April Martinez

my sister say I'm taking easy way out by having weight loss surgery

Recommended Posts

Today my sister say I'm taking easy way out by having weight loss surgery, and I should be ashamed on having weight loss surgery, she doesn't understand weight almost 600 pounds is very difficult, and it really upset me. I just need someone I can talk that supports me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WLS is definitely not the easy way out. To be frank, you have practically no chance of losing the weight and keeping it off without surgery (that goes for anyone who is morbidly obese, including me when I was heavy). And it's not because you're weak or have no willpower. There are powerful chemical, physiological and psychological factors at play that put you at a major disadvantage. Weight loss surgery is a powerful tool that can help you combat those factors, but you still have to be willing to make the changes and do the work. You have to confront your demons, figure out why you overeat, and how to cope with the stresses of life without food as a crutch. I have said a thousand times that WLS is the best decision I have ever made, but it was far from easy. It made changing my life and habits easier and the physical limitations helps me not go too far off track, but combating emotional eating, finding new coping mechanisms and developing new habits took a lot of work. The mental challenges aren't fixed by surgery and that's the stuff that has to be addressed if you want to be successful long term. 

Also, I've found that the people who are most judgy about WLS and weight loss tend to have their own issues with food and weight and a lot of their criticisms are them projecting those issues onto you. People don't like it when you do something that affects their "normal" (perhaps their identity as the "skinny" sister/friend or your ritual of eating pizza & beer together, for example). Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you and your health. Her opinion is just that and it's not an accurate perception in this situation. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you should make her watch a video of the surgery...does that look easy?!? Actually, I'm not sure that would be useful; people who are judgmental in that way will likely not change their mind so you just have to create a support system that doesn't involve her or others like her and move on.   What's not easy is life as an obese person and now you have the opportunity to change that.  Go for it girl!  Life is so good!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/16/2019 at 10:55 PM, msmarymac said:

I think you should make her watch a video of the surgery...does that look easy?!?

Since you're sleeping and someone other is doing the work...

SCNR.

The procedure is of course not without risk but I doubt that the people bitching about "taking the easy way out" have the actual performance of the surgery in mind.

Just shrug them off. If someone would say to my face that I took the easy way out (interestingly enough no one did so far) I would just say "Yes, I did" and watch the reaction. I imagine this as being kind of funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. It is a tool that makes permanent weight loss possible. 
However, what is wrong with the easy way out?  Does a person with cancer do something wrong by having chemotherapy - which (compared with doing nothing) is the easy way out? Does a person with a massive infection do something wrong by taking antibiotics - the easy way out?  Does a person with a broken arm take the easy way out by getting a cast?  Does a person with appendicitis take the easy way out by having surgery to have their appendix removed?  Finally, does a person with a serious heart condition take the easy way out by taking heart medicine?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/20/2019 at 6:50 AM, Res Ipsa said:

Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. It is a tool that makes permanent weight loss possible. 
However, what is wrong with the easy way out?  Does a person with cancer do something wrong by having chemotherapy - which (compared with doing nothing) is the easy way out? Does a person with a massive infection do something wrong by taking antibiotics - the easy way out?  Does a person with a broken arm take the easy way out by getting a cast?  Does a person with appendicitis take the easy way out by having surgery to have their appendix removed?  Finally, does a person with a serious heart condition take the easy way out by taking heart medicine?

This is absolutely how I feel. People who think WLS is like cheating are more interested in "punishing" overweight people for their imagined sins than in seeing overweight people get their health back. When it comes down to it, most thin people feel like they have to work pretty hard to stay thin. They feel like since they are doing it "the right way," everyone else should do it just like them and they'd be OK. They don't understand that hard work isn't the problem - many obese people work very hard and don't see success at weight loss because their bodies don't respond in the same way. They don't need punishment - they need a solution. For most obese people, WLS is simply the best (and possibly the only) solution. If we've got a perfectly good solution, why not use it? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Jen581791 said:

People who think WLS is like cheating are more interested in "punishing" overweight people for their imagined sins than in seeing overweight people get their health back.

This.

Quote

When it comes down to it, most thin people feel like they have to work pretty hard to stay thin.

Maybe the important word here is "feel". 

Maybe what I write now is based on a feeling only as well but I hold the opinion that many thin people have to be a vigilant to a certain extend but it's nothing compared to the truckload of self-control someone has to exert that lost a lot of weight and tries to keep it off. Now with WLS I feel that I have to be vigilant to a certain extend but it doesn't take this draining self-discipline that's impossible to hold up for an endless amount of time.

Thin people who were never overweight, let alone morbidly obese, have no clue what they're talking about when they seem to compare their effort to that of someone who lost a large amount of weight without surgery and tries to keep that off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, summerset said:

Now with WLS I feel that I have to be vigilant to a certain extend but it doesn't take this draining self-discipline that's impossible to hold up for an endless amount of time.

Exactly! When I have gotten down to "thin" previous to my WLS, I have had to spend 100% of my mental energy on avoiding food, pretending like I'm not hungry, eating one thing when I really really really want another, pushing down food thoughts, berating myself for my weakness, and just focusing on not feeling like I'm starving. I was basically starving myself and getting mad at myself for feeling starved while I was starving. And I was only ever able to keep it up for maybe a year max each time, followed by giving up and gaining weight. And feeling self-hatred and regret and embarrassment for not being able to just stick it out (forever). 

Now, post WLS, I just have to sort of make up my mind not to eat a thing I shouldn't. And then I don't eat it and the moment passes. I don't ever feel like I'm going to tear out my hair with needing food. People who haven't ever been an obese person on a diet really don't know what it's like to feel that way. They may think they do. And they may think they have to work hard at staying thin, but it's all relative. 

I kind of feel like telling an obese person to just "eat less" is like telling someone who is being deprived of oxygen to just breathe less. Everything in your being is going to fight that. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As usual, I totally agree with @Jen581791:) 

Weight loss surgery is not a "magic bullet" that automatically will keep a person thin for the rest of their life with no effort.  Instead weight loss surgery is a very powerful weight loss tool that allows a person to lose all of their extra weight and keep it off as long as that person remains focused on eating a relatively healthy diet and staying active.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Jen581791 said:

People who haven't ever been an obese person on a diet really don't know what it's like to feel that way. They may think they do. And they may think they have to work hard at staying thin, but it's all relative. 

This.

I thought about writing something similar in meaning (but my words wouldn't have been as polite as yours, lol):lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is nothing easy about having WLS.  There are countless people having the surgery not making goal and/or gaining the weight back.  WLS is a tool to help not a magic bullet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never had anyone say to my face that WLS was the easy way out, but I do have a couple of folks in my circle who have lost a lot of weight and make a point of saying "I did it by myself" looking at me pointedly (or perhaps I'm being paranoid, who knows).  After a few times of this I simply said, "Yeah, I've done that several times...good luck!" and walked away.  It has never been about losing the weight for me...I've lost more than 100 pounds twice without WLS.  I have never been able to keep it off before now.  So, if this is the easy way out, I'll take it!  Because the first 50 years of my life as an obese person were hell and I think I'm overdue for a bit of "easy" lol. I am so much happier being off that yo-yo diet lifestyle, hating myself constantly and always feeling like food was controlling me.  I think it really is more about labeling fat people as weak and obesity as a personal and shameful failing.  To that I say "bite me" :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, msmarymac said:

After a few times of this I simply said, "Yeah, I've done that several times...good luck!" and walked away. 

:lol:

Some things really trigger the inner b*tch.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, summerset said:

:lol:

Some things really trigger the inner b*tch.

That'd make a great tattoo!  ROFL!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, cinwa said:

That'd make a great tattoo!  ROFL!

Yeah, one can take only so much without eyes rolling up to the sky and making a snarky remark. :D 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...