Beaglelover

Dating with loose skin etc

Recommended Posts

I'm 4 years out and I am divorced. In general I hate dating but my biggest fear is getting naked with a man and having him see my stretch marks, loose skin, and that skin hanging down above my pubic area and he will lose interest. 

I haven't had sex in over two years. I'm afraid of anyone seeing me naked. I try to date but I have a hard time finding anyone I'm attracted to. Or I'm afraid really attractive in shape guys wont  want to be with me. 

Guys ask for nudes online and I just cant bring myself to do that. 

I told myself I was not going to get plastics but this is depressing. I'm regaining weight too. 

I have no idea how I would even pay for it. But it's so depressing to still feel disgusted by my body when I have worked so hard to be healthy and to lose. 

I'm just having a pity party I guess. 

Edited by Beaglelover

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, the good news is, any guy who asks you for a nude picture so he can decide if he wants to take you out has just saved you a lot of time and disappointment - by utterly disqualifying himself as dating material!  THAT is what is disgusting.  Ugh, gross.  Please, don't ever undervalue yourself enough to do that!!!

Edited by Kio

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Kio said:

Well, the good news is, any guy who asks you for a nude picture so he can decide if he wants to take you out has just saved you a lot of time and disappointment - by utterly disqualifying himself as dating material!  THAT is what is disgusting.  Ugh, gross.  Please, don't ever undervalue yourself enough to do that!!!

Right?! I've dated a fair amount post-op (including some pretty hot guys) and I've never had a guy ask for nudes. Because they weren't jerks. I can't even....The other good news is that there are plenty of incredibly attractive men who aren't superficial jerks and will be attracted to you because you're you, excess skin and all. Keep your standards high and the right guy will come along.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't give some random guy those pics no matter what but the thing is I cant imagine even wanting to take them!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Kio said:

Well, the good news is, any guy who asks you for a nude picture so he can decide if he wants to take you out has just saved you a lot of time and disappointment - by utterly disqualifying himself as dating material!  THAT is what is disgusting.  Ugh, gross.  Please, don't ever undervalue yourself enough to do that!!!

What on earth has internet dating managed to normalize? This is not OK - anyone who asks for nudes is really not worth ever contacting again. Some things are just not OK. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ditto on the nude pictures..  When I decided to date ,after 20 years of being divorced, I went on a dating site.  Any guys who said anything the least bit inappropriate got blocked.  I do understand the whole how am I going to get naked thing with this body,  if the right guy comes along,  he will accept you probably more than you accept yourself.  

I am extremely fortunate to have found the right man at 60.  Maybe it would help to start looking at your body differently and focus on how it serves you.  Not just the outside but the inside more so.  Things such as my heart keeps beating each day, my liver filters waste, etc.  I know it would be nice to not have to deal with the hanging skin but I am sure you are healthier now and that is the gift.  Maybe I can appreciate it more as I will be 64 in a few months.  That is not to say that it doesn't bother me sometimes.  It also bothers me that I have lost 3/4 of an inch in height but not much I can do about that.  

If you are ready to date, look for the qualities you want in a man and get to know each other.  The other stuff will come.  Good Luck

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Beaglelover said:

I wouldn't give some random guy those pics no matter what but the thing is I cant imagine even wanting to take them!

Fair enough, but I don't think that nudes would be flattering for the majority of people, whether they had WLS or not. There's a reason boudoir photo shoots are a thing. Lingerie, good lighting and the right angles along with photoshop hide a lot and make things way more flattering. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Kim M said:

 I do understand the whole how am I going to get naked thing with this body,  if the right guy comes along,  he will accept you probably more than you accept yourself.  

This! A thousand times over.

A little anecdote for you: A while back, I dated a guy who is gorgeous. I mean, an incredible body (basically Joe Managniello's body) and just beautiful to look at (also a genuinely kind and a really sweet guy overall). And he's dated some women with (what I consider) essentially perfect bodies. Maxim models, reality tv "stars", etc. And the first time we got naked, he told me that my body was perfect and beautiful.  My formally overweight, been pregnant & breastfed four kids, 39 year old body. He clearly saw something I didn't. (And, sidenote, he's also known for being super honest and not freely giving compliments unless he genuinely means them).

And he doesn't see his (Adonis-like) body as anything special. Basically, we all see flaws in ourselves that other's don't. Especially when we like someone. The right guy will accept you and be attracted to you and love you and probably won't notice the flaws you see. And if he does notice, he won't care.

Edited by athenarose

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sooooo I date. Yes, I’m married but we are polyamorous and we date and have relationships with other people as well. We have since we started dating 13+ years ago. It works for us. It had been years since I had even bothered, but I decided to start an online dating profile on a whim and WHOA do people respond in droves when you’re thin! I actually put on my profile that I didn’t want to talk to anyone who had a “no fatties” policy because I used to be one. Lol

Anyway, I met someone who is a runner and works out religiously and is pretty objectively hot and he is not put off at all by my loose skin. He actually likes it - it’s soft and feels nice. We do talk about fitness, etc and he knows I’m working on building some muscle but he isn’t critical or pushy about it - plus I ask him for advice sometimes since he knows his stuff. My girlfriend is on the heavier side (which of course is not a problem for me) and she likes it, too. My husband has been there through all of the changes and is completely in love with every changing inch. (It’s fun when I go to the gyno and they ask if my partner *fill in the blank* and I say “which one?” Lol!) If you can relax about it, it’s really not a bad thing. Easier said than done, I know, and I’m still working on it myself. But I’m getting there. 

So don’t worry. The right person will appreciate you for who you are. As my boyfriend likes to say, “I love the package you come in.” ❤️

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now