• entries
  • comments
  • views

When will people notice?



I've been pretty secretive about this weight loss stuff. I have only told 5 people so far; my father, 3 close friends, and 1 coworker. I keep all of them up to date with my monthly weigh-ins and they have been very supportive of me. I am hesitant to share this process with anyone else - specifically my coworkers because of how judgmental and gossipy they are. I'm wondering at what point people will start to notice my weight loss, my dietary changes, or anything else.

Right now, at a 35lbs loss from my highest weight I can see the differences already in the mirror. My double chin is going away. My clothes are baggier and loose. I don't want to spend money on new pants yet so I have to wear a belt to keep my baggy jeans up. My winter coat is at the point where it is so big and baggy it's not keeping me warm anymore because it puffs out like a tent because it's not touching my hips or waist anymore. I know I am changing, but I am also actively looking to see my changes. No one looks at me like that. To the world, I'm just fat.

10+ years ago me and my best friend worked really hard together and we both lost a lot of weight. We were cooking together and working out together. She lost 60lbs and I lost 50lbs. We were both wearing clothes 3+ sizes smaller. We were feeling great, looking great, and so happy with our progress. We planned a lunch to meet up with a couple of friends we hadn't seen in a long time. We were so excited to see them and excited for them to see our great weight loss. We were both expecting a WOW moment when they would walk in and say "You guys look great!" but that never happened. Neither of the women commented on our appearance for about 2 hours. So we started talking about how we had both lost a bunch of weight and both of the women were all "Oh! Wow! Good job! That's great!" but neither of them realized anything was different when they saw us or hugged us. We were both still fat. We were fat, lost a bunch of weight, and were still fat. All these women saw was me and her were fat. Not as fat as before? They probably couldn't tell the difference. It was very discouraging for us both. We both left that lunch feeling sad that our friends did not have the WOW reaction we were expecting. And not long after that we both started slipping on our healthy eating and we both stopped going to the gym. We both regained all our lost weight plus more over the years.

I've talked about my coworker situation before. I'm not friends with these people. I'm not planning on telling them a dang thing except I am taking time off work for medical reasons. But when will they notice? I've lost 35lbs in 3 months. Has anyone noticed? No one has said anything. On one hand, no one is gossiping about me to my knowledge. If they were gossiping like they usually do I would have heard about it by now. On the other hand, they didn't bat an eyelash when I severely sprained my ankle back in September and was wearing a brace on my leg for 6 weeks. I still limp from time to time and no one ever asks me if I am OK. So what would it take for them to notice me losing weight if they are not even going to notice I have a leg brace on for 6 weeks.

When I lose 100lbs I will still be 253lbs. I will sill be clinically Obese. The closest I have been to that weight was 275 which is where I was when me and my friend had that lunch with those blind ladies. That's only 22lbs different. So if no one noticed my weight loss when I was 275, will they notice when I'm 253? Could I lose 100lbs and not have anyone notice?

Keeping this a secret feels safe to me because I'm safe from judgment, but not being acknowledged for my hard work will be discouraging. I wish I had more people that I felt comfortable sharing this with. I guess that's why I come to forums like this and write blog posts to get my feelings out because I really don't have many safe outlets for my thoughts and feelings, especially with this sensitive and controversial topic of weight loss surgery.



Recommended Comments

i didn't telk ANYONE but my husband. My family notice the weight loss but I have lost around 80 pounds and just this week my neighbors are starting to notice, it is wield ti think I had to lose that much. 

Share this comment

Link to comment

Depends really on how big you are to start with. Took about 45lb loss for most people to see it on me clearly enough to make comments. The bigger you are the more weightloss it takes. Added to this, there are still some people who just don't comment about other people's weight for any number of reasons. 


Edited by Aussie H

Share this comment

Link to comment
On 2/1/2017 at 10:53 PM, Minfit said:

i didn't telk ANYONE but my husband. My family notice the weight loss but I have lost around 80 pounds and just this week my neighbors are starting to notice, it is wield ti think I had to lose that much. 

Whew! I thought I was crazy for wanting to do it this way! 

My mom is a gossip - love her! - but she has a hard time not telling everyone she knows about what she had for breakfast. Telling her NOT to tell anyone would basically be making her suffer in silence or else feel guilty when it slipped out. It probably would. She tells me stuff all the time by starting out, "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but...." So if I don't want everyone I know to know, telling her is not a good idea. 

As for everyone else, I just don't want the judgment. I feel like most people I know would be judgmental. You know how people are: "Just eat less and exercise!" Thank you, thin person who had to lose 7 pounds in January 2012. I know you feel my pain :( 

My husband knows. He's the one who's around me all the time. We don't have kids, so that's not an issue. I'm a pretty private person and I just don't want it to be what everyone thinks when they see me. 

Anyway, kudos to the people who are not secretive about it and are enjoying the support of their family, friends, and co-workers. If it works for them, awesome and keep it up. Good choice.

I'm glad to see others who feel apprehensive about sharing, though. It makes me feel like I'm not weird.

Share this comment

Link to comment

I haven't told many.  No one knows at my job.  I changed jobs after my wls.  To these people I eat healthy.  

I had been judged all my life I didn't need to be judged for this as well.  

I had my surgery in the winter so I hid under a winter coat for a while.  I think I had lost about 50 pounds before people noticed.  Then I got tired of the "are you sick" comments.  

For people who see you every day it takes longer because you are slowly changing before their eyes.  

Share this comment

Link to comment

I'm only starting to get unsolicited commentary now, and I've lost 95 pounds. Then again, I've been up and down a lot of times, and have also strongly dissuaded people from talking to me about my weight, so I appreciate as much silence as people can offer. But now (at 235-240), I'm starting to get a few people who go beyond the full-body up-and-down glance and into commentary. In general, I think weight loss is less noticeable when one is quite fat, and people usually start commenting when you cross a "categorical" line. BMI actually does, in my experience, seem to be an indicator here: mine is just crossing below 40 now, which moves me out of the high-risk category of obesity even as people start to yap about the size of my @*# (can you tell I hate this?).

Share this comment

Link to comment

Like Nimiety, it took a good amount of loss before people really noticed. I found once I lost about 80-90 pounds, people started to notice, but the comments and the shocked reactions really took off once I got to a "normal" size (about 160 lbs/ size 10-12). At that point, people get nosy, so if you want to keep your surgery private, you'll have to come up with a standard response. 

Share this comment

Link to comment

Congrats on your weight loss! That's a big victory. A few thoughts come to mind:

1. Don't give your self-esteem away to people who don't have the right to take it. If they're supportive and encouraging, that's a bonus. Otherwise, shine on your own.

2. When you actually start shopping for and wearing smaller sizes, your weight loss will become more apparent to those around you. Plus, clothing that fits your new frame boosts your self-esteem.

3. Every pound you shed will feel like shedding emotional baggage as well. I found myself becoming more and more comfortable with myself each day.  This inward peace will become evident to others also. 

4. I didn't tell many co-workers about my choice, but when I came back from summer vacation, I'd lost 50 lbs. They noticed and were complimentary. But here's the deal: they hadn't seen me for a few months. 

5. Be your best friend and keep encouraging yourself. You're doing great, and with each day that passes and you're following the plan, you're on your way to a new you. This is a marathon; not a sprint. Keep your eyes on the finish line.

5. The best "revenge" (for lack of a better word) for gossipers, is living well and being happy.  They WILL eventually comment. Some of them will likely look at your transformation with admiration.

6. Again,  focus on working the plan no matter what others say or don't say. People can be fickle and mercurial. Stay the course and stay encouraged.

Keep shining!


Share this comment

Link to comment

I didn't tell anyone and said I was having a different surgery to those at work - was back in 1 week anyway.  My philosophy is, and always has been, you have to lose about half of your total amount of weight before it's really noticeable.  But then - watch out, everyone starts making comments so come up with how you want to respond when they say how did you lose your weight.  For me - I said I started eating about half and walked - which is the truth.  I ate half to become half my size.  In life, people aren't that interested or aware what others are dong.  

Share this comment

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now