kellymiller333

any marriages fall apart after surgery

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Mine has not...BUT I have heard of MANY that do

what wasnt strong to begin with may really go down hill after surgery as you gain new confidence as you shed your weight.... but it could do the opposite too but who knows..with everything in life- this surgery def. does change the people involved- for me- my hubby has been dieting ever since surgery- poor guy! lol- and he really supports me too

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I am very happy in my marriage.. and expect it to stay the same as it has for the last 15 years.. and now we are expecting our first baby In early june.. so it just keeps getting better.

But i think that alot of people feel imprisioned by their weight. So they feel like they are locked with the hubby/wife who loves them. After you lose that weight.. people start looking at you differently. Including your sign. other.. who may or may not like the attitude change, or physical change. You may have that "the grass is greener" type of attitude as you are being noticed by other men/women for sometimes the first time in years. Some people were heavy when they got married.. so they may had kinda settled for someone cuz it was the first person to pay attention to them in the first place. I think there is lots of reasons.. some logical... some selfish. But i am a strong believer that when you marry someone.. you marry them for the inside. not the out. And if that person loves you, and you love them it wont matter what you look like.. good or bad!!

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OMG this is like my number 1 fear, probably the only reason why i would call off the Op.

However, i feel me and hubby have a very strong relationship, we talk allot and i have told him about my fears, we hope and believe it won't happen to us. These are some of my thoughts on it:

1) We have discussed our fears and will continue to do so as changes happen. Adapt to the situation.

2) I was already podgy when we met, got bigger with pregnancies etc, but my hubby keeps telling me that he loves what is inside me.

3) Although i am fat, my husband still wants me, this makes a confident woman.

4) i know that my husband is there to support me 100% of the way, he has gone to some appointments with me (work allowing), when he does not make it he wants to know what was said, he cares about helping and supports me.

5) my husband understands why i am doing this.

6) i am doing this for myself, not for him to have a slimmer wife, not for my kids to have a mother that is slim like all other school mothers, i am doing it because I WANT TO.

More reasons probably, all i suggest to any couples is talk talk talk and when you think you talked enough, talk some more. Thats how i recovered following the disaster that was the birth of my 1st child, had my husband not been there to talk to me day and night, I am not sure i would have never recovered. I hope the Op and the weight loss will be handled in the same way, make us stronger.

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Add me to the list.......I had a 15 year marraige that was great.....been apart now for almost a year. Never gave him reason to suspect that I was having an affair and when others started to notice me, his insecurities increased....

Hey there are 2 sides to every story, but I know if I had my 150 pounds back, I would still be married.

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Here's an article on the subject:

NY Magazine, May 2005

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my marriage had started to fall apart long before my surgery, I just hadn't realized it.

it took me feeling better about myself to realize that I deserved more than the fat me had given me credit for.

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Here's an article on the subject:

NY Magazine, May 2005

that's a pretty interesting read, but it seems like shocking to me to think that a woman would agree to marry a man just because she doesn't think she can do any better.

what a kick in the nuts for her husband.

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I am going through a divorce right now. I think that article was pretty true in some ways. I feel like, although I did love my husband, I think that I a lot of the same feelings. I did have some reservations before I got married, and I think a lot of those feelings (now that I look back on it) were because I thought that I could at least say, "Hey, someone liked me enough to marry me."

I have not had surgery yet, but I will be having it in a few months. I am very grateful that my soon to be ex is being supportive and is allowing me to wait to file the papers until after my surgery is over so that I can continue with the health insurance. I do feel though, that if our marriage had not fallen apart now, that it definitely would have after I start to lose weight. We even agreed that it would cause problems, and how we were going to deal with that when it came. Obviously, I didn't have to wait for that to happen...

I feel that if you don't have a strong marriage, then it definitely could be a catalyst of breaking up. Being fat is a mind F***...and so is losing the fat that you've been hiding behind for however long you've carried it around. I am already changing and I haven't dropped the pounds yet. Just getting into the mind set to make yourself better and healthier is enough to start that change, and sometimes you recognize that you just want to be happy. It takes a lot to make this decision and to do all the work and to go through all these transformations...and anyone who isn't secure with those changes could very well find that change in you too much.

Frankly, I would always say GO FOR IT!! Make YOU happy...and everything else will fall into place.

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that's a pretty interesting read, but it seems like shocking to me to think that a woman would agree to marry a man just because she doesn't think she can do any better.

what a kick in the nuts for her husband.

No kidding!! I was thinking the same thing. Seems to me a marriage entered into by either partner for that reason would ultimately end in divorce. But yeah, poor guy!

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that's a pretty interesting read, but it seems like shocking to me to think that a woman would agree to marry a man just because she doesn't think she can do any better.

what a kick in the nuts for her husband.

Lack of self-confidence can make SOME women do really stupid stuff! Anything to feel loved.

She sounded like a ... to me, while her ex husband seemed to understand her situation. Obviously, he took the high road in this article.

All I can say is I'm so lucky to have a great man in my life that treated me well through ALL my "body" stages (ie: young, old, fat, obese, now more-or-less normal)!

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I remember when I first read the New York Magazine article. It was only a couple of weeks after my surgery. I found it incredibly upsetting.

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I have heard about this but i think if the marriage was not strong to start with it was going to fall apart no matter what was throw at it. My husband has been through out everything. He has assisted me with cooking trying to new recipes with me and encouraging me to try harder. I don't think this should be a person main concern when considering to have a surgery. Especially when your spouse should be there to support and up lift you.

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I have been married for 18 years.When I married my husband I was 120lbs.Over the years and 5 kids later I had gained alot of weight.Me and husband r like bestfriends we talk about everything and that is really important.Before we got married we went though a marriage program.And it really help all relationship.When I decided to have surgery I made my husband a part of every step with me.When I was denied the first we both were disppointment.When I got approved we went out celabrate.When I had surgery he had a meeting with the doctor by himself and he said the doctor told him how important is role was in this too.The day of surgery I weighed 233 more then my husband.But I am only 6 weeks out but actually I think this has brought us closer.My husband says he has seen my body in all shapes and sizes,and it makes him appreciate me more.I just keep praying that we stay that way.So my advice is if it is a relationship that you really want you have to really commicate.That is the key.And look a both sides.

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This is what I am concerned about..Couples have certain things in common before surgery and when your weight starts to come off, your interests are different than before b/c now you have to energy and self confidence to do other things, men are starting to notice you. Hubby may or maynot feel threatened by this.

I can foresee things like this happening to my relationship once I start losing my weight. My significant other who happens to be overweight (lacks self confidence) doesnt really do much now, I know when I weighed less I was more active & plan on living life when I feel up to it. I think this weight loss will harm my relationship (hopefully not) but I am willing to take that chance.

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I feel so lucky that me and the hubby have a strong marriage. We were both overweight when we met, but not as much as we became (I gained 100 lbs. over the years and so did he). We have been through a lot of stuff over the 9 1/2 years that we've been together and we always end up being stronger after each one. We also chose to do weight loss surgery together. What a blessing that has been. We were able to do all pre-op stuff together, knew what each other was going through, etc. He had his surgery at the end of October and I had mine at the end of November (we wanted to make sure that he was healed and feeling well enough to take care of me). It's been so amazing being able to do it together. We've both commented about how this would have been very hard to do if the other hadn't. We understand what we both can eat, how we feel, etc.

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My first husband could not have handled the changes in me after the WLS. He couldn't handle me just trying to diet back in the days of the Phen-Phen drugs.

My DH now, he's another story. Married me when I was 320# (and I'm 5'3") so I a really big girl. He's not a cubby chaser, said he loved me. Loved me when I went into surgery for the RNY, and loves me still at 140#. And is supportive of the next step that I want to take in this journey, tummy tuck.

Communication is really the biggest key. You have to talk about everything; good, bad and ugly! I plan on beating the odds and staying married to this guy, he's a keeper!

Good Luck to you!

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Mine hasnt, I have been happily married for almost 19 years. Now that I have wrote that I feel old......

I couldnt even begin to imagine another lover in my bed, another girlfriend, another partner. I guess I am old school when it comes to this. My grand parents were married for 50 years till my grandfather passed away. My mom didnt make it that long till she divorced my dad. I swore I would never do that to my kids. So far, I have kept my promise.

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If my marriage survives this I will croak. I feel soooooo horrible for putting my husband through this life change that he did not ask for or bargain for. I really do not know how I would handle it had he been the one who had this surgery.

Nothing is the same as it was. I always feel miserable and he is always taking care of me. He drew the short straw for sure.

I think that even if everything would have gone great, it would have been tough....throw in some complications and I believe it is a recipe for disaster.

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I couldnt even begin to imagine another lover in my bed, another girlfriend, another partner. I guess I am old school when it comes to this. My grand parents were married for 50 years till my grandfather passed away. My mom didnt make it that long till she divorced my dad. I swore I would never do that to my kids. So far, I have kept my promise.

I thought this same way too for a very long time. Until I discovered again that my EX didn't feel that same way.

Yes my marriage feel apart. Yes it has been since surgery. HOWEVER the only reason the two in one in the the same in my sentenance is because I finally had the confidence to stand up for myself and decide that I deserve to be happy and deserve more than what I was allowing myself to settle for.

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I understand the both of you. Yes it can be trying being married for sure! But if your hearts are into it and you want the relationship then it will make it.

Foxy, I am so sorry you have had to go through that. It is hard for either side. Your still a sweetheart in my books.

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My hubby and I will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary on Valentine's Day, 25 years together. We were highschool sweethearts. My hubby is very supportive of my weightloss and getting healthier! He says that I am looking more like the girl he married all the time, which is a nice bonus, but, the most important thing is that I'm so much healthier and will be living 10-15 years longer than I would have without the WLS! He's awesome and I count my blessings everyday!:)

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I feel that I have a strong marriage, which I am so thankful for in this day in age... however, I feel that if there is some strain in the marriage to begin with, life-altering events will definitely bring that out. I know with myself, I've had to be careful. Men now give me attention, which I didn't have before. If I wasn't so deeply in love with my husband, I could fall for it. You have to constantly guard yourself. I think the surgery has made my bond stronger with my hubby, which I'm so thankful for! Now, he pics me up and carries me around the house...something I've always wanted him to do! He also says I'm nicer, now! Ha ha!:P I have gained so much confidence in myself...the only problem is...now, he eats his food and some of mine when we go out! But, we've started sharing plates, so that helps. Plus, he's not a big man, anyway...dang metabolism!

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