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Showing content with the highest reputation since 03/20/2018 in all areas

  1. 16 points

    these pants used to fit

    Cant believe I wore size 54 pants at one time. Now I can fit both legs into one pant leg. By the way, I wear size 32 in pants now
  2. 16 points

    The power of negative memories

    It was probably 8 years ago or so, that I was traveling from Alaska to Texas with two buddies for an IT conference. I was probably at or near my high weight of close to 300 lbs (I had hit that spot on the scale and then kind of stayed in the general vicinity for several years.) I must not have flown in a while. because at some point I tried to fold the tray table down, and my belly was so large that I couldn't even get it open. It just hit the top of my belly and stopped there, at like a 45 degree angle. I was mortified. I flew again within the next year and just experimentally played with the table and my gut easily intruded into the tray table's space by 5 or 6 inches. I was so embarrassed by this and never again used the tray table for ANYthing. And every time I flew after that, I was very conscious of how much space I was really consuming, just sitting there. Every time I got on a plane after that, the tray table stared at me the whole flight, an accuser of how wrong something was with me, and a constant reminder of shame and embarrassment. Fast forward to this week. I've been traveling a bit more for work lately. Since WLS I haven't dared touch a tray table. The memories of feelings about how embarrassed I was about being SO large, are SO baked into me, that I couldn't even fold the table down. And the feelings are STILL there!!!! So anyways, this older couple is setting next to me and strikes up a conversation. They are tourists heading to my hometown, and we got to talking. Eventually the guy asked me for locations about various things and I KNEW this was heading toward me drawing them a map. The craziest thing to me about this is, I'm serious for at least three or four minutes I kept mentally looking at my tray table, knowing it was going to have to come down so I could draw the map, and I was DREADING it!! I was already feeling that shame and embarrassment, and even though I knew in some part of my brain that surely I don't occupy nearly as much space anymore, the other part was already gearing up for the embarrassment I was going to fell when I lowered the tray table and I was too fat to do it, and the guy next to me would be watching it all and yeah, fat people problems. So finally the moment came, and the tray table came down. And even with my baggy hoodie on I still had plenty of room to spare between my stomach and the tray table. Like 4 inches! But I'm telling you, that moment was truly surreal, because on the one hand there was great relief and pleasure that HEY I CAN FOLD THIS THING DOWN ALL THE WAY, but at the exact same moment I was also feeling that dread and red-alert feeling of a situation that I should be avoiding at all costs! And even now, sitting here typing this 5 days later, I STILL have the same mixture of feelings when I think on that moment... relief and pleasure, mixed with the complete opposite- dread and embarrassment. Since getting to a goal weight, this is by far the oddest experience I've had. The brain truly is interesting.... that the power of a negative moment can permeate you SO deeply, that even when the conditions of that moment are completely reversed, it's still impossible for me to just be happy and thrilled and enjoy it.
  3. 15 points

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    Here's me at the pool today - on the way to the gym, though. The pool has actually gotten too hot - it just leaves me feeling heat-strokey now. It's above body temperature. I'm wearing a Monsoon sweater in S, Benetton pleated chinos in size 40 (that's Italian for 36 European, 8 UK, or 4 US - man, I have to keep all those numbers straight in my head), and Aldo gold sandals. I'm working on a monochrome theme today - pinkish orange. Zero black. Not even shoes. This is a whole new world for me. I bought the same pants in green and orange, so I see a lot of colorful outfits in my future. Benetton was my dream clothing store when I was in high school. Sometimes I could squeeze into their stuff, but it usually looked bad, so I rarely bought any. Now I'm a grown-up old lady, and I can wear their stuff finally. High school wish fulfillment, here I come. Fortunately, the 80s are in.
  4. 15 points
    so we were out today at a flea mart we go to often. It was hot and I wore jeans (still don't have any smaller shorts) but I put a lose tank top on. (and I have to say it was the first time my shoulders were showing since the surgery and they looked great...too bad they had saggy arms underneath of them...haha!). But anyway, half way through my super sweet husband puts his arm around me (very easily now, I must say) and he leans in to say something but then just hesitates. Then he tries again and stops. Then I could tell he mustered up the strength to say it after obviously debating it through in his mind. "I want to say something to you but I am afraid it will hurt your feelings -- but really I mean it as a compliment". I am curious now, so I say "tell me" and again he hesitates. I push further and he finally says "I have to admit I am having a hard time finding you here." (we have this "rule"...we walk together but if one stays to look at something, the other can walk forward but we never leave that row until we meet back up again.). He admitted that when he keeps looking for me from the back, he doesn't even recognize me! NOT OFFENDED AT ALL....much flattered! In fact, I AM me and half the time I don't recognize MYSELF!!! Isn't that amazing?!?!? I find this whole experience so amazing and I know you can relate....isn't it just incredible?!?!? We bought our daughter a new full length mirror for her room and I was looking in it and thought "oh I love this mirror, it is a very slenderizing one!" so I wanted to get one for our room since I don't have a full length mirror. Then in the same outfit, I went into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself walking by the mirror and turned and looked and in amazement I thought to myself "maybe it is just ME"....I looked the same way in my regular bathroom mirror....I AM "slenderized"...it isn't the mirror, it's me! I find the whole thing mind-blowing. I am NOT a fat girl anymore. I am not quite sure how to process this all, but I am liking it! I knew I would lose weight when I had the surgery but I didn't know how much my life would change....this paradigm shift is quite interesting to me. I have been reading the responses to @Michael_A 's post about how it deeply the mindset of the plane tray table fear was and the emotional/mental changes that our brains are trying to cope with. And all I can think of is how our surgeries have changed so much more than our stomachs, bodies and clothes sizes. This is truly changing our brains and it is taking a bit to get used to it, but I think I am going to like being used to being "normal" and not the biggest (or nearly biggest) person in the room! I think it is amazing that my husband never looked down on me for being the fat girl up ahead (and I love that he has always loved me when I hated my own flesh!) and that he has to adjust to recognizing the average size girl up ahead as his wife, is pretty stinkin' awesome!!! Who else is just as amazed as me???? Share some of your moments where you realized "life is going to be a WHOLE lot different for me from here on out"
  5. 14 points

    I cant believe that is me !

    I went to my granddaughters first birthday party yesterday, had a very nice time. I cant believe that's me !! I was able to get in that position with my granddaughter in my arms holding on to Nothing !! (but her) My eldest granddaughter on my other leg and I balanced there . No way I could have done that a year ago. OOps I blinked, lol
  6. 14 points
    Nana Trish

    Here’s our group photo!

    What a lovely, wonderful time today...meeting @Res Ipsa, @BurgundyBoy, @NerdyToothpick and @Kio!!! You all are even more awesome in person, but that really doesn’t surprise me!! Thank you all so much for spending part of your day with me. I can’t wait to do it again next year ❤️
  7. 14 points

    100 pounds gone!

    Today I hit goal, plus I have officially lost 100 pounds! I'm thrilled with my results and continue to work hard at staying healthy and happy! These photos are a year apart.
  8. 14 points

    NSV of the Week - whats yours?

    I’m just going to leave this right here: Soooooo much walking on my vacation (if anything, I think my Fitbit is registering the mileage a bit low - my hub’s fb said 19 miles...) We’re walking part of the Camino de Santiago de Compostella. Never could have done this a year and a half ago. Two days down, and still more than two more weeks to go - what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?
  9. 13 points


    I’m so happy to say that I am now off all diabetes meds, high blood pressure meds and cholesterol med!!! I am so very happy! I was sleeved on June 18th
  10. 13 points
    Nana Trish

    I got brave :)

    I’ve been terrified to try on “real jeans/pants” since I hit goal. Everything on my body has shrunk so much...but there is a LOT of excess skin on my belly. I’ve been dreading trying on anything that’s not legging/stretch pants material or a skirt. I just couldn’t stand the thought of grabbing a pair of pants that looked huge and finding out that they fit, or worse yet, grabbing a pair that I thought would fit and not even be able to get them on. So today I found a pair of slacks with a little stretch to them but still regular slacks. I tried them on and they fit. But they were only labeled medium, and I wanted to get SOME idea of what size I might be in. So I took them off and started wandering the clothes racks trying to find something I liked. Then I held the pants I already tried on up to the ones I wanted to try on, lol. Below is a picture of what I found. They are Levi’s denim capris, SIZE 10!! I couldn’t get over the fact that I could even get them on! They were medium rise waist, and were snug. If they had had a high waist (mom jeans style, lol) in a size 12, they would have been perfect. But at least I have some idea of what size I can fit into now
  11. 13 points
    Boho Rosy

    No seatbelt extender!!!!!!

    You guys!!! I just boarded an international flight (headed to Paris) and not only did I not need an extender, but I have many inches to spare. I am almost in tears.
  12. 12 points

    Before/After (more or less)

    I still have 2 lbs to lose, but I doubt I'll look much different after those last couple. Haha! Here's a before/after. My husband is not the best photographer and I'm not the best subject, so my after shot is a little goofy.
  13. 12 points

    Biker Chick

    Being healthy and having the freedom to be whoever you choose!
  14. 12 points

    What a difference a year makes !!!

    Tomorrow is my year surgiversary !! Can hardly believe a year has gone by. Me the morning of surgery. I looked like hell but I was pretty excited, it was about 4 AM and I was headed out the door. The year later pick was this morning.
  15. 12 points
    Nana Trish

    Today was awesome!

    It is my surgiversary. My surgeon's reaction to my accomplishments over the past year was priceless. And when I stepped on his scale I got a great surprise His scale normally reads 2 pounds heavier than mine...and it read 153. I didn't weigh myself at home this morning, or for the last few days actually, so I'm not sure what my scale would have said. But I'm assuming it would have been 151. But I'm counting the surgeon's scale as my official weight at the one year mark. Hubby took me to lunch after my appointment and I had baked fish and steamed green bean(s) lolol. AND this is the first time I actually WALKED into my surgeon's office instead of using my wheel chair! The receptionist had no idea how tall I was hahaha. It was just a great day. That's all I've been having a lot of those lately ❤️
  16. 12 points
    Hello all, if you haven't read any Roxane Gay or heard her speak, she's got some really interesting and powerful stuff to say, much of it on identity, body image, feminism, fatness, and the intersection between those things. I just clicked on an article by her on WLS, expecting to find a rant about committing violence against our unruly bodies, but instead found an extremely brave account of her decision to get WLS. She had surgery in January. (Roxane, if somehow you happen to be reading this, I deeply respect you for writing about your experience - I'm sure it was a difficult decision for you). It's a great read and touches on many of the issues we've all had thoughts about: how society views fat people, how our relationships to ourselves and others change after losing weight, and what all that means about ourselves and society. I highly recommend it. She captures, in beautiful words, that tension we all experience between not wanting to be fat, and hating that society hates fat people. https://medium.com/s/unrulybodies/the-body-that-understands-what-fullness-is-f2e40c40cd75
  17. 12 points

    One year out

    Yesterday was one year since my GBP. I remember going through the pre-surgery screening appointments, getting a surgery date, seeing the date get nearer (and suddenly be moved UP four days!)...I had no idea what it would be like. The Cliff Notes version is: I really had no serious problems at all. I didn't react too well to the anesthetic (I was VERY faint for the first 18 hours), and at several weeks out my intestines would suddenly decide they needed to get rid of whatever they contained. That lasted for about a week. Otherwise it was just a question of getting used to what my pouch did and didn't like. Actually, and I've "complained" about this before, it's EASIER than I thought it would be. At one year out I can't think of anything I really cannot eat. That includes sugar, unfortunately. I don't really dump. I had wacky up-and-down blood sugar for several weeks around January, I think, but I rarely have that anymore. And I can eat more calories than I thought I'd be able to. Basically, that pretty much means the honeymoon's over. I now have to watch what I eat more -- try not to graze, for example. My blood work at six months was perfect. (I'll get blood work again tomorrow.) In general, I feel good, though I get light-headed easily if I bend over. Here's a pic, April 2017 - September 2017 - April 2018. This is a good opportunity to thank y'all for your support, public or by DM. It's a good community. Let me know if you have any questions and I'll try to answer them! ETA: I lost 17-1/2 lb (8 kg) pre-op. Since surgery I've lost 60 pounds (27 kg). I hope to lose about 15 more pounds.
  18. 11 points
    This is just something I posted on another board - not specifically a weight loss board, but one I frequent. It's kind of a catch-all advice site, and someone had asked how she could get herself motivated to try to lose weight again, when she had already tried everything, and everything had failed her. She mentioned her family - a wife and kids - and wanting to be able to be active with them, and to not be in pain all the time. I assumed, with the comment about constant pain, that she was probably of a weight that would qualify her for WLS - though she never stated it, just said she had a "significant" amount of weight to lose. She listed all the stuff she had tried and failed - low carb, low fat, keto, paleo, fasting, intermittent fasting, therapy. She was looking for -- I don't know, maybe encouragement, maybe support, maybe just some mental tricks to help convince herself that trying again was worth it. You guys, it made me so. Damn. MAD! I was literally shaking with anger on her behalf as I read it. Take away the wife and kids, and she could have been me a year ago. I was also desperate - but I knew that I was at the bottom of my bag of mental tricks. I had given up on trying to eat rationally - it never worked, and it always made things worse. Even worse than failure was success that was inevitably followed by failure - I knew I couldn't go through that again. But there's so much predatory crap in the diet and fitness industry, and so many people have bought into it when damn it, there IS an easier way out! Not even just an easier way - for most of us who have/had substantial weight to lose, right now it's the ONLY way out. It's just that almost nobody wants to talk about it! So I responded, and maybe it wasn't the response she was looking for, but it felt good to just be honest about it. I didn't even do it anonymously, so my usual "handle" was out there for everybody to see. Everyone else who responded to her was suggesting "Maybe if you thought about it this way" or "the trick is to find exercise you love" or "only eat after 2pm and before midnight, like a gremlin"... And that's all fine advice for maintenance, but it's all basically crap when you're 100 lbs or more overweight. At that point, your body is so out of whack it's going to take a miracle for diet and exercise to be anything but a pointless torment for you. Anyway... here's what I said to her. I'm posting it here because I don't want to lose track of it - other forums come and go, but TT is home! ~ ~ ~ So, I can't tell from your post how much extra weight you're carrying. What I'm going to say is tailored specifically toward women who are seriously obese. It's coming from the perspective of a woman who has been fat all her life, and who topped the scales at 350 lbs, and whose obesity is now in remission. The fact that you have tried everything and nothing has worked makes you dead normal. It is vanishingly rare for anyone who is significantly overweight to be able to lose that weight through diet/exercise and keep it off long-term. Only something like 5% of people can do it, and many of those do it by turning weight loss into a career. Trying to fix obesity with diet and exercise is like trying to repair a computer with a hammer - the harder you try, the more you @~$& up the machine. Please believe that you haven't done anything wrong. You haven't failed. You've got exactly as much willpower and inner strength as any normal-weight person. People who are thinner than you don't have any secrets. They are what they are because their bodies LET them be what they are, not because they're just that awesome. You don't need another way of thinking about dieting or a better way of motivating yourself to exercise or managing your emotions about your weight. And you certainly don't need therapy -- unless it's to get over the piles of mental and emotional crap society has been shoveling onto you since you gained your first five extra pounds. There is nothing wrong with you. Let me repeat, with greater emphasis: There is nothing wrong with you! Nobody really knows how weight loss works physiologically. Certainly nobody in the scientific community devoted to the study of obesity. Believe me, I have made a PhD-level survey of the literature. Everybody knows how to lose weight in the short term; nobody knows how to keep it off long-term. At this point in our scientific understanding of weight loss, there is only one thing that reliably reverses obesity for the seriously obese - and that's weight loss surgery. It works really well for most seriously obese people who have it - while diet and exercise alone only work for about 5% of them. But since most people still tend to view obesity as a character flaw rather than a physical illness, most people (and most doctors) will just advise you to diet more and exercise harder. Hell, that's what we tell ourselves, too. It's somehow comforting to think that if we were better people, diet and exercise would work for us. It's not so comforting to admit that they probably never will. I'm not responding here to preach. I just wish someone had told me fifteen years ago, "Hey, you're not weak. You're just sick. There's a physical cure for it, you should look into it" instead of telling me to eat less fat, or fewer carbs, or go to the gym more, or see a therapist. Because I wasted literally years of my life eating less of whatever and exercising more and examining my emotions and adjusting my mental state -- but what finally cured my obesity was a couple of hours with a surgeon, who rerouted my insides and gave me a shiny new metabolism that allowed me to return to a normal weight. TL;DR: If you're in the weight range that would qualify you for weight loss surgery, I would seriously suggest you look into it, because it's a simple and safe procedure that corrects the metabolic processes that keep you fat. Science doesn't know for sure why it works, but they know that for most people, it does. I'm convinced that for the seriously obese, any other advice is basically woo. ~ ~ ~
  19. 11 points

    NSV of the Week - whats yours?

    My NSV of the week is definitely one that's been a while in coming: I ran 30 minutes on the treadmill yesterday (5k). Running is something I like OK if I'm light enough, like now, but after a big knee injury last winter and the ensuing opposite hip problem due to compensating for a limp in the aftermath of that, I haven't been able to run. In the last few months, I've been slowly babying the joints into being able to do that, and I'm proud to say that I ran without any pain, and have no pain this morning. Thank goodness for my lighter body. I'm in good enough shape now that my cardiovascular system isn't really a limiting factor in running - I don't really breathe very hard, even after 5k. My muscles are all fine with it, too. It's the knee and hip that have been stopping me, and I think I've sensibly and slowly built them up so they can take it now. Feeling good!
  20. 11 points

    One year surgiversary!

    Today was the big day - one year from surgery date! I feel like a million bucks! Best. Decision. Ever :)
  21. 11 points

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    Went browsing clearance at a few stores, noticed this dress at Torrid. We're traveling for our anniversary and I thought it might make a nice dinner dress Nice added NSV - this is the smallest size they sell, so I won't be able to shop there shortly. ended up not getting it because even on clearance it was nearly 60 dollars, and I'm not positive how it will fit in 6 weeks time, but was pretty excited all the same
  22. 11 points
    Cindy Lou Who

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    Size medium top. Yay! Size 8 skirt. Double yay! ...... First time arms are out sleeveless in YEARS. Eeeek!
  23. 11 points

    3 milestones today!

    1) Today I am under 180 - which is TWO goals actually. It's the lowest weight I ever remember even CLAIMING to be - which was back in college, around 1996. And it's the weight I wanted to be under before I leave on my road trip on August 8! At the end of the trip is a gathering of friends who haven't laid eyes on me in years. Last time they saw me I was around 355 and perfectly miserable. This will be FUN! 2) Today I have lost 177.5 lbs, which is an odd number to celebrate, but: 3) Today I weigh 177.5 lbs! So yeah - today I am exactly half the woman I was last April!!! Which is kind of awesome, because thanks to my surgery and the support of you amazing people, I have triple the health and endurance and strength and confidence of that woman. I'm feeling pretty good right now.
  24. 11 points

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    Woo hoo! I’ve spent hours over the last week trying on a million pairs of jeans to find the “perfect pair” to celebrate being happy to wear jeans (my nightmare as a pear shaped overweight person). I tried on somewhere north of 50 pairs of jeans. This is not torture anymore, thankfully, because I am ok with how I look in the changing room mirror <— huge nsv I ended up with two pairs of Girlfriend cut jeans. These are better on my body than skinny jeans. Which is fine. I took front and back photos of almost every pair. Here are the two winners: White House Black Market Girlfriend and Banana Republic Girlfriend.
  25. 11 points

    Life changes

    While pre op my NUT stressed I’d never be able to eat sugar. All I could think was “I’ll never be able to have my kids wedding cake”. Yesterday daughter number 4 was married. I ate 3 protein bars all day, I didn’t have the dinner-just wasn’t hungry.. fast forward to cake. There was 4 different kinds of cake and filling. Another daughter came up and said you have to try this, I took a forkful of hers. And another daughter said the grooms cake which was German chocolate was to die for so I had a taste of hers. In a previous life I’d have had a piece of all 4. And what was almost a deal breaker turned out to be no big deal.
  26. 11 points

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    I wore this bright ”sherbet” color dress to work the other day and got so many compliments. I teamed it w/ a bright sweater/belt bc it was sleeveless. I would have never worn it before (I sported more of the “hide in black style”!) but everyone loved it. I’m getting more comfortable with clothes the smaller they are
  27. 11 points

    I did it!!!!!!

    FINALLY!!! These last few weeks closing in on this has been torture, but I finally made it! “Hello, 160s, haven’t seen you since the mid-eighties when I had my first baby!!!!! WELCOME BACK, LONG LOST FRIEND!!!!” It took me seven months but I’m officially 0.4# below my dr’s goal! Let me savor it for the day then I’ll reset it to MY goal of 160! (and yes, I got carried away adding the 100% pics from MyFitnessPal but I was just so dang excited to finally see it )
  28. 11 points
    Aussie Bear

    NSV of the Week - whats yours?

    I was sitting in the waiting room at my sister's bariatric clinic when I heard someone ask the question "what did you want to achieve from your surgery".....very surprised when the person gestured to me like a spokesmodel doing a florish hand gesture on an advertisement to flog a new car, and said "I wanted THAT!!!" Just as well I was sitting down at the time.
  29. 11 points

    6 months post op

    The first photo is one week before surgery in September, and the others are from vacation in March.
  30. 11 points


    I promised @CheeringCJ giant flaming letters, but this is the best I could do. I was actually at 199.6 yesterday, but it wasn't my first morning weight, and that's the one I count. (I have been known to sneak in a weighing after exercise to see if anything amazing has happened...) I'll do a big post tomorrow on my 8-month surgiversary, but I have to say - I honestly never thought I'd get here. I'm pretty sure my surgeon didn't think I would, either! I feel so weird - happy and excited and a bit terrified and a bit like I may be living some extended dream sequence and any second I'll wake up and still be 355 lbs and unable to walk more than the length of my driveway. But instead, I woke up this morning with sore legs from walking 4 miles yesterday on a whim - just because I wanted to see how far I could go. How crazy is this??? Sorry about the poor quality - my digital scale is hard to read on sunny days. And sorry about the winter toes - I unexpectedly hit this milestone the morning of pedicure day! I promise shinier toes next time.
  31. 11 points
    New NSVs: Having been given several nice belts by the family a few months ago, when my weight had stabilized... and even cutting a few favorites down to size .... I've lost another 10 lbs or so in the last couple of months, and all the new belts don't fit. (Part and parcel of getting to Onederland). My wife just found a box with rolled up leather belts that fit me - some date back 20 years, and some 36 years. Some are still presentable, some are worn, but I like them all. Putting on one of these "new" old belts feels like I am putting on the new healthy me.
  32. 11 points
    I weighed in at 134 on my 14 month surgiversary, which puts me right in the “holding steady” window. I lost a couple of pounds and was down at 132 for a couple of weeks or so, but started piling on the calories to stop that. It worked. Or, something I did worked, but I have no idea if it’s that or something else. This is all just experimentation so far. I am now eating (hang onto your hats, people) between 1800 and 2000 calories per day and maintaining. That seems totally incredible to me, in several ways. First of all, I’ve always gained weight eating that much - when I’ve been thin before, I’ve gained while eating 1200 calories per day and feeling like I was starving. So, apparently, something in me has been fixed. I can eat how much I should for my body size, sex, age, and activity level. Shocking. Second, I can’t believe I can stuff than many calories into my body after a year of eating 800 per day. It’s taken some work, and it takes some strategizing, but I’m managing. Third, I’ve had WLS and was expecting to top out at, what, maybe 1200-1400 calories per day afterwards? We’ll see how this goes long-term, but so far, I just keep losing if my intake is in that neighborhood. I’m eating about 6-8 small meals per day, which means eating a meal, waiting an hour, drinking a bunch of water, and then eating the next meal. It’s a lot of eating. I’m also focusing on calorie dense stuff, so lots of cheese, olive oil, coconut milk, peanut butter, and other stuff like that. I’m getting like 100+ grams of protein per day, easy, not even trying, just because I’m eating a lot of high protein stuff still. My carbs are between 50 and 100 per day (I can feel it if they go higher - I tend to get that gnawing hungry feeling). The rest is fat, so lots of that (about half of my day’s calories). It’s very very very strange to feel like I HAVE to eat so much. Nice problem to have, though, I suppose, all things considered. I’m not eating unhealthy stuff at all still (no refined carbs even, just fruit and veg carbs, plus a teensy bit of whole grain, like wheat berries in a salad, plus a square of 90% chocolate most nights) so I’m not going crazy or anything. My size is shrinking a little bit still from going to the gym a lot. I’ve been lifting weights and getting stronger, so that’s nice, plus now I look like a gym person, so I don’t feel out of place there. Although my weight has stayed the same, I lost an inch off my waist this month, so my clothes are still getting a bit looser over time, although not at the rapid pace that was happening for a while there. A nice NSV today: I went bathing suit shopping. I’ve been swimming in rash guard type thing (top with sleeves, bottom with legs) since last fall (after not swimming at all for a long time, which is really sad because I love swimming, but hated putting on a bathing suit). However, next weekend, we’re going to a nice hotel with a pool and since it will be full of Western people, the rash guard will probably look like overkill. It’s practical for swimming at beaches with a lot of locals, as I’m not offending anyone with my uncovered flesh (I live in a Muslim country), but at a hotel will be different. I went to the store, grabbed three suits, and all of them fit just fine and looked fine. I didn’t want to jump off a bridge or run screaming and crying from the store (this is genuinely a first for me). My legs are pretty jello-y and have some loose skin, but hey, it’s nothing like I was before. I went home with the most glamorous of the three, a black tankini style one with ruching and structure and straps that make it look like an old-fashioned 1950s type of suit, but without looking matronly. I think I will look somewhat elegant. Let’s hear it for tankinis, so much more comfortable that normal one-piece suits. I generally find two piece suits to be more comfortable, but bikinis are a no-go at the pool at work, so that’s out the window. Most of my colleagues are Muslim, so bikinis are a step too far for the staff club pool. Scandalous! Another funny NSV happened when going to visit a bunch of Bronze Age tombs a couple of weekends ago (Oman is full of these things). We came upon a bunch of them, and these were pretty well preserved with little tunnels in the sides - one of the people we were with crawled inside and convinced me to, as well (hello, Indiana Jones). We went inside a few others, but then happened upon one with a smaller entry to the tunnel. Here are the surprising words I heard at this point: “Get Jen. She’s small. She’ll fit in this one.” And I did, although it was a bit of a squeeze for my shoulders and booty. And I was the only one who did, so I had to take pictures inside to show the others, all while I was quietly dying of laughter and smirking with glee. Long-term NSV - I’ve been going hiking about twice a week recently - this is fantastic. I’m really enjoying it now that it’s so much easier, and I don’t even usually get winded at all. I still have to be very careful of my knees (and now hip, hello old people problems) but otherwise am just fine. This is an extremely treacherous place to hike, so careful is fine. It’s mostly loose jagged rocks on unmarked trails - not for the faint of heart. Anyway, I’m busy planning tons of hiking trips in my future, which is a great feeling, since I had all but given that up for lost as I gained a lot of weight. My current project is trying to figure out my style and dress more in a coordinated, purposeful way. Fortunately, the blogosphere is full of people wanting to help me do that, so I’m busy reading blogs and looking at stuff on Pinterest. It’s nice not to have to dress in whatever fits and covers me up well and doesn’t draw attention to my fat, but it’s a bit daunting to be able to wear basically whatever I want. The available choices drive me a bit crazy - I can buy anything anywhere. It was easier when it was, “Hey, this long dark somber number covers me up just perfectly! I hardly even look fat if I squint hard enough and stand at this weird angle and dim the lights. I’ll take one of each in black, charcoal, and navy, please.” One blogger I like pretty well is https://anuschkarees.com/ - she has a lot of advice on how to pare down your wardrobe to useful stuff only, not buy too too much, and still have a good style (including tips on how to figure out what your style actually is), without any preaching about what different body types should wear. Female Fashion Advice on Reddit has been fairly helpful, as well - just to get an idea of what other people do, and to see how other people put outfits together in a way that seems way more purposeful than how I do it (make sure everything is black or white, then if you decide to wear a color or print it will look fine!). Anyway, I’m searching for direction on “how not to just buy everything you try on just because you’re so thrilled that it looks good on you, even though it totally does not go with anything else you own and you may never actually wear it because it’s so far outside of your fashion comfort zone, daily practicality requirements, or is age- and/or situation-inappropriate in your life.” Still suffering from weird body dysmorphia. Photos of me usually look to me like I’m thin. In the mirror, I usually look OK to myself (although less thin than in photos). But when I actually look at myself directly, like not in a mirror, but looking down at my body, I look pretty big to myself still. I’m looking down at my lap as I type this on my laptop. My thighs look big. My stomach looks like it sticks out too far. My knees look fat. Now I’m standing up, looking in the mirror. Nope, I look fine. Pretty thin. Sit back down. No, I was clearly mistaken. My thighs obviously need to lose a bit more weight. (no they don’t) It’s a constant battle. The voices in my head are a bit crazy-making at times. Some annoying things this month: I bought multivitamins at GNC. They seemed good. Good numbers. Then, I had a weird bout of insomnia for a couple of weeks. Randomly reading the back of my vitamins (as one does), I see they have added caffeine!!!! What?!?! I’m very sensitive to caffeine (that’s why I don’t drink coffee, well besides the fact that it tastes like poison). So, back to GNC to buy the ones with the same formula but without the word “Energy” in the name. Energy. Hmm. When I went back to get the non-caffeinated multis, I bought calcium, but of course, as I do, I bought a whole big jar of calcium carbonate. This, despite the fact that I know I do this and try to be careful about it. I think I just looked at one and grabbed the one next to it. Sometimes it’s like I’m illiterate when I’m at the store. Next misadventure at GNC: buying papaya enzymes. Looking for 45mg. Hey! This one has 45mg. I buy it, only to look more closely and figure out that it has 45mg of papaya fruit. 6mg of papayain (the actual enzyme). What is it with me and labels. Ryvita crackers can go to h3ll. Here where I live, finding crackers at all is hard (other than Ritz for some reason). Finding whole grain crackers is like finding the holy grail. I finally found a store that has Ryvitas! Super healthy! And they get stuck like cement in my pouch. I had them for several days in a row, and also had to vomit up whatever I ate next afterwards each day - including A. Glass. Of. Water. on the final day before I swore off Ryvitas. Yeah, it took me several days to figure out what was wrong - it was the crackers. Even if I give them more than an hour to digest, whatever I take in afterwards gets backed up and has to come back up, even if I take little bitty sips of water first to loosen things up or whatever. Now I have to eat cheese with no crackers again. Man, I’m looking forward to American crackers when I go home this summer. Which reminds me I need to throw those Ryvitas away before I get desperate for crackers someday, like maybe this evening… And photos from hiking the last couple of weekends. First, the tomb pictures. This weekend we went up into the mountains to see the roses blooming (we were at about 2000m - 6500 ft - so it's cool up there). They make rosewater from the roses, so they're the nice smelling kind!
  33. 11 points

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    Feeling good today size 18 jeans and size 1 top and cardigan all from maurices
  34. 11 points
    I was off yesterday for the storm....and I ate well and drank all day long (120 oz)....and of course I was nearby the bathroom so I could urinate all day long too! Today the scale moved down 2#!!! So, the only thing I can conclude is that I need to quit my job and stay at home noshing on protein and drinking water all day long!!!
  35. 10 points
    Kim M

    Where it all began

    I am talking about my regain. i remember the lie I told myself the first time. I could have a blueberry muffin. Just one. However, if it was okay why did I feel I couldn't eat it in front of anyone. And so the lies began. Be it lies of omission to others, and lies to myself that I could stop the next day. Each day I told myself the same lie. I stopped getting on the scale...I knew my pants were getting tight. Then there was the ability to eat more at meals which I did. The grazing on carbs in-between my healthy looking meals. Sometimes I was too sick to eat my healthy meals. I would complain I was gaining weight too ashamed to admit the reason why. I never ate in front of people. The denial was so great that it didn't matter if I ate in front of people, because I was gaining weight. I suppose I could have come here and confessed my insanity, but I felt powerless to stop. I didn't want anyone to know what a failure I had become. I could have done a lot of things but I choose to continue on a self destructive path. The reason I am writing this today is because I walked into that store today and looked at the muffins. I wanted one. I even tried to justify that it would be okay to have one. I thought of the difficult week I have had and that I deserved some comfort. I know sitting here writing this knowing that eating muffins is not self care. Yes it has been a tough week. I had a car accident, I was coming from a wake and I was in physical pain from the accident. All true but all excuses. I am writing this for me but also for all those caught in the cycle of compulsive eating. I do understand your pain and suffering. I don't want you to regain and feel the shame and guilt that I felt. I don't want you to feel the self loathing of feeling powerless. I want to end by saying there is hope. I am in a better place. Today I didn't believe the lie. Today I knew I had choices. Today I choose to pass by the blueberry muffin and get what I needed for my dinner and come home. I choose to come here. I read some posts and replied to give support to others. I then thought I should write this. Maybe it is cathartic for me which is okay. I need help sometimes. I also hope that anyone who is struggling might read this and know that you have a choice. It is not always easy to do what is in our best interest. What i have learned again and again is feelings are just that. I don't have to act on them and make things worse. Sending love to all those in need,,,including myself.
  36. 10 points
    Kim M

    What have I done!

    Reading this post and it seems like ages ago. We have been together for 3 1/2 years. Living together for 2 1/2 years. We had a commitment ceremony last December, which I didn't know about, with all the kids and grandkids at our house. We have been wearing bands to symbolize our commitment to each other, I recently had revision surgery and while in the hospital he asked me to marry him. I thought we were all ready married...kind of. I told him this and he said it was a yes or no answer. I said yes but honestly don't know if it will ever happen. I really just don't feel the need. A happy ending either way. Never thought this could happen to me. We both want forever...for however long that is.
  37. 10 points
    Cindy Lou Who

    NSV of the Week - whats yours?

    It's official! I just got back from my overnight sleep study. I don't need the CPAP machine anymore!!! YAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've worn it since May 2013 when I had a BMI of 38. (Little did I know then that I would go up to 43.) Anyway, I am thrilled. That machine was number 1 on my list of most hated obese issues. Sleeping with my face buried in my pillow never felt so good! The sleep technicians were amazed at my story of 110# weight loss. They said they had no doubt that the weight loss was the reason for the sleep apnea going away. Suprisingly, it felt really good to tell a health professional that didn't know me before surgery. They only met me last night and were very interested in how I lost the weight. I could tell they were excited too to see how I would sleep. This experience gave me a new perspective on my recent struggles with maintenance. After surgery, as I was working on new foods and new habits, I felt very motivated. I remember telling my surgeon that I had NEVER had surgery before, and it was super strange for me to seek out this major surgery as I'm very conservative in my healthcare. So if I went to ALL this trouble to have major surgery, I was going to use this new tool to the BEST of my ability, and do everything right! I wasn't going to waste one day sabotaging this opportunity! Well this morning when I think about how it felt to tell the sleep technician of my success, I have a similar feeling. Now I have not only gone through the surgery, but have gone through 9 months of postop work! I have worked hard at healing, eating right, taking vitamins, starting an exercise program, working on eating mindfully, changing my lifestyle, working on emotional eating - every day for 9+ months! And it has made a major impact on my weight. Now I should look at my current status and be super motivated to take the benefits of all my hard work. Just like before when I was determined to let nothing wreck the benefits from the surgery, now NOTHING is going to wreck the benefits of all this work I did to get to a healthy BMI! No fear, no motivation lapses, no holiday stress, no laziness is going to stop this girl! I have come too damn far to let anything take away my current health! I deserve to be happy and thin, and no one is going to take it from me, NOT EVEN ME!! (Sorry for the self-cheerleading. It feels more like a strong kick in the tush to quit whining and get working! )
  38. 10 points

    NSV of the Week - whats yours?

    Today’s NSV - I just crawled through my dog door because I locked myself out of my house. Lol!
  39. 10 points

    What Are You Wearing Today?

    Excuse the mess and the look on my face lol, but this was yesterday's outfit. I'm in love with it. Today marks one year since my surgery! I can't believe the progress I have had so far. I started out in a size 22 and I am now down to a size 8/10 and medium!! Thank you all for your support through this journey!!
  40. 10 points

    Goal day!

    Ok, so, I revised my goal a couple of months back. But if I hadn't.... today would be the day I made my goal. Today I'm at 170. I'm still hoping to lose more - the new goal I switched to is 140, which would put me at a normal BMI for the first time since like, kindergarten. But still, this is a milestone I've been looking forward to. I've even thought about changing my goal BACK to 170 a few times, just for the little hit of accomplishment... but I'm thinking of it more right now as just the part where my body starts gently braking on the weight loss. I don't know how much loss I'll get out of this before I glide to an eventual halt - but hitting 170 kind of makes the natural slow-down feel okay. It will probably take a few months to get to 140, if I even get there, but I'm ok with that. And I also hit another milestone today - check out my ticker! My BMI is now under 30! That switches me over from "obese" to merely "overweight". I know BMI is a nothing measurement, but it's one my doctor cares about, so I'm kind of excited about that. The last time I saw my PCP she was so pleased with my progress that she took the "super" off of "obese" in my chart. It'll be great to watch her change it AGAIN the next time I see her! (And... I'm finally, finally under Leah's weight. Shhhhh, don't tell her. I'm no longer detailing my losses for her...)
  41. 10 points
    Cindy Lou Who

    "You look just the same!!"

    I know, weird right? This is what happened.... My son became ill and in the hospital, so I flew immediately to his town to be with him. It turned out to be an acute condition, but dissipated rapidly. I spent a couple days with him after he was home for some "mommying" time, even after he went back to work. With time on my hands, I reached out and met up with an old friend who I hadn't see in 29 years. We had been close and have kept in touch through Christmas cards. We met for lunch. I was nervous. After she hugged me, the first words out of her mouth were.... "You look just the same!" What!?!? Oh yeah, then it hit me. At the time we were close, I was on a low on the weight yo-yo cycle, and was even a Weight Watcher leader. I jogged alot and was in decent shape and pretty near a healthy weight most the time. It was SO weird and SUCH a relief to NOT have to talk about my radical weight loss. It just wasn't an issue. She didn't even know about it! Anyway, now I'm back in the world of people's comments and shocked faces. Sometimes it's nice, and sometimes it's embarrassing. It was a nice break!
  42. 10 points
    So this is completely silly. I'm going to end up on here a bunch tonight since I'm sick in bed. Haha! Anyway, on Saturday I went to get breakfast with a friend. I rode there on the bike trail and it was fairly busy since it was a nice day. On the way there, I was riding behind a guy who was going a little slower than I wanted to and he waved me past him. He caught up with me a little later and said something about liking the music I was playing (English Beat - Save it for Later). I chuckled and said I'm glad it wasn't annoying and that I play it so runners/walkers can hear me coming and will move to their right. He said "You don't see a lot of people wearing dresses on the bike trail" so I explained that I was meeting someone for breakfast. Then he said, "No wonder you look so nice." Shortly after, we stopped at a crossing, where I realized I had missed a turn and turned around so I could get to the restaurant. I was recounting this story to my husband later and he said he was chatting me up. I am SO not used to getting attention from men, so it had not occurred to me at the time that that's what was happening. Looking back, he probably felt bad that I turned around so abruptly - it probably looked like I was trying to get away from him. Haha! But I honestly thought he was just making conversation and was a stranger on the trail and didn't think twice about it. Anyway, I'm still not sure that's what was happening, but if it is then I'm sure it would not have happened 113 lbs ago. Also it doesn't matter since I'm married and whatnot (though I wasn't wearing my ring, since it's a bit loose and I don't like to ride with loose rings). But I guess it's nice to feel like someone thought I looked good on my bike.
  43. 10 points
    Gypsy Angel

    Don't Forget to Take Pics

    Consistently. Especially in your active losing phase. I'm talking 2-weeks post-op. 1-month post-op. 2 months post-op. Etc. etc. You get the idea. You do NOT have to share with the general public, but you're going to want to stash your progress pics for when you have times of discouragement. Always look at how far you've come instead of how far you have to go! Wish I had dated these photos better. Wish I had done the month-by-month thing. Wish I had labeled these better. I know the first one is the morning of surgery. The second one is 2 weeks post-op. The third one is 3-months post-op when I had lost 100 lbs. After that? Your guess is as good as mine.
  44. 10 points

    Good ol' bariatric dreams

    I dreamt last night that I'd gone to my surgeon because I thought I had an ulcer (I've been taking ibuprofen recently, so its probably guilt over that!), and he ordered an EGD. When I got there for the test, it was one of the docs I work with at my outpatient endoscopy, who first chastised me for having the surgery, and then he put the scope in, and my sleeve was already considerably enlarged and while he has the scope in and I can't talk, he's berating me for enlarging my sleeve. On top of all of that, I was apparently supposed to be assisting him in my own procedure and he was angry I didn't have the forceps ready to take biopsies of my own stomach, and he went to my manager afterwards about it I know I've been having some fears lately because it suddenly feels like I can eat considerably more (I think I got that relaxation in the sleeve that happens around six months) but WOW brain. Thanks for taking it even farther!
  45. 10 points
    This was such a revelation for me! Not too long ago, I wore a dress with nothing but my undies underneath out with friends because I didn't think I'd be doing much walking. I live in Arkansas, y'all, so it's basically like a sweaty armpit here from late April to October. Anyway, we ended up having to walk about a mile and I remember realizing, about halfway through the walk, that my thighs weren't ripped to shreds! It was like the heavens opened up and angels sang! Haha! I have a few NSV's for this week: 1. I rode my bike to and from the homeless day center where I work. Only about 6 miles total, but it was AWESOME and made me want to ride everywhere. It is so much easier to ride now! 2. I went to roller derby practice last week and did not die! I hurt for 3 days (muscle pain and a couple of decent size bruises on my butt), but it was pretty great anyway. 3. I did yoga! Also I might do this little tiny yoga routine every morning because it's really good stretching for the aforementioned bike rides and skating. 4. I donated 5 bags of clothes to a local thrift store! FIVE BAGS. Those bags represented the 5 sizes I've dropped since surgery!
  46. 10 points


    First holiday this year .. last year I was on the same beach 70 pounds heavier . The nsv's just kept rolling in like the waves . I had such a varied wardrobe of colour ...not all black or navy . The lady at the cottage we go to gasped when she saw me...how nice is that ....feeling blessed .
  47. 10 points
    You totally will! Less than a year ago I was always the one to say "Could we have a table, please?" at every restaurant. If I could squeeze myself in, part of me kind of pressed into the table uncomfortably, and I couldn't lean in to take a bite so a lot of the time I ended up with crumbs on my boob shelf... oh yeah, those were awesome times! These days I always kind of hope they'll take us to a booth. There's so much room between me and the table now! And when I do ask for a table, it's because I'm with someone close to the size I used to be - I ask so they don't have to. I was also the lady who couldn't fit into an MRI scanner about a year and a half ago. Talk about humiliating. Now I WISH I had a reason to get an MRI, just so I could replace that memory with something better. I'd totally fit now - and I'm still 50 lbs away from my goal weight. You guys will be there before you know it. So many good things happen along the way to goal - getting there will be great, I'm sure, but the entire journey has been wonderful, and I know it will be for you too! The time goes by so fast, and the weight drops off, and life gets better every day. You've got so many victories ahead of you!!
  48. 10 points

    Trying to lose the weight... AGAIN!

    I love tater tots. LOVE them so I get this. Here are a couple of things I do to stay in control of my eating. 1 - if I am going to eat tater tots, I plan for it. I decide a least a day or two ahead and cut back on my carbs and overall food intake to account for what i'm going to have. (Current example - friends coming this weekend that aren't active. Well, their idea of active is lifting the glass of booze from the table to their mouths. I know I won't be getting much exercise while they are in town and I'll be eating and drinking more. So, yesterday, today and tomorrow, my lunch is a protein shake rather than what I would normally have.) Then, depending on how many tater tots (or whatever it was) I had, I will cut back for the day or two after my indulgence. 2 - I remember what I eat today I will crave tomorrow. When tomorrow comes and I want the tots again, I have to keep telling myself no. 3 - I remind myself I know exactly what XX tastes like. I've eaten it a hundred times. That pint of Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath doesn't taste any different or any better than it did the last 46 times I ate it.
  49. 10 points
    Nana Trish


    Guys, you aren’t going to believe this! We are finally getting some better weather, so I decided I was going to give some yard work a try. Me. Yup. I haven’t done yard work in close to 10 years. We have a small lot, so it’s not like I have a huge yard to tend to. But I raked my front AND side yard (the back yard is the biggest). So yesterday I was in the yard for an hour and a half, raking! I only had to stop and sit twice. I haven’t felt that good about myself in forever! I’m going to be completely rid of my wheelchair by the end of the summer if it kills me!!
  50. 10 points

    Hawaii 2017 & 2018

    What a difference a year makes! First photo is from March 2017 when we visited Oahu and the second photo is March 2018 when we visited Kauai. Approx an 88 pound difference! I rode a bike this year, hiked, fit in a seat in a helicopter AND wore shorts and bathing suits for the first time in 8+ years! So thankful for these changes!