Kim M

What have I done!

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I just registered on an online dating site.  My homework for the week, as per my therapist, was to start and look at sites.   I told her I really didn't want to date and then she wanted to talk about why.  Men are sending me messages and flirts.  Really.  What do I do now?  Totally out of my comfort zone.  I'm old and happy with friends and family.   Can anyone relate?

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Love this! Kim, I think this is great. Which site?

You know, my parents separated (and eventually divorced) in their early 60's after 38 years of marriage. After some time, they both met significant others online. My dad on eharmony and my mom on plenty of fish.

I wish you all the happiness.

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Our time.  i looked at several and just went with this one.  Right now it just feels like a game.  Glad your parents were able to find happiness again.  Thanks for the support.  

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Best of luck Kim.

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Enjoy meeting new people.  You might find the love of your life or you might find some new friends that you can spend some time with. Have fun!

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I just registered on an online dating site.  My homework for the week, as per my therapist, was to start and look at sites.   I told her I really didn't want to date and then she wanted to talk about why.  Men are sending me messages and flirts.  Really.  What do I do now?  Totally out of my comfort zone.  I'm old and happy with friends and family.   Can anyone relate?

 

It's kind of nice putting yourself out there when you aren't really that interested in finding anybody. It gives you the freedom to simply meet new people and enjoy yourself.

 

Be playful. Be real. Have fun.

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Okay so I am now part of the online dating thing.  I have been chatting with a few men. One I might be interested in meeting.  I had a freak out the other night and could use some advice.  A man who I have put as a favorite was online when I was and started a live chat.  It was okay at first and then it got really uncomfortable.  He just started saying things that were sexually inappropriate.  I am not a prude, but really I don't even know you.  I told him he was out out line and then he asks me if I want his phone number.  I ended it abruptly, but he keeps e-mailing me.  I now don't want to go online.  Maybe some women would be okay with this so I don't think I should report him, or should I?  Could use some advice.  This was a trigger for me as I found myself standing in the kitchen.  I didn't eat anything, but I am thinking why bring this into my life.  

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Block him. There's a lot of inappropriate ones online, but you can find a good one too. Delete and ignore the ones you do not like. I have never done the online dating sites, but I know a lot that it worked for. My sister-in-law met her husband 12 or so years ago on one. Another one of my friends has been dating a really good guy for about six months now that she met online. Have fun and delete the ones you don't like.

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Definitely block him, I would think the site has that functionality.

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Different people have different motivations and objectives when they sign up on online dating sites. Some just want to expand their social circle, some want to find casual hookups, and others are seeking a long-term relationship. Once you find that someone's goals are incompatible with yours, simply move on. His actions would not have seemed out of line if you were looking for the same thing he is, but you're not. You may need to block him if he persists where not welcome.

When I was dating online, I was seeking a life partner, and when I stopped wasting time on men who weren't seeking the same and didn't accept second dates from men who weren't a good fit for me, I found the right one. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary next month.

And as many stories as we hear about people who met Mr or Mrs Wonderful, if your goal is to find a few men whose company you enjoy and you do so, that's a success story too.

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Okay so I am now part of the online dating thing.  I have been chatting with a few men. One I might be interested in meeting.  I had a freak out the other night and could use some advice.  A man who I have put as a favorite was online when I was and started a live chat.  It was okay at first and then it got really uncomfortable.  He just started saying things that were sexually inappropriate.  I am not a prude, but really I don't even know you.  I told him he was out out line and then he asks me if I want his phone number.  I ended it abruptly, but he keeps e-mailing me.  I now don't want to go online.  Maybe some women would be okay with this so I don't think I should report him, or should I?  Could use some advice.  This was a trigger for me as I found myself standing in the kitchen.  I didn't eat anything, but I am thinking why bring this into my life.  

 

Block him.  End of story.  :)

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Lots of skeevy guys on line, just as well as off line. It's just a matter of weeding through them.

If someone or something makes you uncomfortable, by all means block and ignore. I'm a big believer in trusting your gut.

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Yep block him and move on.  I've done the on-line dating thing and there are good and bad out there. You just have to weed through them - just like in real life.  I met my very soon to be husband on Plenty of Fish a little over 2 years ago and we are getting married in 32 days (yes I'm on the countdown). Just keep moving on and have fun!

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I met my husband 15 years ago when online dating was really starting to take off.  I met several men that way, and only a couple of them got out of line with me.   One asked me if I wanted to have a threesome with him and another lady after telling me that he owned XYZ business.  I really could have hurt his business by revealing his invitation, but I chose to ignore him instead.  Another I actually went on a date with demanded a goodnight kiss at the end of the date.  Ugh, no!  If he was demanding a kiss after one dinner together, I could only imagine what he would have demanded after another date.  My husband, however, knew people that I knew, so I got to find out what kind of person he was before we went out.  We talked a lot online and on the phone before our first date which was in a VERY public place.  When we got married, several of the men I met online came into play because instead of being romantic matches, we became friends. One catered my wedding.  Another was the DJ at the wedding.  Yet another said he would video the wedding.  These men enriched my life, and one special one completed it.  Go for it!

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Thanks.  That is a great story.  I was e-mailing one man back and forth and then it abruptly stopped.  Who knows why?  I have pretty thick skin so not taking anything personally.  I don't get why men that live like in CA are sending me messages.  How could that even work? Well I will see where it goes.  Honestly it really is not a priority for me.  

Edited by Kim M

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Met with a man from my town twice.  Seems like a nice guy.  We went walking by the river for a few hours the other day and then stopped at a local diner to get something to eat. He said in passing that food is no big deal for him.  He doesn't give it much thought, and if he is hungry he will eat.  REALLY.  How would someone like that even get my relationship with food.  I have only met one other person who said something similar.  Don't really think this is going anywhere anyway, just not feeling any real chemistry.  I really haven't given much thought to discussing this with someone.  So what do you think, is this something that even has to come up.  I ate half my omelette, no potatoes or toast.  He didn't mention anything.  Although he could care less if he eats.  Just interested in everyone's thoughts on this. 

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I think you should relax and just let yourself open up and give these men a chance. If they show any disrespect, block and delete them. Iwish you the best

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Met with a man from my town twice. Seems like a nice guy. We went walking by the river for a few hours the other day and then stopped at a local diner to get something to eat. He said in passing that food is no big deal for him. He doesn't give it much thought, and if he is hungry he will eat. REALLY. How would someone like that even get my relationship with food. I have only met one other person who said something similar. Don't really think this is going anywhere anyway, just not feeling any real chemistry. I really haven't given much thought to discussing this with someone. So what do you think, is this something that even has to come up. I ate half my omelette, no potatoes or toast. He didn't mention anything. Although he could care less if he eats. Just interested in everyone's thoughts on this.

He sounds like my wife. She rarely thinks about food and commonly forgets to eat. The toughest part is that she doesn't think about what she wants to eat until she is about to eat. Makes it very hard for me to plan meals. I've had to accept that I will have to just eat without her sometimes. I think that bothers me more than her.

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Kim, online dating can be rough. I found it challenging because I had been married before and kept looking at all the prospects as "he won't get it," or, "that habit he has would never work," because I had been through it before. I find your gut will tell you pretty quickly if a guy is a potential match. With that said, I found that my mentality was very limiting. People are not perfect and when we get used to being alone it's hard to accept someone else's flaws. 

 

My advice (after meeting my fiance on OKCupid) is to just go out and meet people with the sole intention of making new friends. Then if you hit it off it's a bonus. With the massive amount of factors it takes to create true chemistry, you have to kiss a lot of frogs. A LOT of frogs. This can be tiring if you're emotionally invested.

 

And for the record, Wendy gives amazing advice. Listen to that woman! :)

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He sounds like my wife. She rarely thinks about food and commonly forgets to eat. The toughest part is that she doesn't think about what she wants to eat until she is about to eat. Makes it very hard for me to plan meals. I've had to accept that I will have to just eat without her sometimes. I think that bothers me more than her.

In my household there are 5 adults and two little kids, we seldom eat the the same meals -- usually only at Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas -- although even then, the whole family may very well not be there.

 

As to online dating, I think I'm happy I never had to go that route, despite being an early online adopter when most folks had no idea what a modem was. Sometimes I wonder how many years I've spent online out of the last 30. I know for sure that it is over two, because one of the systems I used to run told me I was at 1.5 years online, and that was 15 years ago.

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There are plenty of toads everywhere but there are also nice guys. Just like you, everyone is looking for something different. Some people feel safer talking to people that aren't local - you don't have to worry about them showing up on your doorstep uninvited.

I did the online thing 20 years ago and Alan and I are still together. He was in Texas, I was in Missouri.

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I'm glad I didn't have to go the online dating route as well.  From what friends have told me the chances of getting a "Toad" (as WIP calls them - love the term) is really high.  Hang in there though, you are worth finding someone of quality.

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I'm late to this thread but good for you for getting online! I met my husband online 14 years ago. Yes, lots of jerks just looking for sex chat or to hook up. So block and ignore. I kissed a lot of frogs before I met him but I was 30 and didn't really know what I wanted. You are far wiser than I was.

 

My husband doesn't have food issues. He eats what he wants when he wants. He doesn't beat himself up for what he did or didn't eat. Its refreshing to be with someone like this. And, he pays little attention to what I eat. Pre-WLS he didn't pay attention and post-WLS - he still doesn't pay attention. 

 

Good Luck and have fun!

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