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One year

Cardamom77

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A year ago today, I was headed into the hospital all nervous that I had made a wacky decision that I might regret. My sister had just died, so I was grieving and looking at going through this process without her - which was not part of my plan. She was my support system. My family needed me, but I told them I needed to go ahead and do this for myself and that everything could wait until I was healed from surgery. I almost backed out. Some of my friends and family thought I should have at the time. But I didn't. I felt like Brittney would not have wanted me to back out. She would have called me "chickensh*t" and told me to get my a$$ in that hospital. (We are very southern and these are terms of endearment. Haha!)

I had my one year post-op appointment this morning. A year later, my medical record reflects a 134 lb weight loss (my home scale indicates a 138 lb weight loss as of this morning). My blood pressure is perfect. I'll hear back about labs, but I'm not anticipating any issues. The dietician told me to work in MORE carbs (complex ones) and continue doing what I'm doing. He did not recognize me when I walked in! I'm going to the gym 4 days a week and doing circuit training and also riding my bike as much as I can, so I definitely need to get those carbs. Haha! It's really nice to be told to eat MORE food. 

I still struggle to see what others see. I mean, my clothes are a size medium almost across the board now and I'm objectively slim, but I look down at my body and sometimes see the big me. The twice this size me. I can recalibrate and recognize it's not the truth, but my automatic thinking is that I'm fat. I still ask for tables instead of booths. I still worry about sitting in folding chairs. It is bizarre because none of this has been an issue for months. But the head stuff is a lot harder to remedy than the physical stuff. I knew that going in. It's just going to take a little more work to get straight there. 

Here are my before/afters. :)  I've posted them other places before, but wanted to add them here. The after pic was taken 2 weeks ago, but there's only about a 2 lb difference, so I think it's fine. Ha! 

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Happy Surgiversary, my NN buddy!  You have done AMAZINGLY well!  Kudos to you!  Brittney would have been super proud of you!  And we are too!!!  You look so young and adorable! :) 

I know you knew you’d lose some weight, but had to any idea you’d be 138# lightener one year longer and be wearing mediums and working out/riding often?  You rock your sleeve, girlfriend!!!

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What a difference a year makes! I know the decision was difficult for you - I was really wondering at the time whether you were going to go ahead with it, and whether that was the best choice for you at the time, but I think you truly did make the best decision. You're a healthy lady who's enjoying her more active lifestyle, and I wish you many years ahead of healthy, happy days. 

My head is still feeling a little topsy turvy about my physical state, and I'm nearly two years out now, so I imagine you've got more of that coming in the months ahead, but I'm coming around a bit, so I can see a day where my mind and my body will agree on what size I am. There's hope for us! In the meantime, shop as much as your finances allow :) and take lots of photos: those have both been helpful to me in reconciling my actual size with my mental size. 

I wish you the best as you get used to being a petite sized person. You look so beautiful.

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Happy 1st Surgiversary Cardamom!  

You have done an amazing job and Brittney is looking down on you with pride in her heart.

It take a long time before our brain adjusts to the slimmer us.  I'm just over 11 years out and occasionally I still catch a reflection of myself in a mirror or window and see an obese me which is ridiculous when I'm wearing a pair of Riders 6M jeans (with a belt to keep them up).

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Happy Surgiversary, @Cardamom77! And thanks for the great post. You have accomplished SO MUCH this year. You have really taken this tool and worked it to the max. I hope you are happy and proud! I am proud of you!!!!! 

I love that your doctor didn't even recognize you! What an NSV!!! One of many that you've had, but that's a great one. And I agree with others that you look so beautiful and healthy. I hope you can see that! 

Just knowing that the head part is harder than the physical part puts you way ahead in that game. Keep on keeping on, and time will heal your head. I remember when my Dad passed away, for a long time I would accidentally think, "Oh, I need to tell Dad about this walking trail, he would love it," or "I'm going to send Dad this comic, he loves these." Those neuron paths in my brain took forever to re-route! I guess it's the same with your choosing a table instead of a booth. Eventually a new path will be built and you'll sit down at that booth without even thinking about it. :) 

Great, great job, and here's to another successful year!! 

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