I am still working on my six month pre op routine. I thought I was in the groove and doing well, but I had an epiphany a few days ago and realized that I was not truly doing everything I should. No major breaks in the plan, just a few cookies here and some French fries there. I was "dieting" like I did when I was on Weight Watchers. Eating larger portions than I should and not cutting the carbs out like I should. Still getting losses on the scale, and doing my aqua aerobics, but getting away with extra nibbles.
What woke me up, strangely enough, was reading about Jodie Sweetin's work toward sobriety after a few years of partying with the likes of Miley Cyrus. It struck me of how much she had to give up. The whole party scene. Granted the drugs and alcohol had to go, but also the fun of going out with friends, the weekend entertainment plan, celebrations, everything about it had to go.
For some reason, that clarified what I am actually working toward here. I am giving up the food scene. The rituals of eating for comfort after a bad day, big platefuls at potlucks, celebrating everything with cake, etc. There is not a word I know to define food sobriety. So much of society revolves around sharing food. I have always been a comfort eater, and have had to deal with stress about my mother's health the past few months. Knowing I need to find a new way to cope and doing it are two different things.
I do have a different mindset the past few days. I have not been looking for opportunities to grab an extra bite here and there. No grazing while I cook. No cookies (they have always been my Kryptonite). I feel like I have clunked some gear into place and am doing this for real.
Sorry for the rambling navel gazing. There are a lot of brain transitions to work through.