Kio

Struggling a bit

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Or maybe, not struggling enough?

I hate to admit it, but for the past week or two, this move has been kind of tough on me.  I've been finding it a lot harder to say no to certain things than I did before.  I'm posting about it because I guess I'd kind of been cruising along thinking, "man, I got this!" because it seemed pretty easy to stay on plan and lose weight.  I'm 9 months out, I'm practically a veteran now!  Only, uh.... not so much.

It's not JUST the move - it's a combination of things that add up to "My routine has been disrupted and I'm using it as an excuse to eat junk food."  Moving to a new town, a new house... trying to establish new life patterns... living with an additional person (Meg) in the house, dealing with the disruptions of animals integrating into a single househould (Five. Animals.  What the hell were we thinking?!)  There's stuff I have needed that I couldn't find, like my calcium chews!  I've developed this weird visual disturbance in one eye that my doctor thinks is a result of cat scratch disease, so I'm on heavy antibiotics (Cipro) even though this visual thing is literally the only sign of infection I have and the actual test for the CSD bacteria came back negative.  Unpacking is hard.  We keep having people over, and we're still not settled in.  For a while my cat wouldn't come out from under the covers.  The new oven has too many buttons and is hard to figure out.  Plus:  It's summer, and it's almost the 4th of July, and there is so freaking much ice cream in the world... ugh.

Looking at things realistically, it's not as if I have gone into one of my old insane binge modes.  I'm just making choices that are not optimal.  I have had ice cream twice in the past two days - a bariatric-sized portion, but still.  I have had some multigrain tortilla chips that were not accounted for in my structured meals.  I've had a bun with my hot dog (though with the bun, I could only eat half a hot dog.)  I feel, in a way, that I've been eating like I've hit maintenance - but I haven't hit maintenance.  I've hit 185, which is still 45 lbs over my goal weight.

I also think part of the problem - in addition to the overall life disruption - is that I'm pretty happy with myself at 185.  I don't mean I'm done losing weight and ready to maintain - far from it.  But if I never lost another pound, I would feel that I'd been successful at this surgery thing, I would feel like I did a good job and changed my life immensely for the better.  I would feel like I look good - not fantastic, but good enough.  So while I'm not content... I think feeling good about myself right now sort of makes me feel complacent?  Like I don't have to work as hard.

On the other hand, I've done some good things, too.  I've started walking more, in spite of our intense heat wave (here in the US Northeast, we consider 94 a heat wave) and high humidity.  I walk the dog every morning after I drop Leah off at the train, usually about 1.75 miles.  I hit around 9000 steps every day.  And in spite of the life disruptions, I'm getting enough sleep, and I'm really enjoying the new house.  I'm swimming a lot!  The pool is great.  :)  I'm enjoying having a third person in the house - Meg is great, and we're all settling in well together. 

I guess I just need people to tell me to stop resting on the bench and get back into the ballgame.  Tough talk welcome!!

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It is SO easy for bad habits to sneak back into our lives (says the voice of experience!) and it's good that you recognize it.  I'm not much for tough talk unless you're my under performing millennial children (be thankful you're not lol) but I will say that you are about to the end of your honeymoon period and when it is over it becomes much more difficult to lose weight.  The tools still work, but it's not the effortless process that it is during the honeymoon.  So, if you really want to lose more, now is the best time to do it.  If you're happy with where you're at and want to focus on being your healthiest at this size, that's OK too.  You know you best.

Celebrate everything you're doing right...you're not lugging around another entire person anymore which allows you to be active and fit.  You are making smarter food choices than ever before, you're enjoying life.  You are a rock star!   

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2 hours ago, Kio said:

I also think part of the problem - in addition to the overall life disruption - is that I'm pretty happy with myself at 185.  I don't mean I'm done losing weight and ready to maintain - far from it.  But if I never lost another pound, I would feel that I'd been successful at this surgery thing, I would feel like I did a good job and changed my life immensely for the better.  I would feel like I look good - not fantastic, but good enough.  So while I'm not content... I think feeling good about myself right now sort of makes me feel complacent?  Like I don't have to work as hard.

First of all, read again all the positive things you have done during this period! Walking, sleeping right, swimming, eating 1/2, not whole hot dog, etc! Even your struggling time now I bet would have been an incredibly good time a year ago! You are doing great! 

And I can relate to the paragraph quoted above about getting complacent and maybe happy where you are. I had a big goal of 50 pounds loss, and when I hit that, I found myself coasting for a couple weeks, and hard to get re-motivated. It wasn't where I wanted to be in the long run, but I was happy that I had gotten to where I was. My unprofessional opinion/theory is that I maybe needed a little time for my mind to catch up. Kind of like when there is a stall in weight loss but a loss of inches where your body is catching up. I had a stall while my mind accepted where I was, and then geared up to lose some more. After 2 weeks of stalling by making less than optimum choices, and feeling complacent, my motivation returned, I set another goal, and I was off and running again. So don't panic if this is happening to you, as long as it's only a week or two. Maybe, when you're ready, it would be helpful to set a new goal, whether it be through the scale, exercise, clothes size or outfit you want to get into, or something else. I tend to lead myself around with goals, so that helped me. 

Anyway, you're not alone, and you've come to the right place to read and share. TTF helps to focus us! :) Keep updating how this is going for you. 

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3 hours ago, Cindy Lou Who said:

And I can relate to the paragraph quoted above about getting complacent and maybe happy where you are. I had a big goal of 50 pounds loss, and when I hit that, I found myself coasting for a couple weeks, and hard to get re-motivated. It wasn't where I wanted to be in the long run, but I was happy that I had gotten to where I was. 

I came to read the responses bc i am feeling a bit the same.  I feel like i am being lulled into complacency. I am not taking advantage of this first year of i do that though.

you are doing AMAZING, Cindy Lou!  YOU are a TT Rockstar!  We are so simliar (both in our 50s, both 5’4”, both around same start weight and both around the same weight now, however, girlfriend, YOU had your surgery only 4 months ago and i had mine 7 months ago, so YOU are the one killing it!!! :)  

i think after so long of being so big, being this size is fine, but i think i had better get my mind back in the game and start back to losing before this year is up. 

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You are doing great overall, but I’ll throw in some tough talk (with the caveat that I was insanely strict in my active weight loss phase, so feel free to ignore me): I personally think it’s incredibly important to make as much of your honeymoon stage as you can. That means dialing in your diet and, if you choose to, exercising. Now, I’m one who didn’t exercise until I got to goal, but that’s partially because I didn’t want to have the excuse of “I exercised so it’s ok if I eat this treat” (which I shamelessly do all the time now, but I also spend 2-3 hours in the gym each day). There’s that old adage that six packs are made in the kitchen, not the gym and it’s true. You shouldn’t be eating ice cream or chips or hot dogs right now. There’s really no place in your diet for them until you reach goal.  Like you mentioned, maybe your standards/goals for yourself aren’t high enough. So raise them. Think about the fact that every every extra 5 pounds of weight adds something like 25 pounds of pressure on your knees. So every little bit really counts. You can do this. You have come SO incredibly far. Why stop short of the finish line now? How lame would it be to run a marathon and quit after 20 miles? Just buckle down and push through. You can do this. (This is all said with love, by the way. I hope this isn’t too mean and I don’t sound completely awful!)

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11 hours ago, Kio said:

I guess I just need people to tell me to stop resting on the bench and get back into the ballgame.  Tough talk welcome!!

OK - you have done really really great so far, but why get this far and not reach your goal weight?  You can do it!!  Just buckle down, and lose the last few pounds.  No food is worth not reaching your goal weight. 

I failed at almost every diet before my gastric bypass.  When I had the surgery, my mantra was (and remains) "failure is not an option" (from the movie Apollo 13 by the way).  This is my chance to succeed and I refuse to fail.

So get back into the ballgame and we are here to support you!! :)

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3 hours ago, athenarose said:

You are doing great overall, but I’ll throw in some tough talk (with the caveat that I was insanely strict in my active weight loss phase, so feel free to ignore me): I personally think it’s incredibly important to make as much of your honeymoon stage as you can. That means dialing in your diet and, if you choose to, exercising. Now, I’m one who didn’t exercise until I got to goal, but that’s partially because I didn’t want to have the excuse of “I exercised so it’s ok if I eat this treat” (which I shamelessly do all the time now, but I also spend 2-3 hours in the gym each day). There’s that old adage that six packs are made in the kitchen, not the gym and it’s true. You shouldn’t be eating ice cream or chips or hot dogs right now. There’s really no place in your diet for them until you reach goal.  Like you mentioned, maybe your standards/goals for yourself aren’t high enough. So raise them. Think about the fact that every every extra 5 pounds of weight adds something like 25 pounds of pressure on your knees. So every little bit really counts. You can do this. You have come SO incredibly far. Why stop short of the finish line now? How lame would it be to run a marathon and quit after 20 miles? Just buckle down and push through. You can do this. (This is all said with love, by the way. I hope this isn’t too mean and I don’t sound completely awful!)

Good words for me to read too. I'm inspired by your speech, thanks!  I think Thursday I'm going to do liquids again to get back on track and refocus. I think my Drs enthusiasm got to me and I felt like I was done (tho I was saying I wasn't) I was getting ready to just rest ok my laurels!  Thanks Rachael! (That's your name, right?). I apologize if I'm missing you up with someone else.

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Just now, CheeringCJ said:

Good words for me to read too. I'm inspired by your speech, thanks!  I think Thursday I'm going to do liquids again to get back on track and refocus. I think my Drs enthusiasm got to me and I felt like I was done (tho I was saying I wasn't) I was getting ready to just rest ok my laurels!  Thanks Rachael! (That's your name, right?). I apologize if I'm missing you up with someone else.

You got my name right. :) And I’m glad you’re inspired. I was afraid I was a little too harsh. You can totally do this. We’re all here cheering you on.

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@Kio First off, I want to focus on all the positive things you have said. Walking 9000 steps, losing a poop ton of weight, and eating small portions. You are kicking butt in such a short amount of time. 

I’m echoing @athenarose. You’ve come this far, why not work towards your goal? Take advantage of your honeymoon and get to your goal. You know it’s for the good of your health and the reason why you had GB. 

I won’t be a hypocrite and say that I haven’t slipped since reaching goal. You are under an enormous amount of pressure and it’s easy to slip into bad habits. You have the tools to keep losing. Do it for your long term health. Future you will be thankful. 

Stay cool. I went for a walk today and almost died. The humidity is killer. So gross. 

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Hi Kio, it sounds like you're having a pretty normal reaction to life being turned upside down a bit. I think it's really great that you've both realized you're having some trouble, and also that you've reached out to the community for some support. Those are both signs that you're actually doing pretty well mentally and emotionally. 

My thoughts fall a little bit on both sides of this wave of support. You're doing really well! You've had so many great victories, of the NSV kind and also of the SV kind. You've changed your life in an almost immeasurable way. You should feel extremely successful.

At the same time, you're in your honeymoon period. There's time for the occasional hotdog or ice cream later. Or, if you're having a hotdog, don't have the bun. If you're having ice cream, make sure it's Halo Top so it fits in your plan. 

I'm definitely still learning to balance my needs and my wants, but doing it after I've reached my GW makes it mentally easier for me to accept that some ups and downs may be in my future as I fine tune my understanding of what I should or shouldn't eat. I really like @Res Ipsa's mantra that failure is not an option - but you need to figure out what failure and success look like for you. 

Just as an aside, when thinking about an extra 45 pounds, here's what I learned this week. At the gym, I was deadlifting that much (gotta build that booty back up), and since there was no one in the gym but me, I decided to take a walk around with that 45 pound bar of weights. It was hard. My feet could feel it, my knees could feel it, my hips could feel it. That amount of weight would put me at about 177, or 26.7 BMI, so not very overweight - I was feeling pretty good when I was that weight last fall. But I know that with my personal and family history of knee and hip problems, I should probably be as light as possible to avoid joint pain and damage. It was amazing how much difference that amount of weight made to my ability to walk around the gym. 

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Kio, I'm so glad you posted that. Like you and CJ, I've had a bit of a lull. My nutritionist way upped my cals and carbs and I found myself frequently saying yes to things I wouldn't have before, and finding it hard to get back in that mindset where eating the right things was kind of effortless. That all said, you have a lot going on right now, and it wouldve been easy for your eating to fly under the radar - but you sat up, took notice, and took ownership. That sounds like major progress to me! Don't beat yourself up too much. You've got this - and I hope your home life settles soon!

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You guys are all so awesome - I just want to say that.  This place is incredible, you people are incredible.  I so appreciate both the support for the good things I've achieved AND the tough words for the ways I've fallen down. 

Today is the 4th of July and it's going to be brutally hot; plus, we have a ton of people coming over, and what do people do on the 4th of July?  They EAT!  But partly because of everything you guys have said to me here, I've already made a great start to the day.  I had some cottage cheese and a coffee with Fairlife for breakfast, and the rest of my day is going to be water and crystal light until dinner time.  For dinner, I'll have a burger "bowl" (with no bun!) and some salad - and another Fairlife coffee later in the evening, because it's my new favorite thing.  If I get the munchies between now and dinner time, I have a protein bar waiting for me in the cupboard.

All of you are right - my honeymoon period is on its last legs.  I can see that in the numbers in my sig ... the losses each month are slooooowly getting smaller.  I really do want to lose these last 45 lbs and see what it's like to be at goal!  You've really given me a great perspective on where I am and where I want to be.  Failure is NOT an option!  (I LOVE that movie.  :D )

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42 minutes ago, Kio said:

You guys are all so awesome - I just want to say that.  This place is incredible, you people are incredible.  I so appreciate both the support for the good things I've achieved AND the tough words for the ways I've fallen down. 

Today is the 4th of July and it's going to be brutally hot; plus, we have a ton of people coming over, and what do people do on the 4th of July?  They EAT!  But partly because of everything you guys have said to me here, I've already made a great start to the day.  I had some cottage cheese and a coffee with Fairlife for breakfast, and the rest of my day is going to be water and crystal light until dinner time.  For dinner, I'll have a burger "bowl" (with no bun!) and some salad - and another Fairlife coffee later in the evening, because it's my new favorite thing.  If I get the munchies between now and dinner time, I have a protein bar waiting for me in the cupboard.

All of you are right - my honeymoon period is on its last legs.  I can see that in the numbers in my sig ... the losses each month are slooooowly getting smaller.  I really do want to lose these last 45 lbs and see what it's like to be at goal!  You've really given me a great perspective on where I am and where I want to be.  Failure is NOT an option!  (I LOVE that movie.  :D )

Kio, sounds like an awesome plan. (Those who fail to plan, actually plan to fail).  Good for you!!!!  

I too, am encouraged to finish this year strong!  I made crack slaw last night and actually measure it out in a half cup measuring cup and packed them up for dinner (I think I've been eating more for dinners bc I stopped measuring them). 

Have a great party and a great day!!!  And let's continue on being the LOSERS that we are!!!

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@Kio, looks like you're on the right path. Great plan. Good for you!! RUN, don't walk to that GW! You're doing great! 

@CheeringCJ, thanks for your kind words. We are very similar by the numbers, aren't we! I even have blonde hair too! Haha! Thanks so much for the encouragement. It really helped me on a stressful day. 

HAPPY 4TH EVERYONE! I THANK GOD AND COUNTRY FOR OUR FREEDOMS! And this year I'm especially grateful for my freedom from obesity and my ongoing path to freedom from compulsive eating! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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On 7/4/2018 at 12:09 PM, CheeringCJ said:

Kio, sounds like an awesome plan. (Those who fail to plan, actually plan to fail).  Good for you!!!!  

I too, am encouraged to finish this year strong!  I made crack slaw last night and actually measure it out in a half cup measuring cup and packed them up for dinner (I think I've been eating more for dinners bc I stopped measuring them). 

Have a great party and a great day!!!  And let's continue on being the LOSERS that we are!!!

What is crack slaw!?  I feel like I've heard you mention it but can't remember seeing the recipe (hint, hint!)

I'm still over here doing my thing... I've had a couple of temptations, but each time I've said no.  No to ice cream, on multiple occasions!  I'm landing at about 1000 calories a day the past couple of days, and it feels about where I should be?  I sometimes want more food than that, but it seems to be mostly my head, not my body, that's asking for it.  Last night I made scallops for dinner for the first time, and that's definitely going to become a regular event - the protein and calories are right on target, add a little butter and they're pretty keto!

I haven't seen any activity on the scale, though, and my biggest struggle right now is against stressing over that.  I'm up a few pounds from this month's low - bouncing between 187-188 - and I'm just trying to convince myself it's water and not the end of my weight loss / beginning of uncontrollable regain.  My brain is definitely not on my side right now.  I know stress impedes weight loss... so then I stress about stressing!!  I've got a vacation coming up second week of August, and I was really hoping to be in the 170's by then... and I stress about that, and then stress about stressing... I'm pretty sure I should just stop weighing for a bit until I get through this, but then I stress that not knowing will stress me out.  Maybe I need some of my cat's Prozac!!! :D 

So, to keep myself motivated and on track, I joined a gym (finally) and went for the first time yesterday - I haven't been inside a gym in 20 years, so I had no idea what I was doing! It's Planet Fitness, which is close and what I can afford.  I've read some pretty negative reviews about PF, but my experience yesterday was really good.  You can meet with a trainer for free as often as you want, there are LOTS of free classes with the trainer that are either 1-1 or at most 1-5, and the place was very clean and had a very good "vibe" for lack of a better word. I met with the trainer to do a "design your own program" thing, and talked about my goals with her, then she walked me through the machines I should use and how to use them.  I did one set of everything, but will be doing three sets on the machines when I work out for real.  Upper body one day, lower body the next, then a rest day.  And somewhere in there some core stuff - I'm not sure how often I'll be doing that, have to ask.  Every time we went to a new machine, I kept thinking, this will be the machine I won't be able to do.  But I could do all of it!  I did feel some back twinges this morning, so I'll be pretty careful in that area going forward.

Sorry for the ramble... talking this stuff through seems to help me get my head in the game first thing in the morning.  You guys may be in for a LOT of long early morning rambles from me until I get through this!

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3 hours ago, Kio said:

... I've had a couple of temptations, but each time I've said no.  No to ice cream, on multiple occasions!  I'm landing at about 1000 calories a day the past couple of days ...

So, to keep myself motivated and on track, I joined a gym (finally) and went for the first time yesterday - ...

Kio thanks for posting your struggles, I for one am dealing with similar issues ... content that the majority of my health issues have been addressed, which was the primary reason for my WLS; discontent that I am not far from what I identified as my goal back in March of 2017, yet not there; now clearer that my work/home/life balance was out of kilter but not quite clear how to resolve things so I can make my own health my #1 priority yet keep up my (demanding) job ...

email me when you want to go on a bike ride! 

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On 7/7/2018 at 9:53 AM, Kio said:

What is crack slaw!?  I feel like I've heard you mention it but can't remember seeing the recipe (hint, hint!)

I'm still over here doing my thing... I've had a couple of temptations, but each time I've said no.  No to ice cream, on multiple occasions!  I'm landing at about 1000 calories a day the past couple of days, and it feels about where I should be?  I sometimes want more food than that, but it seems to be mostly my head, not my body, that's asking for it.  Last night I made scallops for dinner for the first time, and that's definitely going to become a regular event - the protein and calories are right on target, add a little butter and they're pretty keto!

I haven't seen any activity on the scale, though, and my biggest struggle right now is against stressing over that.  I'm up a few pounds from this month's low - bouncing between 187-188 - and I'm just trying to convince myself it's water and not the end of my weight loss / beginning of uncontrollable regain.  My brain is definitely not on my side right now.  I know stress impedes weight loss... so then I stress about stressing!!  I've got a vacation coming up second week of August, and I was really hoping to be in the 170's by then... and I stress about that, and then stress about stressing... I'm pretty sure I should just stop weighing for a bit until I get through this, but then I stress that not knowing will stress me out.  Maybe I need some of my cat's Prozac!!! :D 

So, to keep myself motivated and on track, I joined a gym (finally) and went for the first time yesterday - I haven't been inside a gym in 20 years, so I had no idea what I was doing! It's Planet Fitness, which is close and what I can afford.  I've read some pretty negative reviews about PF, but my experience yesterday was really good.  You can meet with a trainer for free as often as you want, there are LOTS of free classes with the trainer that are either 1-1 or at most 1-5, and the place was very clean and had a very good "vibe" for lack of a better word. I met with the trainer to do a "design your own program" thing, and talked about my goals with her, then she walked me through the machines I should use and how to use them.  I did one set of everything, but will be doing three sets on the machines when I work out for real.  Upper body one day, lower body the next, then a rest day.  And somewhere in there some core stuff - I'm not sure how often I'll be doing that, have to ask.  Every time we went to a new machine, I kept thinking, this will be the machine I won't be able to do.  But I could do all of it!  I did feel some back twinges this morning, so I'll be pretty careful in that area going forward.

Sorry for the ramble... talking this stuff through seems to help me get my head in the game first thing in the morning.  You guys may be in for a LOT of long early morning rambles from me until I get through this!

Kio, the crack slaw is pretty easy to make and. Super delicious ..  i know there are recipes on line but i make it myself w/o one.   I cook and drain (rinse) 1# of mild sausage, then dump in one bag of coleslaw mix (shredded cabbage and carrots available in the produce section) and cook it a little longer (you’ll need a big pan but it shrinks down) and in the end, add a tablespoon or two of sesame oil and then I sprinkle it w/ sesame seeds and cut up green onions (scallions) on top.  It is like an egg roll w/o the roll (or any egg...which I imagine egg rolls have to have to get that name!) 

My mind hasn’t been my friend lately but I am fighting back and your post if what motivated me.  I have stopped having bites of carbs (bites have never been my friend!) but i wanted to have just a bite of potato salad and just a bite of a French fry etc.  and I have stopped that this week.  I finally dropped back down today to 166.0.  (I had gone back up to 168-169!). Whew!  I know I just need to have the same diligence I had at the beginning and also to quit the “just a bite lie”!!!  

Good for you about the gym.  I am thinking about joining our PF too.  It just isn’t conveniently located.  Ppl that don’t live in places like we live won’t understand but mine is like 4 miles away....and not on my way to anything.  In NJ (where we are super crowded, we are also super populated w/ stores and everything is close by) so that just seems out of my way to make it convenient.  I know that sounds ridiculous. It seems ridiculous to type...so i know it sounds it to read!  There is a gym on my way home from the train station which is only 1.5 miles from me if that, but they are more than 3 times more a month and it just makes more sense to pay $10/month at PF than pay $37 at the other gym. Silly i know, that I am debating it so much.  I wish you lived nearby bc i would love to workout w/ you!

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This post also gave me the kick in the pants that I needed.  Thanks @Kio <3  It's been too easy for me to get complacent since I got to goal.  I got up a couple of pounds (153#) and I was so mad at myself.  Of course the hubby was all "you are still under goal...you are still under goal".  It was more the fear of how easy it was to put on that 2 extra pounds.  WAY TOO easy.  So I'm being more careful with carbs again, and I dropped right back down to 151.  The scale mind games are real though.  I find myself much more paranoid now than I was during active weight loss at watching the scale.  I think that is due to all the things I have read recently about the honeymoon period being over since I am one-year post surgery.  I know the restriction is still there and my sleeve is working well, but the mind games are difficult. :/

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