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About slars04

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday August 27

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Outer Suburbia, Illinois


  • Surgeon
    Dr. Matthew Pittman
  • Hospital
    Delnor Community Hospital
  • Height (ft-in)
  • Start Weight
  • Current Weight
  • Goal Weight
  • Body Mass Index (BMI)
  • Surgery Date
  • Surgery Type
    Gastric Bypass

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  1. So after all this, I had a bad weekend with food. Not so much quantity, but quality, which is a slippery slope for me. I just had surgery on my left foot Tuesday and I did waaaaay too much afterward. I had the same surgery 2 months ago on my right foot and I was much more cautious: resting, icing, and I developed scar tissue in the joint. I asked the doctor to break it up while I was under for this one - Lord knows I didn't want to do that when I was awake - and I think I'm upset with myself for letting the right foot get like that. I know that regular physical activity will help tremendously with anxiety and mood. Thankfully, I will be able to move around so much better after I heal, in about 6 weeks. Who knew I had a congenital defect? I put up with unnecessary pain for at least 20 years; my doc had to put pins in my feet for Goodness sake! I thought they hurt solely because I was fat. And honestly, a lot of my medical problems were because of my obesity, but not all of them. It's strange how at almost twice my current size, people didn't see or hear me. To be fair, I didn't advocate much for myself because I felt embarrassed about my appearance and like such a failure overall. I am not a fan of asking for help or looking at my limitations. UGH. I do not have a good idea of what a human's normal capacity for activity and is, and how much down time I need. I don't usually think I am doing enough and I do not take care of my body and mind the way I should. Read "relaxation without guilt." I had these issues before WLS, but now I have to deal with them or gain weight, or be thin but unhealthy. Double UGH. Defeat is not an option, though. Right?
  2. slars04

    Sad news

    I am just angry about this. What a waste of a beautiful spirit! I do not even know what to say. I deal with many people in the recovery community and as painful and senseless as those losses can feel, this kind of thing tips the world on it's axis for me. I hope you can hold your loved ones close to you and find some comfort in that.
  3. This is something I still work through on an almost daily basis. Even when I physically cannot eat over something, I find myself ferreting around for something to chew on. I usually catch myself, but not always. I know I didn't get to 315 lbs. by accident. Denial of my overarching anxiety and how I use food to cope is insidious in my case. Substitution, appropriate medication, and therapy are the only things that have helped. I'm still making afghans like some old lady in a third world country cranking out doilies for 3 cents a piece. I fear new addictions - I am definitely THAT guy. I really like Res Ispa's take: make a decision to get off all the weight and never go back. I am more of a work in progress, but I strive for lifetime success. As much as my hospital's monthly bariatric support group bugs the crap out of me at times, it does help to be face to face with other people dealing with the same issues and experience them being triumphant long-term.
  4. I have been off the grid for some time with school, Mother, etc., but I am back with a vengeance. I took my boards Friday and I got the news yesterday that I passed! I'm a bona fide RN. Hallelujah! My boss gave me a candy bouquet as a congrats and I did not laugh at her. It's the thought that counts, right? What a great reminder that no one has to understand WLS and maintenance but me. I'm grateful you all get me, though. Thank heavens you're here keeping the home fires burning.
  5. OH MY HEAVENS! I am so looking forward to this! Thank you for all the great info. I need to be out a little bit further and in a little better shape, but I am so in. A girls fortnight would be awesome.
  6. Wowzers! I've grown! Apparently I am 5'8" instead of 5'7". I must have had a squatty stance in order not to topple over. Who knew?!
  7. I have a side job at a retreat center as a facilitator (Villa Desiderata Retreat Center in McHenry, Illinois). I asked about a scholarship they have set up, thinking it was for high school seniors and they told me, "Of course you can have one!" I was flabbergasted. It will pay for this semester of nursing school. Who knew?!? Life is good.
  8. This is probably not an emergency in the real world, but getting some underwear is a top priority. I keep thinking, "What if I'm in an accident? Is this how I'll be remembered?" Thank you, Mom.
  9. I had a young man offer to help me fill my tires today. I thanked him warmly and said I was good. 5 months ago, I couldn't have bent over to get the caps off AND I was invisible to most people because of how I carried myself. (Although I don't see how, since I took up 2 chairs everywhere I went.) My Converse fit again! My duck feet are gone, and I have no more pain (the gout, you know) so I can wear heels and tower over people like a good woman should. My wedding ring flew off my hand when I was reaching for something. And I could crawl around to find it. Speaking of crawling, I scrambled under my desk to plug in my phone and righted myself without incident. Previously, I would have been like a turtle on its back, at least for a few moments. I wore a skirt and top to work (first time in 4 years) and I didn't feel like I was in drag. I was confident enough to apply for a scholarship for school and got it! Holy Shikies! My underwear looks like a dirndl skirt and/or comes up over my belly button like Stuart on "Mad TV." Maybe not such a victory, especially for my husband's eyeballs. I believe it's time to go shopping, which I can do without tears now.
  10. I am not the poster child for self control or following directions, but I was back at work in 5 days and back at school the next day (after my release). I had minimal pain, just really tired, maybe a little goofy from healing / recovery, but not uncomfortable. Other people took more time off to get good habits in place and while that wasn't an option for me, it is a VERY wise thing to do. The physical recovery was really a piece of cake; it's the mental challenges that threw me for a loop (and still can). Who knew food was fuel? Make the act of eating, drinking, and exercising in a different way the focus of what you do early on and you will solidify the habits that will keep you successful over the long haul.
  11. Oh my Heavens! My driver's license is telling the truth for the first time in 26 years!
  12. I would venture to say this thread is inactive because most people here don't think they have a problem with food addiction, or any addiction for that matter. AA is the way to go. You cannot think your way through this. Being smart or not having enough willpower doesn't have anything to do with it. Addiction is a medical condition with an emotional / mental / spiritual component and you cannot beat it alone. The best family in the world is not a good enough reason to stop if you've reached that stepping off point. You do not have to do this by yourself, and the anonymous thing is for real. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to announce to ANYONE that you're an alcoholic. You can just sit and listen, if you like. If a meeting doesn't suit you, try others. Your PCP may very well be a great doctor, but if he is not familiar with addiction, his understanding will be different than that of someone in recovery. Please avail yourself of all the resources you can as you go through this. Don't punish yourself for switching addictions, but don't resign yourself to it either. You will lose everything you hold dear.
  13. Probably 30 in the 30 years prior to my surgery. BWAHAHAHAHA!
  14. For the record, I have made 9 (!) afghans since my surgery, 2 full size and 7 baby blankets. Oh, and a couple of dog coats. No obsessive tendencies here.
  15. So... I understand both sides of this and that being said, I have found it is easier to tell people who ask than to lie. It is easier for me to keep it straight and to be perfectly frank, who gives a #@$% what other people think? Even my family. It has taken me since way before my surgery date to get to this place. Today, I know that this is not a quick fix, that my head will be my worst enemy, and that I am worth saving. I was a person who thought WLS was the easy way out until I did more research and watched a friend of mine go through it. I know that I have tried traditional methods of losing weight and have been somewhat successful, but I've never been able to keep it off. I am tired of putting a moral judgment on a physical and mental condition (obesity and food addiction ,in my opinion, have components of both) for myself and anyone else subjected to this battle. For me, AND I SPEAK ONLY FOR MYSELF HERE, feeling like I could not talk about my surgery to people who know me fairly well meant that I was ashamed of my decision. After some "fudging of the truth" with people in my outer circle, it started to get too complicated and ultimately no one really cares other than they haven't seen me for a while and I'm no longer the Larson twins. It would be weird, actually, if no one noticed or said anything. I also realized that people ask if I'm ok out of concern because many people who have certain cancers lose a lot of weight quickly. People also notice because I'm not dressing like a Ninja all the time anymore. Part of my awkwardness also centers around my sexuality and control issues. Most people are just going to be more attracted to me as a thinner person. They are not bad or evil, and not everyone is out to hurt me. I knew going in that I would be confronted with certain aspects of my past due to sexual attention and I would not have food as a buffer. Knowing it and actually walking through it are animals of a different stripe, but the people who find me attractive are not being creeps (for the most part). They are being human. I'm the one who needs to figure out my own boundaries, not them. I'm the one who has to find my limits and speak up, or easier yet, walk away. People are allowed to be who they are. I do not have to participate, but getting so over-the-top enraged about some sexual attention / flirting says way more about my maturity level and coping skills than it does about the other person. Please understand here that I am not condoning any kind of forced sexual contact, or saying that I am responsible for making other people feel ok at any level; I'm just saying that healthy sexual interaction is something I am continuing to define as my weight drops. I have had a few uncomfortable moments with several women in my recovery community who yelled across the room about it (How'd you lose all that weight? What are you doing? Did you have "the surgery"?) and/or would not let it go in a public atmosphere. After I dragged them to the side and got them to let go of the death grip on my leg, I discovered they had been considering surgical options themselves and really wanted more information. They just had a messed up way of going about it. Again, not about me. I do encounter some jealousy about my weight loss and people baiting me with food, particularly family, but they would do that whether they knew about my surgery or not. HAHA! One thing I do with my family (read "Mother" and certain associates I must see fairly regularly) is say, "I don't want to talk about it." and walk away, hang up, or leave if they won't let it go. Works like a charm. They may never get it, but I am a grown-a$$ woman and I can decide what is discussable and what isn't. If their lives are so boring that they talk about me when I'm not there, all I can say is, "I'm here to help." This is your decision about whether or not to talk about your health issues. I support whatever you decide to do.