Julie-R

Did Detox

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:(I have chosen to come here today and come clean. I just completed a 6 day stay in a detox program for Alcohol addiction. I am 7 days sober and have TONS of support and seeing doctors for depression and anxiety. I have ulcers in my pouch and in my throat from all the alcohol i consumed. I have to be scoped soon to confirm it. But i am certain i have them as i vomit all the time and have burning pain in my throat and belly. I am on several medications and doing EXACTLY what my doctors have ordered. I feel so ashamed ,embarrassed and SUPER ANGRY at myself. I am better than this and have always been a strong willed person. Doctors and the professionals at the rehab center told me that it's becoming a real big problem with gastric bypass patients as in alcohol abuse. I thought i could handle my drinking and just have a glass or two and that be cool. But before i knew it that wine went to liquor and i won't even say here how much i was drinking because no one would believe me. Plus i wasn't eating and i was maintaining for a year! Then suddenly i started having severe belly & throat pain and i started dropping weight and found myself so tired i couldn't hardly get out of bed. I can promise you all i will never touch alcohol again because it has nearly killed me. I want to live and be happy and be there for my family. Alcohol in my opinion is just TOO DANGEROUS for the gastric bypass patient.....ESPECIALLY if you have somewhat of an addictive personality.Thankfully, I was brave enough to seek help before the alcohol killed me. My liver and pancreas, pouch,throat has taken a BEATING. I am better than this folks and this lil lady has learned some hard lessons these last 3 years out from RNY. Today i am concentrating on getting my insides back to a healthy place and my mind. I truly am way better now and praying hard for strength and forgiveness from all i've hurt from all my impulsive and destructive behaviors. I did not lie when i came back to TT when i said i am better, because i am not near as bad mental wise as i was 2 years ago. I just let the alcohol take over for a little bit and like i said...I took steps to correct it. I am a happy person and love life and want so badly to do the right things. So here i am pouring out my heart and soul and hope others can learn from my experiences. Please people if you know you have an addictive personality.....DON'T EVEN DARE PICK UP THE BOTTLE. Love and respect to all - Julie    

Edited by Julie-R
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We've got your back, Julie. Lots of us can relate to what you've been through.

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9 minutes ago, tmcgee said:

We've got your back, Julie. Lots of us can relate to what you've been through.

TY Tom. I know you've had struggles too. Mine got really bad and i've never in my life got so bad as i did recently. All i can say is i am NEVER touching it ever again. It makes me sad to think what i've done to myself and to my family. Thankful i have a wonderful support system in place and that my family has forgiven me. 

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I applaud you for posting about your battle with alcohol Julie - that can't have been easy.  Sending you a massive hug.

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Julie, thank you so much for posting what must have been a difficult revelation.  I am SO happy you have been through detox are working on getting your health back.  It's a worthwhile fight, and we are here for you.  I truly believe that honesty like yours can help the next person thinking of dabbling with alcohol or drugs (or sex, or gambling, or shopping). Thank you, lots of love and luck to you in your fight.  you are worth it.  

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Thank you for sharing just the right details to convey a poignant message. You will get through this. Your body will heal, and your happy nature will shine through. Hugs.

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2 hours ago, cinwa said:

I applaud you for posting about your battle with alcohol Julie - that can't have been easy.  Sending you a massive hug.

You're correct. It was very difficult to come here and talk about my pain. What hurts me the most is my 18 year old daughter found me on the bathroom floor vomiting/shaking and crying. I was withdrawling from alcohol, as i wanted to stop on my own. It just was too difficult and my body wasn't allowing me to do it without professional help. I realized i could die, because if one drinks as much as i was it's very possible to die from withdrawls. It hurt me so bad that my daughter had to see her mom a total failure and train wreck. I have made amends with her and my husband. I'm working hard to gain their trust and respect again. It will take time...but i can and will do it. They're the most important people in my life. Ty so much for the touching reply. Hugs

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1 hour ago, bellamoma said:

Julie, thank you so much for posting what must have been a difficult revelation.  I am SO happy you have been through detox are working on getting your health back.  It's a worthwhile fight, and we are here for you.  I truly believe that honesty like yours can help the next person thinking of dabbling with alcohol or drugs (or sex, or gambling, or shopping). Thank you, lots of love and luck to you in your fight.  you are worth it.  

Ya know this habit totally snuck up on me. I only tried alcohol after i lost all my weight. Had one glass of wine and it hit me like a bomb within min. It felt nice to get that buzz so cheaply! I thought wow! I can have one or two glasses and there be no consequence and stay within my calorie limit for the day. But then i started having major problems with my marriage. I became depressed, angry and i turned more and more to the comfort of that bottle. For the last 2 years me and my husband have slept in different rooms. That made me withdraw into myself even more and use it as an excuse to get loaded. I've learned there is no excuse to abuse your body. We only have one and once you destroy what's inside...there is no fix. So i am just posting how i feel on TT in hopes it helps anyone else who is going through this in secret. All i can say is it never stays a secret for long. And once that secret get's out and people who love you realize you lied to them....there is just so much anguish. I'm lucky that my family has forgiven me and loves me enough to help get me through this. Also i am happy to report that my husband slept with me last night! It felt so good to be held and made to feel important again. I've been so lonely and tired for some time. But since i completed detox and have did AA 12x now in the last 6 days, things are looking brighter. 

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15 hours ago, WendyH said:

Thank you for sharing just the right details to convey a poignant message. You will get through this. Your body will heal, and your happy nature will shine through. Hugs.

My body has a long way to go in the healing department. My throat burns,tummy onfire and my red blood cells are huge! I was told the count was over 100 whatever that means. Not to mention the damage my liver and pancreas has taken. Hope in time me eating clean and staying sober, it all heals. If not than it's all my fault and i should have known better. Also wanna note that i am in the process of seeing a new therapist. I just need someone to talk to and to help me stay on the right path. I want so badly to do the right thing and be a good example to my daughter. I am just so heart broken over what she had to see. But ty for replying as all who reply helps me so much.

Edited by Julie-R
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3 hours ago, tmcgee said:

We've got your back, Julie. Lots of us can relate to what you've been through.

I'm doing fine, Julie, managed to stop on my own, though it wasn't as easy this time as it was 20 years ago. I've had two glasses of wine in the last two years when out with family for dinner and that wasn't a problem. We very rarely go out to eat. I won't bring it in the house though. My son in law lives here and he usually has beer in the fridge, though the carbonation is something that doesn't work for me at all, so no threat there.

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8 hours ago, tmcgee said:

I'm doing fine, Julie, managed to stop on my own, though it wasn't as easy this time as it was 20 years ago. I've had two glasses of wine in the last two years when out with family for dinner and that wasn't a problem. We very rarely go out to eat. I won't bring it in the house though. My son in law lives here and he usually has beer in the fridge, though the carbonation is something that doesn't work for me at all, so no threat there.

I'm glad that you're doing well Tom. I am doing much better myself and honestly have several professionals helping me stay on the right path. I'm also very lucky that my daughter was understanding and forgave me and hugged me so tight when i told her i was going to detox. I have a long road of recovery....but i am strong and can do this. I just hope anyone out there struggling with any addiction transfer can get help and not beat them self up so much. All ya have to do is reach out and i promise there is always going to be someone there to care and help you along the way. Have a good evening my friends. I'm going to bed as gotta be up for work in the morning. Hugs to all <3

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I think we're both quite good at beating ourselves up, Julie. I'm doing a lot better in the past couple of years than I used to be, and it sounds like you are as well. Lots of support here, and on the FB version of TT. I miss the people there who no longer come here, and it's the only reason I go there at all.

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2 hours ago, tmcgee said:

I think we're both quite good at beating ourselves up, Julie. I'm doing a lot better in the past couple of years than I used to be, and it sounds like you are as well. Lots of support here, and on the FB version of TT. I miss the people there who no longer come here, and it's the only reason I go there at all.

 

What's the FB version?

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2 hours ago, tmcgee said:

I think we're both quite good at beating ourselves up, Julie. I'm doing a lot better in the past couple of years than I used to be, and it sounds like you are as well. Lots of support here, and on the FB version of TT. I miss the people there who no longer come here, and it's the only reason I go there at all.

I don't do Facebook because all my family, and others i don't wanna see, are on there. Plus for me it's just too intrusive. I know TT is somewhat of a social site too. However, it's a safe place to come gather education on health, and get together with like minded friends on WLS. I feel safe here even though i do know it's an open site and  photos do show up in google. Though i did test my real name and no images show in google....Ty Jesus. Only way my pics from TT will show in google is if someone puts in my TT screen name. So now i feel more comfortable posting photos, plus long ago Cinwa told me you can right click on your photo and see if your pic has been used anywhere, which to me is a huge relief. I'd never want some person using my images as their own on some disgusting site etc. 

Back on point....I woke up at 2am with some lingering withdrawls. It's very difficult getting over it. I do have medications to help me through it. Though it's rough not getting a solid nights sleep. I have to be up at 5:45 to get ready for work. Working 7:30 to 3 at my office job, then 4 to 8 at the pool job. I work the office 5 days a week and the pool 3x. I enioy both and meet lot's of interesting people lol. Today is my first day back in the office since detox. I am so ready to tackle all the work that is surely backed up a mile high! My boss does know i did detox at the office. However no1 else knows, as i asked her to keep it between us. She is a very understanding lady and she always compliments me on my skills. 

I'm just so happy to be alive Tom. I really could have died if i hadn't gotten help when i did. I'm still in shock and angry at myself for allowing the alcohol to take control. I eat healthy when i can eat, stopped all those obsessive behaviors and got 2 wonderful jobs. I also have a nice home, great kids with excellent jobs and my daughter starting college this fall. There was no excuse for me to be such a loser and sink so low into the bottle over my marriage. Sad or not...I should have begged my husband harder to do counseling with me. I did try, but he also has PTSD and is active duty military * Navy Chief * and he can be quite difficult to deal with. Anyway, i did the detox because i had to. No1 forced me and it was the right thing to do. I'm feeling better each day, and i'm still like WOW...all this time it was the alcohol that was making me so sick! I was to the point of 4 days in a row with no food. All i had was booze and light version of V8 fusion juices. I lost 6 pounds last week and that scared me too. I need to stay in the 130s because i am tall. Anything under that and i look sickly. So yea, i do have a long recovery and lot's of hard work ahead. Plus i have to build trust and respect back with my daughter and husband. I'm not expecting them to right away and they shouldn't. But ya know what? My sweet Angel of a daughter told me today......Mom i am so proud of you. :unsure::wub: * Tears here, but also smiling, cuz i have an amazing kid * 

Edited by Julie-R
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I'm so glad you are getting the help and support you need.  The honesty in your posts is touching and I believe a gift. Addiction transfer is a very real possibility post WLS and awareness is powerful. Thank you for sharing!

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5 hours ago, Michael_A said:

 

What's the FB version?

It's not really a FB version, more like 'you might know these people" notifications. Whatever algorithm they use to dig up personal info is quite intrusive, and the main reason I've always stayed away. I'm not active there very much, a lurker would be more descriptive of the way I use it. FB robots do scan many forums, including TT.

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Julie, I'm so glad you were strong, open and honest enough to share this. There are alot of newbies here who ask about have just one drink early out at weddings etc..... alot of people here think it's no big deal and get worked up when the veterans are like "NO!" Don't do it"! You have proven why it is so dangerous to SOME.... I  might get blasted for saying this but I don't care, it's important to discuss this issue...... 

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Julie-R - you have a big hug lady, you are brave.  I can remember at 15 wondering if my Mom had a drinking problem and then finding out at 17 that she did. First time I saw anybody drunk let alone at 10am.  I can tell you that you are not a total failure.  My Mom's drinking was off again-on again for 5 years and then she stayed sober until she passed from bone cancer many years later.  You've been strong enough to have WLS and succeed, you will succeed at staying sober.  Hugs again.

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I spent 5 days in ICU the first time I try to detox on my own. My heart and BP was very unstable.  The second time I did 5 days detox and now am in recovery. I still say it SOME of this could be averted if the pre-surgery counseling was taken more seriously. 

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Julie,

How are you doing?  We all are here to support you.

Thank you so much for posting of your problems, as many newbies on this forum just do not understand the huge risks of drinking alcohol after a gastric bypass.

Hang in there. 

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Hi julie,

I think I may be going down the same road. I hardly eat dinner, if i do its very little and only eat so my husband won't get pissy. i drink wine every night probably about 5-6 glasses or until i pass out on the couch. I have noticed I start drinking earlier and earlier in the day. I used to wait for the evening now I m looking at 4 in the afternoon and ready for a glass. It just snuck up on me. I feel sad all the time, a lot of life changes, I now have no kids living at home they have all grown up and moved out. Its a good thing they are all doing great just really hard for me. That first buzz off the first glass just makes me feel so relaxed and I don't think about how sad I am. I know I need to stop, I feel like crap the next day and am always so tired!! I am not sure what kind of help I really need at this point I just need to  stop. small bottles have gone to cheap boxes of wine.. I m scared and sad thinking about giving it up...

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jj66,

You need to change your drinking habits right now - as that much wine on a regular basis is just not healthy.  You know that you have to do it and today is the day. 

I strongly suggest that you get all of the wine out of your house (pour it down the drain) and give it up cold turkey.  It may be tough for a couple of days, so try to keep yourself busy in the evenings doing something fun like watching a good movie, going shopping at a mall, or going to a baseball game.

There are lots of people on this board who have been through what you are going through.  Tom's story and the support that he received here may be helpful to you.

You can do it!!

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5 hours ago, jj66 said:

Hi julie,

I think I may be going down the same road. I hardly eat dinner, if i do its very little and only eat so my husband won't get pissy. i drink wine every night probably about 5-6 glasses or until i pass out on the couch. I have noticed I start drinking earlier and earlier in the day. I used to wait for the evening now I m looking at 4 in the afternoon and ready for a glass. It just snuck up on me. I feel sad all the time, a lot of life changes, I now have no kids living at home they have all grown up and moved out. Its a good thing they are all doing great just really hard for me. That first buzz off the first glass just makes me feel so relaxed and I don't think about how sad I am. I know I need to stop, I feel like crap the next day and am always so tired!! I am not sure what kind of help I really need at this point I just need to  stop. small bottles have gone to cheap boxes of wine.. I m scared and sad thinking about giving it up...

Thank you for sharing. I know it couldn't have been easy. You have an alcohol problem and its going to get worse unless you do something now. Stop drinking today. You are depressed which is why you are drinking and the drinking makes you feel better for the moment but worse in the long run. Go to an AA meeting. Even if you don't think you need to or want to. GO. I have been to different 12 step meetings at times in my life. Its very hard to walk in the door and I've cried through entire meetings before. Many people do. Just go and tell someone at the meeting - just one person you think you have a problem or on your way to having a problem. Good Luck and sending you a big hug.

 

 

 

 

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Ive gotten rid of all the wine in the house and have a plan for tonight, yoga at 5:30 then come home and walk the dogs and make dinner, I may take  a sleeping aide to get through the first few nights. Ill keep you all posted.

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