Jen581791

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Everything posted by Jen581791

  1. How did you know when to stop?

    So, strange sounding question unless you’ve been here where I am. Unreal sounding question from the perspective of someone starting the process For those of you who’ve gotten to GW, was there something that helped you know when you got to that point? An aha moment? A physical feeling? Something about how you looked? Comments from well-meaning people? I’m getting there I think, but I don’t know if I’ll know when I do... How did you make yourself decide? Before I start, this is very much not humble-bragging - I’m actually worried about this. I’m at a healthy weight for my height (138, 5’8”). I look good in clothes. I feel comfortable exercising and moving around. Parts of me are starting to feel a little boney, but other parts could maybe still lose a bit more. I feel better now than 10 pounds ago, so I’m glad I didn’t stop then. However, I don’t want to get to a place where my thinking/eating/exercise is disordered. Due to body dysmorphia I can’t really trust my eyes I obviously don’t NEED to lose more, but I worry a bit about a bounce back, and also wonder if I’ll look/feel better if I lose a bit more. Athletic stuff is easier if I’m lighter (hiking, running). I’m not *skinny* but I’m skinny *for me*, if that makes sense. I’m sure there’s some vanity involved, as well as a whole life lived in a world where thin is highly valued and where I’ve basically been either on a diet or gaining weight since I was 10 or 11. Any words of wisdom from people in maintenance are most welcome.
  2. 8 days out and struggling!

    Oh! It sounds like you're having some difficult moments right now! I'm glad you're going to talk to the surgeon. Right sided pain could be something, could be nothing, but best to find out. Chipping your tooth! That's terrible I can see fainting while getting out of the bath, though - it seems like a time that might happen. I hope you're doing everything you can to make your life as easy as possible right now. Sending you my best wishes.
  3. Tubal ligation

    Long day with the toddler? I’ve heard good things about ablation. No personal experience though.
  4. How did you know when to stop?

    Yes, I've upped my calories to 1200 per day (we'll see how that goes, but I'm getting them in every day, basically, just not sure if that's enough to hold steady). That's necessarily involving eating some pretty calorie dense foods (lots of nuts and cheese), which is kind of a treat. Since you're still in a honeymoon type timeframe, dropping a few more pounds should work out just fine, I suppose. A little extra muscle will burn a few extra calories, and presto
  5. Three month follow-up

    It sounds like you're doing great! Great health markers and NSVs, both. Halfway there is a nice milestone - it's so nice to be closer to GW than to SW. I'm excited to see some of your outfit choices when you get there Enjoy the heck out of that salad - the crunch, yay!
  6. Meeting with my surgeon

    Hi Rob not Mike (I like your preventative "Thanks Rob" at the end ) Here is a post from CJ from a few months ago - it has some ideas, mostly about food stages, medicines, vitamins, activity after the surgery.
  7. I just got my surgery

    Congratulations and welcome @Megans0988! I hope you're ready for the exciting year ahead - lots of hard work, but so worth it
  8. "At goal" pics

    My goodness, you skinny little thing! You've been hiding how small you've gotten under baggy clothes, I think, because you look much smaller than the last round of photos!! You look PETITE! Not to mention: happier, healthier, better able to move around, and more comfortable You and your daughter look so cute together! I'm so proud of you and the amazing progress you've made. Please hang on to this feeling of success and let it surround you in a happy cloud. I feel the same way about all the kind, generous, supportive people here on TTF - the help and wisdom I've received here has definitely made the journey possible. And you, of course, are one of those people, so thank you right back.
  9. Pet peeve

    This sounds like a person who will not be picked up at the airport again... Sheesh! "Hey, thanks for picking me up at the airport. By the way, I'm going to spend the rest of the one hour drive preaching ignorantly to you about your life choices. Hang on, I've got some really strongly held, ill conceived, and poorly informed opinions coming your way!" Btw, I'm AWESOME at losing weight! I've lost hundreds of pounds over the years! And stuck to those diets even when the pounds started coming back, against all logic, even when I was consuming very small amounts of calories. My lifestyle goes to sh!7 AFTER I gain the weight back and can't exercise like I used to and start eating out of self pity, desperation, and depression. I'm hoping the surgery will help me to counteract the regain. The medical evidence says it should.
  10. animalrescuer18

    Yay, it's official!
  11. Thanks, @Cheesehead! I had so many great people to look to when I was starting (including you) - I'm happy to join that group of successful WLS people who can serve as inspiration for others!
  12. I cannot believe the changes I’ve gone through in the past year. It’s truly shocking. I am so thankful for the opportunity to have this amazing do-over that is WLS. Long story short, one year post-op and I’m where I want to be: 135 pounds, healthy, and happy. The losing phase is over (well, I want it to be, we’ll see how that pans out). Thank you everyone at TTF for your nonstop and sometimes even relentless support. I have received kind words, insightful advice, interesting facts, heartfelt congratulations, and sharp yet timely reminders when I've needed them. Your nonjudgmental and sympathetic ears have perhaps been bombarded by a bit too much about me from time to time, but I thank you for listening. One year ago, I was in Mexico, waiting for my surgery appointment. I was fat, depressed, desperate, afraid, but hopeful. My surgeon, a WLS patient himself, made me feel OK about seeking help and being the “before” picture. I felt like he was going to take away some of the burden of my previous failures and give me what I needed to be successful. I felt taken care of. Before I started down the WLS path, I had stopped looking forward to the future, as it seemed like it didn’t hold anything positive or fun, but the idea that this surgery could turn all of that around and give me my life back was like a shining beacon of hope. I didn’t quite trust that WLS would be the magic bullet for me, but I knew that it was my best bet. I’d done all the reading and researching, and the stories were amazing - but in the back of my head, I held on to the thought that there wasn’t a guarantee of success. I might not be one of the successful ones, the ones whose blogs were so inspirational, the ones whose YouTube videos made me tear up with joy. I might end up like the remorseful, desperate, bitter people with their stories of why WLS “failed them.” This thought was so frightening. I’ve done the whole “lose a ton of weight and gain it right back” thing before, more than once. I didn’t want that to happen again. Because of these dark little doubts in the back of my mind, I swore to myself that I would be *perfect* after my surgery. I would do *everything right*. I knew that this do-over was a one-time-only offer, so I wanted to make sure everything I was in control of was *absolutely perfect*. I knew my metabolism was crap, but I also knew that my will was strong, my desire to succeed was strong, and my ability to follow the rules on a diet was strong. Maybe my crap metabolism would not allow me to get to GW, but I wanted to be sure I was doing everything in my power to give myself the best possible chance. I didn’t want to look back on my first year out and think, “Well, I guess I could have tried a little harder.” So I made sure that I tried as hard as I could. I was basically perfect for a year. Not everyone has the fortitude to do this, but tapping into my own psychological strengths/weaknesses, I knew that drawing some hard lines in the sand would be my best bet. I haven’t had a piece of bread since early January 2017. Or pasta. Or rice. Or sweets. Or soda. None. It was easier for me to say flat-out no, so that was my approach. My surgery was an unqualified success. I had a relatively easy recovery, and despite some initial doubts about whether I was losing fast enough (OK, we all think we’re slow losers at some point, thank you for talking me down, TTF fam), I lost steadily and well (one more time for the newbies: yes, I felt like I was a slow loser and I was going to fail!). My feelings after the first month were positive enough to give me back hope for my future, so I interviewed for and was offered a job back in the place I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to be doing. The future started looking like a fun place where I could enjoy myself and live my life as a happy and active person. For my first few months, I was unemployed (well, and technically homeless, but that was by choice, so can’t really feel sorry for myself there), so I had plenty of time to make sure I was taking the very best care of myself. I measured. I weighed. I counted. I tracked. I made spreadsheets. I ate between 600 and 800 calories per day every day until I got to GW (with the exception of maybe 5 days at around 1000). Fitbit and My Fitness Pal became my obsessions because hey, that’s who I am. I was meticulous. With a twinge of shame, I will confess that I sometimes weighed myself multiple times per day “for science.” <— not recommended but sort of interesting to me - I usually weigh the least right before lunch! Eventually I started to feel like a normal sized person again. I was down to a weight that made me hang my head with shame (and eat to comfort myself) when I was there on the way up, but on the way down, it felt fantastic. I had to buy some new clothes. They were still drapey, and I was still working hard to cover up my fat, but I felt better about myself. I was able to exercise and be more active, too. I moved to the other side of the world at six months out. It threw my rhythms into quite a shock, but instead of resorting to food for comfort, I doubled down and took comfort in being in control of what I was eating. Many of my normal foods were not available (no cottage cheese, omg, tragedy strikes!), so I had to find new things and be resourceful. In previous moves to new countries, or even back to home from abroad, I always always gained weight, every single time. This was new: I was still losing. Within about two months of moving, all of the clothes that I had brought with me were too big. This was the beginning of my wardrobe worries. I fretted that I was going through sizes too fast. I fretted that I didn’t know what style I would seek out for myself when I started shopping in earnest. I fretted that I wouldn’t ever get to a place where I was really pleased with myself. This was all silly, of course - I managed to find things to wear just fine. I found a tailor to take in my clothes. I bought a few things. I started figuring out my style. And I’m totally happy with my current state. All the new people I’ve met here think of me as being a thin and fit person (I feel a bit like I’m fooling them or like I’m an impostor, but I’m not). I mean, many have noticed that I’ve lost a lot of weight since I’ve been here, but they know I’m active and that I’m a health-food low-carb whole-foods protein-shake freak. I’ve taken up hiking again - I had always loved it but finally quit doing it when I got too heavy and it just became painful and unpleasant. Now, I’ve joined a hiking club and do it regularly (every week!). It’s not hard to haul myself up a steep hill. I don’t get wheezing out-of-breath tired. My heart doesn’t pound. I don’t have to stop and “admire the view” twice as often as anyone else. All a part of the new persona. Moving to a new country has actually probably made it easier to be a "new person." In December, at just past 10 months out, I hit my original GW of 150. Woo hoo! I celebrated by buying a few outfits that are now too big for me That’s OK, though - they were a fun way to spend the day, and I probably would have spent that money on food previously, so all in all it wasn’t a total loss. I do need to get those clothes to the tailor, though, that reminds me. Anyway, there I was, at GW but not really certain I wanted to stop. What would I look and feel like a little bit thinner? Because I cannot simply let things be, I spent the next two months fretting about when to stop. Thank you for your patience, support, kind words, and excellent advice, TTF fam. Finally, at 15 pounds below my original GW, I had my husband take some pictures of me, and hey! That’s what it took. Yes, I need to stop losing now. That was a week ago. Since then, I’ve upped my calories to about 1200 per day. That may need to go up, but I’m experimenting. I have now had the life-changing experience of NOT TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. Yes, for the first time in my life, I’m actually NOT trying to lose weight! I’m not planning a diet, figuring out how to sabotage myself or rationalize cheating on a diet, berating myself for failing on a diet, or in any other way dieting. I’m still tracking like a crazy fool, but I’m tracking to make sure I eat ENOUGH, which is hard. I bought myself a pair of bright orange jeans yesterday afternoon. Because I can! For all of you pear-shaped ladies out there, I know you’ll understand. From the waist down, it’s been skirts or dark “flattering” colors my whole life. Please don’t look at my booty or thighs! However, I now have a small (absent?) booty and thinnish thighs, so to celebrate, I bought bright orange jeans. I’m wearing them right now. I also bought a pair of bright coral pink trousers. I hereby retire from the all-dark-clothes-all-the-time club. I don’t remember who on the forum said their shopping mantra was “If it’s not black, put it back,” but that has been my go-to color all my life. Well, navy blue or charcoal to spice things up occasionally, right? I’ve decided that I will wear funky bright colors and flashy stuff if I want to because I can. While my eyes still do not always see a thin person in the mirror (I look fat to myself about half the time), I know that I am now a thin person. My sense of identity is growing to include “thin person” now, although my inner fat girl is probably here with me forever (you know, the one who thinks of excuses not to do xyz because it’ll draw attention to her various issues, or else thinks of excuses to do something food-adjacent to cash in on the treats). I can’t for the life of me pull a piece of clothing off the rack that’ll come close to fitting correctly, but I’m starting to learn the numbers game with sizes, anyway. I’m that person who always takes the stairs. I always have a food contingency plan - a carefully packed lunch and snacks, an emergency protein bar, and my ever-present water bottle. I go to the gym instead of watching TV or having a cocktail. My priorities are just very different. I’ve taken this year to cement into place some very different new habits that I hope will stick with me forever. TTF fam, thank you so much for your support and friendship. They have meant so much to me this year - whether in awesome NSV moments or when I’m hanging my head over the toilet because I’ve eaten something that just didn’t work, you’ve been there for me when I’ve needed it! I love you all.
  13. Happy!

    I think it was @NerdyToothpick's brainchild. She has a way with words I do like the idea of a place we can go to sit and drink our victory protein shakes together. You may not have a standing reservation yet, but pop by for a high protein snack and we'll wait for you to come back for realz.
  14. Happy!

    Way to go, Trish!!! We're saving you a seat at the booth here in the Maintenance Cafe!
  15. Postponed

    I hate it when life throws a wrench in the works, especially for scheduling. This is just a bump - you’ll still end up on the losers bench, just a little later than planned.
  16. Travel Tips?

    Several brands including syntrax make single serve powder pouches, so all you need is a bottle of water to toss the powder into. That has worked really well for me in my travels. You can order them on Amazon in 12 packs - they’re very lightweight. When I went to Guatemala, I took 21 pouches and 21 bars for a 3 week trip. Got some funny looks at the airport when they scanned my luggage, but that’s all.
  17. Travel Tips?

    I adore shopping in the grocery stores of a new country! One of my favorite surprises while traveling was learning how awesome Italian truck stops are. They are SOOOOO great! They put even the biggest most amazing American truck stops to shame, and they have real food instead of just processed garbage (I mean, they have that too, but they have wonderful real food in great abundance.
  18. My body has gone crazy!!!!

    I'm not entirely sure I can find a pilates studio where I am. I can definitely look into it, though. I've always liked the idea of pilates.
  19. My body has gone crazy!!!!

    New shoes! New shoes! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Thanks for giving me this excellent excuse, I mean important reason, to buy new shoes! In all seriousness, I do need new trainers and hiking shoes/boots, but sadly I am not in a good part of the world to do that I'll be buying online and paying for shipping, so no chance to even try them on, but I do know the brands I like and my foot size hasn't really changed (I had thin feet, I guess?). Just having shoes that haven't been worn in by someone much heavier than I am will probably be beneficial.
  20. Stall

    Hi @Learningtolovemyself - welcome to TTF and congrats on your excellent success so far! 103 pounds is fantastic! It sounds like you know the drill with stalls. They happen. They seem to take forever. Then they go away, just as mysteriously. I find that sometimes the mere act of complaining on the forum about my stall causes me to break the stall overnight... I really hope you see some progress soon - you're getting close to Onederland, and that is a sweet sweet victory. Maybe try upping your water intake radically for a couple of days? That sometimes nudges the scale down a bit for me. Otherwise, you're on plan so you're doing just what you should be, and the stall can't last forever if that's what you're doing.
  21. Thanks, I've bookmarked it, and I'll add it to the "articles on WLS" thread, as well. Good stuff and a powerful tool to convince someone that WLS is NOT a radical choice, but a sensible option.
  22. Thanks, BB! Success tastes very good. I'm so happy you've been a vocal and supportive part of my journey
  23. HELP PLEASE I am gaining !!

    Whew! That's got to feel great! Glad things are going in the right direction!!!
  24. My body has gone crazy!!!!

    My joints, particularly my hip joints, started to feel really weird at around 10 months out and still feel a little weird. I hold myself so differently now, it's no wonder, I guess. I think things are re-aligning a bit, but basically every step feels strange when I walk, like I'm not me. I have a different gait. It doesn't seem surprising when I think about why, but it does feel weird.
  25. Thanks @Res Ipsa! It has certainly been an experience! Maintenance goal #1: get 1200 calories per day. So far that's been a bit of a challenge, but I'm working on it!