MeadowBlue

Im just starting this journey. A little scared

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Hi everyone. I am just beginning the process of having RNY. My surgeon doesn't like to do gastric sleeve as he feels the studies are providing poor statistics about regain. I am actually not one of those people who has always been heavy. I was thin up till my 20's and probably due to emotional issues I began putting on weight in my 20's, in my 30's I was about 40 pounds overweight and it spiraled from there. I was at my heaviest (250) after my first baby and kept that on till about 6 years ago I got down to 170 through diet and going to the gym 6 days a week. I was sure that took care of it and I'd never go back. How many people say that!? Anyway I am now back up to 252 as of today and feeling pretty hopeless that I could ever do this on my own as my efforts have not been rewarded. I eat fairly healthy, 2 servings of veggies a day, lots of protein, low carbs, dont drink my calories, but I CANT lose weight.

So here I am ready to surrender. I am so scared of this surgery though! I fear the leaks and gross out side effects. Being gassy and having smelly poop for LIFE. I hope those things don't happen to me. But at this point I feel I have literally no choice. I absolutely cannot go on like this. I feel so heavy. I struggle to get in and out of a bath tub. I have achey joints. I hate the way I look in clothes. I want to feel light and free. I want to just feel like a normal person. 

If you read articles on the bypass they scare the hell out of you. You'll have bad health problems, you'll get divorced, you'll be depressed. Im already prone to depression so that scares me. I met my husband at a size 10 so I am hopeful that our dynamic will not change for the worse if I lose weight. But who knows?? I want my life to change in a positive way. I dont want to do this and then lose everything. I am hoping that because I have not been heavy my whole life maybe it wont be a huge shock to be thin, and maybe I could adjust ok? 

edit* forgot to mention I am going through UC Davis which I feel is a huge advantage. I have read about people being referred to Davis from botched surgeries so I am hoping that I'd benefit from the vast experience of my doctor there.

Thank you for reading...any words of wisdom would be appreciated! 

Edited by MeadowBlue

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Hi @MeadowBlue, your thoughts sound a lot like mine felt when I was at the point of making that big decision. It truly did feel like I was surrendering my body to the surgeon - just help me out! I can't do it myself!! I had similar experiences with the gaining and losing over the years, and was so completely frustrated. 

I am SOOOOOO happy with my RNY. The effects you mentioned really aren't things I experience - divorce and lower GI issues are apparently not universal! Things are not totally easy and worry-free, of course, but the hard things are not so bad, and the amazing changes are totally worth it for me. My stomach was not super happy with dinner tonight (leftover Thai food warmed up) because the shrimps were too rubbery after the reheating for my system to deal with. It felt stuck and uncomfortable for a while. I was eventually able to finish my dinner, though. That's kind of worst cast scenario for me now - I eat something that's hard for my stomach to digest, and it gets p*$&%# off. Otherwise, although I eat very healthy and am very selective about what I eat on a day to day basis, I can eat just about anything I like. I look and feel great. Life is so much better for me now. I'm adjusting just fine, although I do have some momentary "I'm still fat" moments, an artifact in my brain of having been overweight for a significant portion of my life. 

Best of luck to you as things get underway. It's such an exciting process. 

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1 hour ago, MeadowBlue said:

.......

So here I am ready to surrender. I am so scared of this surgery though! I fear the leaks and gross out side effects. Being gassy and having smelly poop for LIFE. I hope those things don't happen to me. .....

If you read articles on the bypass they scare the hell out of you. You'll have bad health problems, you'll get divorced, you'll be depressed. ........

.........

Welcome to Thinner Times!

I think that reading about what could happen if you don't lose weight might be more helpful than searching out the negatives of the small percentage of people that have problems after WLS:

Coronary heart disease
Type 2 diabetes
Cancers (endometrial, breast and colon)
Hypertension (high blood pressure)
Dyslipidemia (for example, high total cholesterol or high levels of triplycerides)
Stroke
Liver and Gallbladder disease
Sleep apnea and respiratory problems
Osteoarthritis (a degeneration of cartilage and its underlying bone within a joint)
Gynecological problems (abnormal menses, infertility)
Reproductive disorders (obese women have trouble having children and obese men have reduced sperm counts)
Blood clots in the legs and clots to the lungs
Varicose veins and swollen legs
Respiratory problems, including difficulty breathing with small amounts of exertion and walking
Fat accumulation in the liver and cirrhosis
Some forms of cancer, particularly cancer of the uterus, breast, prostate, colon and gallbladder 

I'm 11 years out - I've rarely been gassy and my poop is no more smelly than it was before WLS but I follow the programme and rarely eat crappy or processed foods and I exercise daily in some shape or form, even if it's just a good walk with the dog.

Having been obese/morbidly obese my entire life, I was at a point where just walking was a struggle and a 35+ years documented history of failed dieting attempts left me with no where else to turn.  WLS gave me a life that I could never have imagined  and if I had to do it all again tomorrow, I'd be there in a heartbeat. 

 

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I’m 6 years out-almost!  Like many, I wish I’d done it sooner.  I had major lealth issues.  I have no side effects.  I can’t eat fried foods (but then they aren’t good for me anyways) and most alcohol makes me ill.  I can do without them for the side effect of being healthy.  I feel great and can do things I couldn’t before.  

Good luck in your journey!

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Welcome! Your story is SO similar to mine. The majority of my weight gain came with pregnancies & that phase of life. To quickly address some of your concerns, while they might happen to some people, that hasn’t personally been my experience. My depression got better, I don’t have any health problems or gross side effects.  I did get divorced, but it had nothing to do with my having WLS, there were some pretty major pre-existing issues. Not really any loose skin or problems of any kind. I kind of won the WLS surgery lottery in that regard. Having bypass was the best decision I ever made.  I finally feel normal, well actually, better than normal. My quality of life has improved immensely in so many ways. All the things you mentioned wanting to improve have for me. It’s not a shock to be thin. It’s weird at times, but it’s fun. Honestly, I mainly feel like surgery has allowed my outside to reflect who I was inside all along, so it’s been awesome for me in that regard.  Also, yay for going through UC Davis. It’s a fantastic hospital (and university). 

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Hi MeadowBlue-

I just had RNY 4 days ago and had so many of the same concerns. While I am just starting the journey after surgery I was really excited to start it and for my surgery day to finally come! The people on this forum have been so wonderful with their posts and the support they show everyone here that it made me that much more excited to begin my weight loss. Good luck  with your journey.

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4 hours ago, MeadowBlue said:

Hi everyone. I am just beginning the process of having RNY. ...

Thank you for reading...any words of wisdom would be appreciated! 

Hi Meadow, time to use the head and not be driven by fears driven by sensationalism. Most people do well after their surgery. For decades now surgeons have revised their techniques, reducing the risks and chances of things like leaks. Yes they happen but now are pretty uncommon, and people get tested for them in the OR when the surgery is being done. The risks of this surgery are less than the risks of having your gallbladder out. The risks of having the surgery are WAY less than the risks to you of death and disability from diabetes, hypertension, strokes, heart disease, cancers and all the other stuff caused by obesity. Having surgery is all about risk REDUCTION. You are taking on a few risks at the time of surgery and in exchange have way lower risks for a bunch of stuff that, on the scales, far outweigh the surgical risks. 

If you have a good marriage to start with, weight loss will improve it. Weight loss surgery absolutely does not harm strong marriages where mutual support and strengthening occurs. Plus you will gain confidence in yourself and enjoy life a lot more. This is about a long-term solution to obesity that extends life, and make it a lot more fun. If, as you re-assert control over your life and health and extend your lifespan, you find that your life partner is threatened or upset by that, then you might in some conditions wish to ditch the partner. It should be noted that most people are more frisky after surgery and this will enhance marital bliss as well. :rolleyes:

Am not sure where you picked up the gassy for life and smelly poops angle... strikes me as some internet Fake News story. Only a little tongue-in-cheek, I suspect all of us posting here to have even their poops smell good ... like flowers, like beautiful flowers ...

Honestly, people become very focused on their food intakes - as they track their weight loss, and make sure they get enough protein in, etc.... and it is my impression that foul farts are not frequent on commonly eaten, high-protein diets. I've read that intestinal gas is produced in the intestine through fermentation of your food by bacteria, and carbohydrates are the main fuel for fermentation. I am trying to eat beans or lentils, perhaps 3-4 times a week, and yes there is more intestinal gas production, but not an undue amount. And my family reassures me that my gas smells like flowers, and they would never tell me a falsehood. So fear not.  

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Hi @MeadowBlue

i too am pretty new to the process (3months in) and am right with you in the feelings dept. I’m scared, excited, anxious, terrified....everyday. I’m nervous that it won’t work for me, I’m terrified I’ll end up not being able to control my bowels, excited that this could be a new start for me, scared that I might be too stupid to eat correctly afterwards, afraid I might have significant pain after surgery, afraid if I do lose weight that I’ll look worse with the extra skin flopping in the wind, anxious this won’t happen in a timely manner (because I might not have a job after feb and therefore no insurance), upset I didn’t do this ages ago....

i think change can be good. If it’s worth doing, then it might not be easy or even pleasant. I’ve been trying to remind myself that I deserve this. I’ll be 53 next week, heavy all my life, but dammit it’s about time I do something for me.

this forum has helped me a lot. It’s by far the most informative one out there and has the most supportive people. Stick around, and take this journey with us, one day at a time.

❤️Jackie 

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I cant thank you guys enough for the reassurance. I am feeling much better now on my decision. The challenge now is to get through the process. I am booking appointments left and right. My doctor is VERY thorough. I know that I will have to take it one day at a time and one appointment at a time but it's so hard when you finally decide to do it and you still have such a long road ahead just to get the surgery!! I am going to try my hardest to be patient. I'm one of those people who I know will kick myself and go "why didnt I do this sooner??" The fact is I wasnt ready. I am definitely ready now. I am so excited at the prospect of being able to be more active, to wear more clothes, to possibly ditch the cpap, to look better for my husband. It's a very long list of positives. I just want to get this show on the road! :)

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On 10/9/2018 at 9:03 AM, MeadowBlue said:

 I am definitely ready now. I am so excited at the prospect of being able to be more active, to wear more clothes, to possibly ditch the cpap, to look better for my husband. It's a very long list of positives. I just want to get this show on the road! :)

Hi Meadow,  I am just starting this process too. Luckily for me I'm in Australia and the process of getting to surgery was literally call the surgeons rooms,  book an appointment and tell him what I wanted and when. 

That said, while excited about my decision I am also feeling a lot of the same concerns you are. Tonight I am particularly concerned about the risk of dying during surgery (I have a 2.5 year old and am terrified about the impact on him if I died) but that is also exactly why I made this decision because I know that the risks related to morbid obesity are so much higher than the risk of surgery. 

Something I've started doing is keeping a bit of a diary and writing down all things that come up in my day related to my weight issues to remind myself why I'm doing this (And to read back on afterwards and remind myself never to do this to myself again!)... things like 'I can barely fit into the chair at the hairdresser and my bum is spilling out the open sides when i sit... plus the drape of the cape is not making me look fatter,  my stomach is right there underneath it!

I also write all the things I don't want to continue doing and all the things that I want to be able to do/feel.

The process of writing it down is a great motivator and reminder of why I'm putting myself through my perceived fears and potential side effects. 

Good luck with the process and I hope you get a surgery date quickly so you can start to enjoy what I'm sure is going to be the best decision we ever made!

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7 hours ago, Prattlebangs said:

That said, while excited about my decision I am also feeling a lot of the same concerns you are. Tonight I am particularly concerned about the risk of dying during surgery (I have a 2.5 year old and am terrified about the impact on him if I died) but that is also exactly why I made this decision because I know that the risks related to morbid obesity are so much higher than the risk of surgery. 

......

I felt the same way when I had surgery for other things, probably 5 surgeries since I became a mom and every time I freaked out and drew up a will! The odds are most definitely in our favor though. You have a far greater chance of dying in a car accident on the way to the hospital than on the table. I am really hopeful now. I am about halfway through the required tests. Its a LOT!!!!

I would be thrilled to get a surgery date by the end of the year but it'll happen when it happens. 

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4 hours ago, MeadowBlue said:

I would be thrilled to get a surgery date by the end of the year but it'll happen when it happens. 

Fingers crossed for you! I'm booked for surgery on December 17th

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