Chele0828

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  • Content Count

    228
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Chele0828

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Age
    50

Information

  • Surgeon
    Dr. Joya
  • Hospital
    Amerimed, Puerto Vallarta
  • Height (ft-in)
    5-05
  • Start Weight
    356
  • Current Weight
    210
  • Goal Weight
    170
  • Body Mass Index (BMI)
    34.9
  • Surgery Date
    05/19/2014
  • Surgery Type
    Vertical Sleeve

Recent Profile Visitors

2,506 profile views
  1. Wow. You look incredible - and genuinely happy. How cool is that!
  2. Wow! See what happens when I disappear for a while! First - you look AMAZING! I am so sorry you are having to go through this, and I imagine it would be scary. Sending positive, healing thoughts your way. Hang in there
  3. I agree on the dominating look comment, but lets face it...we all know you are just a big sweetheart...pfffttt @ bad @*#! (but your secret is safe with us)
  4. Blasted cookies! They got me too! I tried a different approach at Christmas by not cooking so much food and not going with traditional eats, but I did make cookies (an old tradition with my kids) and proceeded to eat them. I finally experienced that crappy dumping feeling...had to just crawl in bed and suffer. I drank too much wine...I ate fried food with gluten...ugghh. I did, however, come to a shocking realization. Each time my daughter has come down from school at the holiday, I have begun subliminally planning this crazy, entitled eating. I used her time with me as an "excuse" or a "free pass" to run amok. In the past 4 days, I have lost the 9lbs that I gained over my 5 day eating frenzy. I am back on track, walking and eating well. Today, I am at my lowest weight since starting this whole journey. This is a huge victory. In the past, if I blew it, I was out and in it for months and gaining weight like a freight train. Today, even if I feel bad about it, I can forgive myself, learn from what I did, and regroup. I never did this in the past. I admit, it is really scary to know that (a) I can eat like that if I want to and ( I can gain weight so rapidly. The upside to this is that I don't have to live there. I can regroup and get back on track. I learned that when my daughter comes to visit, or when I go up there, for whatever reason, it is a trigger for me to blow it, and I need to do work around that. Instead of beating myself up...I am just looking at what happened as "good information". That's really all it is...information. The more I know about myself and am willing to actually look at it and be honest with myself, the more I can grow, change, evolve... I agree that its hard to do this on my own, but I am giving myself more credit every day for having a willingness to look at what is underneath the reactions, the behaviors, and the cravings. You are 100% right that our surgeries didnt "fix" our brains. Truthfully, I dont think our brains are broken, just conditioned to react a certain way. I absolutely believe that we can change this bit by bit. I see you do it with every post you put up here. I see myself doing it also. I dont like to think that we are in for a life sentence of suffering and sadness. I think we need to treat ourselves with the same love, kindness, forgiveness and acceptance that we give to others. We are human. I used to work so hard to be "perfect"...to feel like I was "enough". Now I glory in my own imperfections. I am ok...relieved even...that I dont have to be perfect...and that my imperfections dont make me "less than" anyone else. I am learning to detach a little from my thoughts. They are only thoughts...not necessarily truths. I notice them...acknowledge the negative thoughts, and just let them go. I am seeing that the more attached i get to negative thoughts about myself, the more unhappy I become, and the more likely I am to derail. I dont have to "be" what my thoughts tell me I am. Today, I choose compassion and forgiveness for myself. I am working hard on mindfulness - being present in the right here and right now. I have spent so much of my life anticipating and planning for where I will be that I have not truly valued where I am right now. In the end, right now is all we have...so I, for one, plan to live in the moment and appreciate what is good about me - there is a lot!
  5. I am with you, yet again, sister! I have been a train wreck...yoyo'ing back and forth within 6lbs for the past 6 weeks...I do great...then self-sabotage! Ugghh! Facing the old habits resurfacing sucks for me because with the old habits become the obsessive thoughts around food. I had not missed that. I can only be thankful that my binges today look nothing like the binges from 9 months ago. Still...those calories ad up and my body is quick to tell me to knock it off by way of the scale. That in turn gives me a rotten F' it attitude which again, is a remnant from the past. I have been trying to be gentle and forgiving with myself, but its not easy. I remind myself how far I have come, how even when I do blow it, I am not giving up and just quitting. I remind myself that every day is a new chance to start over, and I am going to experience this from time to time and it doesnt have to derail me entirely. Still, for me its scary. I begin envisioning myself gaining all my weight back and being in the same place I was when all this started. I start feeling like a failure and wonder if I will really be able to maintain what I have been doing. Then I start to recognize that thinking like that is what got me where I was in the first place. I admit its like the battle of the titans inside my head at times, but I guess this is all part of figuring out that I am not perfect, but that I AM ENOUGH AND I CAN DO THIS. I hope someday I will be able to move past being my own worst critic, but for today, I am just working on today...and getting through it with some grace and forgiveness. Today is a good day and its all I've got. I will take on tomorrow...tomorrow Hang in there. This is just a stage we are moving through and we will get to the other side and be ok. We will
  6. This weekend, I went to a holiday party for work. I generally dont like to wear pantyhose, but this was a formal affair and I remembered at the last minute that I needed them. I decided to do something CRAZY and go down to Rite-aid and "just see" if I could find some that would fit - you see, my "chubby gal" store that sells plus size hose is around 25 miles away and I didn't really want to make the drive. I went down and found the pantyhose section...read the sizing chart and BAM...I actually found my size! First time in over 15 years that I could just go to "any" store and buy ANYTHING that would fit me. Granted, they were queen sized, but then again...i felt like that was ENTIRELY appropriate
  7. Well, I forgive you We will just need to work on your compliment accepting skills My daughter, when she was little, had the reverse problem. People would say, "Awww arent you darling," to which she would reply, "I know." (a sign of a healthy self esteem even though I just cringed when she would say it). So here is how I worked it out with her. When someone gives you a genuine compliment, you just say, "thank you." No rebuttal, no denials, just a smile and a thank you. Now I know that sounds easy...but it might just take some work. Btw, I know being right all the time is a little annoying. I hope it will help you to know that this only works for me when talking about OTHER folks. When it comes to me...I really suck at it. My kids remind me all the time that they are right. Oh god...maybe it hereditary?
  8. HEY NOW! I am not so sure I am digging that xwife reference. From all your posts...she seems...well...icky, and not very nice to you! Was there more than one x? (crossing fingers)!
  9. Pffffft! For the record, I think you're very nice looking. I think its time for you to let all that silliness go. You look incredible...and its really good to know you feel as good on the inside as you look on the outside. And BTW, don't try arguing with me. I know EVERYTHING
  10. I am just so proud of you. I was just smiling and nodding as I read your post. I remember thinking about how people will say "we took the easy way out," and thinking Yeah Right! I had this idea in my head that it would be all rainbows and sunshine and that my weight was the problem. Who knew my weight was the symptom...sheesh! I can relate to so many of those negative thoughts and feelings about yourself that you have been battling. I guess the real epiphany for me is that all of those thoughts, beliefs and feelings about myself came from somewhere...from the people in my life who "cared" about me, or that I loved. So I have learned, just like you have, that letting go of the eating to cope with my feelings is hard work, but it is worthwhile. I have learned that this process is not all rainbows and sunshine, but that is life. There are ups and downs, and now, finally, I am checked in to my own life and getting to know myself and what I want. That is new. I've spent most of my life feeling like I wasn't enough and just giving and giving and giving. Its still hard sometimes to let that part of me go, but its actually really nice to have relationships that are reciprocal. You are a pretty amazing woman...and Steph is right...YOU LOOK AMAZING! Again, I am so proud of you, truly
  11. Sarah, I thought about you today a lot. I recognized that I had some real epiphanies around the changes I have made in my life, and really took some time to reflect on how good my life is now that I have moved away from the relationships that were so negative and draining for me. What came up for me today was how grateful I am for your candor, your insights, and your courage through this process. I know I would not have come as far as I have without your help. I think maybe for you venting your feelings is really therapeutic, but I relate SO OFTEN to what you say and what your thoughts and feelings are. I smiled to myself this week and thought of you went I actually dropped into 39.6 bmi. I know I have a long way to go, but it really did feel good. When I started this process...my BMI was 59.2! I came to a lot of cool realizations today about how my eating and attitude towards food has changed. I am not perfect...not a chance, but what a difference a year made for me in terms of food choices and quantity eaten. Just wow. I want to tell you how thankful I am that you are part of my life today, and how much I value and appreciate your willingness to "go there". You are an incredible woman, and I feel lucky to have you in my world
  12. Avi, It really took me by surprise. Most of the people in my life I see pretty consistently (either in person or via skype), so its I haven't come across it yet. I was thinking about what JR said...that feeling that even though our weight and bodies change so much, sometimes we ( I ) still feel like that fat person on the inside. I see so many of you experience these reactions and wondered what it would be like. I guess I know now! I know I still have a long way to go, but it was pretty cool knowing that she continued through our entire time together just being blown away..."I totally DO NOT recognize you" she kept saying...crazy!
  13. Today I met and had lunch with a really good friend who had moved out of the area and just returned. I hadn't seen her in over 3 years. She was waiting for me at the door of the restaurant and when I walked up to her, she smiled sweetly and opened the door for me. I smiled at her and went to give her a huge hug and she said..."Whoa!" I started to laugh and hugged her, and she said, "I should open the door for strangers more often!" It was then that I realized she didnt know who I was! This was a gal I worked with and had lunch with every day for 4 years! When I said, "Oh my god, Becky, its me," she just stood at me and stared, shaking her head from side to side. At about four different times during our time together, she just stopped and said, "OMG Chele, I totally don't even recognize you!" Equal parts of super cool and totally disorienting, but one of the better NSV's for me to date I never thought it would feel this good for a known and loved person in my life to not even recognize me! Who knew