Cheesehead

Confession time...

Recommended Posts

A girl at work asked me yesterday if I had lost weight with wls or the old fashioned way.  She is heavy, but I am not open about my wls.  I said no.  But now I’m feeling guilty.  But I don’t want everyone one to find out (once it’s out, you can’t control who tells whom.).   I like just being “normal”.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You need to do what makes you feel comfortable. I have to admit though, I'd do the opposite. If someone directly asks the question I'm not going to lie about it if I think an honest answer would benefit them. Is it possible it was a call out for help?

Then again I mostly don't give a toss what others might say....have they really nothing better to talk about.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ultimately it’s your call. I just know, for me, it’s important that people who are struggling with their weight know that I did have some help. I remember working so hard and the weight just not staying off. I’d probably think about whether she’s likely to keep her mouth shut and, if so, tell her the truth and swear her to secrecy. But that’s just me. You have to do what you’re most comfortable with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm on the fence with this one. I refuse to tell anyone close to me (save my hubby, my kids and 2 very close and trusted friends)... but if I meet someone I don't know, and the weight loss comes up in conversation, I have no problem talking up the WLS benefits, etc. One of the receptionists at my dentist's office was talking about her upcoming bariatric surgery, and I talked to her for like a half hour about how great and life changing it can be. She is also planning to use my surgeon, and helped further my cause. I have NO problem talking to someone desperate for help, but if that person is my town gossip, that's a whole different story.

No Guilt allowed, @Cheesehead! You are in control of who you tell and why. Don't overthink it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Nana Trish said:

............

No Guilt allowed, @Cheesehead! You are in control of who you tell and why. Don't overthink it. 

Bingo!

One of my favourite quotes from Nikita Gill:   

You owe no one an explanation, a reason, a defence for who you become after you survive. 
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally agree that you have every right to control information about your own body!  Don't feel guilty.  It's not the choice I've made, but it's a choice I understand and respect.

If you do feel like her question was maybe a call out for help, you can always build the white lie out a bit further.  You can tell her you didn't lose it through WLS, but you know several people who went that route and had really great success with it.  But it's not necessary - just something that might help with any regret you might be feeling, without violating your personal sense of privacy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been directly asked as well and have said no. I do feel guilty, too, but I've also heard a few too many tirades about people who "give up" and get WLS. I think we're entitled to guard our privacy, truly, and I hope the guilt doesn't weigh on you too much. <3 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I chose to basically tell everyone, but I can completely understand why someone would choose not to tell anyone. I haven't had the experience of people being jerks about it, but it's because I'm a very assertive person and they know better. People have asked really invasive questions, though, which gets old. :-/ 

I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. It was a very personal question that you aren't obligated to answer, so I think whatever you decided to say is fine. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a tough one, and I don't have any great advice for you :( I the kind of person who is pretty private about this kind of thing, but at the same time, I really don't like actively lying about things, so it's exactly the kind of thing that would be hard for me, too. My knee jerk reaction would be to say NO! And then I'd think about it a lot and wonder if I should tell her. If she's the kind of person you could sit down with over coffee so you could show her it's a big deal to you that it remains private (not just a quick conversation in the hallway or whatever), it might make you feel good to share, or at least might assuage your guilt, which is as good a motivation as any. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If it was someone I thought was wanting help I would probably (actually have) say something like "you know I have tried exactly everything there is to try; if you are interested in learning what finally worked for me I'd love to sit down sometime and tell you more about it".  That lets me know if they are just being nosy...nosy folks usually don't want to schedule a time to have a talk, they just want the dirt right now.  It avoids a lie and it potentially can help someone else.  I was extremely private in the beginning, only very close family and my colleagues were in on it.  As time goes on I find myself a bit more comfortable talking about it, probably because that fear of failure has lessened the longer I am in maintenance. I still avoid telling people I know will make a big deal or be gossipy or negative...don't have time for that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Am telling a much larger percentage of people than I did at the time of surgery. I look dramatically different, and (as alluded to by @msmarymac) it might help someone else to consider it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have told since the very beginning.  I would say that I was on a high protein,  low carb diet and I had surgery.  I am not ashamed of having this done nor do I care who knows about it, especially if it can help someone else.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone.  Wise words of wisdom.  

A close friend (who isn’t so close anymore) alluded to it being the easy way out and I’ve heard it from others.  and I’ve heard the usual-they will gain it all back. I don’t need negative thoughts..nor do I want people judging what I eat.  

I prefer to be “normal” and live in my shell.  I was judged for being heavy I refuse to be judged for this.  I’m not close to this girl, friendly-as I try to be to everyone at work.  I did use my daughter and son in law as examples.  She did mention being sickly if you had surgery.  (I haven’t been sick since surgery), neither has my daughter or son in law. 

Maybe I will question her more, ask if she was interested in wls.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, tracyringo said:

I have told since the very beginning.  I would say that I was on a high protein,  low carb diet and I had surgery.  I am not ashamed of having this done nor do I care who knows about it, especially if it can help someone else.  

Good for you! I like that you have the confidence to do that. I think it's really helpful for people to hear those words from someone who's been so successful (you!). 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/11/2018 at 1:20 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Am telling a much larger percentage of people than I did at the time of surgery. I look dramatically different, and (as alluded to by @msmarymac) it might help someone else to consider it. 

This is exactly how I feel. I know of at least one person who had WLS as a result of asking me how I lost my weight, and it makes me feel good to know that I helped him. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/11/2018 at 7:07 PM, Cheesehead said:

 I did use my daughter and son in law as examples.  She did mention being sickly if you had surgery.  (I haven’t been sick since surgery), neither has my daughter or son in law.

I like that you used your daughter and son in law as examples. Then you can tell her the good things about surgery without her negative reactions hurting you. I totally get not wanting to tell friendly acquaintances or work friends. I haven't told hardly anyone. 

My 24-year-old had some wise words for me on this subject. (As I struggle with it too.) He said that there is nothing to be secretive about in the long run. He said if I want to be super private about it then I either feel some shame or am afraid of failure. He said I shouldn't feel ashamed as this is a great tool that I am taking full advantage of and he's really proud of me. He also said the fear of failure will subside as the months go on. He ended with saying that I didn't need to rush it, but someday I will feel comfortable telling people and that will be when I know that I am healthy in my head about it.  

So now I see the whole thing as a process. I've told a couple close friends now. And I have a very close childhood friend visiting this week whom I haven't see in months. I'll tell her. And someday when I am all healed inside and out, I will be able to talk about it casually if I think it will help someone else. I had the surgery after a friend told me her success with it and I still feel SO grateful to her. 

It's a journey like everything else I guess! And multiple kudos to those who could share right away ( @tracyringo and  @Cardamom77 )! You are more evolved beings than I am! :) 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now