CheeringCJ

"I want to say something to you but I am afraid it will hurt your feelings...."

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so we were out today at a flea mart we go to often.  It was hot and I wore jeans (still don't have any smaller shorts) but I put a lose tank top on.  (and I have to say it was the first time my shoulders were showing since the surgery and they looked great...too bad they had saggy arms underneath of them...haha!).  But anyway, half way through my super sweet husband puts his arm around me (very easily now, I must say) and he leans in to say something but then just hesitates.  Then he tries again and stops.  Then I could tell he mustered up the strength to say it after obviously debating it through in his mind.  "I want to say something to you but I am afraid it will hurt your feelings -- but really I mean it as a compliment".  I am curious now, so I say "tell me" and again he hesitates.  I push further and he finally says "I have to admit I am having a hard time finding you here." (we have this "rule"...we walk together but if one stays to look at something, the other can walk forward but we never leave that row until we meet back up again.).  He admitted that when he keeps looking for me from the back, he doesn't even recognize me!  NOT OFFENDED AT ALL....much flattered! ;)

In fact, I AM me and half the time I don't recognize MYSELF!!!  Isn't that amazing?!?!?  I find this whole experience so amazing and I know you can relate....isn't it just incredible?!?!?

We bought our daughter a new full length mirror for her room and I was looking in it and thought "oh I love this mirror, it is a very slenderizing one!" so I wanted to get one for our room since I don't have a full length mirror.  Then in the same outfit, I went into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself walking by the mirror and turned and looked and in amazement I thought to myself "maybe it is just ME"....I looked the same way in my regular bathroom mirror....I AM "slenderized"...it isn't the mirror, it's me!  I find the whole thing mind-blowing.  I am NOT a fat girl anymore.  I am not quite sure how to process this all, but I am liking it! 

I knew I would lose weight when I had the surgery but I didn't know how much my life would change....this paradigm shift is quite interesting to me.  I have been reading the responses to @Michael_A 's post about how it deeply the mindset of the plane tray table fear was and the emotional/mental changes that our brains are trying to cope with.  And all I can think of is how our surgeries have changed so much more than our stomachs, bodies and clothes sizes.  This is truly changing our brains and it is taking a bit to get used to it, but I think I am going to like being used to being "normal" and not the biggest (or nearly biggest) person in the room!  I think it is amazing that my husband never looked down on me for being the fat girl up ahead (and I love that he has always loved me when I hated my own flesh!) and that he has to adjust to recognizing the average size girl up ahead as his wife, is pretty stinkin' awesome!!!  

Who else is just as amazed as me????  Share some of your moments where you realized "life is going to be a WHOLE lot different for me from here on out"

Edited by CheeringCJ

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I still surprise myself everyday when I look in a mirror. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the look. I still don't see the supposedly "skinny" person others tell me I am. Whenever I'm ironing I still can't believe the clothes I'm ironing actually fit on my body. I was out and about yesterday and an older women (i do know her) was slowly looking me up and down. I was wearing skinny leg jeans and long boots which tend to make me look even smaller. She commented that she loved to look at me now. I laughingly commented that I don't swing that way....neither does she....and she commented that she was so proud of me and how hard I'd worked to achieve the results I have. It was a strange feeling, as we're not very close, but it did actually make me feel really okay about myself for the first time in a long time. Family can comment all the time, but it just doesn't have the same impact as other people who are acquaintances with no vested interest in commenting. You kind of expect it from family and close friends, whereas other don't need to comment, and in my experience, usually don't.

Edited by Aussie Bear

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I’m so happy that you’re recognizing that you’re getting smaller and that you’re “normal” now. I still struggle with feeling fat (I’m pretty unhappy at my current weight and feel chubby, but everyone around me swears that I look better at this weight than the ~10 pounds smaller I prefer), but it is definitely nice being “normal”  (thankfully my brain has caught up with my body at least in that regard). It’s definitely amazing when you stop and think about it. I will say, my “life is different” moments come when strangers comment on how fit I am (which always surprises me because I feel horribly out of shape right now) and when I’m buying a bunch of ice cream or food (I have 4 kids who can *eat* and don’t struggle with weight issues at all) and I don’t feel the least bit self conscious or judged about the high calorie stuff in my cart. This whole thing is honestly a trip. It’s odd how much your brain and reality can differ. And it’s interesting how differently people treat and perceive you when you’re thin, for better and worse.  There’s still preconceived notions, they’re just different preconceived notions than the ones we dealt with when we were heavy.

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9 hours ago, Aussie Bear said:

I still surprise myself everyday when I look in a mirror. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the look. I still don't see the supposedly "skinny" person others tell me I am. Whenever I'm ironing I still can't believe the clothes I'm ironing actually fit on my body.

With you on this. I'm not at goal yet, but still, the changes are plain to see. I am still trying to get used to what I see in the mirror (and coming to terms with the sagging as well). 

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Oh ho ho! Put me in the “I’m surprised by meeee” category. I’ve had moments where I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and honestly believe that I’m looking at another person. 

Your husband’s words are heartwarming @CheeringCJ. He sounds like a little lovely guy. 

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What a great post! Your husband is a sweet guy :-)

The moment that comes to mind like that for me is being on my first flight post op. I regularly have to travel for work and had always dreaded being squeezed into the airplane seats. The seatbelt never fit comfortably and in some cases, not at all. Being able to sit comfortably and have slack on the seatbelt blew my mind. I remember taking a picture of it and thinking that this small thing was going to make a huge difference.

Keep these stories coming, I love them!

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You've got a great guy there.

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What a keeper! Such a thoughtful guy, I can see why you fell for him ;) . I do notice as I am shrinking when I look in the mirror, but I still feel HUGE in my head. I can't help but notice everyone around me who struggle with their weight. My eyeballs can't help but 'judge' their grocery carts - just wanting to reach out and help them make better choices before they end up where I was. And I hate that I think that, because I'm sure many people have thought the same about me at one point or another. But I would be lying if I said it didn't make me feel better when I look in my own cart now, knowing I am making better choices for my health and wellbeing. Ergh, what a vicious circle :unsure:

Edited by Ladybugzzz86

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@Ladybugzzz86 I have lost almost 90 lbs (depends on the day and poo schedule) and I’ve recently started to think of myself as huge again. It’s a crazy head trip and if I didn’t have all of you to lean on, I’d swear I’d be losing my mind. 

My brain is also noticing those around me and I want to help everyone I see. A word of caution about judging grocery carts. If you would have seen my pre WLS grocery cart, you would have seen a buggy piled high with organic “this” and artisanal “that”. My constant internal reminder is just because it is organic, doesn’t mean it’s remotely good for you. :D

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4 hours ago, NerdyToothpick said:

@Ladybugzzz86 I have lost almost 90 lbs (depends on the day and poo schedule) and I’ve recently started to think of myself as huge again. It’s a crazy head trip and if I didn’t have all of you to lean on, I’d swear I’d be losing my mind. 

My brain is also noticing those around me and I want to help everyone I see. A word of caution about judging grocery carts. If you would have seen my pre WLS grocery cart, you would have seen a buggy piled high with organic “this” and artisanal “that”. My constant internal reminder is just because it is organic, doesn’t mean it’s remotely good for you. :D

Very true, my sister shops the way you used to, and has been having a lot of trouble loosing the weight. She loves the organic and gluten free sections, and feels like she is making better choices. I would agree that they can be better, but I find mostly those sections are misleading on their labeling. Now I find just reading the ingredients list, and looking at the nutritional labels are the best determinants on buying food. P.S. have you noticed much of a change in your grocery bill since surgery? Those foods tend to be a bit more expensive in my area, at least double what you would normally pay. 

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WOW!! Congratulations! Think on that in times when you need it. Love that story! Thanks for sharing it!

I had the opposite last year. My husband and I were at an Astros baseball game and got separated. At one point he found me and helped me carry all the drinks and gear I was carrying. A few days later he told me that he saw a lady from behind who was carrying alot of stuff and was struggling. He went up to her to offer to help, and then.... saw... it... was... me. He didn't recognize me from behind..... because I was larger than he envisioned me. He told me the story kindly, and I was glad he was honest with me. But, ouchie, that hurt! Luckily I was already considering surgery, so I felt like I already had the solution. 

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