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About LittleStar

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  • Birthday March 2

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  1. Hi everyone a big thank you again for all your support. I am not currently working which money wise isn't great and I am relying on family atm. I feel bad. However I am the happiest I have ever been in a long time. I am still down about it. But at the same time I am not suffering mentally like I was at that horrible work place. Normally I am consumed with guilt from not working. My behavior outside work became unstable. I have mental health issue's. And I was scaring myself with my lack of care for myself. Since I haven't been in this has stopped dead in it's tracks. I'm happier more relaxed. Working on projects (Inktober) being one of them if any of you know it. It's an artsy thing. I had a rough few days on the weekend. And my one coping thing I had I stopped which was writing in my Journal. It was a book I had laying around and I didn't want to waste money buying a new one. But it had all just become really depressing. So I went out and bout a nice bright-fluffy yes FLUFFY new one! some stickers and pink gel pens. Which is something so little but has made me so happy and I am finally writing again and it is helping me process things. I am also a lot more positive now. I'm eager. So eager to get this surgery. My wife is being SO supportive. And has even offered to do my food for me after the op because she knows I will plate up big portions. I'm eating three chocolate bars a day I made myself count them yesterday. Today I'm going to get it down to one. I hate chocolate it is my weakness. I started eating soup I used to hate soup still hate canned. Bought some fresh been having it for lunch nice quick easy mean and getting myself used to liquid food. It's a lot healthier then the two egg mayo sandwiches I was eating before. Which made me feel sick after because I had eaten so much. I'm trying but I am still failing. Mental health is good physical health is awful in a lot of pain from weight. I do have m.e which doesn't help but after this weight I gained its become worse. I have cysts it's a condition don't remember what it's called sorry if this is TMI but they have flared up on the insides of my thighs very painful. I'm taking Codeine once a day to calm things down and am on antibiotics. A lot of people said after they had surgery the cysts calmed down and they hardly got any. I feel like I am literally at my worst. And exercise is not an option not until these cysts calm down. Though my friend has offered me a free year gym membership. I defiantly want to take it. But I've done the gym thing before and due to my poor diet it doesn't help. But I think I'll still try. My question is what can I do now? my first appointment is at the end of October it feel like it's gonna take forever. The more weight I gain the more I'll have to take off after I've had the op. What did you guys do while waiting how did you cope? did you start a diet? I think I'll defiantly take that gym member ship but I'm so scared of the pain. How did you deal with the wait? What did you do when you where at your lowest to help yourself? Sorry for all the questions. Thank you again for all your support. Star
  2. thank you @delilas working in the health sector is probably one of the worst mistakes I made in my life. It is high stress and really brings out the worst in people. The worst part atm is I eat that stuff to make me feel better and it does nothing I just feel worse for it so I'm not even getting the high I used to have. Thank you for you're advice though. And thank you @BurgundyBoy It is hard losing a job as you know. I've worked hard their 6 years and have nothing to show for it. So maybe a change will be could though getting a job is HARD at the moment. I can't wait to loose weight I do wonder if its worth starting a liquid diet just to prepare myself for it. I don't know it would give me something to focus on. I really hope this does work I'm hearing so many horror stories of people gaining it all back. I don't want to be like that. High protein seems insane to me I used to be vegan and everything was carb based they really push the carps and I lost two stone. But gained it all back when I just stop caring and the stress started. I'm vegetarian and don't know how to get protein up. But thank you to all of you being here for me. It means SO much and I know it takes me a while to reply but I can't even describe to all of you what a difference it makes.
  3. Hi everyone thank you for all your support I read all the comments on my last post I'm still not sure how to reply to individuals yet. Unfortunately I am currently losing my job. After giving years of my life to a company I am being bullied out of it and threatened. I have contacted my Union and things are going forward there. Though even if I do get to keep my job I don't know how I am going to work their with people making my life hell. So for the past three months this has been happening, I've been eating A LOT. Just so I can cope. But every time I eat something I get a snarky remark of what are you going to do when you get the gastric bypass you won't be able to eat that! At which point I wanna say really I never knew? in a sarcastic way. I get peoples concern. But the whole reason I am getting the bypass is because I have a problem I'm at my biggest. And I don't have any will power atm. Saying that after people have been going on I am trying to eat less. Though it feels pointless because with out surgery I know I can't do it on my own. I'm stuck at the beginning. My appointments at the end of October and I don't know if I should start dieting or keep going as I am. It's so hard especially with the stress all I want to do is eat. I look in the mirror see that I am getting bigger and bigger and almost feel like it's too late now. I wish I could get surgery soon that I had a goal something to look forward to. Maybe losing my job will be good maybe moving in with in laws would be upsetting losing my flat. But at least I'd have somewhere to recover while having surgery.. I don't know.
  4. So first bit of good news I finally got to go to my doctor appointment and my doctor has NO problem referring me to a team of specialists right away. It isn't going to be massively fast he said but he referred someone earlier this year and they are very close to the process of having surgery. I am really shocked he was so OK to refer me I heard story's of people being told they where not fat enough and they where bigger then me. So I was very worried I would get turned away. Apparently he said I should more then qualify well he didn't say it like that he was being very polite but I got what he meant. I'm so excited the ball is now rolling. I wish I could jump right in and have surgery next month and then part of me is panicking about stupid things. Will they let me have the gastric bypass or try and force me to get my stomach stabled. Will I die in the operating room? Will I be able to eat chocolate again. Is the sleeve better or is my stomach acid too bad? Will I be able to stay vegetarian on the diet they give me? So many questions. In any case I'm glad I've taken this big step. The reason I even considered this after condemning it for years is because of Boogie he's a youtuber and he has always been a source of life inspiration to me. I thought maybe the loose skin would be worse then being fat but I've followed Boogie and his health problems and seen what the weight has done to him. I though he was so brave for going for surgery and that he really needed it. It's only when I gained two more stone and felt crippling pain in my lower back I realized I needed it too. Boogie has such a good support system with his wife and family it's another reason I told myself I couldn't do it, I didn't think I had a support system. Not only did I find this forum when I opened up to my family about it they started bending over backwards to help. Even my wife who I know is worried about surgery and gets very worried about me has been fully supportive. If you're here because you're thinking about WLS I recommend checking boogie out. I've been in a dark place the past few months about my weight. And I found the youtuber really really helpful because he was someone I watched before he decided to get surgery. It made me feel very differently about it that it wasn't this easy way out or treatment that had a huge percent of failures. Or as dangerous as people make out. Though I know there are risks I think staying as big as I am is an even greater one.
  5. LittleStar

    6 months post-op 100 lb plateau

    wow the difference is amazing!
  6. Battle scars! You can do it!
  7. Thank you everyone you are all so lovely I already feel at home!
  8. Hi there everyone, I'm going to go by the name Star here because I don't want anyone to recognize me on here from another site. This is something really personal for me and for now private. I'm so embarrassed about how big I am I haven't even put my height or weight I am sure I will once I have had the op and I feel like things are moving a long. I've been thinking about this operation for a few months now it is something I would never dream of considering before. I always felt like I could just diet and the problem would go away. 6 years on and off dieting and I am the heaviest I've ever been. Walking long distances is hard. And I am in A LOT of pain most of the time. I have m.e which doesn't help matters but since I gained the last three stone I have been in agony. I can't do this anymore. I loose motivation because when I loose a lot of weight I don't see it I just become a slightly smaller blob. Which is so unmotivating. I live in the UK and here if your fat and you go outside people yell things at you like fatty or will even drive past you and shout things. This happens while I try and loose weight and I feel like even after I loose a lot I'm still fat enough for people to do this. I feel like with the gastric bypass or sleeve I can stay at home. Hide, recover and get my life back. I can hide away as long as I need too minus work and notice a difference. When I go outside I may still be fat but hopefully I will have lost enough to feel less pain making everything less painful. I don't blame anyone else for my weight but myself. I feel weird and I like I need to share something. Did anyone or does anyone feel really small even though they are big. I often forget I am a big person and feel A LOT smaller then I am. I feel little. I am only 5'2 but when I see photos or look in a shop window I see this huge oger thing looking back at me. And I think where am I? that's not me. I've noticed this is how other people see me this way too and all they do is talk about my weight at times. I want people to see me, the real me this fun small bubbly person who is very loving and happy. Sorry huge introduction. I'll try again. My name's Star I've been fat all my life, and I'm sick of it. My first doctor's appointment is Monday where I am going to ask about getting refereed for weight loss surgery. And I'm so excited.