jessikagurl101

"she Had Gastric Bypass"

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I feel kinda bad for posting this, and I don't wanna trash my mom at all, but I thought I'd post this and see if anyone else has experienced this. I haven't been to many resturants since I had surgery... I think I've gone out like 3 or 4 times. But everytime we do, I don't order a drink, obviously cause we can't eat and drink at the same time... and I'm never really thirsty anyways.

But the other day I went to American Steakhouse with my parents (we were out and my mom is diabetic and said she had to eat something) and the waitress asked for our drink orders. My parents both ordered a diet coke, and I said I don't want anything thank you. And the waitress said ok and went to get my parents drinks. Then she comes back, hands them their drinks and says to me, "Are you sure you don't want anything to drink sweetie? It's hot out there".. and I proceeded to say no thank you I'm fine. Then like 2 seconds later my mom says to her, "She had gastric bypass, so she can't eat and drink at the same time".. and the waitress was like, Oook :huh: . And walked away. I was terribly embarrassed. My mom has done this everytime I've gone out with them to a restuarant. Last time I told her to not say anything and just leave it alone. She said ok. But I guess it didn't sink in. *sigh. I love my mom but I hate it when she does stuff like this. I'm not a little kid anymore. <_<

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Jessika, I'll tell you exactly what I do and why.

A friend of mine had GBS a few months before me. We went to breakfast one morning, and she ordered water, then a meal. I looked at her wild eyed and whispered in horror, "Do you DRINK with your meals??" She said no, of course not, but that she ordered water when she was out, to "keep people from asking questions". I thought that was crazy, because why in the world would they ask any questions?? Now, fast forward to a few months later, after my surgery and first couple of meals out at a restaurant. I don't remember where we were, but I declined a drink. The waitress looked at me like I had 2 heads. SHe asked me two more times at that moment if I was sure I didn't want a drink. Well, YEAH I'm sure. It's not that complicated LOL Then during the meal, she asks again "are you SURE you don't want anything to drink? Water? Lemonade? Something from the bar?". No, I said. I'm completely FINE!!!

Needless to say, last time I didn't order a drink. Now, I just request ice water. Sometimes I take it with me, sometimes I leave it on the table untouched. But I will say, it's a WHOLE lot easier than dealing with the shock of some people!! !I still have no clue why anyone would think twice, or even care that I elected to not order a drink LOL

Maybe if you give that a try, your mother won't have a 'reason' to tell your business. Not that it's an excuse anyway. But that's a whole nother can of worms LOL

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Jessika, I'll tell you exactly what I do and why.

A friend of mine had GBS a few months before me. We went to breakfast one morning, and she ordered water, then a meal. I looked at her wild eyed and whispered in horror, "Do you DRINK with your meals??" She said no, of course not, but that she ordered water when she was out, to "keep people from asking questions". I thought that was crazy, because why in the world would they ask any questions?? Now, fast forward to a few months later, after my surgery and first couple of meals out at a restaurant. I don't remember where we were, but I declined a drink. The waitress looked at me like I had 2 heads. SHe asked me two more times at that moment if I was sure I didn't want a drink. Well, YEAH I'm sure. It's not that complicated LOL Then during the meal, she asks again "are you SURE you don't want anything to drink? Water? Lemonade? Something from the bar?". No, I said. I'm completely FINE!!!

Needless to say, last time I didn't order a drink. Now, I just request ice water. Sometimes I take it with me, sometimes I leave it on the table untouched. But I will say, it's a WHOLE lot easier than dealing with the shock of some people!! !I still have no clue why anyone would think twice, or even care that I elected to not order a drink LOL

Maybe if you give that a try, your mother won't have a 'reason' to tell your business. Not that it's an excuse anyway. But that's a whole nother can of worms LOL

That's an excellent idea.

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Yep, I do the same thing. I learned that its just easier than trying to explain...and water is always free.

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Yup, I usually get a water too.

Although I usually do drink some of the water before the food comes. I do follow the "don't drink with meals and for at least 30 minutes after" but I don't follow the "don't drink for 30 minutes prior to a meal" rule.

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I always ask for just a cup of ice, they never seem to ask about drinks after that and I always ask for a to go box up front which sometimes gets a weird look. but I just make jokes about it " oh you expect me to eat ALL of that?" the of course I eat very little and most goes home. makes me feel pretty good =P

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I order water as well. I usually will take a few sips while waiting for my food. The first few times I went out I got odd looks when I said I didn't want a drink. No one thinks twice about the fact that I order a water and then almost don't touch it.

Maybe have a chat with your mom and ask her to stop informing others? I am sure she just felt a little awkward and then felt as if she needed to provide an explanation and maybe by chatting it out you will find a way to make her more comfortable as well.

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I just don't understand why it's such a big issue! And why the waiters look at us funny. I don't get it. :huh:

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Sorry about your mom...sounds like something my mother would do, having no filter in public. I like the idea of just getting ice water and taking it with you. Its something I will do when I start going out to eat again.

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This is just a "me too," on the "just water, please," bandwagon. It was actually my daughter's idea the first time because they really do keep asking. It usually takes at least 20 or more minutes before the meal comes so I drink as much of it as I can while everyone else is chowing down on the bread and appetizers.

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This is one of the main reasons that I don't like to go out to eat. Another is that I always have to explain that I can't eat much without having to go into details. I eat like a child, yet if I order from the children's menu, I get weird looks or am told that I'm too old (really?). Plus, I really don't like leftovers all that much and they always give me enough food to last me a week.

No, I don't want an appetizer, I don't want a salad, soup, bread or anything that's gonna fill me up before my entree comes. I save a lot of money by only going out every now and then. It's just frustrating for me to go out to eat anyway! I can live with that though and I save a boatload of money.

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I just don't understand why it's such a big issue! And why the waiters look at us funny. I don't get it. :huh:

There's a very long (and fairly ugly and contentious) thread about this issue... ..but because I'm one of those 'mindless sippers' and 'mindless pickers of food' when I'm sitting there waiting for my very slow-pokey husband to eat, I absolutely cannot have a beverage on the table, nor the extra food they bring that's 'one serving'.

When they ask what I want to drink I'll state "nothing for me, thank you". Then it gets repeated till they 'get it'. *occasionally, and if I'm in the mood to do so I'll just say "medical condition prevents drinking with my meals" - that usually gets a 'Oh, wow, that's too bad" and they leave. IF the server is what I think appears morbidly obese, I will usually share that info and if they ask questions I'm happy to answer them but other than that- I don't think the whole world has a right or need to know my business.

But really your issue isn't weather there is a drink on the table or not, but your mom not respecting you as a grown up. I know you currently live with them so that makes things difficult but perhaps a time when you are NOT at a restaurant and things are calm, you can have a conversation with your mom about respecting your privacy and just basically respecting you, period. And part of that is not discussing your medical issues with any tom/dick or harry. And then when you're getting ready to order, you can remind her of the conversation.

If she doesn't respect those boundaries, you have the choice to either deal with it as it is, or not go out with them or move and then not worry about it. My hubby used to go around telling people about my surgery (even if I wasn't around- he did so as he was so proud of me).. but it made me uncomfortable with his telling so I asked him to stop. He's been good about that in most cases.

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yeah I agree the real issue is your mom not respecting our wishes. Something I think we all deal with is that our Mothers just don't want to accept that we are grown-ups. (I'm almost 35 nd still get told what to THINK ..not to mention what to DO in most cases..religion is a real issue for us). I hope you can get out soon, I know living at home is making you miserable (((hugs)))

Anyhow, I order water as well and try to gulp some down before the food comes, but do NOT drink after I begin eating or afterwards. It is so normal for us not to drink while eating bt it is so ABNORMAL to the rest of the world. My daughter just last night asked me again why i didn;t have a drink at dinner, family still offers tog et up and get me something like I forgot it (which I did do a lot pre-op..I'm an airhead). SO I think the servers just usually think something is wrong, we are trying to save money, sipping a flask under the table :) IDK..it just looks weird to those who don't know. But ultimately it is not any of their business unless you choose to reveal it!!!!

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Mistymee is exactly right about the true issue at hand. Hopefully speaking with your mom about it and how you'd like her to respect your privacy on such issues will help. It sounds as though, for some reason, it bothers HER that you're at the table with no drink.....so she feels the need to explain. Talking it out could really help make the difference. On to another solution: I never wanted to get those blank stares and wide eyed looks when I said, "No drink, please". So I have always ordered water with lemon. I get the lemon squeezed and stirred in to my taste and maybe take a sip or two. When we're about to leave I always ask for a "to-go" cup to pour my water in and take it with me. Then I watch the clock for that 30 minute mark so I can start drinking it because I'm usually thirsty by then. Works like a charm and everybody is happy!!! I hope you'll soon find some sort of solution that works well for you.

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to the OP - i think you need to talk to your mom again :) Do it nicely and sweetly etc bt make sure she gets it that its up to you to decide who you want to tell...

about the water - big issue for me here too.. i've tried all kinds of suggestions posted on other threads .. the last time i went out to eat i just ordered a pitcher of water for the table and asked for glasses... i just did not poor myself any lol i hate having a drink in-front of me because i sip from it without thinking .. like misty posted... water is not free here at restaurants but easier to get make it a none issue

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to the OP - i think you need to talk to your mom again :) Do it nicely and sweetly etc bt make sure she gets it that its up to you to decide who you want to tell...

Forget being nice...it is tine to be blunt with her.

If she does it again, look at the waiter and say "yes I did have gastric bypass. I figured it would be healthier than going in to your bathroom and throwing it all back up like my mother will her in about 20 min. Oh yeah she will need some extra water to rinse her mouth out....thanks"

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Forget being nice...it is tine to be blunt with her.

If she does it again, look at the waiter and say "yes I did have gastric bypass. I figured it would be healthier than going in to your bathroom and throwing it all back up like my mother will her in about 20 min. Oh yeah she will need some extra water to rinse her mouth out....thanks"

That's a bit harsh. My husband did this all the time when I was on optifast. He was embarrassed I guess. He didn't want people to think he was cheap or something. He however wasn't as nice. He would say "She starving herself on a diet so she doesn't eat". I dreaded going anywhere with him that involved food. I don't know why it bothers him so much, but I can't change him. Ask your mom why she feels it's necessary to tell waiter and waitresses your personal business. She may be doing it to shut them up so they will stop pestering you. A lot of grown up children overreact when parents still act like parents. It's not that easy to turn it off. I have a very close relationship with my grown children. They call me at least once a day and we love spending time with each other. My husband still thinks he has a right to tell them what they should and shouldn't buy. They are 35 and 37. I've told him no one was telling him what to do at that age, but it is hard for him. Luckily they know it is out of love and listen, nod their head, and do what they want.

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Forget being nice...it is tine to be blunt with her.

If she does it again, look at the waiter and say "yes I did have gastric bypass. I figured it would be healthier than going in to your bathroom and throwing it all back up like my mother will her in about 20 min. Oh yeah she will need some extra water to rinse her mouth out....thanks"

And if i'm not mistaken OP's mother is still caring for her, she is living under her roof and such. While it is embarassing, i'm sure her mom didn't mean it with ill intention.

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That's a bit harsh.

I must, respectfully, disagree. If I have asked someone nicely several times, been blunt about it and you still continue to humiliate me then I am going to take it a step higher.

While I may be living under your roof and I appreciate it but you still have to respect me.

Like I said, it's just my opinion but if I have tried to be nice several times and been blunt with you and you continue to do it, then I'm going to give you some of your own medicine.

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I must, respectfully, disagree. If I have asked someone nicely several times, been blunt about it and you still continue to humiliate me then I am going to take it a step higher.

While I may be living under your roof and I appreciate it but you still have to respect me.

Like I said, it's just my opinion but if I have tried to be nice several times and been blunt with you and you continue to do it, then I'm going to give you some of your own medicine.

Yeah but it doesn't seem like she is doing it out of spite, like the OP thinks. She is doing it because she doesn't want her to feel weird. Trust me, I get it. I have just gotten a drink to shut people up and just smiled and laughed when they saw the empty glass and go "oh i wasn't too thirsty". I think her mom is trying to protect her from feeling like an outcast, not blabbing her medical info to the world for them to point and laugh.

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I guess I could really care less what the wait staff says or thinks.

They're there to serve me and accommodate my requests... not the other way around.

As far as mom, you pull her aside, explain your feelings, and ask her to please not speak up on your behalf anymore.

None of this seems very difficult to me.

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Sorry about your mom...sounds like something my mother would do, having no filter in public. I like the idea of just getting ice water and taking it with you. Its something I will do when I start going out to eat again.

That is exactly why I didn't tell my mother. Can't keep her mouth shut and its embarrassing. Can't tell my sister anything either because she tells Mom. Its actually kind of lonely sometimes not to have anyone to share things with :( Thank goodness you all are hear to listen :)

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I guess I could really care less what the wait staff says or thinks.

They're there to serve me and accommodate my requests... not the other way around.

As far as mom, you pull her aside, explain your feelings, and ask her to please not speak up on your behalf anymore.

None of this seems very difficult to me.

I agree with this 110%

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I always order water and then get a to go cup.. I never drink with meals it is just something I do .. However my husband had gastric also and while on vacation the waiter was like // You guys are DONE??? you didn't hardley eat anything.. I told him we both had gastric and my husband had a fit! I shouldn't have said it, but I didn't think about him not wanting ppl to know.. cuz honestly I don't care if they know or not.. so maybe just tell ur mom ur feelings.. she prob doesn't know it bothers you.. good luck

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I guess I could really care less what the wait staff says or thinks.

They're there to serve me and accommodate my requests... not the other way around.

As far as mom, you pull her aside, explain your feelings, and ask her to please not speak up on your behalf anymore.

None of this seems very difficult to me.

It's not diffcult, and I have talked to her about it. Like I said, I guess it didn't sink in. Read my post more carefully.

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