After months of not seeing some of my colleagues, last week was the week we all gathered for a meeting. I was nervous. Would anyone notice? Could they tell? I had lost 60+lbs and at least 4 sizes so far. I was of the opinion that no one noticing would be the greatest failure thus far and therefore put even more pressure on myself. (unrealistic much?) I **agonized** over what to wear. I Marco Polo’d with my fashionista friend to have her critique the outfit I had come up with. She gave me great feedback, I tweaked the outfit, and laid it out for the ‘big day’. I had my hair dyed professionally (something I have never done before). I could barely sleep. Seriously, this was worse than the first day of school somehow. Where you tried to pick the outfit that most represented you and the message you wanted to give everyone on the first day. Hadn’t I progressed past vanity a long time ago? My friend and I chatted and she said that I should prepare myself for no one saying anything. This would either be due to the unfailingly polite nature of people in this region as well as the work environment or could also be due to the fact that I was still a fat person, just less fat right now. Both really good points. If I was some Southern belle, this would have been my coming out party. The big reveal. Ugh. Stop, just stop.
The day dawned and I left home feeling confident that even if no one noticed, I felt good. My clothes were fitting better than they had in years. I was in love with my new haircut and color. I was ready. Then, it happened. From the first person I saw, those that knew me commented on my hair. They loved it and said it really suited me. But almost everyone followed it up with the body scan and said, you look great. One colleague who I really have only met one other time, didn’t recognize me at first. One close colleague even did a double take. She just kept saying I looked amazing and giving me another look. I felt comfortable in my own skin. It is a remarkable feeling and I am so glad I made the decision to have VSG.
Enjoy these photos, which may cause you to do a double take.
I know I shouldn’t look for external validation. That to rely on others to fill your bucket (to use one of those cliché team building books we’ve had to read), can lead to unreasonable disappointment. But sometimes when you are feeling good, when your insides are finally matching your outsides, you look for some validation and it’s still okay. Lately I have been feeling pretty crappy and nauseous, I try not to let it show – the whole fake-it-til-ya-make-it mentality. And to be honest, it has been wearing on me. Yesterday was a win and I really needed it. So as superficial and potentially unsustainable as it may have been, I’m going to take it.