Hi guys! Today is my one year surgiversary and it just hit me HARD. As I sit here, literally sobbing at my desk with my office door closed, I thought I'd share a few thoughts with the one group of people that I know can understand my feelings more than anyone else.
One year ago I was a smart, talented, woman who had cultivated a solid "fun, pretty-faced fat girl" personality over the decades of my obese existence. As my weight increased over the years, the best and most important parts of me were shrinking and I was turning into a "shadow person." I would cheer on anyone and everyone in life, but always from the sidelines which, as an extrovert who desperately wanted to participate in so many things, was very much out of character for me. I carried around such shame and will never forget many, many cringe-worthy moments in my life - not fitting on roller coasters, the entire experience of airplane travel, wealthy donors (I work in philanthropy) directly and publicly asking me why I was "letting myself go," looks and stares from fat-phobic people, visiting friends who lived in 5 floor walk up apartment buildings and barely making it up the stairs, being passed over for jobs that I deserved, not being cast in operas back in my singing days, trying to take up as little space as possible on public transportation, being picked on at school, experiencing discrimination by healthcare providers, and, quite frankly, discrimination by so many people every single #(*&%$ day.
This world is so incredibly cruel to obese people. There is an assumption that you are overweight because you're a lazy stupid idiot who doesn't even try. Well, as a woman who has been on a diet since junior high school (or probably even earlier), I'm here to say that I tried SO HARD, over and over again. On this day, one year ago, I had weight loss surgery and I refuse to be ashamed. I. WILL. NOT. DO. IT. Since that day, I have literally been working my @*# off, fighting for the chance to enter my forties, not as the "it's such a shame - you have such a pretty face" girl, but as just plain f$cking awesome. Not because I dropped a ridiculous amount of weight, but because I am awesome and, spoiler alert, I ALWAYS WAS.
Thank you for all of your amazing support and advice through this experience. I'm not done yet, but I believe in myself and I am in love with my new life. Thanks for listening!