...and this is a good thing.
Pre-op, I read a lot of people's takes on "food funerals." I didn't feel prompted to have any of those, though, because by the time I made the commitment to do the surgery, I was ON FIRE to lose weight. I felt no regret about not having my old favorites while I was doing my pre-op diet, no deprivation, no sadness. It was like a switch had been flipped. From my lengthy history with dieting, I knew that this was 1) the golden zone for weight loss - a great mental attitude that would lead to some important big changes, and 2) the danger zone for overextending my dieting commitment: 100% perfect until burnout is not a long-term solution. But I went with it. I lost 19 pounds in 5 weeks. Woo!
Then, surgery came, and I completely lost my desire to eat. Anything. Ever. I am never hungry, I never crave anything, and I never like what I'm eating. Part of this is due to weird physiological changes after WLS (messing with the vagus nerve, changing the tongue's actual response to sweet and bitter tastes, changing hormonal responses to eating, etc), but part of it is also due (I think) to a really bad cold I got last winter...
I got a bad cold in November, several months pre-op. It was the kind where you have to stay in bed, or at least stay home on the couch for several days. I was staying with friends at the time, but they were also knocked out by this cold, so we just lay about on the sofa shot-gunning Netflix. We were all miserable. There were the normal symptoms (runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, coughing, sneezing, headache, body aches, lethargy, etc, etc, etc).
When I was all better (weeks later), I was feeling myself again, but I found that I just couldn't really drink a beer. It just didn't taste good - too bitter. Normally, I'm a microbrew kind of gal (I spent my formative drinking years in Seattle during the initial microbrew surge), and I LOVE bitter beer, but I just couldn't even drink half a pint of IPA. Then, I noticed that wine didn't taste good anymore. I really like wine! I know a little bit about it, and I love a nice glass or two of a nice, complex, heavy red wine. Suddenly, I couldn't taste the difference between boxed wine and $40 a bottle wine. Then I started to notice that food was only nice for its texture, and it didn't have the same flavor anymore. And smells, both good and bad, just escaped me (catbox? what catbox?). Everyone else could smell things but me.
My nose has always been overly sensitive, to the point where smells bother me that others can't smell at all - it's a curse, for sure. There are way more bad smells in this world than good ones. But now, I could only smell what I would estimate to be maybe 25% of what I could. I looked it up on the interwebs, and apparently this is a thing that can happen after you have a really bad cold, and if it doesn't come back in a few weeks, it probably won't ever. Yikes! However, this has been a total blessing to me while trying to lose weight, and I think it may be to blame for why EVERYTHING SMELLS AND TASTES TERRIBLE TO ME NOW.
All protein smells/tastes the same: veggie burgers, fish, beans, even cat food, for goodness sake (although I don't taste the cat food, it smells the same as the others). All dairy smells/tastes the same: yogurt, cheese, milk, cottage cheese, ice cream. All really bitter things smell the same: beer, coffee, even cigarettes! all smell the same. These three smells are really terrible and don't have anything to do with how any of these things smelled before surgery. They are not food smells. All other flavors are minor notes in comparison, and since I eat mostly protein and dairy, I rarely have anything to eat that doesn't smell like these things. Fruit and vegetables I can taste a bit, and they taste good (but different from before).
In view of all this, the idea came to me the other day that it's not like food is dead to me - when someone you love dies, you miss them a lot and think about them all the time and wish they were back. However, it seemed way more like food and I were getting a divorce. I've never been divorced (happily married for 17 years this coming weekend!), but here's my thinking: I USED to love food, but it's just not a big part of my life now. I can't see what I ever saw in it. I don't want to be around it. I want to get on with my life and interact with food only as often as I need to (mealtimes), but it's always there, not gone forever, just not a central part of my life anymore.
Again, part of this is the WLS physiological effects, but I think some of it is losing my sense of smell. I don't know if this will last past the honeymoon phase, but I think some of it might, just because I don't think my sense of smell is going to come back.
Eating is just a chore, like scrubbing the toilet or taking out the garbage. This is all very weird.