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10 hours ago, Jen581791 said:

I got a good one last week: "Oh! I didn't recognize you! I think it's because you got your hair cut!"  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is the only comment I receive, rather than wow - you've lost a lot of weight!, but I also view it as the safe compliment.  Yes, I have a 'new' haircut (since Sept) but people don't want to offend by mentioning weight so the haircut seems to be a nice way for them to compliment me.  I received compliments pre-WLS so I've taken this all in stride.  I can't say that anyone ever told me I was looking pretty plump pre-WLS though, @AustinJ !  Might have warranted a bit of the side-eye. :)

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On 1/15/2018 at 10:24 PM, AustinJ said:

I am having an unexpected side effect of being open with everyone about WLS. Everywhere I go, and every one I see has to stop me and tell me how great I look and how amazing it is that I have lost so much weight. It is DRIVING me crazy!!!! No one gave a sh*t when I was fat(er), no "Oh boy, you look extremely plump today" or anything to that extent. I wish they would just let me be so I can continue doing my own thing.

Does anyone else have/had this issue? How do/did you handle it?

I feel you!!! I have also been very open, and it seems like any time I walk into a room, people scan my body with their eyes to see how I'm doing. I hate it so much - they barely even look at my face. I've also twice been in social situations with friends who hadn't seen me since before surgery, and about 30 minutes in to the visit, they both said, "is it OK for me to just say how great you look now that you've lost weight," as if they spent the last 30 minutes dying to say it. I'm always gracious about it, but inside, it majorly pisses me off. 

As a single woman, I also fear the point when men start noticing me. I feel like it's going to take everything I have inside not snap at them and resent people who might be open to dating me who clearly never would have been before. I have quite a ways to go before I cross that bridge, but I've been worried about it from day one. 

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3 minutes ago, Boho Rosy said:

I feel you!!! I have also been very open, and it seems like any time I walk into a room, people scan my body with their eyes to see how I'm doing. I hate it so much - they barely even look at my face. I've also twice been in social situations with friends who hadn't seen me since before surgery, and about 30 minutes in to the visit, they both said, "is it OK for me to just say how great you look now that you've lost weight," as if they spent the last 30 minutes dying to say it. I'm always gracious about it, but inside, it majorly pisses me off. 

THAT is EXACTLY why I didn't tell everyone....I don't like the body scans that come along with that knowledge!  I know bc I have been guilty of it.  By human nature I still scan those I know who have had WLS and see how they are doing (and there is one guy I know that seeing his results now almost made me not want to do it because of regaining!)....so I know it is normal to do and I don't want it done! 

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55 minutes ago, CheeringCJ said:

THAT is EXACTLY why I didn't tell everyone....I don't like the body scans that come along with that knowledge!  I know bc I have been guilty of it.  By human nature I still scan those I know who have had WLS and see how they are doing (and there is one guy I know that seeing his results now almost made me not want to do it because of regaining!)....so I know it is normal to do and I don't want it done! 

The very definition of successful WLS to me is to be "normal" weight for so long that people don't ever focus on my weight or looks again.  Because my weight went up and down for so long, I always felt like people were scanning to see where I was on the spectrum.  Enough!

 

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1 hour ago, Boho Rosy said:

 

As a single woman, I also fear the point when men start noticing me. I feel like it's going to take everything I have inside not snap at them and resent people who might be open to dating me who clearly never would have been before. I have quite a ways to go before I cross that bridge, but I've been worried about it from day one. 

This is a very legitimate concern to have, and one I struggled with majority after my first WLS which I had in my 20s. It wasn't so much that I was thinking negatively regarding men not wanting me before, it was more my inexperience socially prior to that making the attention quite difficult for me to manage. I guess I have experienced since my revision, from one male only. This time though I found it so inappropriate that I just came out and said it. These days at least I know what I don't want, and what my deal breakers are.....so can stop this kind of attention in it's tracks.

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1 hour ago, msmarymac said:

The very definition of successful WLS to me is to be "normal" weight for so long that people don't ever focus on my weight or looks again.  Because my weight went up and down for so long, I always felt like people were scanning to see where I was on the spectrum.  Enough!

 

I totally agree!!!  Can't wait til I get to that point that I've just been normal for so long that no one notices!

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On 1/15/2018 at 6:24 PM, AustinJ said:

It is DRIVING me crazy!!!!

DUDE, you and me both! And I'm not open about it at all!!

Church is the worst, I play the piano several times a week and so yeah, I'm up in front of 300+ people a week. 

I basically took a page from @Stephtay's book (and others as well) and smile, be gracious, tell them I started low-carb last Feb and made friends with my treadmill. Then I immediately change the subject to them, then I get away from them quick. I'm telling you, I have it down to a science now and I hate it. 

One guy came up to me last night and was so happy for me but he was so LOUD about it, I told him with a smile, "you're embarrassing me, could you keep it down"?  He took it well and I tried to be gracious to his kind words. 

But yeah I am hating this period of the weight loss right now, only for that reason. Soon it will be old news and pass, and I'll be happy when it does. I'm just like you, I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. All the compliments makes feel like I have an audience, like people watching the fat schlep off my body, and that annoys me.  I know I'm probably weird.  

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I try to change the subject.  One of hubby’s diving buddies hadn’t seen me and he immediately began “you look different”.  I replied with “I’m letting my hair grow out”.  Ended it.  

The first summer I had to drop something off at the neighbors.  She asked if I felt ok.  I came back with a puzzled look and asked “why, do I look sick”.  

Had some former co workers see me in the parking lot at Wallyworld.  They of corse commented on my weight loss.  One actually said I hope you did it a safe way.  Really?!

i have to say, I have seen people in the store and ducked out of the way so I didn’t have to answer questions or even reintroduced myself..

my husband has told me he’s never seen me as overweight.  I agree that’s the best.  And my adult kids who had never known me as thin have commented they don’t remember me as heavy.  Guess I’m getting to the “normal” stage..

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@Cheesehead

Had some former co workers see me in the parking lot at Wallyworld.  They of corse commented on my weight loss.  One actually said I hope you did it a safe way.  Really?!”

I hope that person has diarrhea. 

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On the flip side, yesterday I received a complement that was extremely positive. I was having coffee with a friend and I got up to find Splenda. When I came back she said “you looked fantastic.  I know you’ve been working hard and I admire your discipline. You are so committed and that’s got to be hard”.

This person was one of the first people I told. She saw me try to put on weight to put myself in the morbidly obese category. It was nice to receive a complement that acknowledged my hard work. 

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I honestly think many people don’t think before they speak.  I’ve gotten so I just shake my head.  And like I say, my looks have changed enough that I can duck my head be incognito if I don’t want to acknowledge someone with a hello.  Saves explanations..and I don’t open up with my having wls.  

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This is such a double edged sword for me. I have been and still am very open about my weight loss. I think it's a little misleading to say I was able accomplish all of this without surgery.

 

I had a lady recently who has never spoken to me more than a hello, ask me in the break room how old my baby was. I thought this was a super weird question, but I answered 4 years. She looked confused. She said that she thought that maybe I had just had a baby when I came to this office a year ago and that's the reason for the weight change. As if my 5lb baby was responsible for the last 85lbs I dropped. But at the end of it, I know that she meant well. I know that she noticed that I was a heavy person who looked unhealthy and now I am not. I told her I had surgery and thanked her for the strange compliment.  

 

The part I don't like is the different attention from men. I don't mind niceties, but it's the men who never glanced up to say good morning before, now want to strike up a conversation. Gross.

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