QuietMissB

2.5 Months Post-Op

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I can't believe its only been 2.5 months since I had surgery. Life has flown by, and the pounds have flown out the door!

In February, I was at my highest weight of 340 pounds. When I started this process in April, I was at 316, and in May had bounced back up to 320. Today I weighted in at 232. It has been over a decade since I have been this size. It is completely surreal. And honestly, not so easy.

I spent my first two months dealing with severe dehydration followed by a nasty influenza-like virus, which kept me on IV fluids to the tune of 3 liters 3x weekly for a month. As you can imagine, I felt like utter rubbish. So when I started to feel better and looked in the mirror to see how much of me was gone, honestly it was a mindf**k. I often don't feel like myself anymore. Physically, I feel great. But I don't recognize the person in the mirror. My thick, full hair is gone and replaced with a thin, limp mess of strands. My freakishly large boobs are now hanging sacks of flesh. My rear end is gone, and my glasses don't stay on my face.

To say I wasn't warned would be a lie. But I wasn't warned that it would happen so quickly to such a drastic extent, and I was not warned that it would affect me so much mentally.

Everyone comments on how great and thin I look, and every time that happens, it makes me more angry and more sad. It makes me feel like I am not good enough if I am not thin enough. It makes me feel like my only worth is in my body. And if they could only know how much I am struggling with my body, then they would see that I'm actually not worth much at all. It also makes me sad for how I allowed myself to be treated before, and how others treat fat people in general. But thats a whole other rant.

I guess what it all comes down to is this: It is great to physically feel this good, but I wish my head and emotions would catch up.

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It will be a while before you adjust to seeing you as you in a reflection.  It’s weird,  I don’t connect with old pictures of me be I don’t see the new me either.  I call it stuck in Neverland.  

People make comments for encouragement.  I feel as overweight people we are often ignored.  Sad but true.  

It may take time for the hair to grow back- keep up your protein. Some say biotin helps as well.  Maybe a new hair cut, it will grow back.   Saggy skin may take time to firm up.  My boobs were like tennis balls in a tube sock but there have firmed up.  My thighs still have verticle wrinkles but I wear burmuda shorts in the summer.  They are the only area that really bother me.  

Give it time, I know that’s hard.  

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So glad to hear you're feeling better after that terrible virus! What an ordeal to cope with just post-op :( 

I completely understand your conflicted feelings on your losses so far. It does feel pretty terrible to understand how much everyone else wants us to lose weight - that's not a great realization to make, and it feels very tied up in superficial appearance-related self-worth, but at the same time, it's also a concern for our health and happiness. I try to leave it at that, but it is hard. 

The sagginess will come and go over time. Mine went in waves - over a period of a few weeks, it would swing wildly. Right now, things are still tightening up... I hope!! :D 

You'll feel better and more sorted out in time. So much to look forward to!

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