all out there for you from the very beginning makes it easier since those participating already know about or or experience many of the issues. That takes away some of the vulnerability and insecurity that may be unique to WLS patients.

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As far as online dating goes (POF, Match, OKCupid etc.) it's worth the time if you are willing to weed through the guys looking for a one night stand etc.

 

I had my RNY in November 2010 and have struggled immensely with figuring out the whole dating thing (I barely dated prior to surgery) especially since I am still not confident with my body even though I lost over 100 pounds and am relatively "normal" size now.  

 

On May 3, 2012 I met the most wonderful man on POF.  We have been together for a year and he knows all about my RNY and old body.  He accepts me for who I am and who I am trying to become. He has never pressured me to lose weight or cut off all my excess skin.  He supports me in whatever goals I have for that and we now do Muay Thai and fitness kickboxing together which is so great.  He had very little experience with WLS before meeting me but it hasn't made any issues in our relationship other than me sometimes thinking "damn you're going to eat all of that" when I eat so little and he is a healthy eater.

 

 All I am trying to say is don't give up on your searches.  The right guy/girl is out there for you whether they have had a WLS surgery or not.  

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It took me a while to get through this whole thread but I found it enlightening, happy, sad, depressing, exciting... I am in the same boat as a lot of you.  I am a single mom and never really dated before.  Now I'm really dating for the first time, I'm dating as a single mom which obviously complicates things, and dating 7 months post-op.  It's been interesting all around.  As if dating isn't hard enough, add in those 3 factors! 

 

Thank you ALL for your stories and input!  It's been helpful and insightful!

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Hey everyone, I created a dating site for WLS'rs.  There is an "upgrade" fee for messaging purposes but anyone who is a member at thinnertimes I'll move into the premium category for free.  Just send me a pm here so I know you're okay to let communicate.  I don't want to post a direct link but the url is newmeandyou dot com.

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Once again, it's been awhile since I posted.  And boy do I have news to report.  I have been with someone now for 5 months!  It's crazy to go back and read some of my older posts. 

 

After getting dumped last November, I refused to go back on the dating sites.  I just feel like you invest so much of yourself into a relationship with someone (yes, I consider it a relationship of sorts when you're texting at all hours of the day/night) that you havent met yet.  Then you finally do meet them and when you just dont have that same click in person, there's this big hole and noone to text.

 

I started talking to an ex and we started seeing each other again.  It felt odd.  I had always thought that he was the one that got away, but this time around, I never really felt 'comfortable' with him.  I was certainly willing to put up with a LOT less crap from him!  While we started having some issues, (among them the fact that his soon-to-be-ex-wife had not moved out yet), I discovered something amazing.

 

I went on Facebook on my computer, instead of my phone.  Did you know that there's an inbox called 'Other'?  If someone sends you a message and they're not your friend, it goes there and you can only see it from a PC.  I had a message on there from April 2012 (this was Jan/Feb 2013) from a guy that I had bowled on a league with.  He said that he had heard I was having surgery (it was my breast reduction) and he just wanted to say that he hoped everything was ok.  I replied to the message and we became pretty good friends/confidantes.  We were both seeing people (neither relationship healthy) and would often vent to each other.

 

Both of us ended things in mid-March with the people we were seeing.  By the end of March we had our first date.  I am so grateful for all the bad dating experiences I have had.  Without them, I would never realize how great I have it now. 

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Mara Jayne -- I LOVE that story!! I'm so glad you popped back in to update us.   :)

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Thanks swizzly :)  I just uploaded this picture of us....

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Okay, your ink is beautiful! And you look like a very happy couple. I'm just all  :)   :)   :)  over here... 

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Me too:)...You look so happy together :)

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Well I have been dating on and off for over a year now and I went through many a frog.  I think I finally found my prince!!  We have been seeing each other for a while now and he told me he loved me last week.  :) 

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Well I have been dating on and off for over a year now and I went through many a frog.  I think I finally found my prince!!  We have been seeing each other for a while now and he told me he loved me last week.  :) 

 

Whoop!!  Congrats!  My prince and I started looking at houses this past weekend :D

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Whoop!!  Congrats!  My prince and I started looking at houses this past weekend :D

Well Congrats to you too!!  I wish you much happiness.  My guy owns his own home and he wants me to move in with him but I am not ready for that yet.  Anyway his house is just too far from where I work and I would have a 1 1/2 hour commute. 

 

Update....... He wants to get married. 

Edited by AboutTime

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