Wednesday mornings, I can hardly finish peeing before I begin stripping out of my bedclothes to step onto the scale in my bathroom. On most Wednesdays, I do a victory dance while still on the scale, then make like the Town Crier and skip down the hall, announcing my new weight. Today was not one of those days.
There was no groggy-eyed half smile when I peeked down at a new, lower number. There was no naked victory dance on top of my scale. There was no town crier imitation. There was no skipping down the hall. In the Wednesday morning celebration's place, instead was a 2-lb increase in weight.
Now, the heated battle ensues between the logical part of my brain and the, shall we say, immature foot-stomping side of my brain. My logical side KNOWS that weight fluctuates, I'm due for my period, and I haven't been getting all of my water in. The child-like victory dancer and skipper doesn't care. The logical side remembers that I've been a little lax in logging all of my calories (usually the last meal of the day) and it's possible, though highly unlikely that I've been going over my 1200 cals. I'm not overeating on portions, not eating the wrong things, not drinking while eating, not grazing, etc.... I'm following the rules, just breaking my commitment to document every bite of the entire day. (But let me add that I have been logging all but the last meal of the day and I go into that meal knowing I have calories to spare.) The petulant side of me wants to fling herself face first onto the carpet, kicking and screaming, terrified that the honeymoon is over. The logical side of me knows that I've been stealing gym hours to prepare for midterms and that my B-12 injections have been on back-order for almost a month, now. The foot-stomper is trying to convince me that I need to get used to the size I am now.
So, in the mind game that is Thunderdome-esque.....two men enter, one man leaves.....the proverbial jury is still out. And, sadly, it will probably remain out until I weigh in next Wednesday. The difference, hopefully, will be to give my logical side a few less reasons why it could be legitimate weight gain and not just a WLS fluke.
Hey, it could be worse....I could be freaking out that I dilated my stoma or that I am one of those that just stops losing around the 170 mark. NAH.....one week does not a life choice make. I simply need to buckle back down and prove to myself in writing that this is merely a stall, not a rebound. So, I'm redoubling my efforts to document every morsel and giving myself a bit of leeway at the gym until midterms are over. After that, a redoubling there, too. I WILL push through, without sabotaging my efforts so far. Repeat after me: there is no such thing as napalming this path!
PS: My cigarette behavior is officially over. I've been 4 days without one, now, and the thought of one is enough to turn my stomach. Don't know what happened, but I can't tell you how grateful I am that the mood has passed.