LouisianaLady

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Everything posted by LouisianaLady

  1. Thanks for the support everyone. I'm heading to bed. Surely tomorrow will be a better day.
  2. Hi everyone! I know that I have not been around much lately and for good reason. Life has taken a turn that has left me reeling. So much has happened in the past six months, so let me catch everyone up to speed. My husband and I have separated because he can no longer “live in the chaos and drama” that is our home. He and our daughter do not get along at all anymore. Well, actually, that’s not true. Now that he is no longer living in the house, they are getting along better. He does not have to view her messes or deal with her smart mouth. Of course, I still live with her (sorta kinda), so I get to deal with it daily. As most of you know, he is a pastor, so Ashton and I are viewed as ogres because we must have done something horribly wrong for him to not be living there. I am gossiped about quite a lot, and everyone treats me differently at church. That being said, I have stopped going. Tony has a legal matter that we had to take care of as a result of his disciplining our daughter last September when she was still seventeen. It got physical, and the cops were called because she threw him to the floor in her rage (she’s a strong girl and outweighed him at the time). Keep in mind that I had called the police three times in less than a year because of her behavior. On the prior two occasions, the officers advised her that she was still under our authority, and she had to be compliant with our wishes. They also told her that corporal punishment was legal in the state of Louisiana. On the last call, the officer took issue with what the previous officers had told us, and they arrested Tony for Domestic Assault Battery. Keep in mind that she had drawn blood on him, but they did not arrest her. She begged them not to arrest him, but they did so anyway. Over the past few months, we have had to hire an attorney to represent him (the money that cost would have bought me a beautiful diamond ring). Thankfully, the District Attorney’s office agreed that it was not Domestic Abuse Battery and dropped the charges. Thank goodness we could afford an attorney. What do people do that afford one – yes, I know, they go to jail. Our family is in counseling and has been since then. As for me, I have taken on a lot more responsibilities at work. Because of that, I find very little time to come to the website. Because I work for the insurance office of a large school district, I stay very busy under normal circumstances. Throw in the holidays, and it gets crazy. We are off work for two weeks (yippee!), but when we come back, we come back to “OPEN ENROLLMENT.” Add the fact that we lost an employee to retirement in the beginning of January and that I am the first person that people see when they come in our department, and you can only imagine how much my work volume has increased. Add to all that my normal responsibilities (I handle the cancer and disability policies along with Tax Sheltered Annuities and send out Cobra notices for 5,000 people), and one can only imagine my stress level. I have not dealt with the stress well to say the least. At work, I am professional and caring, going the extra mile for every employee that walks in my office. I work 9 hours a day (I do not take lunches because I don’t have time), so when I get home, I am DONE! I veg on the couch and stare at old Netflix episodes of whatever show my daughter is hooked on at the moment. My house has gone to hell. Also in January came Mardi Gras season. I was royalty this year for the Krewe of Akewa (you can friend us on FB at Akewa Minden Krewe to see my pics). As royalty, I was a goddess, so I had to first attend coronations for all the other Krewes and then their Bals. It’s a great honor to be royalty, but it becomes stressful when you have a function to go to every cotton picking weekend with some weekends holding as many as three Bals over the course of two days. I rode in two parades which is the absolute most fun I think you can have. Tony and Ashton rode with me and got along for the most part during the parades, but they did nothing to help me get our throws (beads, stuffed animals, moon pies, oatmeal pies, etc) purchased or loaded, so that was more stress. I estimated we threw 5,200 strands of beads for one parade alone along with 10 lbs of “penny candy”, oatmeal pies, 100 stuffed animals, etc. I was so glad when Ash Wednesday rolled around. Oh, and they have asked me to be royalty again next season with the plan of me being queen in 2018. Yes, I am already collecting stuff for the coming years. Add to all this that my daughter had her sleeve surgery in December. She has done great with it. She has lost 64 lbs so far, and she is really looking and feeling much better. She is, however, getting on my nerves now because she watches everything I put in my mouth (more on that later). With this newfound confidence has come a newfound arrogance because she is now 18 and “an adult.” She now treats me like I am her peer. Her mouth is unbearable. She knows it all. I absolutely hate this phase because she is just like I was when I was her age (except I didn’t openly disrespect my parents – daddy would have worn out my butt with a 2” leather belt). I remember talking back to my mother when I was 18, and she beat the he** out of me with a metal, slotted spoon. I think back on it now, and I know I probably had it coming since I am seeing this side of Ashton. About three weeks ago, it all came to a head when she in the words of her DNA donor “let her alligator mouth overload her hummingbird butt.” She said something to me that could have been construed as a threat on my life, and I kicked her out of the house. I told her to get out then and there. It hurt me and I cried about it after she left, but I could not let her get away with talking to me that way anymore. She still comes and goes from the house every day to feed and water her pets (or at least she’s supposed to but that does not always happen). About two weeks ago I noticed her posting a picture of herself on FB, and I could tell she had taken it in my room while I was at work. Also, some of my clothes (panties) had come up missing along with some of my cosmetics. When I gathered up all the laundry that was in her bathroom and bedroom, I found my underwear (Ick! I don’t share my toothbrush with anyone, and I am definitely not sharing my panties!), so I marched out to the local hardware store and bought a keyed lock to put on my bedroom door. I now lock my door anytime I leave the house. She is staying with her boyfriend’s parents and while I miss my sweet Ashton, I can’t say that I miss the Ashton she has become lately. However, I love her every single day. I will be glad when I am no longer "stupid" and become smart again in her eyes. Now to the reality of what this has done to me. I have gained 25 lbs in 6 months. I know that food is an addiction for me, and I know that I turn to it when I am stressed. In addition to that, I have been drinking alcohol. I could honestly say before surgery that I had never been drunk. I cannot say that anymore. Not long after Tony left, I took my sleeping meds for the night, and I apparently lost my mind. My doctor had me taking trazadone and temazepam at bedtime. On one particular night, I took my sleeping meds and did not fall asleep right away. I got up and get back in the living room and sat on the love seat to look at FB on my phone. That’s the last thing that I remember. Ashton filmed what happened next (and naturally she texted it to my husband which drove a deeper wedge between him and me). Apparently I had a black out, got up from the couch, got out the vodka, and drank at least half a bottle’s worth before Ashton realized what was going on. I then proceeded to drunk text my husband and drunk post on FB. In the video, I am clearly awake and having a conversation with her, however, I have no recollection of it. I am ashamed to say that up until the first of the month (the end of open enrollment at work), I was drinking pretty regularly. While usually it was a large glass of wine, on more than one occasion it became a bottle of wine. Add to that the chocolate M&Ms that I ate with the wine, and well, you can easily see how I have managed to gain 25 lbs so quickly. Today is a new day. While Tony is still not living at home, he did come home for several days while we experienced flooding last week (goggle Shreveport flood pictures). On Monday, he went back to where he is staying because he's "paid rent for the month of March and doesn't want to waste it." Ashton has become a little more humble, but she is still not living back at home. I hired a personal trainer to beat up on me about my fitness, and I am back to logging my food in My Fitness Pal. There is no alcohol in my house. I have contacted my psychiatrist and she has put me on different sleeping meds. I am coming here – back home – to report in and find the accountability that I need. I do not know what tomorrow will bring. Shoot, I don’t know right now what the next hour will bring. I do, however, know that I can pray to my higher power and call on his name for strength. I’m sorry this post is so incredibly long, but that’s where I am. I will say that I have missed all of y’all.
  3. Meredith, it's going to be ok. Whatever happens, it's going to be ok. Why is it going to be ok? Because YOU ARE Meredith. You can do anything and be anything you want to be. If this project does not work out, the next one will. How do I know that? Because Meredith does not give up....EVER! I've seen you go through so much, and I have no doubt that you will get through this too. Go see the doctor on Thursday, find out what's going on, and move on from there. I will be saying prayers and crossing my fingers for luck either way.
  4. I think you look awesome. I would do maintenance too if I looked as great as you do.
  5. Little Miss has had a much more difficult time than I did. Nausea has been terrible with her pain medication. We had our surgeries at different hospitals, and she has had a completely different experience than I had. Last night was rough. She will be going home tomorrow.
  6. Prayers please! I'm more anxious over her surgery than I was over mine.
  7. As long as the water is room temperature, I can guzzle about 8-10oz at a time. I know once I have done that, however, that I will need to wait a little while before I attempt another sip because I get cramps in my stomach.
  8. Little Miss LouisianaLady's liquid diet starts today to get her ready for surgery. Our doctor only requires a one week pre-op liquid diet, thank goodness. To be supportive, I told her that I would do a liquid diet this week too. Oh my.......I have the feeling that we are going to be real witches this week to one another. Maybe it's a good thing that my husband and I are separated right now. Two women on liquid diets might be too much to handle right now. Wish me luck.....
  9. I truly wish that I had gotten a video of her (my daughter) coming to in the recovery room. She was so funny. She kept telling me about a video that Dr. Merriman showed her before surgery of a Star Wars mash up. She said they put the block in and that was the last thing that she remembered, so she swore they did not do the scope and got quite upset about it. When we tried to get her to slide over on the bed so we could put the railing down, she kept telling us she couldn't move because they told her to lie like that. Putting on her clothes was like dressing a drunk pre-schooler with arms, legs, etc trying to go in whatever hole was available in her shirt and pants. Of course she wanted her phone so she could text her boyfriend to let him know she was ok. Jibberish was what she sent him we found out later after he sent her a snapchat of himself smiling. Oh boy.....what a day. Surgery is scheduled for December 22nd.
  10. My daughter, Ashton, is scheduled to have her surgery on December 22nd. We are on the official countdown now. December 3rd is her psych. appointment. December 10 is her EGD and nutritionist appointment. Her birthday is December 14th. Surgery is December 22nd. Christmas is the 25th.... Gosh, then it's a whole new year. Man, this year went by FAST....
  11. Congratulations on your sobriety. One day at a time! Alcohol hits me really hard. I cannot drink anymore.
  12. Ok, I'm crying! I am so glad that you had a great birthday, but more importantly, I am glad that you feel happy and validated after all this time. Congratulations!
  13. If you need a sweet snack after dinner, grab some sugar free jello and go to town. I've been lax with my eating and exercising lately, but my daughter is having surgery next month, so I will be going through all the phases with her again, so she has a partner. It's the least a mother can do.
  14. When my husband asked me if I belonged to him when we had dated three years, I told him NO! "What do you mean," he asked? I told him I viewed our relationship more like a long term lease, sort of like leasing a car, and we all know what happens at the end of the three year lease - you buy the car or move on. Whoa! That spoke volumes. I had it in my mind that he had six months from that date to propose. If he had not proposed by then, we were through. He proposed two months later at Christmas.
  15. I was in a group of friends that used to go out together every Friday. We would meet at a local sports bar, have a drink (or two) together, and discuss our lives. Two of these women attended my church (A & K), and S was a life long friend of A and works for the same school district that I do. When I told them that I was planning on having the surgery, A & K jumped on that like a starving dog on a bone. Oh now! That was a terrible idea. We know so many people that have blah, blah, blah. "If I want to lose weight," K said, "I just cut back and lose it on my own." Please keep in mind that S is about average, A is overweight, and K is morbidly obese. K has all the health problems that I was suffering with; diabete, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Never one to let others make my mind up for me, I decided to pursue the surgery for my health anyway, and the rest is history. I no longer have diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol. Did any of them visit me in the hospital? Nope. Do we do anything together anymore? Nope. Have any of them encouraged me? Yes, thank goodness. However, A & K are also the people that told EVERYONE in our church about my surgery even though I was trying to keep that private. I'm sure that the church thinks I chunked down a huge amount of money that I could have given them (no so, it was paid by insurance). I'm sure that they think I am full of myself because I dress cute now instead of in my frumpy clothes (things have gotten back to me that the "ladies" in the church have said about me). I'm sure that I get excluded because I no longer drink (doesn't stop me from going out and ordering water when I go out with other people). What has this surgery done for me? It has opened my eyes to the people that truly care about me and the ones that do not. I have to go to church with these women, but I do not have to hang out with them unnecessarily.
  16. Mike, what a great picture! How awesome!
  17. I am feeling the same way right now. My profile does not reflect it, but I am back up to 160. The stress is killing me, and it's about to get more stressful. Anyone have a joint? IJK, I have NEVER done that, but I'm beginning to think that medical use for anxiety and stress is looking pretty good. Meredith, we seriously need to take a trip to Colorado....to see Greer of course.
  18. I love it here when we have a snow day. I work for a very large school district, and we get to stay home if the kiddos don't go to school. While they are having to make up for time they missed, we don't because I work at the central office, not a school. Yipee!
  19. I found that my fitbit does not recognize when I walk on the treadmill holding on to the handrails. Perhaps that's what it is for.
  20. Jolls, everything comes to a screeching halt here whenever they just say snow. People run to the grocery stores and buy out all the bread, eggs, milk, and toilet paper. LOL I guess they have their priorities in order.
  21. Thank you for the report. I am so relieved to know that you are in good hands and that everything went well with the surgery. Take it easy now and just relax and heal.
  22. My daughter, Ashton, is scheduled to have her surgery on December 22nd. We are on the official countdown now. December 3rd is her psych. appointment. December 10 is her EGD and nutritionist appointment. Her birthday is December 14th. Surgery is December 22nd. Christmas is the 25th.... Gosh, then it's a whole new year. Man, this year went by FAST....
  23. Gosh, don't check in for a week and the whole world turns upside down. Greer, I am so sorry you are going through this. Prayers will be going up for you and Eli. I hope that you find some relief soon.
  24. Yes, I have what the plastic surgeon called a waddle or turkey neck. I think it bothers me more than the stomach and breasts right now. I can always wear a good bra and spanx, but there is nothing I can do for the turkey neck except surgery. Anyway, I went in for a consult last week, and he quoted me $16K for a mid and lower face lift. He said he would not fix the neck unless he did the mid face lift too because he is afraid there will be some pulling that will look like a Nike swoosh trademark on my cheeks if he doesn't. His lady that consulted with me first had clearly had A LOT of facial surgery herself, and he later mentioned that she was his wife. Oh good grief, I don't want to come out of it looking like she does. I may need to get a second, third and fourth consult.
  25. Ok, let's start with the can'ts. We cannot go out to dinner because I just had this surgery....... Yes you can! We went out to dinner. We would go somewhere that served soup in those early weeks, and I would ask the waiter to bring me as much broth and as little "ingredients" as possible. One lady I read about would take her own strainer and ask for a separate bowl so she could strain her soup. I enjoyed my broth, and my family enjoyed their meal. We cannot go out with our drinking buddies.... Yes you can! The only drawback is that neither of you can drink. My husband goes to a sports bar every week and plays online trivia with "the boys." Of course everyone is drinking. My step-son and his wife own a brewery here so naturally everyone is drinking there. We go there on a regular basis. What's my secret? I carry bottled water with me everywhere I go, and I add flavoring drops to it. The bartender at the sports bar always asks, "Mrs. Denise, you want your regular?" She serves up a glass of water, I add my flavoring, and I look like I am drinking with everyone else. If they are true friends, they won't care what you are drinking. Shoot, our friends are glad that they have a designated driver in me. We have driven friends home on more than one occasion. Now to the cans....... You can exercise together. No, that does not have to be the gym. When we go out with friends to listen to music (remember the drinking buddies part), my husband and I dance. It's great exercise, and we are having fun together. We both love music, so it's just something we do every couple of months. Our favorite band is coming to town in November for three nights, and I plan to be shaking my booty every single night. Shoot, take her on a picnic at the park and then just get up and walk together. You would be amazed at what you two can communicate to one another when you are just walking in a pretty environment. You can and should be wooing your wife right now to try to draw her back in during this time. There is a great book out called Love and Respect: The Love She Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1591451876/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445956290&sr=8-1-fkmr2&keywords=getting+the+respect+he+needs Get the book and read it. Yes, it is written from a Christian view point, but my husband and I both read this book after he had an affair at the urging of our counselor, and it helped us both a great deal. Notice that part about the counselor. Go see one. You can find counselors that will see you with payments on a sliding scale based on income. Also, some companies offer counseling services as part of their benefits package. Where I work, they provide free counseling to employees because we have counselors on staff (I work for a school district). If your wife is not interested in counseling, you go by yourself. This is a stressful time in your life with all the lifestyle changes, and you need someone to vent to. There is a saying that goes "physician heal thyself." My husband and I are currently separated because of an issue he is having with our daughter, so we are in counseling. It was probably for the best that he left the household although I wish he hadn't. While we have a family counselor, I am currently looking for a counselor for just myself as well. I need a safe place to vent about him so I can get rid of the anger without spewing it all over him in our family counseling sessions. Get thee to a place of worship if you have a religious affiliation of ANY type. I do not care if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu. etc. Fill up your spiritual side right now with whatever higher power you can embrace. Pray, meditate, chant, whatever. For me, when I am in a bad place, being around my spiritual brothers and sisters helps a lot. I reached out just this week to two of my friends that attend different churches than I do, and they are both being so supportive during this time. It's good to have someone that will help you carry the burden during these times. You will note that they are both same sex friends. Confide in same sex friends so you do not fall into the unintentional trap of falling emotionally for someone of the opposite sex that we hear so much about now. After talking to one of my friends, she confided that they are having the exact same problem with their daughter as we are having with ours. It made me feel better to know that someone else is going through the crazy teen years too. Thank God it's not just my kid. Like others have said, this is a stressful time for both of you. Here your wife is in a new job. You just had major surgery. Man, just one of those is stressful, and y'all have two huge stressers. Talk, talk, talk when the two of you are both receptive. I know that I cannot have a talk with my husband when he is watching sports or working on his computer, so find the best time to talk and take advantage of it. Take advantage of every opportunity to touch her (not in a sexual way). Just touching someone helps form a connection. Do things for her that you did when you were trying to win her. I write a silly "word" on a piece of paper and slip it my husband's belongings for him to find later. It's SHMILY which stands for See How Much I Love You. If you google it, I am sure you will find the story that goes with it. I will be thinking about y'all, and I will add you to my prayers..... Hang in there......