Loosing Lucy

The terror is taking over!

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Today I paid the surgeon and anaesthetist fees which confirms my booking and has just made it all very real..  I am going to have surgery to cut my stomach into 2 and rearrange my intestines,  leading to a lifetime of daily monitoring and never being able to just eat without literally thinking about every single mouthful to ensure I'm  not overeating or under chewing. At least, this is my current perception.

Of course,  there are the many many benefits which will far outweigh all of this and I obviously need to think more carefully about what I put in my mouth,  both being the reasons that I am doing this. 

I still think it's a good thing and I don't really feel like I have a choice if I want to improve my health as I've been yoyo-ing for over 20 years now. 

Initially I was super excited but like I said,  it's now becoming a reality and the terror is taking over! I'm sure this is totally normal and thousands before me have felt and posted the same thoughts but still,  thought I'd put it out there in the hopes that it makes me feel better!!

 

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1 hour ago, Prattlebangs said:

Today I paid the surgeon and anaesthetist fees which confirms my booking and has just made it all very real..  I am going to have surgery to cut my stomach into 2 and rearrange my intestines,  leading to a lifetime of daily monitoring and never being able to just eat without literally thinking about every single mouthful to ensure I'm  not overeating or under chewing. At least, this is my current perception.

Of course,  there are the many many benefits which will far outweigh all of this and I obviously need to think more carefully about what I put in my mouth,  both being the reasons that I am doing this. 

I still think it's a good thing and I don't really feel like I have a choice if I want to improve my health as I've been yoyo-ing for over 20 years now. 

Initially I was super excited but like I said,  it's now becoming a reality and the terror is taking over! I'm sure this is totally normal and thousands before me have felt and posted the same thoughts but still,  thought I'd put it out there in the hopes that it makes me feel better!!

 

@Prattlebangs, I totally understand and remember how you feel. It was 9 short months ago I was in your same boat. I had never had any surgery before, ever, and I had the little person inside me panicking too. This is major surgery and you would be foolhardy if you didn't have part of you raising an alarm. But you have not made this decision lightly, and the good science and statistics are still all there - Here are just some facts I remember:

1) Through dieting 95% of people gain all their weight back

2) Through WLS 70% of people keep their weight off

3) Through WLS people lose an average of 60-70% of their excess weight. (The numbers for people on this site seem to be much higher.)

4) At least in the US there are 200,000 WLS surgeries performed a year. This is a proven method now.

I'm no statistician, and you would want to check these numbers, but this is what I remember. (I'm an engineer so numbers calm me.) 

I remember re-reading about all the people who had the surgery and how they were all so happy with their decision. I'm here to tell you that, even though I'm SUPER conservative with my medical care, and even though I am still a bit sorry that I was in a position to need the surgery, I AM SOOO HAPPY I DID IT. Other than picking out my husband, it was the best decision I have made in my whole life. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. And every day I am thankful that I live in a time that this tool is available and proven. I feel SO much better physically and emotionally and now look forward to the rest of my life!! 

I remember being where you are now. Your fears are normal. It's okay. I even remember thinking that I could change my mind at any time up until they put me under! That way it helped me feel like I was still in control. And you are in control.

We are all here for you now and we will be here for you after you join us on the "loser's bench". It's great over here! :wub::wub::wub:

Write and ask as much as you want. That's what the forum is for! :DThanks for sharing. 

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To some degree or other, what you're feeling is totally normal Prattlebangs but it doesn't happen all at once so you'll have time to take a breath between going from one step to the next.

First things first - make sure you've got everything you need for your stay in hospital and the early days back home.  I was on clear liquids for a week so my list consisted of nothing more than clear broth/bouillon, Crystal Light or similar. 

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I'm with @cinwa. Preparation is important and calming. In addition to broth, I bought some bone broth which I liked. It was easy on the new pouch like regular broth but also had protein. I liked sugar free popsicles too. They even gave me those in the hospital. (I could only eat 1/3 of one, but it felt good on the tongue.) Look at the list that your doc has provided. Keep in mind your portions that you'll want will be smaller than what you would want now. 

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Unlike many others here I had no real concerns, second thoughts etc going into my RNY surgery. As it was deemed a "medically necessary"  revision I just told myself that the decision was made 30+ years earlier when I had my original WLS, so I didn't need to revisit the ifs, buts, and maybes again.... The first surgery though was a very different beast and I went so far as to try to leave the hospital before my surgery took place and had to be talked back down!!!!

While surgery does change you life long, it isn't really the daily drag you seem to be making it out to be. There isn't a "need" to be monitoring everything daily. I made a conscious decision NOT to track food, and haven't tracked even a single day since well before my surgery. For me in the past tracking became obsessive and I didn't want to go there again. Past weightloss attempts meant I knew what foods were good to eat, and what foods not so good. Nowadays I only look up nutritional information for foods I'm not sure of. I knew I had to change my lifestyle to he successful and made that my focus instead. Early out I did weigh portions, but I soon got my eye in to know what things weighed and therefore what portion was right for me. I very occasionally now will check the weight of a portion I've dished up just to keep my eye in. I use protien powder scoops to measure foods where weight is critical, e,g, nuts, home made granola etc. I quickly learned how many scoops equalled 30g, and I still measure things that way. Further down the line when we've lost our excess weight and head into maintenance,  the pressure really does come off. At this point we can relax more knowing we've learned what works for us as individuals, and realising than we can let our lives return to a normality that is more akin to normal people than WLS patients. A regular weigh-in at an interval that suits you, is enough to know if you need to tighten the reigns again, or continue to cruise along trusting you new lifestyle. Nutritional monitoring is minor in the scheme of things. Mine was 3 monthly for 18 months, now it's 6 monthly, further down the track it may wind back to annually if everything stays the same. What I'm saying is we do eventually get to live post-surgery pretty much the same as people who've never had WLS, and many people choose to put the surgery to the back of their thoughts once they feel comfortable in their new and improved lives. It's not the daily chore you think it will be. Remember that for now you're thinking like a multiple times failed dieter....after your surgery when the dieting part is done and you've maintained for awhile, youll be able to think like a "normal" person who can focus on living their life to the fullest without always obsessing about diet.

Good luck getting yourself to surgery....once it's over I hope you'll be left wondering what you were worried about. Word of warning though, it could take a few weeks!

Edited by Aussie Bear
Bloody autocorrect!!!!!!

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Take a deep breath and visualize yourself in a year.  

You will be fine.

yes, I daily think of what I put in my mouth.  I don’t track.  But I don’t worry about chewing any longer.  I do pay close attention as to how full I feel or if something doesn’t feel “right” I stop.  I no longer listen to my head saying “it’s only one more bite”.  I work in nutrition.  I read labels every day.  It’s habit.  I mentally keep track of protein.  And I watch the carbs.

one important thing is to stay on a schedule with your vitamins and supplements.  I take at the same time every day.  

I stocked up on so much broth before surgery I had a year supply.  Keep in mind afterwards you won’t get more than 2 oz down at a time.  Don’t over stock.  And be aware your tastes may change.  

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Thanks so much for the encouragement and understanding everyone. It really helps to be able to express how I'm feeling and get constructive feedback. I tried to talk to my husband who is essentially supportive but doesn't do talking well and tends to think you shouldn't entertain any sort of negative thoughts.

It helps to hear that life isn't as completely controlled by weight/loss/ management after wls as it is before and perhaps less than I thought. 

You're all right,  baby steps and planning,  that always makes me feel more in control as you say and therefore calmer. 

The reminder about the stats and that I have made my decision for a reason is also very helpful, thank you. It's not the stats that help me, although they are comforting, for me it's being well informed and knowing I've considered things from all angles that makes me feel more at ease. 

I'm sure I won't regret it afterwards and am not second guessing my decision now,  just riding the wave of emotions and thoughts that inevitably goes with big decisions.

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@Cindy Lou Who you are right our  % numbers for weight loss are higher in here. For me personally, I feel coming in here everyday for the  past 16 months has a lot to do with it, keeps me focused and through some other members shows me what not to do or where to be careful. So grateful to have this community of support.  When I went in for my year post op I was told they hope for their VSG patients to lose 50% of their excess weight by 18 months !! ? ?  SAY WHAT ?  They don't know the power of Thinner Times lol

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10 minutes ago, tracyringo said:

.........  They don't know the power of Thinner Times lol

Ain't that the truth!

Were it not for this forum and the support of its members, I know that I wouldn't be where I am today.  

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6 minutes ago, cinwa said:

Ain't that the truth!

Were it not for this forum and the support of its members, I know that I wouldn't be where I am today.  

I would have been so lost and had a lot more anxiety then I did had it not been for this community.  

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2 hours ago, tracyringo said:

They don't know the power of Thinner Times lol

An absolute godsend, and an excellent group of motivated, sensible people who provide the kick in the pants to do things the right way when that is needed! 

I'm sitting at 15 pounds under my GW. I take my intake and exercise needs very seriously, but they don't take over my life. They are what give me life. I don't track my food every day (I do sometimes to make sure I'm getting enough protein, calories, fiber, etc). I monitor my food every day, but in a back of my mind kind of way. I exercise like a mad demon because I love it now and feel like it's a celebration of my love for my body and what it can do. I weigh myself most days. I take vitamins at the same time every day. It's not overly burdensome. I am so truly happy with where I am now. It's a place I dared not imagine pre-WLS: I'm thin. I look great. I feel healthy and fit. I can do most anything I set my mind to. I'm not embarrassed to try new things. It's a great place to be. You'll get here - it will take some time and work, but you'll get here.

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