I've been MIA for a very long time, mostly because things were going very well and I didn't think I needed the support. Fast forward to the last 6 plus months and it seems I let myself lose control. I have been drinking way too much and I know it, but I until last week I didn't care. If the choice came down to beer or food, beer always won out. To be honest, if it hadn't been for the fact that I knew my husband would badger me if I didn't eat, dinner probably wouldn't have happened for me on most nights. Last week while on my regular morning break walk around the Fairgrounds where I work, I told my friends I wasn't feeling good; I felt like my legs were independent from my body and I was wobbly and a little dizzy. We stopped walking and one of the 2 girls I walk with went to get her car so they could drive me back to the office. Before she could even get a few steps away I passed out and had a pretty serious seizure. I got lucky, my other friend is a calm, collected person and she cradled me while lowering me to the ground. The next thing I remember is paramedics standing over me asking me if I knew my name, birthday, the current date, where I was or who the president is (which wasn't quite fair since it was 2 days after that crazy election). I was given a lovely ride to the ER, an IV, CT scan, blood work, xrays, and urinalysis, and all the tests came back normal. They did determine I was dehydrated and had a blood sugar of just 66, probably due to the fact that the night before I drank 6 Shocktop Pretzel Wheat beers plus 3 or 4 Shocktop Lemon Shandys and maybe 1 or 2 regular Shocktop beers (I don't remember) and I don't think I really ate much at dinner. Those were the last drops of alcohol I have had and I am determined to stay clean and sober. So far this week has been easy, we've stayed home and watched sports, there's been no parties or concerts, but tomorrow is my first dry outing-we are going to see Mike Gordon (of Phish) in concert and I'm a little nervous. I'm stubborn as a mule and will probably stay sober just because I refuse to admit defeat or appear weak, but I'm sure it won't be easy. Luckily, my husband is my biggest supporter and cheerleader and stands by me regardless of my transgressions, and that certainly makes this a little easier but I still have a long road ahead. I'm not posting this for sympathy, or even support, I am here as a cautionary tale, if you even think you are starting to fall down this rabbit's hole, get help. If you aren't sure if you have a problem, talk to someone. Honestly, I don't know that I'll be a huge help, but if you don't have someone you are comfortable talking to about this, you can send me a message and I will gladly do my best to talk you through the tough stuff.