Smashlee83

Not my circus, not my monkeys

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This is the mantra that I tell myself over and over when I'm tempted to stick my nose in too far into someone else's like and/or decisions.

A colleague on my floor has come over to chat off and on for the last year. A few months ago he asked me about my weight loss and told me he was thinking of also having the surgery. I cheered him on and when the day came for him to return to work I checked on him. He was miserable, in pain and starving. He is about 3 weeks out and chats with me regularly. He complains of stomach pain from steak he had last night. I asked if he's on solids, he said he gets cleared for soft food this coming weekend. He has bragged about having pizza, blending spaghetti etc etc. This morning I got snappy with him. I'm making a Jimmy Dean Scramble cup (22G protein and 2 carbs!) and he tells me the Jimmy Dean sausage croissants have 10G of protein in them. I literally said "I can't with you. I want my weight loss to be permanent" Why go through all of that pain and work and money, to just screw it off? Why???????? Ok end rant.

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Oof that's tough. My stomach hurts just thinking about eating steak, I can't imagine trying it before you're even cleared for soft foods!

It's an unfortunate fact of life that a lot of people simply dont understand what the tool is for. They'll experience loss for awhile, and then surely gain it all back and continue to complain that it just "didnt work" for them. There's someone in my programs support group who posted recently saying her tool "failed her" after she made herself ill forcing in a footlong subway sandwich. 

You lead the horse to water, but its on him to drink! Sorry its something you have to deal with at work though!

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That has got to be very frustrating :(  I understand getting snappy - you want him to succeed, and he seems to be sabotaging himself right off the bat :(  

Thanks for the tip on JD scramble cup!  I'll check that out sounds delicious!

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28 minutes ago, TammyP said:

That has got to be very frustrating :(  I understand getting snappy - you want him to succeed, and he seems to be sabotaging himself right off the bat :(  

Thanks for the tip on JD scramble cup!  I'll check that out sounds delicious!

I am trying them out this week as a way of switching up my 10 month routine of yogurt. They are tasty and easy, but to be honest I will make them myself next week. I can do the same thing on my own by portioning out ground sausage and cheese and then pouring in egg beaters. This way I can make them with turkey sausage and egg whites and mix in a little salsa :)

Edited by Smashlee83

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I am caretaker of my elderly mom and constantly on the look out for things that are easy to heat up for her. One word of caution on the JD cups is that the sodium content is outrageous IMHO If you are concerned about salt at all it may not be a good choice.

Sorry that you are dealing with this in a coworker, smashlee.

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I can't even...also!  I am in this for the long haul, I can't be bothered with ppl who are pushing the envelope and trying to cheat the system...and if he is doing that THIS early out, it can't be good!  ugh!  use him as a reminder of what not to do!!! 

Edited by CheeringCJ

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3 hours ago, Smashlee83 said:

This is the mantra that I tell myself over and over when I'm tempted to stick my nose in too far into someone else's like and/or decisions.

A colleague on my floor has come over to chat off and on for the last year. A few months ago he asked me about my weight loss and told me he was thinking of also having the surgery. I cheered him on and when the day came for him to return to work I checked on him. He was miserable, in pain and starving. He is about 3 weeks out and chats with me regularly. He complains of stomach pain from steak he had last night. I asked if he's on solids, he said he gets cleared for soft food this coming weekend. He has bragged about having pizza, blending spaghetti etc etc. This morning I got snappy with him. I'm making a Jimmy Dean Scramble cup (22G protein and 2 carbs!) and he tells me the Jimmy Dean sausage croissants have 10G of protein in them. I literally said "I can't with you. I want my weight loss to be permanent" Why go through all of that pain and work and money, to just screw it off? Why???????? Ok end rant.

Wow just wow. I guess this is why they made everyone in the program where I am, go through all that counseling ect ect. I was on full liquids the first 2 weeks post op and soft food week 3 and 4 I cant imagine steak at 2-3 weeks !!!

@delilashow in the world could she eat a footlong that is crazy is she trying to kill herself?

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That IS frustrating. It will be even more frustrating if he loses like crazy in spite of it (which I have seen men be able to do!). Sorry that's in your face every day.

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Oh how awful! I can't help but think he needs to see someone about his relationship with food. But I'm a social worker, so I think everyone needs therapy. Haha! That must also be difficult for you, to see someone who is not taking good care of themselves and knowing that your words would likely fall on unwilling ears. :(

@tracyringo, my program was very strict about everyone going through classes before surgery. I think that helps so much. My insurance didn't require a therapist/psychologist to sign off on it, but I still started seeing a therapist shortly after surgery - in part to deal with my relationship with food. I think people forget to do that self-care. 

This guy must really be struggling. I just wish he wasn't putting that on you, @Smashlee83 :(
 

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4 hours ago, Smashlee83 said:

Why go through all of that pain and work and money, to just screw it off? Why???????? Ok end rant.

His food addiction sounds stronger than his desire to get healthy. I feel bad for him. And as you said, it isn't your problem. A friend of mine had WLS after she saw me get to goal. She followed her plan for the first couple of months and then she was asking me if it was okay to eat a sleeve of Thin Mints over the course of a day. Or to have a kids sized sundae for dinner. In both cases I told her something along the lines of - you can do whatever you want but you aren't going to get to goal like that. She lost about 60 pounds and has since gained almost all of it back. I feel bad for her, but it isn't my problem to solve.

By bragging to you , I assume he is looking for your approval. I'm glad you are staying out of it. He has a long road ahead of him.

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Thank you for the perspective @Stephtay & @Cardamom77. I need to remember that just because I'm working out my stuff, doesn't mean he is.

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And neither should you let him put a shadow on your WLS journey Smashlee. 

You're doing an amazing job with your WLS and I hope that your workmate finds the right path before it's too late.

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1 hour ago, Smashlee83 said:

Thank you for the perspective @Stephtay & @Cardamom77. I need to remember that just because I'm working out my stuff, doesn't mean he is.

Yup. THIS is why people need psychological screening and ongoing support. It's a burden for you to have to deal with this ... but a tragedy for your colleague if he sabotages himself.

[Lurkers: pay attention. You can sabotage yourself despite the surgery and end up without losing weight. It is a PSYCHOLOGICAL issue if that happen,s not that the "surgery failed." If you eat for emotional reasons - since you will NOT be very hungry after surgery - and don't deal with those emotions, .... then you may not lose any weight].

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6 hours ago, delilas said:

There's someone in my programs support group who posted recently saying her tool "failed her" after she made herself ill forcing in a footlong subway sandwich. 

A FOOT-LONG SUB? WHU?? HOW?? And most importantly, WHY???

I can't even look at a normal sandwich and imagine eating the whole thing. Some people's children. 

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I have actually read a post on another forum from a member posting a "warning" to those considering WLS. It was about a person that died shortly after WLS. In the end it was uncovered that person ate a sub and aspirated on her own vomit. Scary that people would take such risks for food.

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What that guy needs is to be on a board like this....that is what i sure makes most ppl here so successful!  Staying connected w/ others going through the same things and seeing those that go before you and those that come up behind....it is a big encouragement and that is why I come back all the time. 

For the lurkers: go set yourself up as a member and start posting and getting connected....it is part (not the whole but definitely part of being successful on your journey!)

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46 minutes ago, Readytobeme said:

I have actually read a post on another forum from a member posting a "warning" to those considering WLS. It was about a person that died shortly after WLS. In the end it was uncovered that person ate a sub and aspirated on her own vomit. Scary that people would take such risks for food.

OMG How awful!

I actually looked up horror stories on purpose before I went through surgery. I wanted to know what was happening and debunk myths if possible. One of the articles I read was about a woman who couldn't *stop* losing weight and it was basically killing her. But IN the article, it said she could "barely eat a bag of crisps." I'm thinking "Uh, she shouldn't be eating crisps?" Essentially, her terrible diet was killing her, not surgery. That's not to say that complications don't happen - of course they do. But so many times, it's an issue with not sticking to the guidelines your surgeon/dietician give you. 

The limited knowledge that the general public has about surgery keeps these kinds of horror stories alive. People think that when you have surgery, you eat the same but less. They think that everyone who has surgery is destined to be unhealthy and lose too much weight or be wholly unsuccessful and not lose enough. Or they think it will flat out kill you. Everyone loves a horror story, I guess. :(

Edited by Cardamom77

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You have done awesome!

keep in mind, you can’t control what goes in someone else’s mouth.  Just like no one can control what you eat.  I quit going to our support meetings early out when someone complained about not losing weight and they were eating a box of twinkies a day.  I didn’t need that kind of stupidity.  

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See, this is why I think my health anxiety isn't such a terrible thing all the time.  After surgery I was pretty sure I would die if the yogurt I picked was too thick!  I followed my program like my life depended on it - which clearly, sometimes it does!

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6 minutes ago, Kio said:

See, this is why I think my health anxiety isn't such a terrible thing all the time.  After surgery I was pretty sure I would die if the yogurt I picked was too thick!  I followed my program like my life depended on it - which clearly, sometimes it does!

I am so scared of getting sick that I daren't try anything sweet. That's probably a good thing. Haha!

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I take the same attitude @Smashlee83. It's the only way to protect yourself IMO.

Having had a revision for medical necessity I'm horrified by the number of people who've had WLS and don't do the right things to get to goal. Many quite flippantly saying that when their current surgery stops working for them (as in their poor food choices eventually catch up to them), they'll just go back and have a revision. Like its some kind of walk in the park!!!!  My surgeon has pretty much said that it's impossible to not lose weight after WLS...... but he also says it's impossible not to regain down the track without huge lifestyle change.

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What a hard thing to have to listen to. And what an excellent cautionary tale for all of us.

Sometimes I can't figure out how anyone does this successfully without a strong network of likeminded people exerting positive peer pressure like we are so fortunate to enjoy here on TTF. 

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As usual, @Stephtay gives fantastic advice. Your wisdom is phenomenal. 

I can relate a little bit, as I have a mom friend who eats poorly after WLS. IMHO, no food is worth regaining weight, diabetes, sleep apnea and self hatred. We have daughters who are are six months apart and I am horrified at the meals they share. I feel bad for mom friend’s daughter because I see her going down a path of weight struggles.  She eats ramen, cupcakes and potato chips as part of a meal. As @Smashlee83 so eloquently stated, not my circus, not my monkeys. 

I’m glad you aren’t letting your coworker influence your choices. He sounds like someone who is determined to self sabotage and may not listen to sound advice. 

Way to go on the weight loss!

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