Aussie Bear

Is it just me that doesn't look skinny?

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I keep looking at other members photos in various threads and think Wow!!! All these skinny looking successful losers. I actually feel a bit envious of how good they look if I'm honest. Then I'll check their stats and notice that maybe they're similar to mine, or my weight might be even lower for a similar height. I don't understand why they look so skinny and I don't. Everyone tells me I look great and that I'm a "skinny mInnie" now, but I still see a fat person in the mirror, albeit a much less fat person than what I've ever been....but still fat! Initially I thought the answer lay in others having more muscle than me because I've had a medically imposed exercise ban happening basically since before my revision surgery, but I'm not so sure now that is the answer. I'm finding clothes shopping quite challenging, because the sizes that fit are so much smaller than my perception of my size. It takes me ages to work my way down in sizes if I'm trying stuff on. Alternatively I buy clothes that are too big if I don't try them on, because I look at smaller sizes and tell myself there is no way I'd fit into the smaller sizes. I guess as far as issues go, it's a good problem to have.....but it's driving me nuts.

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It took me more than 2 years to see a smaller person.  I was still heading over to plus sizes and thinking that’s cute.  We went on vacation 3-4 months after my surgery, I bought a swimsuit.  Fast forward another 6 months and the night before we were to leave for another vacation I tried said swimsuit on and it fell off.  I’d lost 50 pounds in between but didn’t realize it would affect the swimsuit, lol!  

I still have identity problems- my looks have chNged drastically add to the fact I have long hair for the first time in my life.  I don’t identify with pictures of the old me either.  But I do try on the correct sizes most of the time..  

my nut said by 2 Years out your brain adjusts..I think I have been obese or overweight most of my life and it may have just taken longer..

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@Aussie H...you raise some very good, valid points in your post. I know, in my case, it’s mostly the clothes. I posted a pic recently of me and hubby at my dad’s reception, and the dress I had on made me look a lot thinner than my stats reflect. Other clothes make me look and feel a lot bigger. Some clothes I’m still wearing XL or 2x (mostly tops). But leggings, I’m in a medium. Most of us are obviously posting pics of ourselves in the most flattering clothes. If I have any pics taken of me sitting down, I’m still very thick in the middle. But the thing you have to remember, is that body dysmorphia is a very real thing. It may take a long time before you see yourself as everyone else does. My lovely youngest daughter said to me, just today...mom, I think you still think you’re wide (I was picking up leggings and decided to try on a few tops) because I still shop for, and wear, long tops. I have never liked my stomach showing, and never will. It’s a huge mind game when shopping for clothes because our bodies are so different now, but we are on auto pilot and head straight for the biggest clothes in the store. Take heart, my friend...you are a skinny Minnie!!

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You’re far from alone in this. I don’t feel skinny either. I logically know that I am (I wear a size 0/2), but I still feel chubby. At this point, I’ve been this size for about a year, so I don’t have the shopping issue anymore, but I definitely struggled with that in the beginning. I honestly wonder if I’ll ever really recognize what I know is logically true. In the meantime, I just keep using the measuring tape, my clothes, and pictures to remind myself that my perception isn’t reality.

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Id sure like to try and see if I consider myself skinny when I get there...LOL!

I think I might be a little the opposite....I have seen myself for years in pictures and think AM I REALLY THAT FAT!?!?  Because I always knew I was fat but not THAT FAT!!!  It happened yesterday too, I have been feeling so much thinner lately and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror and thought "wow, I still have some pretty wide hips!!!"  So in my mind I am smaller than I really am (though in my mind I am no where near small!)

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20 minutes ago, CheeringCJ said:

Id sure like to try and see if I consider myself skinny when I get there...LOL!

I think I might be a little the opposite....I have seen myself for years in pictures and think AM I REALLY THAT FAT!?!?  Because I always knew I was fat but not THAT FAT!!!  It happened yesterday too, I have been feeling so much thinner lately and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror and thought "wow, I still have some pretty wide hips!!!"  So in my mind I am smaller than I really am (though in my mind I am no where near small!)

 I definitely did that too. There was definitely a time in the beginning of my journey where I felt thinner than I actually was. But then there was a switch. I think the mind f**k comes in when you get really small. When you weigh less than you have in a really long time (or ever). The last time I wore the size I am now, I was 12. I fit in my (tall & lanky) 11 year old’s jackets. It’s so unreal, it’s hard to reconcile it with reality after being heavy for so long.

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Thanks ladies. @Nana Trish I have to agree about the clothes and long tops especially.  I was trying on some tops today as I have a party to go to tomorrow night. In the longer tops (and most of mine are also long)  I really couldn't see even a hint of "thin". I had on very recently purchased, (therefore my smallest size) dark skinny jeans, and I looked quite big. Then I put on probably my smallest shirt which was much shorter in length but still covered the belly, and out popped the skinny legs people keep telling me I have. I guess my clothes need to be a fairly tight fit for me to not see the abdominal fat roll, and to not have the flabby sharpei skin ruining the look.

@CheeringCJ I was the same. Photos made me question when I got THAT big!!!!. For that reason alone there are very few photos of me....cameras lie!!!!! I would have been a fairly young child (definitely primary school) since I was the weight I currently am. I was definitely plus size all through high school, and a size where it was almost impossible to buy school uniforms.

Edited by Aussie H
Autocorrect will be the death of me!

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I had a similar feeling, @Aussie H and @CheeringCJ - I never visualized myself as being as fat as I obviously was.  I could feel it in everything I did, but I didn't really see it until I saw myself in pictures. So of course I avoided pictures.

Now... I see the changes all the time.  Looking at my much smaller wrists, seeing the new shape of my face in the mirror, the sharp angle of my knees when I sit (before sometimes I couldn't see them at all sitting down... or if I could, it was a long curve from waist to ankles, my knees buried in fat. It's all different now, but in my mind I still see myself the way I look in my "before" pics.

On the other hand, I sometimes wonder like...how can I get smaller?  I've still got about 100 lbs to lose and already I feel so much smaller - it feels like if I lose another 100 there won't be anything left!

I think because of our experience being so much larger, it's just going to take a long time to match up our brains with our bodies. Maybe our minds need to lose the weight slowly, too - and they just don't start till our bodies are already there?

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47 minutes ago, Kio said:

I had a similar feeling, @Aussie H and @CheeringCJ

On the other hand, I sometimes wonder like...how can I get smaller?  I've still got about 100 lbs to lose and already I feel so much smaller - it feels like if I lose another 100 there won't be anything left!

I always thought the same thing. I'd look at BMI charts and just think "impossible". Probably because I'd never even been close to a "normal BMI" in my lifetime, not even after my first WLS. However, it was indeed possible.....and what's more it's possible even with a lot of extra abdominal fat still there. :(

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I’m shopping in Dubai this weekend and my goodness - it’s been taking me three or four tries before I find the right size! I’m over correcting, choosing sizes too big, then too small, then too big again. 

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a surprisingly skinny person and other times I see a fat girl. My logical brain knows I’m pretty thin now, but my emotional brain sees big thighs. But big thighs don’t fit into size 6 jeans. And mine suddenly do. So therefore they must not be big. But then they look like they are when I’m sitting down. It about gives me whiplash. 

It’ll take a while, I think.

Shopping is pretty fun now, though. I can try in anything I like in any store! Which sends me into a tailspin of indecision. Is this my style? Could it be? I’m learning how to dress in a way that’s not “attempted fat camouflage.” I never really wrapped my head around how big I got, but I certainly dressed to hide the fact. 

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20 hours ago, Aussie H said:

 

Thanks ladies. @Nana Trish I have to agree about the clothes and long tops especially.  I was trying on some tops today as I have a party to go to tomorrow night. In the longer tops (and most of mine are also long)  I really couldn't see even a hint of "thin". I had on very recently purchased, (therefore my smallest size) dark skinny jeans, and I looked quite big. Then I put on probably my smallest shirt which was much shorter in length but still covered the belly, and out popped the skinny legs people keep telling me I have. I guess my clothes need to be a fairly tight fit for me to not see the abdominal fat roll, and to not have the flabby sharpei skin ruining the look.

 

I have one long denim look top that makes me look very thin, and I’m not quite sure why. Just the way it hangs, I guess. Smaller tops make me look smaller too, and definitely show that my legs are small now. But...until I find a decent bra, I won’t be wearing more form fitting clothes. That, and also I’m thinking that losing only 10 more pounds (my goal weight) really isn’t going to shrink my stomach enough to make me comfortable wearing regular length tops. Oh gosh, don’t even get me started on the sharpei skin!! It’s just so weird being in this “in between” space...I know exactly how you feel. But look at it this way. There is no way you can’t be skinny with your stats, it’s just going to take your brain time to catch up to your body ❤️ But it will :) 

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When I sit down I still look down and see belly and my thighs spread out so they look fat..I am still big boned, I have wide shoulders.  But I can get my thumb and pointer finger around my wrist with plenty to spare.  I can see my collarbones (never knew they were there). My knees clack together when I lay on my side...can’t see my butt but I’m pretty sure that disappeared as my pants don’t stay up back there.  I have never liked tight fitting clothes, my mind says tight?  You are gaining weight.  I don’t want my lumps and bumps to show.  I guess I’m old but why do people wear spandex to show off everything they’ve got?  And why in the world don’t they make big peoples shirts longer? And things do run larger or smaller than your normal size.  I usually wear medium shirts, today I had an extra small fit and a medium was too small so the large worked.  It was Maurice’s.  Love their clothes!  

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I still think I'm fat. No matter how thin I get, I still feel like a fat guy. However, when I shop I get that voice in my head saying, "dude, you can't possibly wear a 6X shirt. Go get the small and try it on." I lost 42" around my waist. So picking up 30's is still odd for me. We will all get over it, given enough time.

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On 1/12/2018 at 9:11 PM, Cheesehead said:

When I sit down I still look down and see belly and my thighs spread out so they look fat..I am still big boned, I have wide shoulders.  But I can get my thumb and pointer finger around my wrist with plenty to spare.  I can see my collarbones (never knew they were there). My knees clack together when I lay on my side...can’t see my butt but I’m pretty sure that disappeared as my pants don’t stay up back there.  I have never liked tight fitting clothes, my mind says tight?  You are gaining weight.  I don’t want my lumps and bumps to show.  I guess I’m old but why do people wear spandex to show off everything they’ve got?  And why in the world don’t they make big peoples shirts longer? And things do run larger or smaller than your normal size.  I usually wear medium shirts, today I had an extra small fit and a medium was too small so the large worked.  It was Maurice’s.  Love their clothes!  

You're not old, lol, or alone in wondering why people wear spandex that shows off everything. I live in leggings, which could be considered similar, but my tush and "all that down there" is covered by my long tops. Always has been. I mean, if you're comfortable with your body, and like spandex, have at it...but it's not for me :) 

As far as making big peoples shirts longer, I never understood why they don't do that either. I used to order all of my clothes online, and even in the plus sized catalogs it was hard to find a top over 30" long. The shortest I would go was 32", but I preferred 34". It's still very strange for me to wear a top that shows my thighs. Gonna take a lot of getting used to, no doubt.

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I wear skinny jeans. There, I admitted it. lol

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Just now, TP1210 said:

I wear skinny jeans. There, I admitted it. lol

Lmao :D

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On ‎1‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 8:59 PM, CheeringCJ said:

Id sure like to try and see if I consider myself skinny when I get there...LOL!

I think I might be a little the opposite....I have seen myself for years in pictures and think AM I REALLY THAT FAT!?!?  Because I always knew I was fat but not THAT FAT!!!  It happened yesterday too, I have been feeling so much thinner lately and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror and thought "wow, I still have some pretty wide hips!!!"  So in my mind I am smaller than I really am (though in my mind I am no where near small!)

What she said.

 

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I actually had a funny encounter with a friend of a friend who they were trying to set me up with. My friends are famous for trying to set me up with their girlfriends single friends. Never a good idea. So, this girl is just rude and argumentative all night and making everyone miserable with her attitude. At the end of the night, my friend says, "I think you two should hang out, see where it goes!" At this point, I shoot him a look like, "why do you hate me?" and I say, "Actually, I am not looking to get involved with anyone right now." She replies, "Good, because I hate skinny dudes" and leaves the table. I had to laugh.

On one hand, apparently people see me as a skinny dude, on the other hand, apparently some people hate me for it.  hehehehe

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@TP1210...Now that's funny, lol :D

Edited by Nana Trish

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6 hours ago, TP1210 said:

I wear skinny jeans. There, I admitted it. lol

I’m pro skinny jeans. I wore them when I was obese and I wear them now. 

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@Aussie H Hey there, twinnie!

Sigh..... Intellectually, I know that I am thin. I don’t *believe* I am thin. It sounds crazy but I still think of myself as a fat girl. I am constantly comparing myself to other people and I think that I’m still big. It doesn’t help that the belly fat/loose skin still shows a tire around my waist. It’s frustrating. 

Like others have said above, I don’t think my brain has caught up with my body. I still head for the bigger size and am waiting for the weight to pile back on my body. It’s a complete mindfk.

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42 minutes ago, NerdyToothpick said:

@Aussie H Hey there, twinnie!

Sigh..... Intellectually, I know that I am thin. I don’t *believe* I am thin. It sounds crazy but I still think of myself as a fat girl. I am constantly comparing myself to other people and I think that I’m still big. It doesn’t help that the belly fat/loose skin still shows a tire around my waist. It’s frustrating. 

Like others have said above, I don’t think my brain has caught up with my body. I still head for the bigger size and am waiting for the weight to pile back on my body. It’s a complete mindfk.

I am still waiting for the weight to pile on.  When I buy something at the end of the season to wear I always make sure there’s a little extra room so it fits next winter or summer..  and when trying on last years clothes I just know somethings aren’t going to fit, but somehow they do.  It’s like I’m going to wake up a hundred pounds heavier overnight!

 

5 hours ago, TP1210 said:

I actually had a funny encounter with a friend of a friend who they were trying to set me up with. My friends are famous for trying to set me up with their girlfriends single friends. Never a good idea. So, this girl is just rude and argumentative all night and making everyone miserable with her attitude. At the end of the night, my friend says, "I think you two should hang out, see where it goes!" At this point, I shoot him a look like, "why do you hate me?" and I say, "Actually, I am not looking to get involved with anyone right now." She replies, "Good, because I hate skinny dudes" and leaves the table. I had to laugh.

On one hand, apparently people see me as a skinny dude, on the other hand, apparently some people hate me for it.  hehehehe

That is funny!  Love those comments!  I get them at work!  “Oh you don’t know what it’s like to have to lose weight” or you always eat healthy stuff!  “Are you sure you don’t have an eating disorder?” (Yep, I do. Everything I eat turns to crap)..i just smile and think if they only knew..

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On 1/14/2018 at 7:54 PM, TP1210 said:

I actually had a funny encounter with a friend of a friend who they were trying to set me up with. My friends are famous for trying to set me up with their girlfriends single friends. Never a good idea. So, this girl is just rude and argumentative all night and making everyone miserable with her attitude. At the end of the night, my friend says, "I think you two should hang out, see where it goes!" At this point, I shoot him a look like, "why do you hate me?" and I say, "Actually, I am not looking to get involved with anyone right now." She replies, "Good, because I hate skinny dudes" and leaves the table. I had to laugh.

On one hand, apparently people see me as a skinny dude, on the other hand, apparently some people hate me for it.  hehehehe

That is too funny. We might have to rename you like we did @NerdyToothpick you'll have to be known as SKINNY DUDE!!

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It took a while for my mind to catch up to what I really look like. I would see my reflection in a window or somewhere unexpected and not realize it was me. I took a lot of photos and compared them side by side to pre-op pictures to help myself make the connection as to what I look like now. It took a year or two for me to see myself how I am now. But, in stressful moments, my addiction still tries to trick me into thinking I'm bigger than I am. I notice it most often when I am pulling clothes out of the dryer. If my pants or dresses look huge to me, I know my food demon is acting up and I need be careful that he doesn't try to trick me in other ways. 

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3 hours ago, Stephtay said:

If my pants or dresses look huge to me, I know my food demon is acting up and I need be careful that he doesn't try to trick me in other ways. 

I grabbed my new size 6 jeans out of the closet a couple of days ago, and my first thought was "Those are huge. I still have a ways to go. I can't believe I'm stalled right now" :unsure: No. That is my brain messing with me. Size 6 jeans are definitely not huge. Body dysmorphia - it's real. 

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