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Hey Y'all, My name is Julie and I am 5 years post-op for RNY.  I found this site pre-op but left sometime within the first year post-op.  I'm not doing well and am back here hoping to find the support that I know I so desperately need.

Within one month of my surgery, my daughter and her long-term abusive partner (Loser Sid) broke up and my 12-year-old, special needs grandson was put in my care.  This was done because my daughter was on drugs.  Within three months of my surgery, my daughter was also there, but L-Sid had snatched their daughter and was threatening to kill my daughter if she came near them.  Within five months post-op my daughter told me she was pregnant and within 7 months post-op had a new son.  When the baby was about 2 months old, L-Sid returned my granddaughter to her mother.  By the time the baby was 3 months old, I was now 10 months post-op, my daughter went haywire and left.  I was now the care provider of 3 kids, ages 13, 10, and 3 months and I was laid off from my job.  I knew that was coming because our project was cancelled in March.

In spite of doing everything I could to find a job I was unable to.  Luckily or miraculously, I was provided the opportunity to pursue a 2-year degree at our community college while continuing on unemployment.  The only class I had to attend in person was Algebra.  (UGH!  Algebra)  

Within one-year post-op my daughter was arrested for drugs and was incarcerated for about two years.  During which time my oldest grandson developed Bipolar Disorder and we had to have him hospitalized repeatedly and, he was becoming increasingly verbally abusive and threatening self harm and suicide.

After losing about 95 lbs, my weight loss stalled completely and I even gained a few lbs.  No doubt I have been doing stress eating and all that crap.  I was working contract and that contract ended and I haven't been able to find another spot. 

My daughter got out a year ago and she is not doing well.  I guess my grandson inherited Bipolar Disorder from her.  She is very erratic and we don't get along at all...but she lives here. (UGH!)

In addition to all of this, it became apparent that my thyroid medication needed to be increased and I gained a few more lbs.  My regain is about 20 lbs. now.  My meds have been increased and I have begun walking - about two miles per day, most days of the week.  I have only lost like 2 lbs of the weight I've regained.  

I have got to do something!  I don't want to regain or undo all the blessings that my surgery provided.  So this is my first step to reaching out for support AGAIN.  It has all been horribly painful and embarrassing to go through all this stuff.  Drug addiction and mental health issues are just like that!  

I need to not stress eat.  How do I do that?  What do you suggest?

Edited by MsJulieT

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Yikes.  You have not had an easy time of it.  Living with children/grandchildren with mental illness (or substance abuse problems) is very hard and can be very frustrating.  But as you realize, stress eating and regaining weight will only make things worse.  

First of all, be sure that you are getting whatever financial support that you can from your state for you and your grandchildren (food stamps, medicaid, housing etc.).  You also may want to consider whether the time has come to adopt the children since it seems that neither parent is able to care for them.  If you want to pursue this path you will need an attorney, but an attorney from a legal aid organization may be able to help you for free.  If your daughter is toxic to your ability to provide a calm and safe home for the grandchildren, you may want to consider telling her to leave until she is able to get her life under control.

Next, be sure to take care of yourself.  Eat a healthy diet, keep unhealthy food out of the house, avoid drinking alcohol (developing an alcohol addiction is the last thing that you want to do now), see a therapist if you think that it might help, reach out to friends and other relatives for emotional support, and be sure to take your medicines.

Finally, with respect to your weight, many people have found the 5 day pouch rest program to be a good way to begin to lose weight gained by regain.  Here is a link:

Also, be sure to follow the basic lifelong eating rules for life after bariatric surgery: drink lots of no (or very low) calorie liquids, take your vitamins, do not eat during meals, base your meals on lean protein, keep carb consumption down, do not smoke, either do not drink alcohol or keep alcohol consumption very low/infrequent, etc.  This is a good food guide:

We are here to support you.

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Thanks Res,

I appreciate your response.

I started the 5-day today.  

Hopefully I can get back on track and move in a positive direction from here.

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