Charles' Princess

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  1. I haven't decided yet whether to have the surgery or not have it, and this is the reason. You know, I don't go around getting in everyone's business and I think people extremely rude who want to get into mine. I always think, "what is my life any of your business???" The thing is, they are not really concerned about me or any of that... if I were to call ANY of my so called family or friends for help of any kind, they would all make excuses not to help, even if it were a matter of life and death. So what is anything about me or my life any of their business???? For real. I find most people to be nosy, judgmental, rude and gossipy. If you can't tell, I don't put too much faith in people. But seriously, HOW RUDE is it that people should even ask how a person loses weight, or anything else, for that matter? I am on a structured eating plan and I don't feel it is anybody's business what I am doing. Oh, they ask!!!! But, I am just doing what I need to do for ME. I need to not be a failure THIS TIME. I need to WIN. I see myself just as an athlete in training sees them-self... I have to do what I have to do to put and keep my body in peak performance. It's not for anyone else, it's for ME. People these days have no filter, I swear. And some people may say that having surgery is "taking the easy way out"... that is so polar opposite of the truth. A person who makes the decision to alter their body and eating habits for the long haul is NOT taking the easy way out of anything. That is major! Plus skin removal surgery and the emotional trauma a person will experience as a result of the anesthetic and the "buyers remorse" period, etc. There is a lot involved and then there is the emotional pain of stigma. A further emotional onslaught from family and friends (so called) who may or may not be supportive, but you know they have an attitude and they are being judgmental, whether or not they voice it. It makes someone who already feels like a failure only have an intensified feeling of being rejected and it takes a toll on your psyche. It all sucks. It really does. But here is the deal, you need to do what you need to do for you, and it is easy for me to tell you not to care what others think, but that is exactly what we need to do, is to be tough and get an "I don't care what you think or say or do" attitude. Easier said than done, especially when we tend to be compassionate and wear our hearts on our sleeve. I may not be able to be the best person for advice here, but I will get in the boat with you and do my share of paddling. My intentions are to get rid of my family, my past and all the issues that go with it. It's a never ending battle with my siblings. My parents have passed on, but it is time for me to cut the apron strings, too. I am the youngest of ten children, but I am no longer a child. I am a grandmother! It's time to cut them loose, blow up that bridge and never look back. I intend to enjoy my life and as long as I keep looking backwards at all the abuse and trauma I have been through, I won't enjoy it fully. I have decided to cut all ties with my whole family. Block them on Facebook and block their numbers from my phone, etc. That may be extreme, but in my case, the abuse was extreme and all of us have issues and it is keeping me from moving forward with what God has in store for me. So, whether I have surgery or not, ,my family and so called friends will never know, and frankly, it's nobody's business but mine. Hope this helps you to know that you are not the only one who feels this way. I wish you the best!!! Go with God and do what you need to do for your body and health.
  2. Okay, so I am not dumb, but the reason I am asking is we all know that exercise is a great thing to do for your physical body overall, helps with mood, cognitive thinking, balance, etc... but my doctor said that it is not really helpful for actual weight loss, that diet is the most important factor when it comes to "actual losing weight"... but for maintenance it is extremely important. He told me not to worry about exercise too much on my way down, but to at least do ten minutes of something three times a day. Any takes on this????
  3. I am a Minimalist except when it comes to clothes and shoes, but I think that this experience will help to keep things in perspective for me and cause me to be simplistic in my wardrobe, as well. I am considering doing a small "capsule wardrobe" maybe with blacks, grays and whites, add a little color with accessories. Shoes, even though I am purging some of the ones that don't fit, others are fitting better, so I am going to try to not buy shoes. (Try... that's the keyword here!! Ha!) I refuse to trade an eating addiction for clothes or shopping addiction, you know? The whole house is very very minimalistic, even though we have nice things, I am good about not adding more to it. I like knowing that I don't have a lot of junk. My husband has a ton of clothes, shoes and jackets, but he never changes sizes and is already a proper BMI. He does like to add more and more to his wardrobe. I have far too many clothes but I think the main reason I am sad about having to purge is the cost involved. I've always seen my clothing as a type of "investment"... but now I can't look at it that way. I would rather be losing the weight than keeping the clothes, though. I am keeping one belt, as I know how it fit when I started my journey. But it I keep the clothes around, it may be a "silent excuse" to cause me to go in the wrong direction. I'd like to lose about 90 more pounds... so there is no sense at all to spend any real money on clothing for a while.
  4. I agree with all of this. It is extremely hard when you have literally spent thousands, tens of thousands on luxury items only to find they don't fit and I can't even resell them at a consignment or online place since I am fairly short and had them tailored to fit me. I wanted to give them to my sister and made the mistake of asking her, I honestly thought she would want them for Church or whatever, and she got extremely offended and now is not even talking to me. I didn't see what I had done wrong, I would rather give them to her, (she doesn't have much money for clothing and her husband never lets her spend on clothing, makeup, etc...)... so anyway, I never meant to do wrong, but I did do it wrong. I hate to just give it to Goodwill or whatever, because the workers go through everything first, as do the women's shelters... so you run into a dilemma... it's hard enough having to give up those things, especially the shoes, when they get too big, they are expensive... I think I am going to donate mine to my Church and let them distribute to members who may be able to wear them for work or whatever. I am hesitant to purchase anything new and have made a plan to purchase only one pair of jeans, one pair of slacks and a few tops when I have to size down, and when I get to goal and start maintaining... then I can purchase new, with a sensible budget. I can have the nice luxury brands but really be minimalistic about it. I can't believe that a person can go into a type of mourning over material things. It's a difficult situation, for sure and the feelings are real.
  5. I have thought about that... I honestly don't think I would have been ready before now... Shoot 30+ years of therapy and lots of self help and sometimes I still don't know if I am quite ready for a body that matches my mind. (If that makes sense). I hope that I am at an age now that men won't be so aggressive in their approach, but if they are, I think I have a lot of tools in my kit to handle it in a correct manner and be able to put them in their place mentally or verbally... some things just are not worth wasting your words or emotions on and some, not all, men can be quite the pig. (As, I guess, some women). But I'll never know if I don't take a step forward and test the waters so to speak. Hiding behind fat isn't helping my body any and there is a saying that "you need to take care of your body because that is the only place you can live".... unless you want to go home to the Lord early and I don't think that is His plan for any of us. I don't want to waste my life being so concerned about myself and my feelings that I am no good and no use to others or the Lord. You know? I've pity partied for too long and sat in a corner licking my wounds. It's time for me to grow up and be Who God intended me to be instead of allowing the devil to keep me locked up in a prison of my own making.
  6. I have several questions. I have researched and have read books and am reading books... I even found a link for one on here that I am reading now. With that being said, my first question is: After the period of liquids only, what is your recommended calorie intake for the day? I know you have to chew your food at least 30 times before swallowing and you need your protein, but the second question is: How many and what kind of supplements do you need for the rest of your life? I want to hear from real people who have had this done. Third question, because I don't tolerate pain well at all, is: Skin removal surgery: how long did it take to not be in so much pain? I know it will be at least 3-4 skin removal surgeries, and I am concerned about that. Another question, which would be 4: My insurance will cover the weight loss surgery, but will not cover the cost of the skin removal since they consider it "cosmetic surgery", what could I expect to pay (in the US) for the skin removal? And lastly, what books do you recommend, preferably kindle editions, that help with what to expect after surgery, as far as physical and sexual abuse and losing weight, the fear that is attached to losing that barrier. The books that I have read kind of touch on the subject but don't really go into great detail. I am apprehensive about losing weight because it has been my "barrier, sense of strength (on my small frame) and a means of protection). I am at an age now, 52 yrs. old, and have done a lot of self help and also have done counseling, to believe I can go forward with the weight loss and do okay with the correct preparedness and continuing psychotherapy. The only thing I am hoping is that once I do lose the weight, that I won't regret, as have so many here, not doing it sooner. (The fear being greater than the reality.) Sigh.
  7. Thank you, Bob, and thank you for letting me know about you. Congratulations! I'm very happy for you.
  8. Thank you, Rachael, I appreciate all of your honesty. It's refreshing to have someone be "REAL". I am doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and it is truly helping, and for years and years and years and years I have been reading anything helpful that I can get my hands on. I know it has helped a lot, but I think, and I am not being pessimistic here, that it will take a lifetime to overcome all that I have been through, but as long as I keep moving forward that is the key. I probably won't overcome everything, but a lot can be accomplished. I have thought and read about the transfer of addictions, and have come up with several "good addictions or at least acceptable ones" that I can use if needed. Such as a hobby, or something else productive. I can't say I won't have a transfer of addictions, because, let's be honest here, it's highly unlikely for a person who has used food for reasons other than hunger to not have some type of transfer. I just thank God that I don't drink or do drugs or gamble. Now shopping, that's a whole different story all in itself! I'm going to really have to keep tight reigns on that one, especially once I can wear whatever I want. You know??? As long as I keep in perspective that it is okay to have nice things, but practicality says, I mainly go to Church or medical keep the reality in check. The emotional side of things will mean more therapy sessions, and I have already kicked that up a notch, since just being on the structured eating plan is causing me some issues, and I find myself crying a lot, thanks to hormones, menopause, and ptsd... but I am allowing myself to really feel the anger and pain that I have tried to quench all these years and am getting to the point that I am no longer afraid of my emotions or if I do get angry I'm now not worried that I'm going to unleash some kind of monster to wreak havoc. That was my biggest fear, is that if I allowed myself to feel angry, would it get out of control the way my parents did. Surprisingly and gladly it is not, and I even think I am not even as angry as I am hurt and sad. It hurts you deep in your spirit when you have been a victim of abuse your whole life. And not only was I abused, but I also had to watch 9 brothers and sisters be tormented and abused, as well. So it does stick with you. I am no longer having nightmares, so I am not afraid to sleep, and I think I am in a pretty good place to be losing weight and not fearing letting the weight, which has served as a barrier all these years, and it also served as strength to my small frame, go, which is HUGE !!! I'm grateful to all of you here and for me, honesty is the best policy. And you were completely honest and I do appreciate, and there should be no back lash for that at all. Thank you for being here. I hope to get to know you all better. I've been reading a lot of the older posts, and I am glad to know that other people have walked the path before me.
  9. You know, I've often thought that if I would have just started sooner... but the thing is, I have tried and tried and tried and tried and tried some more. I think I have worked as hard or harder than a lot of people and although I don't have trouble losing the weight, it is the maintenance portion... I can't maintain it and keep it off, and when it does come back on it ALWAYS brings friends with it!!! I am hoping to get off of the blood pressure and cholesterol medication and if my thyroid decides to straighten out, then that would be great, too. I guess because I do have a heart issue, I had an injury to my heart that has caused a left bundle branch block and an irregular beat... (from abuse... my dad kicked me in my chest so hard it caused this injury)... that I don't know if losing weight will cause longevity...but it is definitely worth a try... you know? The sweating and hot part, now THAT is something I have never thought of... I am ALWAYS hot and with menopause, it's not getting any better!!! HA! My husband is always freezing and I feel bad that he always has to wear sweatshirts and sweaters because I keep the house too cold for him to be comfortable. He turns on the electric fireplace in the den and bedroom in the Summer!! (And we live in the South!!!) With him being quite a bit older than me, it would be nice to be able to have the house more comfortable for him and save a lot on the electric bill, to boot! You said you feel so much more alive, that is also something I haven't really thought of, either. I guess that would be something to experience. The judging about weight, ya... I get that, people always look at me like I'm just a nobody... or maybe that is just my perception. You know what? I'm so tired of feeling like a failure... JUST ONCE, I'd like to WIN at SOMETHING! I have never thought about truly enjoying food, since it has always "seemed like" the Enemy. Thanks for your post, it has given me some things to really think about.
  10. Cinwa... I have had some hernia surgeries, and the hernias were "fat" that had pushed through, they meshed them in, but I am worried that if I lose fat, that those might somehow be lost, too... causing me to have to have surgery again. Do you know anything about that? It's just something that does bother me and concerns me. Thank you for the welcome, both of you. I appreciate it.
  11. I just wanted to introduce myself. I am new here, obviously. I don't know what to say except I have not had the surgery and have researched it a LOT but just not sure if it is for me. I am on a structured eating plan right now. The thing is, I am never sure if what I am doing is right. I've been wrong so many times. THIS TIME I want to finally be right, so there is a lot of back and forth issues. Until I figure it out, I'm just winging it. I have been obese my whole life. I have had times where I have lost a significant amount of weight by literally starving myself and exercising like a Banshee but then I couldn't sustain that lifestyle of being a gym rat. I have made a lot of mistakes with weight loss and had some pretty weird ideas, I guess. I used to think (USED TO is the key word here) that if I just lost the weight that I wouldn't have any problems, I would be more socially acceptable, and finally have a lot of friends. When that didn't happen, I gave up and gained the weight back. Now, I realize that my life will not change, I will still be me, I will still deal with problems and I won't magically turn into a Disney Princess and have all kinds of friends and events to go to. I hope this makes sense. So, sometimes, I find myself wondering "why" I want to lose weight. We all know the obvious, to be healthy (healthier), and to avoid sickness and disease to the best of our ability. I am searching deep inside myself for a great reason... and I'm accepting ideas! LOL I am 52 years old, have an amazing husband whom I adore, and I am a 24/7 caretaker for him. I have a dog and two cats. I have three grown children and six grandchildren (so far). I come from a large family, I am the youngest of 10 children. We were raised in a very abusive home (mental, physical and sexual abuse). Our parents have passed on by now, but none of us get along at all. We have all gone through too much to be any kind of functional family structure. I talk to a couple of my siblings about once a year and it ALWAYS turns out bad. I want to be done with them all and just forget about them, but I feel sorry for them and want them to know that I love them even though I can't be around them. I have had several abusive relationships until this one. My son's father was murdered in 1992 and I have come to peace with that, but somehow, anniversary dates still make me cry. Birthday, date of death, my son's birthday, milestones...etc. The things I am struggling with right now is "portion distortion". Now that I am on a structured eating plan and seeing the portion sizes it almost makes me "mourn" my old portion sizes. Don't get me wrong, I am sticking to what I am supposed to be doing and staying on plan, it's just a weird realization. Another thing is obviously the emotions that come up that are raw, I never realized that I used food to numb those before. What to do when bored? I was eating out of boredom, as well. The struggle with the scale not moving... or the slow moving.... my eating plan is structured for me to lose 1-2 lbs per week, and I get on the scale daily, which can definitely set a tone for the day and more times than not, it's a bad mood. So, I need to get out of that mode and start maybe weighing weekly. I have lost 20 lbs. this year since December, so it is slow going, but I do have some health issues that have caused me to use extreme caution with exercise. I can do it, I just have to be very careful to only walk and to walk at a pace my cardiologist has recommended. I also have hypothyroidism and am on an antidepressant, so weight loss is slow but not impossible. I do what I can and am determined. I haven't had the surgery and am not quite sure yet if I will, because I always second guess my choices and I want to be sure that I am sure of any plan I decide to do or not do. I hope that this isn't too out of the ordinary for an introduction, but I sure could use some help in the areas of finding a reason to really do this, other than health or looking good, and I really could use some support whether I choose surgery or not. I sure don't have anyone to support me in my circle. My husband does support me, but does not understand the issues that are involved with the process of losing weight, or eating different or the emotions that were/are attached to that. Bless his heart, he does the best that he can, though. So, with all that being said, I look forward to any and all ideas. What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight?
  12. I haven't had the surgery and have done a lot of research but I don't know if it is for me. In the meantime, I am on a structured diet plan, and could use a buddy. I'm finding myself with some emotional issues now that I am not using food for emotional reasons, plus, I don't have anyone for support, so thought I'd come here.