tracyringo

Family by the Ton series on TLC

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Has anyone been watching this show?  I have been watching it since the beginning and the Andersons are back after 1 year post op.  I am not quite sure what to think of it.  4 family members have had the surgery and have all regained except for 1.  They have another family member about to have the surgery done also.  I just think it is a good warning to people that you can undo things even before getting to goal and that it isn't as easy as you may think. You really have to change your lifestyle. 

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3 minutes ago, tracyringo said:

Has anyone been watching this show?  I have been watching it since the beginning and the Andersons are back after 1 year post op.  I am not quite sure what to think of it.  4 family members have had the surgery and have all regained except for 1.  They have another family member about to have the surgery done also.  I just think it is a good warning to people that you can undo things even before getting to goal and that it isn't as easy as you may think. You really have to change your lifestyle. 

Haven't seen it, but wow, that doesn't sound like an ideal outcome!! Yikes. No wonder people have negative ideas about it :( 

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I have been watching it. Unfortunately I believe people like the Andersons are so entrenched in their unhealthy eating habits and excuses that they'll never get the full benefit of the surgery. You don't get a whole family of massively obese people like that without their being an entrenched overeating culture.

I do have very strong feelings on the issue of people letting the surgery do their work for them, and the inevitable regain....but not the time or mood right now to express my thoughts in a way that others wouldn't find offensive....

ETA...Okay so I'm not going to find a nice way to say this, but these 600+lb people are not "normal". We really don't see people that big in Australia even though we have a huge obesity epidemic. I do watch a lot of these TLC programs and for some reason they've been coming up a lot on my YouTube feeds lately....probably because I've been watching them....haha!!!! The people these shows highlight are seriously pigs at troughs. They abuse not only food but their family members at least emotionally and I suspect many are also physically abusive. They behave in such an entitled way, where they are the only people whose needs matter. Their family members are often very disabled by their own obesity themselves, and they just become more and more obese by consuming the same rubbish they're forced by emotional blackmail to provide their bed bound loved one. These shows absolutely disgust me, but I can't turn away from these trainwrecks!!!! They do make it quite clear at the start of My 600lb Life that for these people their chances of success even with bariatric surgery is less than 5%.....for the rest of us the stats suggest success rates of 50%. That in itself says there is so much more in play for these massively obese people.

The last few days I've really seen this kind of situation unravelling within my own family. My niece is married to an absolute pig, and neither of her parents is intervening because she claims to be happy. Her husband had bariatric surgery in January last year. He started his weightloss at around 450lbs. Lost 100lbs to be approved for his surgery and then a further 100lbs or thereabouts in the year after his RNY. He wouldn't be told anything either before or after surgery because he knew it all. His sister had VSG surgery about 6 years ago and has regained so much weight she's not far from being back where she started from. She's been chasing a revision for the last couple of years, believing that's the answer to her regain, not cutting out the takeaways. I often see his Facebook feed because he keeps tagging in my niece. He's one of those people that has to post photos of his meals out, drinking sessions etc. Two days ago I saw photos from my sisters birthday where all her kids and their partners were there. I was shocked to see just how much he has regained since Christmas when I last saw him, even though Ive known all along that regain was in his future, let alone the size of my niece!!! Unfortunately my niece (who I would estimate would now weigh over 350lb) had a miscarriage late last year. She's just announced she's pregnant again, and to be honest I'm not getting excited about it because I suspect a similar outcome is a distinct possibility. Even more disturbing to me was my sister had a revisional LAGB to RNY less than 4 months ago, yet chose to have her birthday dinner at an Italian restaurant that has not one suitable menu item for someone that has had bariatric surgery. Naturally being so early post-op she is still losing weight but not at the rate her surgeon would expect. I have no doubt in 12 months time she'll also be b!tching about regain....the only weight she lost with her band was what she lost on her pre-op diet. I am so over them all. I have nothing to do with any of them anymore for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the jealousy they harbour towards me which is often voiced in terms of how "lucky" I am that my surgery worked so well.....no acknowledgement at all that I work it. Secondly, the eating and drinking culture is something I just can't handle. You'd think that in situations where there are 4 family members that have undergone bariatric surgery, that there would be at least a minimal effort to provide "suitable food"...not only is that not the case, but I also cop huge criticism for being "too tough on myself" when it comes to both my food choices and my portion sizes. I absolutely hate it when people try to cajole me into eating things they know are really bad options not only for myself, but for them also.....CRAZY!!!! It's one thing to disregard your own needs, another entirely to try dragging others down with them. To add more insult, everyone of that particular family gave me chocolates for Christmas..... This particular couple gave me the largest tin I've ever seen in my life. Not one of those chocolates actually came home with me.....I left them all with my son for his gf, who is the skinniest person I know and seems to be able to eat anything she likes without gaining an ounce. At least my SIL was thoughtful and gave me a big bag of natural mixed nuts which she knows I eat on a daily basis.....got to love her....and I made very sure I told her how grateful I was for such a thoughtful gift in front of everyone.....

Edited by Aussie Bear

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I can see how you'd be frustrated with these people. Your description of eating out a ton at an Italian restaurant so soon after surgery was upsetting, I bet. They must see surgery in a different light. Maybe just something to help them along their journey. I see it as a drastic move. A be all, end all chance to a healthy future. It was SUCH a big deal, expense, risk, etc for me that I refuse to mess it up! Maybe some people see it as a quick fix. 

One of the few friends I told about my surgery said she knows a mother and daughter that had the surgery about 3 years ago. The daughter is now trim and healthy and that's the way everyone sees her now. They kind of forget that she was ever obese. The mother has regained all her weight back, and eats unhealthily. No one remembers that she had ever lost any weight. It's amazing that even in the same family our reactions to the post-surgery commitment can be so different. We do have a choice. I'm so grateful we have a choice. 

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I am forever grateful for the extremely healthy and balanced culture we have here at TTF. I have no doubt that the much-improved relationship I have with food is helped considerably by chatting with all of you wise people. I never ever want to be one of the regain statistics. It would be heartbreaking to me. But I know I can be in control of that, as long as I continue to live with the rules I know I need to follow. 

Thank you all for contributing to this sensible culture of accountability! :wub:

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4 hours ago, Cindy Lou Who said:

I can see how you'd be frustrated with these people. Your description of eating out a ton at an Italian restaurant so soon after surgery was upsetting, I bet. They must see surgery in a different light. Maybe just something to help them along their journey. I see it as a drastic move. A be all, end all chance to a healthy future. It was SUCH a big deal, expense, risk, etc for me that I refuse to mess it up! Maybe some people see it as a quick fix. 

One of the few friends I told about my surgery said she knows a mother and daughter that had the surgery about 3 years ago. The daughter is now trim and healthy and that's the way everyone sees her now. They kind of forget that she was ever obese. The mother has regained all her weight back, and eats unhealthily. No one remembers that she had ever lost any weight. It's amazing that even in the same family our reactions to the post-surgery commitment can be so different. We do have a choice. I'm so grateful we have a choice. 

I am with you Cindy this was a big deal for me, my last chance and I am so grateful and like @Aussie Bear I worked at this.  I made changes to get here and make choices everyday to stay here !  Do I get off track ? Yes I do sometimes but I hold myself accountable and get right back on anytime that number moves up where I don't like it.

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6 hours ago, Jen581791 said:

I am forever grateful for the extremely healthy and balanced culture we have here at TTF. I have no doubt that the much-improved relationship I have with food is helped considerably by chatting with all of you wise people. I never ever want to be one of the regain statistics. It would be heartbreaking to me. But I know I can be in control of that, as long as I continue to live with the rules I know I need to follow. 

Thank you all for contributing to this sensible culture of accountability! :wub:

Jen I feel exactly the same way about my TTF family. Prior to my surgery this forum was invaluable for not not only the information it gave but also for the more veteran members proving to me this surgery can work longer and providing such great advice. Around my surgery time I got to connect with a whole bunch of newer members and we shared each others goals and successes, as well as the downtimes. You folk know who you are, and I thank you for helping me along the way. For now we get to share what we've learned with new members.

I often wonder about some of the original members who were here when I joined but have long since gone. I do know some have been dealing with significant regains, and I'm sad they've moved on and away not only from this supportive environment,  but also from being examples of where the curve balls come from and what to do about it. I realise a degree of regain is expected, and to the surgeons at least, is acceptable. Mine told me that the 12-18 month mark is a critical regain time. Those of us here who had surgery around the time I did, have now safely traversed that stage with just minor blimps. I definitely believe this forum gave me an accountability to myself I wouldn't have otherwise had. Research suggests that the really tough time comes at 3 years out for sleevers, and 5 years out for bypassers. This would seem to be the case for many veteran TTFers who are no longer here from what I can tell. Let's hope all of us can get through those times just as well. @Res Ipsa, @Cheesehead, and @cinwa, have all proven to us it can be done.....we just have to prove it to ourselves now.

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Some days I get busy, some days are hectic, but I always try to check in at least once a day.  I like the support everyone gives and gets!  I had a boss that I knew way before wls.  She had RNY.  She’s gained every pound plus back.  The thing that stands out is she always had a coke and a box of crackers on her desk.  I try not to judge, but....

at first I didn’t tell people I had wls because I was afraid I would gain it back.  Now, I just want to be seen as “normal” so it’s none of anyone’s business.  

I also wonder what happened to everyone..

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@Aussie Bear I had not heard about the 12-18 month regain.  I will  be keeping an eye out around year 3.  I will still be here in 3 years too and hoping to be as successful as all the other long timers.

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3 minutes ago, tracyringo said:

@Aussie Bear I had not heard about the 12-18 month regain.  I will  be keeping an eye out around year 3.  I will still be here in 3 years too and hoping to be as successful as all the other long timers.

Coming here every day has kept me focussed.  Without that, I have no doubt that I would have gone back to my old eating habits.

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9 minutes ago, cinwa said:

Coming here every day has kept me focussed.  Without that, I have no doubt that I would have gone back to my old eating habits.

Yes, I absolutely agree !!  I keep myself accountable here and I need the structure I get from this support group.

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7 hours ago, tracyringo said:

Yes, I absolutely agree !!  I keep myself accountable here and I need the structure I get from this support group.

Same. My surgeon told me last March that 10% regain is both expected....and accepted at 12-18 months. By that time supposedly the body has adapted to the changes that surgery gave us. I didn't go into it but presumably that is the body's work around to hormonal changes caused by surgery, and in the case of sleeves especially, a degree of stretching. Mind you he also told me at end of that visit that when he saw me in 6 months that he didn't want to see any regain. I'm never quite sure with him whether he's being deadly serious or a bit tongue in cheek. At the next visit I was actually down a couple more kgs and he was a bit shocked. He did do a followup endoscopy the next day because he had a minor concern related to my previous history of internal scarring over of the stoma. Fortunately everything was normal and he said my pouch was the same size he'd made it, as was the opening to the intestine. My next followup is two weeks today and I'm very relieved I'm just below the weight I was when I last saw him. I dread the day I might go to see him with any regain. I love the fact that I can come here and see that regain is not actually inevitable....the veterans here are great examples that keeping your eye on the game, as well as the scale, is actually all it takes.

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I simply regard weight regain as not being an acceptable option. I did not have intestinal surgery except to lose my excess weight and keep it off long term.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. 

TTF is my support to keep myself from any regain. 

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On 3/4/2019 at 4:11 PM, Jen581791 said:

Haven't seen it, but wow, that doesn't sound like an ideal outcome!! Yikes. No wonder people have negative ideas about it :( 

However,

I think it's also important to show that WLS doesn't mean "normal weight for every patient". I think too many people have unrealistic views on WLS.

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On 3/5/2019 at 10:51 PM, Aussie Bear said:

I often wonder about some of the original members who were here when I joined but have long since gone. I do know some have been dealing with significant regains, and I'm sad they've moved on and away not only from this supportive environment,  but also from being examples of where the curve balls come from and what to do about it. 

WLS boards are not particularly supportive when it comes to regain. The environment tends to be usually a quite judgmental one. 

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On 3/6/2019 at 5:07 PM, tracyringo said:

I will still be here in 3 years too and hoping to be as successful as all the other long timers.

IMO one has to keep in mind that this is a very, very narrow selection of long timers hanging out on this board. People who aren't successful don't tend to hang around for long.

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On 3/6/2019 at 4:16 AM, Cheesehead said:

I also wonder what happened to everyone..

Me, too, sometimes.

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On 3/5/2019 at 9:16 PM, Cheesehead said:

at first I didn’t tell people I had wls because I was afraid I would gain it back.  Now, I just want to be seen as “normal” so it’s none of anyone’s business

i love this! I agree wholeheartedly. I'm currently in the first phase of afraid I'll gain it back. But I can see in the future that hopefully, as I'm successful keeping it off, I'll be the second phase where I'm "normal" so it's no one's business. 

I'm currently working for a new client whose employees only know me at goal weight. It's fun to think that they  probably just see me as a normal, fit person! ;) Yesterday one of them said, "Oh yeah, you're like a cool soccer mom." Hahahahaha!!! If they only knew! :lol:

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On 3/6/2019 at 10:07 AM, tracyringo said:

Aussie Bear I had not heard about the 12-18 month regain.  I will  be keeping an eye out around year 3.  I will still be here in 3 years too and hoping to be as successful as all the other long timers.

Ditto, @tracyringo. I'm in the 12-18 month period now, so thanks for that info @Aussie Bear. Another reason to keep my eye on the ball! And I love thinking we'll all be here in 3 years cheering the next batch of people on! :)

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9 hours ago, summerset said:

WLS boards are not particularly supportive when it comes to regain. The environment tends to be usually a quite judgmental one. 

I don't see anything wrong with those who are successful taking a harder line. They know what works, and let's be honest for a minute here, we all went into our surgeries wanting it to work for us long term...I know I certainly did. I regained more than I lost after my original surgery back in 1986. My surgeon said that particular surgery was pretty useless, which is why it was discontinued a year later, plus there was no ongoing support and no internet. These days we're lucky that we can connect with those who have longer success and can tell us the hard truths. I certainly don't beat around the bush with people considering surgery regarding how hard this is when "the honeymoon is over". I believe it does people a disservice to molly-coddle them and pretend regain isn't all about their personal food choices. If we don't want to regain then we need to take personal responsibility for our choices....and we do control what we choose to eat.

It's a long weekend where I live, and my sister invited me to go and stay with her (middle of nowhere with no shops open). I know how she eats even just 4 months post-op,  and knew I'd need to take all my meals and snacks with me if I went, or I'd be regaining myself. I chose not to go, partly because of that, and also because I can't be bothered listening to her talk about how slowly she's losing. It's her food and wine choices, it's not my business or responsibility.....but would become something I couldn't just ignore if I'm stuck there listening to her complain about it.

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I agree @Aussie Bear and you know what works for you and what doesn't , so you not going to your sisters was the right choice for you. 

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12 hours ago, summerset said:

IMO one has to keep in mind that this is a very, very narrow selection of long timers hanging out on this board. People who aren't successful don't tend to hang around for long.

I really don't know how my journey would have gone had a not had this board.  I do plan on sticking around though and hope I can help others.  I figure I will be more successful if I stay here and hold myself accountable with others.

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7 hours ago, Aussie Bear said:

I don't see anything wrong with those who are successful taking a harder line.

We obviously have different views on certain things, especially if that involves labeling people as "pigs". For me that's alright though.

 

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I certainly don't beat around the bush with people considering surgery regarding how hard this is when "the honeymoon is over". 

 TBH, I don't think it's particularly "hard". When I look around and see people my age I don't think I have it any harder maintaining my weight and health than the majority of them. I'd classify the amount of energy and vigilance I have to put into this whole weight thing as "average". I need to put more energy into "joint & tendon health" than the average person my age as it seems but not when it comes to the issue of weight. At least this is my personal impression.

However, I also hold the opinion that some patients are more "lucky" with their surgery than others. I might be one of the more luckier ones indeed, I'm not sure, but I'm taking it into consideration. On top of this, what some people classify as "hard" might be viewed as "average" or even "easy" for others.

 

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These days we're lucky that we can connect with those who have longer success and can tell us the hard truths. 

There is no absolute "truth". Truth seems to be something different for everyone.

 

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I believe it does people a disservice to molly-coddle them and pretend regain isn't all about their personal food choices. If we don't want to regain then we need to take personal responsibility for our choices....and we do control what we choose to eat.

I agree with this. However, I made the experience that not many people on WLS boards seem to want to hear my personal "truth" and personal opinion on this issue, even though I guess I'm one of "the successful ones" with a normal BMI. Too many people seem to think there is only one way to weight loss and weight maintenance - the hard one.

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On 3/4/2019 at 10:07 AM, tracyringo said:

Has anyone been watching this show?  I have been watching it since the beginning and the Andersons are back after 1 year post op.  I am not quite sure what to think of it.  4 family members have had the surgery and have all regained except for 1.  They have another family member about to have the surgery done also.  I just think it is a good warning to people that you can undo things even before getting to goal and that it isn't as easy as you may think. You really have to change your lifestyle. 

Tracy,

I haven’t seen this show yet. I have watched several episodes of My 600lb. Life, though. I tend to want to watch that show when I feel like I’ve been slacking off a little with my routine, and have maybe been eating some things I know I shouldn’t. All of the people on that show that need to lose the weight know they are killing themselves, and they know they want the surgery. But they are so argumentative most of the time, and so quick to be pissed off at the doctor if he tells them he can’t or won’t do the surgery because they aren’t following the pre op plan, it kind of boggles my mind. So I watch, then I get myself back on track, and go on with my day. I don’t think I could bring myself to watch the other show though. I think that would be too much for me.

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2 hours ago, Nana Trish said:

I don’t think I could bring myself to watch the other show though. I think that would be too much for me.

I'm definitely with @Nana Trish, but for both shows. I tend to do better focusing on where I want to go (TT heroes, friends making healthy decisions, happy people) than where I want to avoid (reality shows). Just part of my personality. For me focusing on the positive pushes me up and looking on the negative makes me drift down. Reality shows depress me. 

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