Toughgirl

2 yrs and 1/2 after gastric bypass, why don't I see myself thin like others see me?

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Snapchat-339271356.thumb.jpg.af400cea70ea2988cf7cd9caa1166b1e.jpg1055798637_Capture_2018-06-14-11-40-48.thumb.png.9e60dc99431d15efdec6655eea7d0bbb.pngHello! I had gastric bypass and I have lost 160 pounds. I weigh 160 pounds and my family and husband tell me I am very thin but I have a hard time seeing myself the way they do. Has that happened to anyone else? And what did you do to finally accept that you are ok like that and that there is no need to loose more weight? I am working out 3 times per week and I still don't see the scale moving down.:( I need some advice, I don't like my body when I take off my clothes I see myself fat like I was. Please help me...thank u

Edited by Toughgirl

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If you search on here, you’ll see that many of us struggle with the same issue. I definitely still look down and think my thighs look enormous. I just try to approach it from a logical place. I wear a size two and share clothes with my (thin, normal) 10 year old. Logically, I can’t really be fat if I fit in a size two and share clothes with my daughter. I weigh 127 lbs (as of this morning). Logically, at my height, I can’t really be fat if I weigh 127 lbs. The other thing that helps is that I have very honest friends who promise to tell me if I actually start to get fat again.They also tell me if I get too skinny, so that helps with the feeling like I need to lose weight mental struggle. This probably all sounds ridiculous, but being objective is that only thing that takes some power out of the body dysmorphia. It’s really just mind games that I play with myself because I still feel so fat. Smaller than I was, but definitely still chubby. Not sure if that helps at all, but that’s been my approach. 

Edited by athenarose

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Toughgirl - you've done an amazing job and you look absolutely fantastic!

There's no doubt, if comparing your before~n~after pics, you are slim but when it comes to the opinion of family and close friends, you've got to put your earmuffs on.

My goal was to get into the "normal" BMI range for my height and then take it from there and that's the story I told everyone who decided to pass an opinion about me being too skinny even when I was still in the "obese" range.

As for kick-starting your weight loss, you have to get back to the basics that got you to where you are and stick with protein and vegetables.  I'm 11 years out and I still weigh/measure everything everything with calories.  Fact is, even after all these years I still can't be trusted to guess.  

 

 

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Hola, @Toughgirl - I had my RNY in Monterrey! 

It's awfully difficult to change our perceptions of ourselves, even after the incredible changes we've been through. I'm about a year behind you, and I definitely suffer from seeing Fat Me in the mirror sometimes, or as @athenarose mentioned, sometimes I look down and my thighs look enormous. They aren't. I wear size 4. Mathematically it can't be true that I'm fat. I think looking at myself in pictures helps a lot, as well as thinking about it in sort of a scientific way - my BMI is about 20, I wear S or XS in most clothing, therefore I can't actually be fat, even if parts of me do not look how I want them to. I think some of the battle is realizing that thin does not equal *perfect* - I don't look like a Barbie. But I look thin and healthy. 

The second part of your issue is your desire to lose more. That's a separate but contributing issue to your sense of unease, I think. For your height and weight, it seems reasonable to want to weigh less, although you've undoubtedly gotten rid of most or all of your health issues by this point since you've done such a great job already. Basically, it's probably not a health emergency to lose, but it might make you feel better, more comfortable, etc. Keep in mind that you lose weight in the kitchen, not the gym: it's way more effective to cut calories than to exercise more if you want to lose weight. The greatest part of your calories every day go to basic maintenance of your body, so the exercise is just a small bit to add on top. Cutting back calories just works better - it's easy to cut 500 calories off your day, but exercising 500 calories worth is hard and may make you hungrier! That's not to discourage exercise. You should definitely keep doing that - it's great for basically everything about your health. How do you monitor what you eat? Do you measure/weigh things? Do you limit the types of foods you eat? Whatever you're doing, you may want to change it up and see if you can find something that works better for you. Then, protein first, lots of water, and no junk - back to basics. 

You look great - so much healthier and more comfortable with yourself in your current picture. How are your health outcomes? With such successful losses, I'm sure you are a much, much healthier person! Give yourself some credit for the amazing changes you've already made - you deserve big congratulations! And push yourself a bit if you think that will take you in a direction that's right for you. 

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Thank you for all the advice @Jen581791 ! Yes, it's been a long way and I feel I still need a little more.  I am measuring everything. I just need to work harder and lose about 20 more pounds.  I see my pictures and I like what I see, but when I see myself in the mirror, I dont like what I see :(I  also had my surgery done in Monterrey! Nice talking to you! You look amazing!

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Thank you @cinwa and @athenarose. I really needed someone to listen and give me support. I get at home all the time, but I feel like failed because I feel I need to lose more weight. I will continue measuring and watching my diet to hopefully get to my goal weight. I definitely do not want to get back at how I was, so I am always keeping an eye on what else I can do to achieve my goals.

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It was a good 4 plus years before I didn’t see myself fat all the time.  I also, still think my thighs are fat!  I wear a size 4.  I have panic attacks when our seasons change and I have to bring out clothes I haven’t worn in a while.  I dread it!  I know they just won’t fit!  I haven’t gained weight, but it’s always a dread..  but then low and behold they do fit!  Going on 6 years and I believe it will always be a mind game.  

To get to goal, go back to basics, cut all unnecessary calories, cut the carbs.  Before eating something, ask yourself if you are really hungry.  Maybe try the 5 day pouch test.  

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On ‎9‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 1:42 AM, Toughgirl said:

I don't like my body when I take off my clothes I see myself fat like I was.

This bothered me greatly until I had plastics.  I older than you and would never have looked "good" naked.  It shouldn't have mattered but it did.  It's not right for everyone and it certainly is a lot of money so I'm not suggesting that you "should" go that route.  I'm just sharing that it made a huge difference in my self image and self confidence.

Of course I still have days when the fat girl in my head whispers lies to me but those days get to be fewer and farther between the longer you stay at goal.

Now, if you haven't yet reached what you believe to be your goal, which is simply the weight you feel your best at; keep at it with the basics.  Family doesn't always know what they're talking about (shocker, right??) even though they generally have their heart in the right place.  You can do this, because you're awesome!

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On 9/29/2018 at 11:42 PM, Toughgirl said:

..........( I need some advice, I don't like my body when I take off my clothes I see myself fat like I was. Please help me...thank u

I didn't have my WLS until I was 53 and with a 35+ year documented history of failed yoyoing dieting attempts, I knew that I was going to be left with excess skin that was likely to rival a shar pei.  And I was aware that unless it created issues with rashes etc., the chances of me having anything done about was zero to none.  But I'm a half-full kind of gal and consider myself blessed that my insurance is exceptional and the total cost to me for WLS was $10 - $11 (can't remember exactly) for one night stay in hospital.

I have some extra baggage and I wouldn't want to strut my stuff in a bikini but it's never stopped me from enjoying my healthier and slimmer life - swimming and the like. 

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On 9/30/2018 at 12:16 AM, athenarose said:

If you search on here, you’ll see that many of us struggle with the same issue. I definitely still look down and think my thighs look enormous. I just try to approach it from a logical place. I wear a size two and share clothes with my (thin, normal) 10 year old. Logically, I can’t really be fat if I fit in a size two and share clothes with my daughter. I weigh 127 lbs (as of this morning). Logically, at my height, I can’t really be fat if I weigh 127 lbs. The other thing that helps is that I have very honest friends who promise to tell me if I actually start to get fat again.They also tell me if I get too skinny, so that helps with the feeling like I need to lose weight mental struggle. This probably all sounds ridiculous, but being objective is that only thing that takes some power out of the body dysmorphia. It’s really just mind games that I play with myself because I still feel so fat. Smaller than I was, but definitely still chubby. Not sure if that helps at all, but that’s been my approach. 

oh my gawd. I am looking at your post and I'm thinking size TWO? Your starting weight is a little higher than mine and we're roughly the same height so then it dawned on me that there is a small, but somewhat possible chance that I could be that skinny?? My daughter is 14 and a size 5 or 7 in pants and I actually said to her "well of course I wont ever be as thin as you but maybe we could share some clothes". Like a size 2 is tiny! Now you have me thinking...could that be possible for me to be my daughters size?

 

Also OP...I have no advice as I am pre op but you look great :)

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22 minutes ago, MeadowBlue said:

oh my gawd. I am looking at your post and I'm thinking size TWO? Your starting weight is a little higher than mine and we're roughly the same height so then it dawned on me that there is a small, but somewhat possible chance that I could be that skinny?? My daughter is 14 and a size 5 or 7 in pants and I actually said to her "well of course I wont ever be as thin as you but maybe we could share some clothes". Like a size 2 is tiny! Now you have me thinking...could that be possible for me to be my daughters size?

 

Also OP...I have no advice as I am pre op but you look great :)

A word of caution, don’t compare yourself to your daughter.  I’ve seen someone get smaller than their daughter and the young girl now thinks she’s fat at less than 140 pounds.  

The sky is the limit. 

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5 minutes ago, Cheesehead said:

A word of caution, don’t compare yourself to your daughter.  I’ve seen someone get smaller than their daughter and the young girl now thinks she’s fat at less than 140 pounds.  

The sky is the limit. 

I never saw my daughter's size as anywhere near possible. I figured 150 would be a pipe dream. I havent weighed less than that since I was 21 (Im 51 now). Luckily I have been VERY careful not to pass my body issues on to my daughter. She has a very healthy sense of self esteem. Anyway, I am not really trying to get that thin, I think she said she was 125 or so at 5'6. I cant even fathom being that small myself. I havent been a size 7 pants since 9th grade. 

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10 minutes ago, MeadowBlue said:

I never saw my daughter's size as anywhere near possible. I figured 150 would be a pipe dream. I havent weighed less than that since I was 21 (Im 51 now). Luckily I have been VERY careful not to pass my body issues on to my daughter. She has a very healthy sense of self esteem. Anyway, I am not really trying to get that thin, I think she said she was 125 or so at 5'6. I cant even fathom being that small myself. I havent been a size 7 pants since 9th grade. 

Sounds like me.  I was so focused on getting healthy I didn’t really even think of being smaller.  I bought an xl shirt before surgery thinking it would fit the next winter; nope, I wear mediums, lol!  Now my clothes don’t fit my adult children.  I pass things off to my sons girlfriend..

keep in mind; stay focused, and it is still about what you put in your mouth:). 

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2 hours ago, MeadowBlue said:

oh my gawd. I am looking at your post and I'm thinking size TWO? Your starting weight is a little higher than mine and we're roughly the same height so then it dawned on me that there is a small, but somewhat possible chance that I could be that skinny?? My daughter is 14 and a size 5 or 7 in pants and I actually said to her "well of course I wont ever be as thin as you but maybe we could share some clothes". Like a size 2 is tiny! Now you have me thinking...could that be possible for me to be my daughters size?

 

Also OP...I have no advice as I am pre op but you look great :)

It’s totally possible. I always thought I was big boned, with wide hips....um, not so much. Lol. My ten year old and I already share sweatshirts and she can fit in some of my clothes already  (they’re just more oversized on her) so I’m sure her & her little sister will steal clothes out of my closet when they’re your daughter’s age if they decide I’m fashionable enough. In regard to what @Cheesehead mentioned, I don’t talk about my weight with my girls and never ever talk about feeling fat. We talk about being healthy but never compare sizes, weights, etc. But the sky is definitely the limit in regards to what you may end up looking like after WLS.

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2 hours ago, MeadowBlue said:

I never saw my daughter's size as anywhere near possible. I figured 150 would be a pipe dream. I havent weighed less than that since I was 21 (Im 51 now). Luckily I have been VERY careful not to pass my body issues on to my daughter. She has a very healthy sense of self esteem. Anyway, I am not really trying to get that thin, I think she said she was 125 or so at 5'6. I cant even fathom being that small myself. I havent been a size 7 pants since 9th grade. 

Also, sizing can depend on bone structure. One of my best friends will never be smaller than a size 8 simply because her pelvis width. And she’s thin-ish (5’5”, 140lbs). And, fwiw, I’m currently the same size I was when I was 12 (and had barely started puberty) so it’s definitely a bit surreal. 

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12 hours ago, athenarose said:

I always thought I was big boned, with wide hips....um, not so much. Lol.

Same here. Pear-shaped for sure, but not big boned, and not wide hips. Size 4 for me usually, which seems pretty crazy! I'm about the same size as I was when I was 11 or so, but with about 3 extra inches of height now, so I'm actually thinner. 11 year old me would have been SOOOOOO happy to see me now.

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15 hours ago, athenarose said:

........I always thought I was big boned, with wide hips....um, not so much. Lol. ...........

Ditto and it was something my mother conjured up when I was a baby apparently.  Nothing could have been further from the truth but it wasn't apparent to me because my obesity was documented at the tender age of 6 months.

My shoe size went from a 7 - 8 extra wide down to a 5 1/2 and my wedding ring went from an 8 down to a 4 at my lowest but ended up having it resized to a 4.5.

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