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Month 2 - Holiday month

Cindy Lou Who

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I almost titled this blog entry "Too skinny"? I am NOT complaining, but this month has been a bit of a trip into the Weight Twilight Zone. I hoped to get down in the bottom of my weight range before Christmas so I could enjoy holiday treats without fear. Also, we're going with 5 families for a week to a ranch  in Arizona starting tomorrow so the eating/drinking will be tempting there too. Sooooo, I wanted to be at "fighting weight" when all that started. All good. I did that.

But then a weird thing happened. My husband said that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. My 25-year-old son home for the holidays said I was too thin and needed to eat more. He tried to pump me with fatty foods, carbs, and candy in an attempt to get high calories in with low volume. And I have to admit, when I look in the mirror, my extra skin looks worse, and I can see my ribs on the front of my chest. I feel like I am in an alternate universe! This can't be me! Even though I look a little gaunt undressed, for the first time probably ever, I think I look really nice in clothes. I'll never be tall and thin, but I'm short and thin-ish in clothes! Yay! So, I'm a little unsure of where exactly I want to end up. Still trying to figure that one out. 

I have to say that stopping losing weight FEELS REALLY WEIRD. I've been losing for an entire year. Accepting smalls gains and losses is a mind trip. I still feel like I'm trying to balance on a tight wire. 

Exercise-wise I'm toying with running. I've been walking 4-6 miles per day 5 days a week, and this month I've run three miles a few times. It feels so good! But I'm trying to be careful so I don't injure myself. I've only let myself run 2 days a week, and take a rest day after. 

My "gifty" for staying in my weight range this month was a new pair of walk/running shoes. I've had the old ones for 5 years so I was REALLY overdue! The real treat was going to a running store, getting fit into the best shoes for my body, feet, and exercise regime. Running is a cheap sport, and I figure shoes is the only real piece of equip't I need. 

As a final note I'd like to say that I am SO grateful for 2018! This year has been a transition year to the rest of my life with a healthy future looking very real.  Successful VSG surgery and 115 pounds lost. What a gift this year has been!  I will always remember 2018 as being the year I was physically re-born and given a second chance at a happy life! And thank you, my TT heroes for holding my trembling hand along this journey! :wub:

Maintenance Diary -

1st month - Range 135.4 - 140 pounds

2nd month - Range 133.0 - 135.4 pounds

3rd month - Starts today!



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Enjoy your holiday. I think most of us that have made goal weight can certainly relate to the "too skinny" comments......whether we believe them or not. I still don't even though I've heard them now from doctors. Where I would put my foot down though is where people try to sabotage, and sorry but I would put your son in that category, and you might find your friends try to do the same when you're away. I'd be running with the line that I'm not dieting anymore but I am still wanting to keep a healthy lifestyle which includes filling my stomach with nutritionally sound choices and not junk, and exercising for pleasure. Hope they let you enjoy your holiday....you've certainly earned it.

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Cindy, it sounds like you're doing really well! :) 

I agree that it's hard mentally to stop losing - that moment when staying where you are is the challenge, the thrill of seeing the numbers flying away disappears. However, staying where you are is the name of the game... so onward we march, to stand still.

Good for you for trying out running. I'm on a hiatus myself at the moment (a weird hip ache that won't go away), so I'm a bit jealous. New shoes are a great Treat Yourself!!

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On 12/30/2018 at 9:17 PM, CheeringCJ said:

You are doing SOOOO awesome! I want to be YOU when I grow up! :)

I am sure you will do fine when you go away and even if you indulge a little you do have that wiggle room which is sweet!  Enjoy!

Such sweet words, thank you! I don't feel at all "grown up", but quite the opposite. I feel like such a newbie or like a little kid learning all new skills. But I feel SO GRATEFUL for the new challenges with this new tool!

Yes, the wiggle room helped me managed my nerves when I couldn't weigh on a scale for over a week! :o We walked a TON around the ranch so that helped too. When I got home I hadn't gained any! Yeahhhhhh!!!!! 

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On 12/30/2018 at 11:56 PM, Aussie Bear said:

Enjoy your holiday. I think most of us that have made goal weight can certainly relate to the "too skinny" comments......whether we believe them or not. I still don't even though I've heard them now from doctors. Where I would put my foot down though is where people try to sabotage, and sorry but I would put your son in that category, and you might find your friends try to do the same when you're away. I'd be running with the line that I'm not dieting anymore but I am still wanting to keep a healthy lifestyle which includes filling my stomach with nutritionally sound choices and not junk, and exercising for pleasure. Hope they let you enjoy your holiday....you've certainly earned it.

@Aussie Bear, I thought alot about your thoughtful words this week. I appreciate so much your honesty about your opinion of my son's sabotaging. I guess I think sabotaging is somewhat underhanded,  and my son was doing this above board, as he truly is worried about my continuing to lose weight. He was trying to stop the weight loss because he thought I was below where I needed to be. He has always been thin, so I know it's not a personal reaction, but comes from a good place. However, that doesn't mean that he is correct. He lives in a different state, so his pushing was short-lived. I think it's also harder for him because he doesn't see me that often so my weight loss appears more dramatic. He'll get used to it. And he'll settle down when he sees me staying healthy and happy. :wub:

My friends at the ranch were incredible. Our friendship is originally with the men, who my husband and I have known and loved for over 30 years. They were SO SWEET. They kept repeating how great I looked, and how proud of me they were. They are like my brothers so when they told my husband and I how awesome I looked and how "hot" I looked now, I can honestly say that it didn't feel weird, it felt SO GREAT!!!  And even the kids (around 10 of them ages range 20-27 whom I've known since birth) said many kind comments to me on how great I looked. The wives/moms had nice comments too, and no sabotaging happened. It was like they all were so amazed at my change that they didn't think they had any advice to give. Overall, I just felt so supported and loved. Now I'm SUPER motivated to maintain! Obligated even! :lol:

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On 12/31/2018 at 4:40 AM, Jen581791 said:

Cindy, it sounds like you're doing really well! :) 

I agree that it's hard mentally to stop losing - that moment when staying where you are is the challenge, the thrill of seeing the numbers flying away disappears. However, staying where you are is the name of the game... so onward we march, to stand still.

Good for you for trying out running. I'm on a hiatus myself at the moment (a weird hip ache that won't go away), so I'm a bit jealous. New shoes are a great Treat Yourself!!

"So onward we march, to stand still"...... Yep, the new game! I'm still so new that this feels very strange and scary. I'm trying to get used to exchanging the thrill of losing with the calm of being satisfied in my clothes. It's hard after a lifetime of negative body image talk! :P

Sorry you're having hip trouble! Hope it goes away soon! And yes, I love the "Treat Yo'self!" from Parks and Recreation TV show. That's what the new running shoes feels like. :lol:

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Please don't misunderstand my previous comment. I don't really see sabotage as a deliberate or nasty kind of act. My husband was always my worst saboteur, yet I know he loved me dealy....well most of the time anyway. However he was the one always bringing treats into our house and then insisting I eat them. I believe his acts were driven by the idea that it was up to him to put food on the table, and how much that showed love and,  for him anyway, success as a partner. I don't believe it was about deliberately stopping me from losing weight, although there were times I did actually doubt his intentions were always good.

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22 hours ago, Cindy Lou Who said:

"So onward we march, to stand still"...... Yep, the new game! I'm still so new that this feels very strange and scary. I'm trying to get used to exchanging the thrill of losing with the calm of being satisfied in my clothes. It's hard after a lifetime of negative body image talk! :P

I had the distinctly bizarre experience the other day of telling a group of people that I'm not trying to lose weight - I'm happy where I am. That got a lot of blank stares. This was apparently the weirdest possible thing I could have said. Eventually they were like, "Really? Huh." I don't mean to imply that they thought I should lose weight, just that they hadn't really considered not wanting to as an option. They were all discussing running as a good way to lose weight. 

***edit: and none of them are overweight... they're all pretty athletic people.

Edited by Jen581791

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19 hours ago, Cindy Lou Who said:

Such sweet words, thank you! I don't feel at all "grown up", but quite the opposite. I feel like such a newbie or like a little kid learning all new skills. But I feel SO GRATEFUL for the new challenges with this new tool!

Yes, the wiggle room helped me managed my nerves when I couldn't weigh on a scale for over a week! :o We walked a TON around the ranch so that helped too. When I got home I hadn't gained any! Yeahhhhhh!!!!! 

Great job!!!!  Now compare that to a vacation from a year or more ago.....how would you have done? :)

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On 1/8/2019 at 8:02 AM, Jen581791 said:

I had the distinctly bizarre experience the other day of telling a group of people that I'm not trying to lose weight - I'm happy where I am. That got a lot of blank stares. This was apparently the weirdest possible thing I could have said. Eventually they were like, "Really? Huh." I don't mean to imply that they thought I should lose weight, just that they hadn't really considered not wanting to as an option. They were all discussing running as a good way to lose weight. 

***edit: and none of them are overweight... they're all pretty athletic people.

I bet that was really bizarre! I always assumed most healthy-weight people walk around completely satisfied with their weight. So weird to think that they all were wishing they could lose a few pounds. That gives me so much incentive to logically decide the best size/weight for my body, and then be happy and satisfied in it! I think you are REALLY on to something! Is it possible through this journey we could actually become mature, self-loving people? What a wonderful concept! Sound like you are well on your way if not already there. I think that's a HUGE NSV!!!!! 

 

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16 hours ago, CheeringCJ said:

Great job!!!!  Now compare that to a vacation from a year or more ago.....how would you have done? :)

I loved that you asked that question. I hadn't thought about it, but it's very easy to compare to year's past. We meet up at this ranch with the five families every year for a long weekend. I am (I mean was! :))  the only adult that is overweight in the group. The past couple years:

Last year - I couldn't go at the last minute. And I was SO relieved after it was all over because everyone went on a huge hike up a mountain and I knew I couldn't have even attempted it and I would have been so embarrassed. I felt so sad that I felt "lucky" to have missed out on a family trip. 

Year before that - I hated packing for it because I hated all my clothes. I hung around the ranch house instead of hiking around with everyone because I felt sluggish, tired, and just wanted to rest and relax. I kept telling everyone about how stressed my life was - as an excuse for my obesity really. 

This year - Was excited about packing, even though most were just grubby ranch clothes. I enjoyed all the hiking and was practically the first one out the door! It was so easy eating small portions of the huge breakfast and dinners. I ate until I was content and just left the rest on my plate. No one cared. At night I dressed up in clothes that my DH gave me for Christmas! I think he was proud to see me in them! :wub: I'm already looking forward to next year! 

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On 1/8/2019 at 1:12 AM, Aussie Bear said:

Please don't misunderstand my previous comment. I don't really see sabotage as a deliberate or nasty kind of act. My husband was always my worst saboteur, yet I know he loved me dealy....well most of the time anyway. However he was the one always bringing treats into our house and then insisting I eat them. I believe his acts were driven by the idea that it was up to him to put food on the table, and how much that showed love and,  for him anyway, success as a partner. I don't believe it was about deliberately stopping me from losing weight, although there were times I did actually doubt his intentions were always good.

No worries, I understood what you were saying. But I liked this post. I think most of the time I was "assuming the worst" about saboteurs in that their intentions may not be good. That's not really fair, as they are often acts of love, though maybe misguided. Thanks for that! 

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