jaime12

"Too" Skinny

Recommended Posts

I had the gastric bypass in September of 2014. My weight at my surgery date was 275 (height 5'7). My goal weight was 140, which I reached in August of 2015. As of now, I weight about 130 and have maintained that weight for about 6 months. At my last check-up with my PA, all my labs were good, and normal. 

Here is my issue - I have had wayyyy more people have negative things to say to me about my weight now that I am a healthy weight, than I did when I was obese. These are all people who know I have had the surgery, so they know I did not do anything un-healthy to lose the weight. However, I am commonly told I look sick and am "too skinny". And they usually end their declamation with "I'm concerned about you". These peole vary from very good friends to acquaintances.

Has anyone else experienced this a lot? It has been going on for about a year, and I'm so sick of it. I really don't even know how to respond, as it usually catches me off guard. I have said that my labs are fine and I am a healthy weight, but I actually had someone ask for my Dr's name and phone number last night. She said she was going to call him because I am "too skinny". 

What do you say to people like this? Is it even worth it to respond? I seriously can't even remember a time when someone commented about me being fat (other than guys hitting on me by saying I was "thick"), but it's like everyone feels like they have the right to comment on my size now that I'm not obese.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm pretty close to my goal right now and although no one has told me I'm too skinny, I've heard "You're not going to lose any more are you?" many times. I don't think calling someone 'skinny' is any more a compliment than calling them 'fat' but I know for many people (especially women) this is not the case so I try and put it through that filter before I respond.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt, I think most folks' hearts are in the right place. Try to remember that it can take a long time for others to get used to the smaller version of you. They've known you only as a bigger person and so that drastic change can seem alarming. In those moments I'd suggest thanking them for their concern, assuring them that your doctor is happy with where you're at, and expressing the gratitude you feel for having all your hard work pay off.

Having said that, there are those, however less likely, that have their own challenges with weight and/or body image and can interpret your success as a type of threat to them. It is not uncommon for the dynamic in friendships to change when a person goes from being the 'fat one' in the group to being the fittest one. There are also those who are flat out rude. My Mom always says that the kindest thing you can do for another person is to be honest and in the moments where people are unintentionally or intentionally insulting you, I'd suggest pointing this out to them in a direct but diplomatic way. Explain that you have worked very hard for your success and do not appreciate having your judgement or the judgement of your physician questioned. I'd also tell them that if they'd like to know more about how you got fit and healthy, you'd be happy to discuss it with them but but any judgements should be kept to themselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ditto on jabsie's post^^^^^^^ but, I will say some folks not all, during that first year of rapid weight loss take on a rather gaunt facial appearance.  Yet, they all seem to balance that look rather quickly as their body adjusts to the new weight.  I see it in my own progressive photos.   Thank goodness my turkey-neck has improved at 18 mo. post-op!!  Initially, I was "OMG...what a waddle my neck is". Much improved now.

You know, it is all about good labs, quality of life and since your physician isn't concerned....just try to overlook the comments:P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Devil's advocate time...

My sister is 5 years out from RNY. She is 5'-6" and 125 pounds. She looks severely gaunt and ill, I mean seriously. Her DOCTOR wants her to gain weight. I love my sister and don't want anything to happen to her so I speak up and let her know how I feel.

This article pretty much describes my sister after her RNY - she has gone from one extreme to the next.

http://wtop.com/health/2015/07/eating-disorders-new-concern-gastric-bypass-patients/

So my question is to you is what does your doctor say? Your weight falls within a normal BMI and your labs are good. So on one hand, yes people might just not understand and they may be used to how you used to look. But do also consider that they may see things from a different perspective and are obviously concerned about you and that's usually not a bad thing.

If your doctor says you are fine, and you are eating according to plan, then go with what he says and ignore everybody else.

But if as many people as you say, start to question if you are ill, you may want to take it to heart.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do people who didn't know you before you lost the weight think you look too skinny? I'd bet they think you look just fine. I think for those who knew you when you were heavy are having a hard time adjusting to the new you. Give it time...or ignore it and celebrate your skinniness! :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The only negativity I had was from people who knew me morbidly obese.  But it's not something I tolerated anyway.  I made it clear that my weight was not a matter for public debate.  I was within the normal/healthy guidelines and my doc/PCP were happy with my weight - end of conversation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, JulieW said:

Do people who didn't know you before you lost the weight think you look too skinny? I'd bet they think you look just fine. I think for those who knew you when you were heavy are having a hard time adjusting to the new you. Give it time...or ignore it and celebrate your skinniness! :rolleyes:

This

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Judging by your picture, you look absolutely healthy and quite lovely.  Keep up the good work.  PS - I get the same remarks, just stay the course and enjoy your new life.  Good luck!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/8/2016 at 5:26 PM, 50zann said:

 but, I will say some folks not all, during that first year of rapid weight loss take on a rather gaunt facial appearance.  Yet, they all seem to balance that look rather quickly as their body adjusts to the new weight.  I see it in my own progressive photos.   Thank goodness my turkey-neck has improved at 18 mo. post-op!!  Initially, I was "OMG...what a waddle my neck is". Much improved now.

This is an old comment, but one of the most cheering things I've read recently, since my own turkey-neck has been getting me down lately!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Kio said:

This is an old comment, but one of the most cheering things I've read recently, since my own turkey-neck has been getting me down lately!

It does get better. I hated mine early on but these days I hardly notice it's there. It is so much smaller. The tuckshop lady arms also improve dramatically over time in my experience. They still sag and wrinkle to a degree, but in my case at least there has been a dramatic improvement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kio - your skin will settle down, redistribute and smooth out somewhat - just keep up with your fluids, use a good moisturizer and try to incorporate some good fats into your diet.

Maybe it's just a case that we shrink a little quicker than our skin can handle and it needs time to catch up and in my case certainly, pre-WLS I treated my body like a balloon for decades - blowing it up and then letting the air out.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Aussie Bear said:

It does get better. I hated mine early on but these days I hardly notice it's there. It is so much smaller. The tuckshop lady arms also improve dramatically over time in my experience. They still sag and wrinkle to a degree, but in my case at least there has been a dramatic improvement.

Also great news!  The more I lose, the more things fold in weird ways, or shift around unexpectedly... I've started wearing a kind of compression tank top whenever I go out, which helps with the belly and hips, but, still need some help in the arm department!  And the turkey neck department... I guess I could take to wearing scarves everywhere!  ;) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, cinwa said:

Kio - your skin will settle down, redistribute and smooth out somewhat - just keep up with your fluids, use a good moisturizer and try to incorporate some good fats into your diet.

Maybe it's just a case that we shrink a little quicker than our skin can handle and it needs time to catch up and in my case certainly, pre-WLS I treated my body like a balloon for decades - blowing it up and then letting the air out.  

Moisturizer is my BEST friend right now.  I use it twice a day on my face and at least once basically everywhere else.  I basically eat keto in WLS quantities, so I think I'm getting enough fat.  It's good to know it gets better - right now I'm still big enough that it's not terrible or anything, but the smaller I get the more I notice things sagging... bleah.  :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Kio said:

Also great news!  The more I lose, the more things fold in weird ways, or shift around unexpectedly... I've started wearing a kind of compression tank top whenever I go out, which helps with the belly and hips, but, still need some help in the arm department!  And the turkey neck department... I guess I could take to wearing scarves everywhere!  ;) 

Same here. When I run my pannus claps on my legs. I imagine its a crowd applauding for me. LMAO

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Kio said:

 And the turkey neck department... I guess I could take to wearing scarves everywhere!  ;) 

I lived in scarves last winter. Didn't mind at all given how cold I was.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, AustinJ said:

Same here. When I run my pannus claps on my legs. I imagine its a crowd applauding for me. LMAO

LOL!  I imagine mine would too, if I ran - luckily, nobody's been chasing me recently.  ;) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, Kio said:

LOL!  I imagine mine would too, if I ran - luckily, nobody's been chasing me recently.  ;) 

No one chases me. They just try to keep up. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/9/2016 at 2:01 PM, GAviv said:

This

Yep. This. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now