Kimelou

Reality Check

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My husband keeps telling me I need a reality check..... I still weigh myself often to make sure I am staying on track.  For 3 weeks now I have been holding in the 149-150 range, and I am almost 9 months post op.  I want to loose about 15 more lbs and I do realize that those will likely be the hardest.  I have purchase a lot of new clothing since I had nothing for fall or winter that fit- wearing a size 6/8 depending on cut and a M/L shirt again depending on the cut (boobies didn't go away).  

 

Yet, with all this I still consider myself fat.  My husband says he is concerned that I will now become a freak about it and become anorexic or something (really don't think that will happen).

 

How have you all handled the weight loss?  Do you still have body imagine issues?

 

A counselor friend of mine says I look fab now and no matter if I lose the 15 lbs or not I look great. 

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i keep hearing about this- people still seeing their larger self when they look in the mirror.  I believe I have the opposite problem right now- I feel like I'm supposed to be smaller and that i have a fat suit on.  But when I was smaller I felt like you do now.  I wish I could offer some sage advice.  Your husband is taking notice, so maybe it's something to look into.  Search body dysmorphia on these boards as well as online.  It's definitely common, I hope you find some wisdom to help you through. xo

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I think its normal to feel that way. I was overweight my whole life. Even in elementary school, I was always the biggest AND tallest kid in my class. So, after years and years of being fat, I think it takes a while to accept that we're not anymore. Even though I know that I'm not fat anymore, it still seems weird when people refer to me as "skinny". Sometimes when I glance at a mirror, I'm shocked at how I look. Its kinda like I forget sometimes what the new me looks like.

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Congrats on your success Kimelou

I sometimes feel I am fat but what I do is compare pictures of then and now. I guess my brain needs this kind of visual to compute.

Do you have any of the clothes you wore at your heaviest?

If so, please try some of those on and stand in front of a mirror. Bunch up all the extra material and remember how you used to fill every inch of the material.

What were your reasons for having surgery? Was it strictly to lose weight? I doubt it was just to be thinner? Most of us had goals beyond weight loss: to be more active, to put illnesses into remission, to extend your life expectancy, etc

Did you have any co morbidities? I don't know how old you are or whether you have children or grandchildren but it might be helpful to make a written list of all your pre surgery goals and actually go through the list, checking off each item you have accomplished.

There is a danger of not eating enough to stay healthy in order to lose more weight. Please don't do that. You have worked so hard to become healthy. Don't throw away health for a few pounds.

Seriously, what are you eating in terms of protein, carbs etc? Skimping on protein will only rob you of muscle.

The money witch in me also wants to remind you that if you lose much more all your expensive new clothes may no longer fit you and you will have to donate too big clothes you have never worn.

I hope you stay on the forum and get the answers to your questions.

Please meet your nutritional requirements to stay healthy.

Best..

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I am 5ft 2in so at 149 I am my no means small.  To be in the healthy BMI range I have got get to 137.  

I wanted surgery, yes to lose weight.  My father is diabetic, my brother who is in his 40's has had a heart attack and stroke- I didn't want to follow suit.  I had been over weight since 1st grade.  I really think I started to stress eat then.  

 

My mom warns me know of all the osteoporosis in our family and how it is better to carry a little extra weight to help our bones.  My mom, however, is 130 soaking wet.  

 

I am getting in my protein and take my vitamins.  I get around 60 some oz of water a day and eat a balanced diet.  I do have dumping bad, so sugar is a no go.  

 

I feel like I am pretty healthy.  I can go out on the greenway behind my house and walk a good pace for 4 miles and not be effected in the least.  I do have asthma which I have no issues with unless I have a cold or my allergies are acting up.  

 

I just wonder will my brain every catch up with the rest of me.  I ask my husband the other day if he thought I was still fat- he laughed and said hell no.  

 

Granted in some ways I feel it- my butt hurts a lot because I don't have near as much padding on it as I use to :)

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For me, it's not just the mirror. I FEEL fat. I have some excess skin and that feels like FAT to me. I mean, I ran 15 miles last Sunday. I know I am not fat. I can see my ribs in the mirror. I like how I look in pictures.  But I still feel fat. And I'm almost three years out. 

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I am really having an issue with this right now.  My family keeps telling me that I don't need to lose anymore weight, but I feel like I could lose at least another 20 lbs. My daughter, the 17 year old in my life, keeps telling me that she thinks I now have a mental disorder because I do not see myself as others do.  I was recently photographed with several women, and I asked her how I looked compared to the thin girls in the picture. She said, "Mom, you are the exact same size as them."

 

When you've been obese for most of your adult life, there is an irrational fear of regaining all the weight or being fat even when you aren't.  I believe that it affects how we see ourselves.  Can you remember a time in your life where you went into a house and it's rooms felt so large and spacious to you?  You didn't go back there for years and in the meantime, you've grown to be an adult.  You revisit that home that when you were a child seemed so large, and now, it seems so much smaller than you remembered.  This happened to me when I recently visited my Granny's house.  Perhaps that's what's happening when I'm visiting my body in the mirror.  In the mirror, I am so large.  In pictures next to other people, I can see I'm smaller.  

 

I'm crying as I type this.  Perhaps I need more couch time with the therapist.  I don't know.  I just know that I'm scared to death of gaining all that weight back or not losing down to where I want to be.  Gosh, the mental part truly is the hardest part.

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For me, it's not just the mirror. I FEEL fat. I have some excess skin and that feels like FAT to me. I mean, I ran 15 miles last Sunday. I know I am not fat. I can see my ribs in the mirror. I like how I look in pictures.  But I still feel fat. And I'm almost three years out. 

I completely understand this.  I physically feel fat too.  when I was fat it still was pretty firm with muscles underneath.  now it all just feels very soft and squishy.  I look fine in clothes.  I mean, I'm wearing size 12 jeans!  but underneath, it just feels fat.  I know getting more exercise would probably help this.  but maybe not if you ran 15 miles and still feel fat. 

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I am really having an issue with this right now. My family keeps telling me that I don't need to lose anymore weight, but I feel like I could lose at least another 20 lbs. My daughter, the 17 year old in my life, keeps telling me that she thinks I now have a mental disorder because I do not see myself as others do. I was recently photographed with several women, and I asked her how I looked compared to the thin girls in the picture. She said, "Mom, you are the exact same size as them."

When you've been obese for most of your adult life, there is an irrational fear of regaining all the weight or being fat even when you aren't. I believe that it affects how we see ourselves. Can you remember a time in your life where you went into a house and it's rooms felt so large and spacious to you? You didn't go back there for years and in the meantime, you've grown to be an adult. You revisit that home that when you were a child seemed so large, and now, it seems so much smaller than you remembered. This happened to me when I recently visited my Granny's house. Perhaps that's what's happening when I'm visiting my body in the mirror. In the mirror, I am so large. In pictures next to other people, I can see I'm smaller.

I'm crying as I type this. Perhaps I need more couch time with the therapist. I don't know. I just know that I'm scared to death of gaining all that weight back or not losing down to where I want to be. Gosh, the mental part truly is the hardest part.

If therapy has helped you in the past, then go for it. Body image disorder frequently pops it's ugly head up even after we think the issue has been resolved. Don't cry. Get help. You are gorgeous no matter what you weigh because you have an inner beauty not related to the numbers on a scale. Celebrate the inner beauty as well as the outer beauty. Edited by Spunkycat

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I think it takes a while for our brains to catch up. I'm nearly 2 years since surgery and I've been at goal for a year. When I see pictures of myself in a group, I can find myself based on my hair and my clothes. Otherwise I have a hard time recognizing myself. I take lots of pictures and look at them frequently. I will put a pre-op picture and a current picture side by side on my screen and work on making the connection that the current picture is what I really look like. It seems to help.

 

What I also find is my self perception is somewhat tied to what's going on with me on the inside. If I'm stressed at work, irritated with people, feeling sad, mad, etc - any of the less than positive emotions, I am more likely to see myself as bigger. I think that is my food addiction trying to get me to make terrible decisions. Since the age of about 8 I used food to cope with emotions. I don't really do that anymore so when I'm not feeling great, I seem more likely to think I am bigger which makes me feel a little worse which then makes my food demon whisper in my ear. 

 

Its been a rough week at work and I was up 1.5 pounds today. (DARN IT!) When I was getting dressed I thought - 'these pants won't fit' but I tried them on anyway. Of course they fit just fine. A**less chaps are more forgiving than you might think. (kidding)

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I think it takes a while for our brains to catch up. I'm nearly 2 years since surgery and I've been at goal for a year. When I see pictures of myself in a group, I can find myself based on my hair and my clothes. Otherwise I have a hard time recognizing myself. I take lots of pictures and look at them frequently. I will put a pre-op picture and a current picture side by side on my screen and work on making the connection that the current picture is what I really look like. It seems to help.

 

What I also find is my self perception is somewhat tied to what's going on with me on the inside. If I'm stressed at work, irritated with people, feeling sad, mad, etc - any of the less than positive emotions, I am more likely to see myself as bigger. I think that is my food addiction trying to get me to make terrible decisions. Since the age of about 8 I used food to cope with emotions. I don't really do that anymore so when I'm not feeling great, I seem more likely to think I am bigger which makes me feel a little worse which then makes my food demon whisper in my ear. 

 

Its been a rough week at work and I was up 1.5 pounds today. (DARN IT!) When I was getting dressed I thought - 'these pants won't fit' but I tried them on anyway. Of course they fit just fine. A**less chaps are more forgiving than you might think. (kidding)

 

 

I love your sense of humor, Thanks for providing me with a good visual on a rather ordinary day...LOL

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As Steph says..it takes a long while for our Brains to catch up. I struggle with this. I am a gym rat now. I have a legitimate fear of returning to pre op Mike. I get overwhelmed by it at times. I am driven though, and I think it is a good problem to have. Being proactive rather than complacent. The main goal would be to continue to eat healthy and follow the program guidelines....that is the key. your body knows its happy place and you will lose all you are supposed to as long as you follow the program. keep it up Kimelou!

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Watch what sleevarilla posted in Powerful.  It is.

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