It just dawned on me, as I was prowling Facebook and looking at the random pics that some of my high school chums posted of us..... SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I'm THAT size NOW! I'm my high school weight?! It's a little startling for someone who judged how old I was in a picture by how fat I'd become in the picture.
So, this marvelous realization comes a little more than 3 months from the big move back to my home town....small town Louisiana. For those of you that aren't from a small town, let me just say that I have only been back once in the 10 years that I've been gone....and everything is exactly the same. Same people, same traditions, same families....the only new thing will be the generation to which I belong in the town. As b-o-r-i-n-g as that sounds to some of you....I am soooooooooooooo looking forward to being submerged in the familiar. I'm a bit tired of new places, new houses, new landlords, new schools, new neighbors. I can't wait until I can walk into the local butcher store and say hello to the same exact face behind the counter that I saw as a kid. I can't wait to put away my GPS and just know my way around town.
I don't have to say why I have avoided going back, do I? You all know. You're the only ones that get it. I didn't want to see the ripples of recognition then shock sweep across people's faces. I didn't want to be that girl from high school....the "have you seen so-and-so? she's let herself go" girl. Somehow, in my head, I wasn't only sparing myself, I was sparing them from having to see me like that. Yowch. And, the one time I did visit for a few weeks, I avoided public places and kind of became a hermit at my sister's house. My outside voice reasoning? "I'm here to visit my family, not to see old friends." My inside voice reasoning....we all know why.
Browsing those pictures, I finally felt like I wouldn't be terrified to see people I used to know. So, I announced my move back home and made plans to make plans with old acquaintances. If I'm doing my math correctly, I might even be close to goal weight when I see them. (10 months post-op) Can't wait.