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About Phoenixfire

  • Rank
    TT Master
  • Birthday 09/11/1970


  • Surgeon
    (Ret.) Alan Newhoff, Phoenix, AZ
  • Body Mass Index (BMI)

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  1. Bridget sent me a text awhile ago and told me this thread was here. So I'm posting just out of courtesy and not because I'm active here. The reason I left is very very simple. Native2U (Val) and her "husband" (spitfire or whatever names they used) drove me away. Their "innocent games" were outrageously wrong, rude, disrespectful and horrible. They ruined my sense of honest trust here. Big wakeup call. Those of you who supported them won't agree with me and I don't care. I have no desire to engage here, or to argue or defend my feelings and the resultant choice, I'm just responding out of respect to those who HAVE respect and have been supportive to me. I DID post awhile ago that I was leaving. People taunted me with they typical "oh you say you are leaving...just leave!" So I did let you know. And NO, I do not have a Facebook account. Peace out.
  2. How are you? I have been thinking about you wondering why I haven't seen you at all on here. I hope all is well. I have been thinking about all the trouble you have been having and have been worried. Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and you are in my prayers.

  3. Hay Baby not seen you around for a while, how you doing? just noseying at you pictures, blimey lady you are a gorgeous thing xxx

  4. I'm finally back on tt! what a roller coaster 2 months! i was fortunate enough to become a statistic... they broke into my car and stole my phone and wallet. damn idiots! so there goes my direct line to tt! but i finally got a new phone and im back! how are you? how has life been? enjoy your day!!! liezl

  5. I hope you're doing okay Kris.

  6. Just wanted to stop in and say HI!!! :-)

  7. STFU and stop it. Are you really going to invest a whole lot of time doubting yourself? I know, we all do it if we are caring parents, but it's not a road you want to wander down at all. Yes, you HAVE done the best you could. And if you didn't? #%$ it going to change anything NOW? Nope. Teen girls with single moms are a unique lot. There is a HUGE minefield of mistakes, problems and horrors that can happen. The key, in my opinion, is nonjudgmental communication. (see above) So cut that *&^% out. Suck it up and tell yourself you have done your best. And resolve to learn all you can, absorb all you can, listen to all you can, and work your hardest to be the best mother you can to this girl you love. Nobody else will love her like you do. Now is the time when she needs to see you as a role model in your relationships with men. She will learn from watching you and how you allow men to treat you. If you demand they treat you well, then she's going to see that's what SHE deserves in a relationship. I'm in the same boat, and my girl is 7 years ahead of yours. She is a monogamous young lady who chooses not to use drugs or drink (anymore-she tried them of course). I wonder about my kid's ability to take care of herself in the real world, because frankly she is going to have it hard, but you CAN make a difference here. And you'll probably find that some of your biggest @~$&-ups were the moments when she learned the most. While she's becoming a young woman you are the one person she is going to model her relationships after. That is if you are open about it. Otherwise she'll rely mostly on her friends for examples of relationships. And that's a pretty crappy role model isn't it? Keep this in mind while you figure out which man is good enough to deserve a relationship with you. I don't hear you phrase your dilemma that way and I wish you would. Because the fact is you have got to learn to qualify your buyer! If you don't then neither will she. And you DON'T want that, I know this already!
  8. One of the very WORST things that we can do as parents is to forbid the kid from seeing someone in particular. It's always a bad bad choice for many reasons! I know it's too late now but please re-think that and try to rectify the situation. Nothing will make her want him more than to be told she can't have him in her life. And she WILL have him in her life because they go to school together. I feel for ya, and I remember all the stages we went through over the past 5 years. Sometimes are much harder than others. I'm proud of the job I've done, even though I didn't do it perfectly, and I didn't manage to keep a father in her life forever, and she has made some bad the end I know I did the best I could. And you need to remind yourself of that. Give yourself a little break and step back and think about how you want to approach this whole freedom situation with your girl. It's a big issue and these girls are very sensitive about us moms right now. It's in your hands how things will go with her for the next few years. If you need some input on a game plan let me know. I haven't done it perfectly, but we HAVE come quite a LONG way. And right now, as she will be 18 in December, we are close. So that means somehow I did things right enough that she WANTS to stay at home after she's 18. At one point she wanted emancipation. So you can see we've come a long way baby! Seriously, don't ever ban your kid from seeing someone. It's a lose-lose situation. And you can't control it anyway. Those situations you can't enforce the control of are always massive FAIL. P.S. She's normal. But things CAN be done so that she isn't lying to you (very much). The key here is to eliminate any of your judgmental nature toward her. If you are judgmental then she will pull away BIG TIME. That's a tricky thing to manage, but trust have GOT to get ahold of the communication without judgment or she won't bother to talk to you about birth control. And you do NOT want her to be unprotected in that area. It's a point of pride in my relationship with my girl that she was using birth control before she had sex the first time. And she's stayed on it. With no prodding from me. I count that as a success. Some may judge me for that but I don't care. It's what is right for me and mine. And she isn't a unemployed single parent hooked up with some loser who impregnated her!
  9. Hey way to go! How did you handle the publishing end? Did you self-publish? How about the editing? Did you work with a house that had an editor and publicist to get it on the shelves? Is it distributed in big numbers? How exciting for you! I'd like to learn about how your process went, so if you could PM me I'd be ever grateful. I'm not on here much so I'll probably miss your reply here.
  10. Oh Greg, good're thinking of "one last hurrah" is the minefield of failure. Come on. Haven't you had ENOUGH hurrahs already? Isn't that what landed you where you are? There are 100 excuses we can tell ourselves. None of them help us succeed in maintaining long term weight loss. If you have that "all or nothing" thinking then you will continue to fail. This is not a black and white thing. It's gray. You aren't going to do it perfectly. That's not the goal. The goal is to do it AS CLOSE TO PERFECT AS YOU PERSONALLY CAN GET! Trust me. I've got 5 years on you. And I have succeeded in long-term maintenance. I hope you really can hear what I'm saying and that you don't get your dander up and be all defensive about it. This advice is what you need to hear, whether you realize it or not.
  11. Wow, you've really screwed the pooch haven't you. Ugh, I'm sorry you've got such a big amount of work ahead of you. From what I read it sounds as if you never did reach your goal weight or an ideal weight with a HEALTHY BMI (that's the key). Did you initially take off all the weight you needed to, and did you get your body to a BMI that is in the normal range? If not then you've got A LOT of work ahead of you. Because you've missed the window of time when you can potentially lose the most weight. Look, after 7 years of going up and down in my own weight, I can tell you that the problem is you haven't decided to diet properly. You haven't been willing to eat right, in the right portions and the right foods. Plain and simple. You haven't given up the goodies well enough to succeed in maintaining your weight loss. The tool hasn't failed you, you have failed the tool. But it's never too late. Yes, the 5 day pouch test can help you get kick-started. But the bottom line problem is that you haven't used your tool to the most of it's ability. It sounds like you have found ways to "eat around the surgery" and that's where you need to start your work. It ain't easy but it IS possible. If I can do it so can you! Find your surgeon's meal plan that you had after surgery. If you don't have one then go here and use this information: Then start measuring ALL of your food. Every day. Every meal. Gradually cut out ALL the useless crappy carb calorie-laden foods (if you're eating them-I'm convinced you're eating those crappy foods. Cut out all alcohol (if you're drinking). Cut out all soda (if you're drinking) Make your diet ALL ABOUT PROTEIN. Eat a lot of salads with zero calorie dressing. Exercise EVERY DAY. Start little if you need to, but start moving your @*# now. All of those things there are the things you KNOW you're supposed to do. Right? I mean you do know what you need to do, how to diet right? If you don't then hurry up and read a lot here to get a grip on how you're supposed to eat after having weight loss surgery. Then start doing it. There's no magical shortcut when it comes to using your pouch after surgery. It's just makes thing easier than they were without the pouch.
  12. You put a big smile on my face. I've started accepting offers to date. Feels good, especially now that I have CHOICES. You will too my dear. Enjoy this friendship and if it turns into more then you enjoy THAT too!
  13. Hi there! I just accepted your friend request and am here if you'd like to chat, ask questions or just learn what I might be able to pass along as an "old-timer" with WLS. :P

  14. I don't agree with you AT ALL jersey. Sure, she is sharing negatives of WLS but she is doing an INVALUABLE service by posting these truths about surgery! There is room at the table here for ALL who have had WLS, whether they have complications or not. I for one come here just for that LEARN about complications. When you are 7 years out you may think more like I do. Or you may never think this way. But I am FIRMLY in the camp that thinks WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE GETTING SURGERY and altering their bodies. Some people should NOT have surgery, and if Grace's posts scare people well GOOD. People should have more respect for the process that is permanent weight loss surgery. She is not fear-mongering here. What is the difference between what SHE posts and what I post? I post stuff like this all the time because I'm down the road, I know how bad things can get, I've been around the block, and I have valuable information to share. So does she. Grace, Keep posting.