Nana Trish

Me with my boy, last Christmas vs this Christmas

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On 1/1/2018 at 11:18 AM, Nana Trish said:

Bahaha!! That's too funny, I should have thought of that! But he couldn't even hold his own head up last Christmas, so that might have been tough, lol. 

I hope he NEVER remembers the Nana from last year. That would be ideal for me...I don't ever want him to know me like that. Sick and not even able to put my own socks on, ugh. I did take a lot of selfies with him over the past year though, because even though I don't want him to remember me like that, I want him to know how much I love him and how much time we spent together ❤️

I feel the exact same way. We are lucky that our little ones will never know us a sick and helpless people. As much as I hated the weight, I also took a lot of selfies with my daughter. I look at most of them with fondness. I hope I continue to remember the good times instead of focusing on the bad times. 

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On 1/1/2018 at 10:30 AM, Nana Trish said:

Thank you, @BurgundyBoy!! I think a thread on arms and definition would be great :) My son told me the other day that I look a lot more lean than he expected I would after this much weight loss (he's the weight lifter/trainer in the family, lol). I pulled up my sleeve and flexed my bicep and I have tiny muscles, lol! I attribute that to lifting Harper...but my "bat wings" don't look nearly as bad as they did before either! 

I also have tiny biceps!!! All I do is run and lift Katya off the ground. Well, I also yell “nooo” and “get down from there”. :)

 

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21 minutes ago, NerdyToothpick said:

Trish,

Have I told you how much I admire you? I can’t believe you have done so well post surgery. I remember your excitement leading up to surgery and now you are killing it! Diabetes be gone! Remember when @BurgundyBoy cheered you on by measuring your steps in Trishes? It’s hard to believe that the Trish I knew a few months ago is the Trish I know today. 

@Readytobeme, your story will be like Trish’s. I just know you will kick butt and conquer WLS.

 

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2 hours ago, NerdyToothpick said:

Trish,

Have I told you how much I admire you? I can’t believe you have done so well post surgery. I remember your excitement leading up to surgery and now you are killing it! Diabetes be gone! Remember when @BurgundyBoy cheered you on by measuring your steps in Trishes? It’s hard to believe that the Trish I knew a few months ago is the Trish I know today. 

I totally agree. :)  

Trish, your success is amazing. 

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@NerdyToothpick, We need an update from @Nana Trish now on how many Trishes she can do... we'll have to sneakily pay her kids to paint Trishes on the roads around their house...

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19 hours ago, NerdyToothpick said:

Trish,

Have I told you how much I admire you? I can’t believe you have done so well post surgery. I remember your excitement leading up to surgery and now you are killing it! Diabetes be gone! Remember when @BurgundyBoy cheered you on by measuring your steps in Trishes? It’s har to believe that the Trish I knew a few months ago is the Trish I know today. 

@Readytobeme, your story will be like Trish’s. I just know you will kick butt and conquer WLS.

@NerdyToothpick,

You have absolutely no idea how much your words mean to me. I feel like I have done well, up until about a month ago. I have lost a large amount of weight in a relatively short amount of time. I’ve put my diabetes into remission, cured my high BP, high cholesterol and my fatty liver. You all have been such a huge source of support to me that there are not words to thank you all enough.

That being said, I have not been handling the recent events with my family well at all. I have been maintaining my weight, with a 2-3 pound loss over the past month. I have been off track more than I’ve been on. I haven’t come to the forum for help, because I know what I’m doing wrong. I’m in my first ever stall since surgery, and I caused it myself. Part of the reason I was able to do so well prior to this was because my family was not an active part of my life. I won’t get into specifics because the ‘why’ really isn’t relevant to you guys or this process in general. But I’ve gotta say that I’m nervous. I want my strict obsessive nature back. I don’t want this to become something that I lose control of, and start going in the wrong direction...and gain my weight back. And to add to everything else, I go for my ultrasound tomorrow and I get to find out if I have more cancer soon after. So needless to say, I’m a mess. I feel like a total hypocrite and a failure. I was never going to be the one that strayed from my plan like this. But I have, and I have to figure out how to work all of this crap out before things start going south. You guys are the best, and I don’t mean to turn this awesome, fun discussion sour. I’m just at a loss right now...

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Much love and hugs to you Trish <3  Given the stress you have been under, every one of us would probably also falter and need some time to get back on track.  I will be praying for you and the ultrasound tomorrow.  Please let us know how things go. 

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@Nana Trish our best thoughts and prayers are with you. We all hope that your ultrasound goes well.  Please keep us updated and know that you will get through this tough time in your life. We are here to support you and to give you (virtual) hugs and love. Do not despair and do not ever underestimate yourself. 

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On January 3, 2018 at 9:16 PM, TammyP said:

Much love and hugs to you Trish <3  Given the stress you have been under, every one of us would probably also falter and need some time to get back on track.  I will be praying for you and the ultrasound tomorrow.  Please let us know how things go. 

Thank you my friend ♥️ I'll take all of the love and hugs you've got. I spoke to one of the PA's in my urologists office this afternoon, and she could only give me results. No plan of action, because she isn't treating me. The mass is exactly the same size, which is good. But it's called a complex renal cyst, meaning it's got cancerous characteristics. So basically they will either watch it for another 3 months and do another ultrasound, do another CT or MRI, or they will want to biopsy it. I will be speaking to my PA on Tuesday and hopefully find out then what they want to do. But I guess if it isn't growing, it can't be spreading...so that's something. I'll update when I know more ♥️

 

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On January 4, 2018 at 1:52 AM, Res Ipsa said:

@Nana Trish our best thoughts and prayers are with you. We all hope that your ultrasound goes well.  Please keep us updated and know that you will get through this tough time in your life. We are here to support you and to give you (virtual) hugs and love. Do not despair and do not ever underestimate yourself. 

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, @Res Ipsa. I posted an update on my ultrasound above. I can use those hugs and love, thank you ♥️ 

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On January 3, 2018 at 5:08 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

@NerdyToothpick, We need an update from @Nana Trish now on how many Trishes she can do... we'll have to sneakily pay her kids to paint Trishes on the roads around their house...

♥️ No Trishes lately. Just chasing and lifting Mr. Harper. I'm going to try and get back to walking my Trishes in the spring. Just too much happening right now to even think about it.

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On January 3, 2018 at 1:42 AM, NerdyToothpick said:

I also have tiny biceps!!! All I do is run and lift Katya off the ground. Well, I also yell “nooo” and “get down from there”. :)

 

That's Harper's new favorite word...no...

And it begins ♥️

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On January 3, 2018 at 8:54 PM, Nana Trish said:

That being said, I have not been handling the recent events with my family well at all. I have been maintaining my weight, with a 2-3 pound loss over the past month. I have been off track more than I’ve been on. I haven’t come to the forum for help, because I know what I’m doing wrong. I’m in my first ever stall since surgery, and I caused it myself. Part of the reason I was able to do so well prior to this was because my family was not an active part of my life. I won’t get into specifics because the ‘why’ really isn’t relevant to you guys or this process in general. But I’ve gotta say that I’m nervous. I want my strict obsessive nature back. I don’t want this to become something that I lose control of, and start going in the wrong direction...and gain my weight back. And to add to everything else, I go for my ultrasound tomorrow and I get to find out if I have more cancer soon after. So needless to say, I’m a mess. I feel like a total hypocrite and a failure. I was never going to be the one that strayed from my plan like this. But I have, and I have to figure out how to work all of this crap out before things start going south. You guys are the best, and I don’t mean to turn this awesome, fun discussion sour. I’m just at a loss right now...

(((Trish))), I just now saw this.   So sorry things have been so upside down in your life lately. 

Glad to hear that the mass hasn't grown but I'm sure it is still weighing heavy on your heart wondering what it is. Hopefully you will get a plan on Tuesday.

Anyway, you know we are here for you and you are loved :wub:!!! 

 

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3 hours ago, Nana Trish said:

♥️ No Trishes lately. Just chasing and lifting Mr. Harper. I'm going to try and get back to walking my Trishes in the spring. Just too much happening right now to even think about it.

Every time you lift Mr. Harper, that counts as a Trish. You might as well be lifting wiggly weights!

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On 1/3/2018 at 8:54 PM, Nana Trish said:

....I have lost a large amount of weight in a relatively short amount of time. I’ve put my diabetes into remission, cured my high BP, high cholesterol and my fatty liver. You all have been such a huge source of support to me that there are not words to thank you all enough.

That being said, I have not been handling the recent events ...well at all. ... I’ve gotta say that I’m nervous. I want my strict obsessive nature back. I don’t want this to become something that I lose control of, and start going in the wrong direction...and gain my weight back. And to add to everything else, I go for my ultrasound tomorrow and I get to find out if I have more cancer soon after. So needless to say, I’m a mess. I feel like a total hypocrite and a failure. I was never going to be the one that strayed from my plan like this. But I have, and I have to figure out how to work all of this crap out before things start going south. You guys are the best, and I don’t mean to turn this awesome, fun discussion sour. I’m just at a loss right now...

Ok Trish Time for a Stern Talking to your Doubting Self.

3 days have gone by and I bet you have not gained 300 lbs nor gone into an hypoglycemic coma from eating a kilo of sugar. 

It's a big mark of success that in the face of all this stress you avoided gorging on Twinkies, Salt and Vinegar Chips, sugary beverages and ... you even passed up the 2 racks of BBQ ribs that were sent by the Weight Loss Demons to tempt you. You're no failure, you're the opposite. Your honesty in posting  should even convince your Doubting Self you are no hypocrite. I hesitate to repeat the "h" word since it does not belong in the same room as you. 

The strict obsessional approach has gotten you to this amazing place. No high BP, fatty liver gone, diabetes has taken a hike. The only problem with it is the obsessional method - a "good" vs "bad" dichotomy - is it doesn't easily allow for family turmoil, cancer scares, slacker days or the like, e.g. the real world we all live in. It's just unrealistic to think anyone can be on point 100% of the time. I doubt there is a person in the Universe who is perfect (unless, of course, you want to engage in Theology). Tell your Doubting Self to take a hike, or better yet banish it forever, with the knowledge of your strength and accomplishment. You don't need to be perfect to succeed at this WLS stuff. 

Slay the Doubts.

 

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How did the ultrasound go, @Nana Trish? I've fallen into some bad behaviors this past month too. I thought I was tough enough to withstand all the holiday temptations, but I'm not. I'm finally back on track. Just wanted you to know I'm not perfect either. Let's treat it as a speed bump, not a total derailment. Hugs.

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11 hours ago, Gretta said:

How did the ultrasound go, @Nana Trish? I've fallen into some bad behaviors this past month too. I thought I was tough enough to withstand all the holiday temptations, but I'm not. I'm finally back on track. Just wanted you to know I'm not perfect either. Let's treat it as a speed bump, not a total derailment. Hugs.

I didn't get any real answers yet with the ultrasound, except that the mass hasn't grown. That's a good thing, but still no diagnosis...all they will say is a complex renal cyst with cancerous characteristics. So the waiting game begins...ugh. Thank you so much for asking ❤️

Heading into the holidays, I wasn't the slightest bit worried that I'd be able to stay the course like I did on thanksgiving. Until my family came back into the picture. It's a very long story, but a huge part of the reason I have been able to do as well as I have (until now) was because there was distance between us. Then my dad died, on top of being thrust back into the dysfunctional relationships with my mother and sister.

Thank you for sharing with me, and I'm so happy that you've gotten back on track!! Treating this as a speed bump sounds great to me. I just wish I could get over it already!!

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18 hours ago, BurgundyBoy said:

Ok Trish Time for a Stern Talking to your Doubting Self.

3 days have gone by and I bet you have not gained 300 lbs nor gone into an hypoglycemic coma from eating a kilo of sugar. 

It's a big mark of success that in the face of all this stress you avoided gorging on Twinkies, Salt and Vinegar Chips, sugary beverages and ... you even passed up the 2 racks of BBQ ribs that were sent by the Weight Loss Demons to tempt you. You're no failure, you're the opposite. Your honesty in posting  should even convince your Doubting Self you are no hypocrite. I hesitate to repeat the "h" word since it does not belong in the same room as you. 

The strict obsessional approach has gotten you to this amazing place. No high BP, fatty liver gone, diabetes has taken a hike. The only problem with it is the obsessional method - a "good" vs "bad" dichotomy - is it doesn't easily allow for family turmoil, cancer scares, slacker days or the like, e.g. the real world we all live in. It's just unrealistic to think anyone can be on point 100% of the time. I doubt there is a person in the Universe who is perfect (unless, of course, you want to engage in Theology). Tell your Doubting Self to take a hike, or better yet banish it forever, with the knowledge of your strength and accomplishment. You don't need to be perfect to succeed at this WLS stuff. 

Slay the Doubts.

 

BB, 

Self doubt, and negative self talk have always been one of my biggest problems. And one I thought I had finally overcome. I felt strong and confident going through this process...probably for the first time in my entire life. But I feel that all slipping away. The worst part? It's not even the cancer scare that is doing this! I haven't been here a lot lately because I'm ashamed of my behavior, and I feel I can no longer be a good role model or good support system to anyone. I can't continuously come here seeking support, and expecting you guys to listen to me whine, when I have nothing positive to contribute.

No, I haven't gained any weight back, yet anyway. And I haven't fallen victim to sugar, or carbs (to be honest, I've let a few in, but really not many)...but the sugary beverages...I've allowed way too much wine in lately. Drinking ones calories is big no-no #1, and drinking alcohol prior to my 1st surgiversary is big no-no #2. 

I call myself a hypocrite because I have, on more than one occasion, spoken less than kindly about my daughter's boyfriend's mother, who had WLS 2 1/2 years ago. She goes out to dinner and eats pizza, fries, rolls, potatoes, etc...I will say things like, "at least I'm not like her" and "how can she sabotage herself like this after going through the surgery", etc. Who is doing the sabotaging now? Me. 

I know none of us is perfect. I knew going into this that I wouldn't be perfect. But where do you draw the line between "giving myself a break" and using my family difficulties as an excuse for my behavior? I'm terrified that I've completely destroyed what is left of my honeymoon period. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and physically telling myself that I've worked way too hard to throw this all away, and I don't want the old me to be the one looking back at me ever again. It's not working. Looking at old photos of my old self isn't working. I would LOVE to tell my doubting self to take a hike...I'd give just about anything to be able you do that right now!! But a few bad days has turned into a month, and I'm really scared. I got thrown into a major manic episode, and during mania my brain allows me to do a lot of things I'd never do under normal circumstances. Now I've crashed and burned, and I'm in a deep depression. The fact that I haven't gained any weight during this time is stupifying. I'm trying with everything in me to pull myself out of this and get back to work on taking care of myself. I feel like a deer in the headlights, and I don't know where to run.

You are always the voice of reason, BB ❤️ I thank you so much for caring about what happens to me ❤️ I'm really trying to get my motivation back...but I don't know if that's going to happen with my mother/sister back in my life. I know that probably sounds really cold and uncaring. I love them, I truly do. But they suck the life out of me, and me taking care of myself has always taken a back seat to their needs. I don't think I'm strong enough for this. I really wish I hadn't had to cancel my therapy appointment on Thursday, but it overlapped my ultrasound, so I thought it more important to have that done. Maybe I was wrong...

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On 1/6/2018 at 12:57 AM, NerdyToothpick said:

Every time you lift Mr. Harper, that counts as a Trish. You might as well be lifting wiggly weights!

He sure is a wiggly weight! I have to chase him all over the house now too, so I guess that counts as some mini trishes ❤️

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On 1/5/2018 at 9:41 PM, CheeringCJ said:

(((Trish))), I just now saw this.   So sorry things have been so upside down in your life lately. 

Glad to hear that the mass hasn't grown but I'm sure it is still weighing heavy on your heart wondering what it is. Hopefully you will get a plan on Tuesday.

Anyway, you know we are here for you and you are loved :wub:!!! 

 

Thank you, CJ :wub:

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44 minutes ago, Nana Trish said:

BB, 

Self doubt, and negative self talk have always been one of my biggest problems. .....But a few bad days has turned into a month, and I'm really scared. I got thrown into a major manic episode, and during mania my brain allows me to do a lot of things I'd never do under normal circumstances. Now I've crashed and burned, and I'm in a deep depression. The fact that I haven't gained any weight during this time is stupifying. I'm trying with everything in me to pull myself out of this and get back to work on taking care of myself. I feel like a deer in the headlights, and I don't know where to run....I'm really trying to get my motivation back...but I don't know if that's going to happen with my mother/sister back in my life. I know that probably sounds really cold and uncaring. I love them, I truly do. But they suck the life out of me, and me taking care of myself has always taken a back seat to their needs. I don't think I'm strong enough for this. I really wish I hadn't had to cancel my therapy appointment on Thursday, but it overlapped my ultrasound, so I thought it more important to have that done. Maybe I was wrong...

Ah, the Doubts. Strong, aren't they?

Key: "The fact I haven't gained any weight during this time is stupifying." So you can be manic then depressed and crashed, have the life sucked out of you by the needs of family, and don't know where to run .... damnable cancer worry ... need therapy... YOUR FATHER DIED... and you  haven't gained any weight. 

You are a total success. This is what life dishes up for us. So you have been suffering obstacles and DID NOT GAIN WEIGHT.  You've just f*!4cim6 demonstrated that you can do this. You snatched success from what would have been the figurative jaws of sure defeat in the past. Worried about motivation? Bah. Focus on your mood and as you say, taking care of yourself. The motivation will come back on its own, when you have more emotional energy. Do what you are doing now, you'll pull out of the depression and figure out how to keep your relatives/sister/mother from sabotaging you (they sound like the Dementors in Harry Potter novels)*. Then you can lose the 12.5 lbs to your preset goal. You started at 336.6. Gimme a break. You are a total success. 

Please don't mind me taking this little itsy bitsy 2" x 4" to you in order to get your attention.  You just nailed this. Success is never measured when everything is going your way. That's for children to do. You measure it when everything is against you. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So you need a Magic Wand to invoke the Patronus when the Dementors are bothering you. Every time someone comes close to sucking the life out of you, close your eyes, wave a wand, and then say something to get them off your back or to take responsibility for themselves or whatever the magic wand needs to be. Seriously. Talk to your therapist about what to say with them. So, I hope in humor:

*from the Harry Potter wiki:

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

and our addition: "Dementors also cause people to eat too much."

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1 hour ago, Nana Trish said:

I didn't get any real answers yet with the ultrasound, except that the mass hasn't grown. That's a good thing, but still no diagnosis...all they will say is a complex renal cyst with cancerous characteristics. So the waiting game begins...ugh. Thank you so much for asking ❤️

 

Oh, Trish! I am so sorry to hear about the mass. :( Not sure how I missed seeing this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please do keep us posted.

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33 minutes ago, BurgundyBoy said:

Ah, the Doubts. Strong, aren't they?

Key: "The fact I haven't gained any weight during this time is stupifying." So you can be manic then depressed and crashed, have the life sucked out of you by the needs of family, and don't know where to run .... damnable cancer worry ... need therapy... YOUR FATHER DIED... and you  haven't gained any weight. 

You are a total success. This is what life dishes up for us. So you have been suffering obstacles and DID NOT GAIN WEIGHT.  You've just f*!4cim6 demonstrated that you can do this. You snatched success from what would have been the figurative jaws of sure defeat in the past. Worried about motivation? Bah. Focus on your mood and as you say, taking care of yourself. The motivation will come back on its own, when you have more emotional energy. Do what you are doing now, you'll pull out of the depression and figure out how to keep your relatives/sister/mother from sabotaging you (they sound like the Dementors in Harry Potter novels)*. Then you can lose the 12.5 lbs to your preset goal. You started at 336.6. Gimme a break. You are a total success. 

Please don't mind me taking this little itsy bitsy 2" x 4" to you in order to get your attention.  You just nailed this. Success is never measured when everything is going your way. That's for children to do. You measure it when everything is against you. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So you need a Magic Wand to invoke the Patronus when the Dementors are bothering you. Every time someone comes close to sucking the life out of you, close your eyes, wave a wand, and then say something to get them off your back or to take responsibility for themselves or whatever the magic wand needs to be. Seriously. Talk to your therapist about what to say with them. So, I hope in humor:

*from the Harry Potter wiki:

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

and our addition: "Dementors also cause people to eat too much."

That’s the one thing that never occurred to me...in the past, I probably would have gained 10-15 pounds during the last ~however many days/weeks~that have passed since this all started. I guess in that respect I’ve been successful. I’ve been so worried about not losing, I haven’t REALLY been focusing on not gaining. 

Yes, the doubts are STRONG!! They feel stronger than I am, or was, or whatever this is. In case it’s not clear by now, I don’t handle change well :wacko: I get an idea or a plan in my head, and in order for me to make it work, I have to let it consume me. I can’t explain why, but that is how I’ve made this work so far. That’s why I was so insane in the beginning of the process, immediately post op, taking everything so literal. It was nice when I was finally able to start relaxing, even a little, in early November. It didn’t feel like I had to be on my guard every second of every day. The plan was working, and my confidence that I could do it was growing.

Prior to this, I was someone that never felt like I was allowed to take care of myself...like it was selfish or a bad thing to even want to. Like I didn’t deserve to take that time for myself. The feeling of freedom that has accompanied this journey so far is indescribable. As usual, however, I’ve also been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And now it has.

I would love to have a magic wand and be able to wave it at the dementors. They have spent far too many years making my life miserable, and partly because I’ve allowed them to. But the spot I’m stuck in right now seems inescapable. Things can’t go back to the way they were before I found out my dad was sick. What kind of person am I if I turn my back on family after one of us dies? At the same time though, where does helping them through this end, and resuming my life/plan begin?How do you make that transition?

I’m not looking for actual answers from you to these questions. I guess I’m just thinking out loud. And in this depressed state, I shouldn’t even go near my electronics, ugh. I usually don’t. But your post made me tear up, and I really wanted/needed to respond ❤️ 

The Harry Potter references are truly fitting for my situation...and yes, the dementors make you eat too much 

Thank you, BB, for taking so much time out of your day to help me try to get through this.

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1 hour ago, Readytobeme said:

Oh, Trish! I am so sorry to hear about the mass. :( Not sure how I missed seeing this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please do keep us posted.

Thank you, @Readytobeme ❤️ Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. It’ll be ok either way, I just hate waiting. If it’s cancer, I want it out of my body so I can move on and get back to my life. I have goals to beat :) 

 

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I can't add much to wonderful wisdom provided above by @BurgundyBoy beyond saying that @Nana Trish you've got this.  You have been to hell and back so many times, and yet you still have lost or at least maintained your weight week after week.  You are so much stronger and inspirational than you realize.  We are here to support you just as you have been here to support us.  I cannot wait until you declare in a few weeks or so that you have reached your goal weight and are ready to join us in the wonderful world of maintenance.  :)

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