Hello to everyone
I am writing this post as I am sure I wont be the only one with these problems but need really some advice and help how to deal with them.
I have now had my band since August 25th 2007. I set myself a target weight and have reached that, and feel now that I would like to go even lower as the BMI can be as low as 18 and I am still 24.7. The place I had my band done said it would be okay to get down to 9stone so think I will not be doing any harm to myself to reach a lower weight. I am now a size 10 jeans and in my wildest dreams never thought having ab and would allow me to reach that wonderful size.
I am also so scared to stop trying to loose weight incase I start gaining again, so really worried that now I have reached the BMI I only ever dreamed of last year I wont be able to keep it unless I keep driving myself lower all the time to make sure I stay on track and focused on myself and the weight all the time.
I think having a binge eating disorder all these years it is still there and the only way I feel I can control it is, to keep loosing weight all the time to make sure I dont start getting relaxed and trying to eat things because I am at a lower weight now? Also I think day and night about food and sometimes wake up still in the night wanting to eat so thats why I can have any food in the house unless it is for the day only. It is strange that I couldnt take that control when I had the binge eating problem in the first place?
I have had all my blood tests done and things are not good there as they say I have only been eating 300 cals a day for over 6 months now and my body needs more than that yet I feel okay and still walk 5 or 6 miles a day to help me keep my mind of of food. I do have spots on my face and had some boils were no one wants them so that is a problem area which might be food related I think?
I now see that the binge eating disorder is still there in my head all the time and having the band has not taken that away..... thats a huge concern to me and I really thought that the band would educate me to eat healthier and feel under control..... But the truth is I am still in control only when I no there is weight to loose so what will happen when I have to stop loosing weight???? Or can I go on like this for ever.
It is a wonderful feeling to loose weight I know that throughout the year people have been saying wonderful things to me about how good I look etc etc etc................... But it looks like the real issues I have with food are still there and maybe I should have adressed these more before i had the band fitted because............................. I think that apart from this forum I am unable to talk like this to anyone else and thats because I am sat in front of a PC not a shirnk thats says go away and when your ready to face your demons go back to your GP and see if there is any money left for you to be referred back to see me.
I have been told now that as I went private and paid for my band to be done there is no help for me on the NHS so I am now alone and worried and scared that all my hard work will make me go on a road to distruction and in the end I think may lead to my an early death as the fear of returning to such an unhappy person and over weight lady is making me now feel what was the point of making all these changes and getting into debt for the next 3 years when I still have the problem I had when I first started with the band.