Honesty first. Ready? Here it goes:
I will remember these first few months of maintenance with the biggest emotion being --------- PANIC! Isn't that dumb?!!!!!!!!!??????
I have felt grateful for months and months now as I healed from surgery and the pounds started coming off and the clothes got smaller. And I still feel HUGE gratefulness. But, since this forum is the place to be honest, I have to warn others that the biggest emotions I have felt in maintenance have been fear and panic. Picture a figure that looks like a shar pei dog (with all the extra skin - wrinkles) mixed with Chicken Little yelling that the sky is falling, and you've got a perfect image of crazy me these last months!!
At first I felt like keeping my weight within a 10 pound range felt like standing on the head of a pin. And then all I felt was fear of regain. My weight kept falling, and I felt fear and panic that if I really tried to stop the weight loss, I would regain it all overnight. Or I would start to gain slowly, and not be able to stop the upward creap. Then I had a few lovely days of fearing I had leukemia because my white blood cells dipped low. Geeesh!!
I'm happy to report that I feel better. I think I'm off the panic train. I had a follow up with my surgeon yesterday, and while he wants me to gain at least 5 pounds back, he is relieved that I stayed the same weight for 3 weeks. And my white blood count came back up some, so he and my PCP are both relieved about that. Whew!
As long as I don't lose any more this next month, I think I'm good. I'll gain back 5 pounds or so eventually, but actually, I'm in no hurry. I don't remember ever in my life being "too thin", and I think it's probably not bad to be here awhile in the post surgery honeymoon phase. I want to be logical about it and slowly gain back a bit and not get cravings and not get scared. That's the main thing. I don't want to fear regain! I want to keep a handle on this! So if right now I can see the ribs on the front of my chest , and my doc and husband say I'm a bit too thin, I'll just take it one day at a time.
As my blog title suggests, my past has been yo-yo my whole life. So I want to cut that yo-yo string before I do anything else!
On another note, I had a new NSV this week. I took my son on a college visit trip. After I got home, I looked up on my phone to see that two of the days we walked 5 miles while we toured campuses. The NSV is that I wore normal loafers....... I didn't even think about wearing special, comfortable walking shoes on those days, and I never needed them. My feet don't ever hurt any more. Even after walking 5 miles in normal shoes. That's a first!! Yay!!
Maintenance Diary -
1st month - Range 135.4 - 140 pounds
2nd month - Range 133.0 - 135.4 pounds!
3rd month - Range 127.2 - 133.0
4th month - Range 125.0 - 128.0
5th month - Range 124.0 - 126.6
6th month - Starts today!