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Month 4 - Surgiversary month

Cindy Lou Who

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Well this marks not only the end of my 4th month of maintenance blog, but also my surgiversary. So I've posted a few pics at the end. 

1 - Before picture

2 - Picture this morning

3 - Picture of some old and current pants

What a great year. A life-changing year. I thank God every morning for this opportunity for a healthy future. I am so grateful. Yesterday I had my one year check up with my surgeon and I had tears when I thanked him for his good work. He got tears too! :P

I feel like I have learned so much, and that I have so much more to learn. I'm definitely still trying to sort out this maintenance thing. I have yet more nutrition changes to make and I have to go back to the doctor in three weeks. He doesn't like how my weight is still "drifting down." (I lost 3 more pounds since my last nutrition visit  3 weeks ago.) All my bloodwork looked great, and he says at my current weight (or a little higher) I'll live to be a hundred. But he was very serious about stopping the drift. So new marching orders for more sugary fruit and more good fats. OK, ok, will do. Not the ecstatic reception I was expecting from him, but I'm very glad he is conservative and watchful. He said he's never had a patient get  down to a BMI of 18 (which is too low), and I won't be his first! :lol:

This month's triumphs - I can now run 4 miles with ease. I can play 18 holes of golf, walking and carrying my clubs and still have energy the rest of the day. Exercise actually feels good! I bought two size 0 skirts from different manufacturers. That's crazy! And I wore a bathing suit out in public and only felt really self conscious about my extra skin on my arms and legs. 

This month's tribulations - My doctor visit yesterday left me feeling perplexed and stressed. I thought I had a handle on maintenance, but slipped down again. I'm getting no pleasure and only huge dread and anxiety when people  I haven't seen in awhile say they don't recognize me, or comment on my size. I know they mean well, so my anxious response makes me feel even worse.  

My tribulations seem teeny tiny in comparison to all the benefits and happiness I feel! I just feel so darn grateful!!!!!!!

Maintenance Diary -

1st month - Range 135.4 - 140 pounds

2nd month - Range 133.0 - 135.4 pounds

3rd month - Range 127.2 - 133.0

4th month - Range 125.0 - 128.0

5th month - Starts today! 

 

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First of all, apologies on commenting on my own blog entry! :eek: But no one has commented so I thought maybe I said something inappropriate or unkind. Or maybe just boring! Hah! :) 

Anyway, I just reread my entry and I have to add a confession. To be perfectly blunt, I'm just PETRIFIED.  I'm completely afraid that if I do anything extra to stop weight loss, I will start gaining and not be able to stop. I have this thought that the only reason I'm still losing is because of the momentum from doing this for over a year. I want the pendulum to stop, but I'm much more fearful of the pendulum swinging all the way the other way  (and gaining all my weight back) than I am of stopping it in it's current swing. I think I'm actually sabotaging my efforts to eat more calories. Last week I started eating @Jen581791's peanut butter balls but they filled me up so I skipped other snacks. My WLS surgeon wants to see me again in 3 weeks. So I know I should feel safe eating more because I can't get too out of whack in three weeks. I just don't want the cravings for sweets or carbs or fried foods to ever come back. What I've done for over a year has worked. So I'm COMPLETELY AFRAID to mess with it!

So sorry I'm whining and such a wimp. But that's the truth of where I'm at, and I don't know if everyone hits this at some point or not, so hopefully it might be helpful for someone. i would have NEVER expected this to be a hurdle. :(  

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Sorry, @cindylouwho! I just followed you so I'll see your content - this just didn't come up on my feed! :( 

Congrats on your 4 months of maintenance!! :D 

You look amazing, and you have a nice list of accomplishments. Don't let your doctor get you down - just keep working on the nutrition, and remember that you're still in the beginning phase of maintenance: it's some trial and error, and your body is probably a bit confused! You'll maintain eventually. At 5'4", you're not really wasting away at 125 - just relatively wasting away compared to before. That's quite a change to ask people to not fret a bit about. 

I was petrified to stop and maybe gain, and almost a year of maintaining perfectly (because that's how I like to do things) I really let loose in November, December, and January. I gained a few pounds, and that showed me that gaining a few pounds is not the end of the world. I stopped gaining, which showed me that that is possible. I lost a few pounds, which showed me that I'm indeed in control. I prefer not to have cravings, so I'm back to fairly low carb again, and all feels right with the world. I learned a lot. I won't do that again next year, but it taught me that I can control my weight - and that if I don't pay attention, I will gain. Good things to know. 

 

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10 hours ago, Jen581791 said:

I was petrified to stop and maybe gain, and almost a year of maintaining perfectly (because that's how I like to do things) I really let loose in November, December, and January. I gained a few pounds, and that showed me that gaining a few pounds is not the end of the world. I stopped gaining, which showed me that that is possible. I lost a few pounds, which showed me that I'm indeed in control. I prefer not to have cravings, so I'm back to fairly low carb again, and all feels right with the world. I learned a lot. I won't do that again next year, but it taught me that I can control my weight - and that if I don't pay attention, I will gain. Good things to know. 

Such words of wisdom! Thank you. It sounds like you turned that 3 month "let loose" period into a great learning experience. Wow. I love that. 

And thanks for the perspective that I'm just now starting this maintenance thing. I DO think my body, let alone my mind, is very confused! :eek: Maybe I need to gain some patience. After all, this is the beginning of a decades-long new life. It's hard though. Everything moved so fast the first year, so I want  perfection in maintenance to move just as fast!  :P

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Your fears are so normal. None of us want to regain. We've probably all lost and regained many times in the past. After surgery though there seems to be even more investment given all we've gone through both before and after surgery to get to our personal goals. What I've found really quite amusing is that up until a few months ago my doctor had never weighed me....bariatric surgeon included....now that I'm below everyone's idea of where I should be all of a sudden the scales have come out and I get a "please explain" if my weight is down from the previous visit.

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You look amazing!  I never saw that before picture, i only remember seeing you pretty small and that is how I “know” you so to see you bigger just made me realize how SUPER SUCCESSFUL you’ve been.

On to the other part....i am sure you are scared that you won’t ever stop but I must say I wish I had that problem.  I stopped long ago and I struggle keeping it down to 155.  My body seems to want to go up and I still have to fight it.  So, obviously bodies have their own way of handling the afters of the surgery and yours seems (to me) like the dream body that just wants to keep losing! :)  

however that isn’t a comfort to you when your dr is saying you need to put the brakes on, I am sure!  We all have our fears and struggles and even though we’ve all lost a lot of weight, we still have to deal with our weight and our feelings that are tied to it.  So I empathize with you and your pain/fear. 

Btw, love the pants pic, how cool is that!?!?!?!  

 

Also, I don’t think ppl see the blogs as often.  There have been times I have posted on mine and not gotten anyone reading it for a long while but once someone comments, it seems to keep coming up on the activity page (which is where I find things).

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21 hours ago, Aussie Bear said:

Your fears are so normal. None of us want to regain. We've probably all lost and regained many times in the past. After surgery though there seems to be even more investment given all we've gone through both before and after surgery to get to our personal goals. What I've found really quite amusing is that up until a few months ago my doctor had never weighed me....bariatric surgeon included....now that I'm below everyone's idea of where I should be all of a sudden the scales have come out and I get a "please explain" if my weight is down from the previous visit.

That is really funny that your doctors never weighed you before! Boy, they do that here in the US at EVERY visit to just about any doctor.

Thanks for telling me my fears are normal. That helps tremendously in trying to squash my anxiety. Maybe this is just the normal course of things. I guess maybe it makes sense that after being a yo-yo dieter my whole life I would fear regain. I've seen it too often! Maybe it's even a good thing and will keep me on track? I just need to temper my fear enough to let myself stop the weight loss. 

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8 hours ago, CheeringCJ said:

You look amazing!  I never saw that before picture, i only remember seeing you pretty small and that is how I “know” you so to see you bigger just made me realize how SUPER SUCCESSFUL you’ve been.

On to the other part....i am sure you are scared that you won’t ever stop but I must say I wish I had that problem.  I stopped long ago and I struggle keeping it down to 155.  My body seems to want to go up and I still have to fight it.  So, obviously bodies have their own way of handling the afters of the surgery and yours seems (to me) like the dream body that just wants to keep losing! :)  

however that isn’t a comfort to you when your dr is saying you need to put the brakes on, I am sure!  We all have our fears and struggles and even though we’ve all lost a lot of weight, we still have to deal with our weight and our feelings that are tied to it.  So I empathize with you and your pain/fear. 

Btw, love the pants pic, how cool is that!?!?!?!  

Thank you so much for cheering me on, @CheeringCJ! I've been too embarrassed to share my  real before picture before now. :eek: I guess I'm getting more comfortable with letting go of that person forever. 

About the weight loss stopping - Before this journey happened I told myself that  statistically the average loss was 60% of extra weight. And I was letting my body be the guide where it would stop. 60% for me would be around 180, so anything under that, I would be happy. I didn't want to fight my body ANYMORE. I have this idea that, on the surgery table, my body setpoint was reset, and it held the secret of where that would be. And I'm determined still to accept it wherever it will be. I'm just struggling now to trust. To trust in my body to not spike back up. There's my rub.

If we are doing everything right with food and exercise, then we really have no control over where our bodies will stop. I definitely think you're doing the right thing by learning to maintain where your body lands. You are in the healthy zone, you look amazing, and you are wearing great clothes! You are doing fantastic!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the great work!!! 

I'm sorry for my whining, and thank you for being so empathetic! 

Edited by Cindy Lou Who

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On 3/12/2019 at 7:33 PM, Cindy Lou Who said:

That is really funny that your doctors never weighed you before! Boy, they do that here in the US at EVERY visit to just about any doctor.

I think my family doctor never did it because he's obese himself. I suspect he's been told by patients before to practise what he preaches. He's only doing it now because he's made it Lear he doesn't want any further weightloss, and I admit that for once I'm tempted to lie about it because I don't yet agree with him about not losing any more. The bariatric surgeon on the other hand surprised me. He'd ask me what I weighed, and I'd tell him....still does that now. The one that really surprised me was my pre-op checkup with the anesthecist.... I'd always been weighed for those with other surgeries, but not for my bypass surgery. She asked me what I weighed, I told her and even offered to stand on the scales that were right next to me...she said it wasn't necessary because she could tell I weighed what I told her I did......shrug.

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1 hour ago, Aussie Bear said:

think my family doctor never did it because he's obese himself. I suspect he's been told by patients before to practise what he preaches. He's only doing it now because he's made it Lear he doesn't want any further weightloss, and I admit that for once I'm tempted to lie about it because I don't yet agree with him about not losing any more. The bariatric surgeon on the other hand surprised me. He'd ask me what I weighed, and I'd tell him....still does that now. The one that really surprised me was my pre-op checkup with the anesthecist.... I'd always been weighed for those with other surgeries, but not for my bypass surgery. She asked me what I weighed, I told her and even offered to stand on the scales that were right next to me...she said it wasn't necessary because she could tell I weighed what I told her I did......shrug.

It's amazing that all three doctors didn't use a scale! And even more surprising that now they pull out the scale when you are at such a healthier weight. I'm shrugging too! :) 

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