cindynels

Starting over...

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I had gastric bypass in 2012 and lost 125 pounds.  I felt great and I was happier than I had been in years.  I swore I would not gain back the weight; I just couldn’t go back to a body in which I felt trapped.  Well, life happened and I hadn’t established healthy eating habits.  As my life started to spiral out of control I turned to food for comfort.  I started smoking and drinking soda again, and as hard as I tried to get back on track the worse things got.  Then I found out my dad had cancer, and I felt the bottom drop out of my world.  I was struggling with personal issues as well as my dad’s terminal diagnosis and the brutal progression of his illness.  I didn’t have the drive, or willpower, or motivation, or whatever it is you need to get back on track.  And trust me, I exhausted all avenues, even going back to my surgeon to see if my pouch had stretched.  I was told to, “Get back to the basics” which, to me, is the bariatric equivalence of “just diet and exercise.”  Easier said than done, especially when underlying issues haven’t been addressed.

Fast forward to now, and I’ve gained back all my weight plus 20 pounds.  I have a bulging disc in my back and I’m struggling to do even basic daily tasks.  My depression and anxiety have gotten progressively worse, and I don’t like to go out in public for fear that I will run into someone that saw me at my thinnest.  I am in constant fear of being judged because I wasn’t able to maintain my loss after going to the extreme of weight loss surgery.  But I’ve been given a second chance.  I’m having an RNY revision surgery in Mexico on October 7th.  I finally feel hopeful that I don’t have to live like this anymore.  I’m going to therapy to address my issues and I’m making changes right now so that I go into this surgery feeling strong.  

I can clearly identify why I failed at my first weight loss surgery: (1) I didn’t address the underlying issues that lead me to comfort eat, (2) I didn’t rely on God to get me through those moments (or hours!) when I had the internal battle of desperately wanting to eat yet desperately wanting NOT to eat, (3) I started drinking soda again, and (4) I started smoking again.  I know there are more, but those are by far the 4 biggest reasons why I wasn’t successful.  I made excuses, told myself I could have just one (which led to two, then three until it was all the time), told myself I was going through a rough time and I deserved it.  In reality, I wasn’t going through any more than anyone else has at different points in their lives.

I know surgery in Mexico seems sketchy to some, I get that.  I was very skeptical of it myself before I started doing my research, and believe me, I did my research.  It became a full time job for a while.  I chose a surgeon that has recognized accreditations and medical memberships, he has an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau, 20+ years experience, and has very positive reviews on multiple sites.  My insurance company doesn’t cover revisions for people who gain the weight back because of what and how much they are eating.  I can’t claim my RNY was unsuccessful because I did lose the weight.  I felt my only option was medical tourism.

Im just reaching out so I can connect with people who understand.  If you made it this far, thank you for listening.

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Hi Cindy,

welcome to Thinner Times! Sounds like you are on the path now. Let us know how we can help as you progress in your journey.

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The struggle is real..   Good luck to you this time around.

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Good luck!  Hoping for a smooth recovery for you!

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We are here to support you. 

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It sounds like you need some support in your corner! This is a great place to come for both a pat on the back and a little kick in the butt when necessary - I find myself coming less frequently now that I'm at GW, but I realize I need to keep coming back to remain mindful of what it takes to stay there. There are those here who've been through regain and reloss (I have, pre-WLS, with major regains several times, so I can definitely empathize. I also had a major regain when my dad was dying of cancer - food was my solace, unfortunately, and it was a pretty toxic and actually not very helpful one :() Hopefully you'll feel like you're in good company here as you go through this next phase. 

I'm really glad you've done your homework on the surgery. I did my surgery in Mexico, after a lot of research, and was totally happy with the team and the results. The credentials you mention are great. I think that while there are truly cheap and sketchy surgeons in Mexico, there are also very well qualified ones that happen to be less expensive than most in the US.

What are you doing in the lead up to surgery to address the underlying issues? This is a great time to get out ahead of the game. 

Edited by Jen581791

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I'm currently almost 4 years out, and have recently regained 35 of my initial 100 lbs lost. I have an appt with surgeon to go over options, as I know my stoma has stretched out, as Acid Reflux runs like the Nile at night. I don't know what all is entailed to see if it has or not, and dreading the whole soft food phase again, but I, too, fell back to bread. No soda's, but I can eat my current weight in chocolate!

I would love to hear from members who had regain and successfully lost it without the revision surgery. 

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On 8/24/2019 at 10:46 PM, cindynels said:

.... Im just reaching out so I can connect with people who understand.  If you made it this far, thank you for listening.

@cindynels

Sounds like the loss of your Dad was a big blow and am sorry for your loss. So often the strength of our foundation is dependent on a couple of keystones. Those critical relationships provide strength, but if they are lost we can lose our way. 

Would like to echo @Jen581791's idea of getting ahead of the game now - am sure you will be successful with your clear-eyed analysis of why you regained. This is such a head game! Am fond of saying that the surgery changes your intestinal plumbing but it does not change what goes on in your head. You are so very smart to be in therapy and to go into the surgery with the inner strength that will help provide. 

Would be sure to line up your social support - the people who will have your back when the motivation / will power is needed. Am sure that real, living, breathing people are better than the internet, but would just say that reading and posting here on the Thinner Times Forum has been very helpful to me. It has helped me to stay  honest about my bad habits and failures, of which I have many. The other things (besides social support) that I have found helpful is to try to get exercise every day, which combats depression and anxiety as well as keeping me physically healthy, and to keep the cocaine-quality carbohydrates out of the house. That means potato chips, New England-style blueberry muffins, and the like.

You deserve much admiration for your persistence, your honest look at why your first try at this did not succeed, and your willingness to have surgery again and not give up on yourself.  We are rooting for you!

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